just an fyi...you'd have better luck banging your head on your keyboard. you'll learn.
ever hear the saying, "some people do not want to be helped"..........? infer from it what you will.......:)
anyhoo, i totally understand being unhappy with yourself, i think we all do. however, most of us manage to pull through and not let it 'limit us' to such a degree. i think it helps to put it in it's proper perspective. hell, when i went to see pj tour in italy, i was looking the *worst* in my life, probably the heaviest i have ever been. sure, didn't love it....but NO way would i let that stop me from a trip of a lifetime, and yea...i met a TON of friends from here, some for the very first time, so thus their 'first impression' of me....but c'est la vie. they could think whatever they liked in regards to my appearance, but i hoped overall they would 'see' and like me, for me.
I think it is very crappy that they only sell bigger sizes online. it's like "oh fat people will take whatever they can get they don't need to try it on." I usually don't look right in plus sizes though. I'm not looking for plus, I'm just looking for regular 16s, which are hard to find and very, very long. Plus size 16 are different than regular 16s. I didn't know that until recently.
off topic a bit, back when I was 16 before, I ordered "custom made" levis. they were the WORST jeans I have ever put on! they didn't fit at all! the butt was HUGE, the crotch went down to my knees, and they were way too short!
fyi - i see size 16 ALL the time at old navy and the gap, i am sure elsewhere too...but i am not really looking, just know i see em often enough...and ALL their jeans come in short, regular and tall lengths.
anyhoo, i totally understand being unhappy with yourself, i think we all do. however, most of us manage to pull through and not let it 'limit us' to such a degree. i think it helps to put it in it's proper perspective. hell, when i went to see pj tour in italy, i was looking the *worst* in my life, probably the heaviest i have ever been. sure, didn't love it....but NO way would i let that stop me from a trip of a lifetime, and yea...i met a TON of friends from here, some for the very first time, so thus their 'first impression' of me....but c'est la vie. they could think whatever they liked in regards to my appearance, but i hoped overall they would 'see' and like me, for me.
well seriously good for you d2d, but it's not the same for everyone. I grew up having an adult body by the age of 9. I was heavier, taller, had hips, boobs, a stomach, a butt, as a little kid. I never had a hot teenager body. and it ruined my life. No matter how good I was at soccer and how hard I worked I was never picked for the team because of my size. I was tormented on a daily basis. I never could wear anything I thought was cool. Try shopping for prom dresses in the plus section while your friends at 5-7-9! the guy I liked in college referred to me as "that fat girl." And it's not just about being thin-not in the least. It's about being in shape. After all those years of not making teams the only thing I live for is being all tight strong muscle and showing everyone else up. And none of my skinny friends have ever been in the kind of shape I've been it. and it's the clothing-the CLOTHING. do you know what it's like to wake up in the morning and literally having NOTHING you can wear? And not for lack of trying? And do you think that after years of being an athlete and obsessed with fitness I like going to the gym now and having complete strangers come up and be like "oh, new years resolution? well keep at it!" It means a lot to me ok? It might not to you, which is great, lovely even! I'm happy for you!
well seriously good for you d2d, but it's not the same for everyone. I grew up having an adult body by the age of 9. I was heavier, taller, had hips, boobs, a stomach, a butt, as a little kid. I never had a hot teenager body. and it ruined my life. No matter how good I was at soccer and how hard I worked I was never picked for the team because of my size. I was tormented on a daily basis. I never could wear anything I thought was cool. Try shopping for prom dresses in the plus section while your friends at 5-7-9! the guy I liked in college referred to me as "that fat girl." And it's not just about being thin-not in the least. It's about being in shape. After all those years of not making teams the only thing I live for is being all tight strong muscle and showing everyone else up. And none of my skinny friends have ever been in the kind of shape I've been it. It means a lot to me ok? It might not to you, which is great, lovely even! I'm happy for you!
so you prefer making your life miserable even longer b/c of it?
i think that's ALL anyone is getting at here. my oldest sister was always the 'fat girl' growing up, and all that ou describe. guess what? she's still 'fat'....but she's accepted herself, is happy with herself. sure, in her younger years she tormented herself too, i don't think to the degree you seem to from your posts...but none the less. she also did manage to get herself very thin/in shape...worked out, etc. she is not meant to be a 'skinny girl'.....and she does still work out, but yes.....gave up on the 'ideal'...and let's her nbody carry those extra pounds.
all i or anyone else seem to be suggesting is a little less guilt and a lot more self acceptance might do you a LOT of good. not saying it would be easy, but it might be a good idea. many of us have been reading your posts for years, and yes.....it doesn't sound like a happy way to be. if it were, i don't think you'd keep posting about it is all. feel free to disregard my comments, i mostly posted above for chime and helen...and the 'general' ideas in the thread, not specifically you.
btw - i am well aware 'it's not the same for everyone'......point is tho, it IS a choice. there are plenty of people in the world probably in far worse off shape, and perhaps a far better self-image. it's good for the psyche to find a balance between wanting to be your best, in your personal best shape/health...and also giving yourself permission to live, and accept yourself for who you are. you'd probably be so much more 'attractive' to yourself and others...if you tried more for that balance, and less guilt and self-depreciation, that's all.
fyi - i see size 16 ALL the time at old navy and the gap, i am sure elsewhere too...but i am not really looking, just know i see em often enough...and ALL their jeans come in short, regular and tall lengths.
I know, I said old navy and the gap are the only places I can find them. some other places have them but they are cut too small for me.
and NO, NOT ALL THEIR JEANS COME IN SHORT. Go to the GAP and ask them. I just did about 2 months ago I said "do you have 16 ankles in these?" and the girl's response was "oh no, we only carry ankle up to 12."
even at like express, when I used to fit in there, they carried up to size 12, but they only carry short up to 10.
Banana Republic only carries petite on their web site up to size 12. (I've written them 3 times to complain about this).
Old Navy carried everything in short. However, I look AWFUL in old navy pants. I have a pair of old navy jeans that I wear when my other jeans are in the wash, but I don't wear them out of the house, because I look like ball.
so you prefer making your life miserable even longer b/c of it?
i think that's ALL anyone is getting at here. my oldest sister was always the 'fat girl' growing up, and all that ou describe. guess what? she's still 'fat'....but she's accepted herself, is happy with herself. sure, in her younger years she tormented herself too, i don't think to the degree you seem to from your posts...but none the less. she also did manage to get herself very thin/in shape...worked out, etc. she is not meant to be a 'skinny girl'.....and she does still work out, but yes.....gave up on the 'ideal'...and let's her nbody carry those extra pounds.
all i or anyone else seem to be suggesting is a little less guilt and a lot more self acceptance might do you a LOT of good. not saying it would be easy, but it might be a good idea. many of us have been reading your posts for years, and yes.....it doesn't sound like a happy way to be. if it were, i don't think you'd keep posting about it is all. feel free to disregard my comments, i mostly posted above for chime and helen...and the 'general' ideas in the thread, not specifically you.
btw - i am well aware 'it's not the same for everyone'......point is tho, it IS a choice. there are plenty of people in the world probably in far worse off shape, and perhaps a far better self-image. it's good for the psyche to find a balance between wanting to be your best, in your personal best shape/health...and also giving yourself permission to live, and accept yourself for who you are. you'd probably be so much more 'attractive' to yourself and others...if you tried more for that balance, and less guilt and self-depreciation, that's all.
the point is that I don't *have* to be this way anymore. when I was in high school and college and a kid, that's all I knew. And then when I was 25 I suddenly was normal. so I *know* that I don't have to be like this. I *know* that it's not me. but I've been such a fuck up in the past year or so I've dug this freaking hole again. I *know* that just working out a few times a week and eating healthy isn't enough for me and yet I have fallen into that trap. I don't *have* to accept myself as you say your sister did. I don't want people to think I have accepted this. I don't want people to know that I've stopped going above and beyond. Everything I built up was ruined in a few months time. Years of training. Years of forcing my body to do what it didn't want to. I'm not going to "accept" that.
and again, seriously how can you be comfortable going out with people when you literally HAVE NO CLOTHING.
so get them hemmed, such is life. and perhaps accept that maybe you need to broaden your horizons and shop in stores who cater to a bit larger sizes if this seems to be such a problem. i don't know, i know a lot of women who are say 14-16, such as my oldest sister....and she is SHORT....and she never seems to go on about clothes to such a degree. they ARe out there. you are NOT the only shorter woman who is a size 16 or bigger. yea, sucks if you may have to get em hemmed, but that'd the way it goes i guess. even i get pants hemmed on occasion if they don't offer my length but i really like em. and you do not have to be a size 16 or bigger to have issues finding things that *fit*...even small people can have body issues, bigger hips/ass, not completely proportionate, etc......we ALL have it to some degree.
anyhoo...i'm done. i have nothing to offer you and you don't want anything in any case. i understand wanting to *vent*...so that's all good, b/c you most definitely never do want 'help' or suggestions, and have all the answers...so i'll just shut up in this thread here now. no more pub crawl talk in any case, whole new topic.....so, good luck!
honestly...the shape your body is in to me is the least of your worries. self-acceptance is key. if you can't see that, no one can change it for you.
so get them hemmed, such is life. and perhaps accept that maybe you need to broaden your horizons and shop in stores who cater to a bit larger sizes if this seems to be such a problem. i don't know, i know a lot of women who are say 14-16, such as my oldest sister....and she is SHORT....and she never seems to go on about clothes to such a degree. they ARe out there. you are NOT the only shorter woman who is a size 16 or bigger. yea, sucks if you may have to get em hemmed, but that'd the way it goes i guess. even i get pants hemmed on occasion if they don't offer my length but i really like em. and you do not have to be a size 16 or bigger to have issues finding things that *fit*...even small people can have body issues, bigger hips/ass, not completely proportionate, etc......we ALL have it to some degree.
do you not think I have done all this?? Seriously. First of all, getting things hemmed does not solve the problem. I hem everything I buy. I usually have to get about foot of fabric taken off, and it ruins the pants. And I have tried shopping in Layne Bryant. Besides hating the clothes there, I don't fit in them. I just don't, ok? they are not right for my body type. the pants are too high and rounded and the tops are too huge. just because you are certain size doesn't mean the clothes fit properly. I am not a "plus" as I said plus sizes are cut differently than regular large sizes. You think I am arguing with you, but you are talking to me like I am a child and not like I haven't considered all these simple solutions before.
Seems like time hasn't passed AT ALL! I've taken a pit break and the same topics are going around.
I remember posting in your thread about the lack of cloths for plus-sizes whenever it was.
I totally sympathise with your situation. I put on weight, lost weight, put it back on... a lot, a little. It happens. It's no biggie!
The key issue is self-acceptance, which from all the posts I have read from you seems to be sorely lacking. It seems to me that you base your own self-worth on what others think of you, or rather - what you believe the others think of you [most likely they won't give it much thought and arecaught up in their own problems] before because you developed prematurely, as it were, and then now because you have lost all that you have gained in terms of body image, athletic prowess, etc.
You need to believe that your appearance is just a shell of what you are inside. If you don't accept what's inside, it will come across outside, regardless of being thin/fat, ugly/beautiful [the latter being totally subjective of course].
On a practical level, my advice is to try and go see a tailor/seamstress. They will create clothes that fit your shape as it is now. Once you have beautiful clothes, you will feel better in yourself. At the same time, I believe you need to work on yourself - do not be so hard on yourself but more accepting of yourself. Have you ever thought about going to see a therapist?
I believe you said you take meds for other probs, but I do think talking to someone's about your issues with body image/self-worth and acceptance will make you feel better in the end.
Sorry if I am appearing too harsh or abrupt - that's not my intention. It might just be my Italian-ness [is that even a word??! LOL] coming through! but I was just prompted now to intervene after reading your posts/different threads as the overall impression I am getting is that you are not happy with yourself because you're not accepting yourself.
You need to remember that it is ok to fall off the wagon, as it were, and not be virtuous with your training or eating too much. It really is ok. Tomorrow is another day. You will pick it up again. Be kinder to yourself!
On the other hand, continually focusing on your perceived or real faults without doing anything about it becomes a confort zone from which it is harder to break out of as time goes by.
.... hell, when i went to see pj tour in italy, i was looking the *worst* in my life, probably the heaviest i have ever been. sure, didn't love it....but NO way would i let that stop me from a trip of a lifetime, and yea...i met a TON of friends from here, some for the very first time, so thus their 'first impression' of me....but c'est la vie. they could think whatever they liked in regards to my appearance, but i hoped overall they would 'see' and like me, for me.
There you go! D2D just proving my point.
What other people think of you is totally disconnected from what you perceive your appearance to be.
When I met D2D in Italy I thought she looked good - and trust me, as an Italian with all the emphasis we have on looks and appearance [think LA] that carries a lot of meaning!
But much more seriously, even if that was how D2D felt about her appearance then, it did not transpire because her positive attitude came through instead. And never for a second did I think she looked bad!
And so GTD that is the whole point.
Do not let your neuroses about your appearance spoil your life!
Seems like time hasn't passed AT ALL! I've taken a pit break and the same topics are going around.
I remember posting in your thread about the lack of cloths for plus-sizes whenever it was.
I totally sympathise with your situation. I put on weight, lost weight, put it back on... a lot, a little. It happens. It's no biggie!
The key issue is self-acceptance, which from all the posts I have read from you seems to be sorely lacking. It seems to me that you base your own self-worth on what others think of you, or rather - what you believe the others think of you [most likely they won't give it much thought and arecaught up in their own problems] before because you developed prematurely, as it were, and then now because you have lost all that you have gained in terms of body image, athletic prowess, etc.
You need to believe that your appearance is just a shell of what you are inside. If you don't accept what's inside, it will come across outside, regardless of being thin/fat, ugly/beautiful [the latter being totally subjective of course].
On a practical level, my advice is to try and go see a tailor/seamstress. They will create clothes that fit your shape as it is now. Once you have beautiful clothes, you will feel better in yourself. At the same time, I believe you need to work on yourself - do not be so hard on yourself but more accepting of yourself. Have you ever thought about going to see a therapist?
I believe you said you take meds for other probs, but I do think talking to someone's about your issues with body image/self-worth and acceptance will make you feel better in the end.
Sorry if I am appearing too harsh or abrupt - that's not my intention. It might just be my Italian-ness [is that even a word??! LOL] coming through! but I was just prompted now to intervene after reading your posts/different threads as the overall impression I am getting is that you are not happy with yourself because you're not accepting yourself.
You need to remember that it is ok to fall off the wagon, as it were, and not be virtuous with your training or eating too much. It really is ok. Tomorrow is another day. You will pick it up again. Be kinder to yourself!
On the other hand, continually focusing on your perceived or real faults without doing anything about it becomes a confort zone from which it is harder to break out of as time goes by.
Take care!
and there's goes my break!
Laura
no prob laura, I'm italian too, I get what you mean .
isn't having clothes made prohibitly expensive? I tried to find somewhere to do it but I couldn't. can you have like jeans and tshirts made? I don't need any fancy clothes at my job.
I agree that appearance is just a shell. but I believe that being fit and athletic is who you are inside. it's who I am anyway. at least I used to think so. I don't know who I am anymore.
my meds are part of the problem unfortunately :(. they've caused a lot of physiological problems for me in the past year or so.
no prob laura, I'm italian too, I get what you mean .
isn't having clothes made prohibitly expensive? I tried to find somewhere to do it but I couldn't. can you have like jeans and tshirts made? I don't need any fancy clothes at my job.
I agree that appearance is just a shell. but I believe that being fit and athletic is who you are inside. it's who I am anyway. at least I used to think so. I don't know who I am anymore.
my meds are part of the problem unfortunately :(. they've caused a lot of physiological problems for me in the past year or so.
re: hand-made clothes, even if it is expensive, the psychological benefits will definitely outweigh the costs. Consider it as an investment to better yourself.
I know trudging through shops with nothing to fit or too hideous if it fits is a pain. Having the right clothes for you will make you feel better.
Even if you don't need a complete outfit, you can get skirts done, or nice tops. And you get to choose fabrics and colours. Tailored clothes are always the best option because a good tailor will enhance your good points and disguise the difficult bits.
And I totally hear you on being fit and athletic. I started running a few years ago and now it's a lifesaver, not so much for the health/weight-loss benefits but because it helps me clear my mind, work out literally problems.
I believe you are already training but said you felt bad because you didn't work out over a week-end? or missed out 3 days [sorry - might be confusing threads!] ? that's why I think you're being too harsh on yourself and are too much of a perfectionist.
It is you who are putting all those limitations on yourself. Other people - i truly believe that - are not that concerned with your appearance! Just be yourself.
But if you're having problems being yourself, that's where you need to focus your attention on. You're doing all the rest {training, food].
Can you change your meds if they are causing you all this problems? That's something to do ASAP, I would say.
re: hand-made clothes, even if it is expensive, the psychological benefits will definitely outweigh the costs. Consider it as an investment to better yourself.
I know trudging through shops with nothing to fit or too hideous if it fits is a pain. Having the right clothes for you will make you feel better.
Even if you don't need a complete outfit, you can get skirts done, or nice tops. And you get to choose fabrics and colours. Tailored clothes are always the best option because a good tailor will enhance your good points and disguise the difficult bits.
And I totally hear you on being fit and athletic. I started running a few years ago and now it's a lifesaver, not so much for the health/weight-loss benefits but because it helps me clear my mind, work out literally problems.
I believe you are already training but said you felt bad because you didn't work out over a week-end? or missed out 3 days [sorry - might be confusing threads!] ? that's why I think you're being too harsh on yourself and are too much of a perfectionist.
It is you who are putting all those limitations on yourself. Other people - i truly believe that - are not that concerned with your appearance! Just be yourself.
But if you're having problems being yourself, that's where you need to focus your attention on. You're doing all the rest {training, food].
Can you change your meds if they are causing you all this problems? That's something to do ASAP, I would say.
hmm I'll have to look into the custom made clothes again. I did before but I couldn't find anything.
I worked out on saturday but had no energy to on sunday, and I had missed a couple days during the week too. If I were just maintaining I wouldn't freak out about that, but knowing that i have sooo much work to do now, it upsets me. and yeah, I am a HUGE perfectionist. I won't do something if I can't do it perfectly (eg I never put my laundry away because I can never fold the clothes perfectly enough or get them in the drawers perfectly). I went to a work shop once to correct this, but it didn't help.
I tried changing my meds last year but for my particular problem there is only one thing that is actually proven to work. I'm going to a new doctor at the end of march and maybe she will be able to suggest something...but there haven't been any advancements in my disorder for the past 10 years at least!
I worked out on saturday but had no energy to on sunday, and I had missed a couple days during the week too. If I were just maintaining I wouldn't freak out about that, but knowing that i have sooo much work to do now, it upsets me. and yeah, I am a HUGE perfectionist. I won't do something if I can't do it perfectly (eg I never put my laundry away because I can never fold the clothes perfectly enough or get them in the drawers perfectly). I went to a work shop once to correct this, but it didn't help.
I usually plan ahead my work-out schedule, although when work gets really hectic it is really difficult to keep it up.
But again, being more forgiving about missing a work-out helps. You will start again the next day, it's not that you're stopping altogether.
I tried changing my meds last year but for my particular problem there is only one thing that is actually proven to work. I'm going to a new doctor at the end of march and maybe she will be able to suggest something...but there haven't been any advancements in my disorder for the past 10 years at least!
Do you really need to take meds?
If you haven't seen any advancement in 10 years maybe consider an alternative route?
I usually plan ahead my work-out schedule, although when work gets really hectic it is really difficult to keep it up.
But again, being more forgiving about missing a work-out helps. You will start again the next day, it's not that you're stopping altogether.
Do you really need to take meds?
If you haven't seen any advancement in 10 years maybe consider an alternative route?
oh no I mean there hasn't been any like drug/treatment advances from the medical world in treating my disorder. yeah the drugs help me, it's just the side effects that are the problem. and yes I do need them, I tried going off for several months and it was horrible.
oh my coworkers are all men, they don't know anything about clothing. I'll check out the site.
I plan my work outs ahead of time too. but then I end up working until 11 pm one night (this I never know about in advance), or well a bunch of nights in a row as the case may be, and then I can't get up in the morning early enough to go and whatnot. and then I try to make up for it and go after work, which I HATE, and I end up having a miserable time and leaving halfway through.
oh no I mean there hasn't been any like drug/treatment advances from the medical world in treating my disorder. yeah the drugs help me, it's just the side effects that are the problem. and yes I do need them, I tried going off for several months and it was horrible.
oh my coworkers are all men, they don't know anything about clothing. I'll check out the site.
I plan my work outs ahead of time too. but then I end up working until 11 pm one night (this I never know about in advance), or well a bunch of nights in a row as the case may be, and then I can't get up in the morning early enough to go and whatnot. and then I try to make up for it and go after work, which I HATE, and I end up having a miserable time and leaving halfway through.
I see. Well, that's a bummer since you're stuck with the side-effects. Hopefully, you can get new meds with less problematic side-effects when you see the new doctor. Fingers crossed!
Yeah, I totally get that. I am in the same boat - and not only scheduled work-outs go out of the window but healthy eating takes a back seat too! Too much reliance on caffeine and chocolate to sustain long hours. Which is not good but didn't say that the road to hell is paved with good intentions?!
Hope it works out for you too - just take it easy on yourself!
I see. Well, that's a bummer since you're stuck with the side-effects. Hopefully, you can get new meds with less problematic side-effects when you see the new doctor. Fingers crossed!
Yeah, I totally get that. I am in the same boat - and not only scheduled work-outs go out of the window but healthy eating takes a back seat too! Too much reliance on caffeine and chocolate to sustain long hours. Which is not good but didn't say that the road to hell is paved with good intentions?!
Hope it works out for you too - just take it easy on yourself!
ah! I just looked at the first tailoring place! that looks scary!
I don't think most of those places that came up on the insider search actually do custom clothes.
You will need to do a more extensive search based on what you like/dislike.
Also, why not ask your local launderette? They might be doing quick alterations and know of someone who makes clothes from scratch.
I know these people exist in London - I'm pretty sure you will find some in Boston!
Actually, I have a friend from Boston - might ask her if she knows any. Although she hasn't lived there for over a decade...
the last time I looked I asked everyone I knew and they all said that you have to go to thailand to get custom made clothes .
I put something up on yelp, maybe someone will know of something. I know people who get stuff shortened and stuff, but I've never met anyone who has like jeans made from scratch or something. It seems so difficult and expensive. and honestly now that I think of it, I really don't know if spending so much money and time on clothes when you're fat and stuff anyway is a good idea...I mean I understand the theory of dressing "well" to make yourself feel better, but I don't know if it would...
i may just continue hiding. I think the one item of clothing I really want right now is harry potter's invisibility cloak.
the last time I looked I asked everyone I knew and they all said that you have to go to thailand to get custom made clothes .
I put something up on yelp, maybe someone will know of something. I know people who get stuff shortened and stuff, but I've never met anyone who has like jeans made from scratch or something. It seems so difficult and expensive. and honestly now that I think of it, I really don't know if spending so much money and time on clothes when you're fat and stuff anyway is a good idea...I mean I understand the theory of dressing "well" to make yourself feel better, but I don't know if it would...
i may just continue hiding. I think the one item of clothing I really want right now is harry potter's invisibility cloak.
TRUST ME! it does work.
There's something to say about the vanity of Italians!
Seriously, hiding behind unshapely clothes does nothing for your self-esteem, nor your looks. Indeed when you're feeling at the lowest, you should make every effort to look your best!
From an aesthetic/objective point of view, baggy, shapeless clothes are not the way to go - it will just enhance what instead you want to hide.
Instead, if you are curvier than you're used to be, you should emphasise your curves and create a shape, a silouhette.
I don't know your body type so I cannot advise you more accurately. But generally the "fashion" advice for curvy/overweight people is to wear tailored clothes with v-neck, no prints or pattern, no horizontal lines, etc.
Ignore jeans for a while. It's very rare to find flattering jeans, even when you're thin.
Go for skirts and shirts, or tops. Or dresses.
I am not sure whether it's common in the US to use a tailor, but in Italy it is. And usually it is a local lady - you just show her a picture of a dress you like to give her an idea, get the material/textile and she creates clothes based on your measurements.
There's something to say about the vanity of Italians!
Seriously, hiding behind unshapely clothes does nothing for your self-esteem, nor your looks. Indeed when you're feeling at the lowest, you should make every effort to look your best!
From an aesthetic/objective point of view, baggy, shapeless clothes are not the way to go - it will just enhance what instead you want to hide.
Instead, if you are curvier than you're used to be, you should emphasise your curves and create a shape, a silouhette.
I don't know your body type so I cannot advise you more accurately. But generally the "fashion" advice for curvy/overweight people is to wear tailored clothes with v-neck, no prints or pattern, no horizontal lines, etc.
Ignore jeans for a while. It's very rare to find flattering jeans, even when you're thin.
Go for skirts and shirts, or tops. Or dresses.
I am not sure whether it's common in the US to use a tailor, but in Italy it is. And usually it is a local lady - you just show her a picture of a dress you like to give her an idea, get the material/textile and she creates clothes based on your measurements.
my curves are not good ones...I like to wear clothes that de-emphasize them. I look best in very straight jeans. "curvy" jeans just make everything that much worse. though I like skirts as mentioned, I don't want to wear any dress pants. they look MUCH worse on me than jeans, and everyone in my office dresses down so I would feel weird.
my curves are not good ones...I like to wear clothes that de-emphasize them. I look best in very straight jeans. "curvy" jeans just make everything that much worse. though I like skirts as mentioned, I don't want to wear any dress pants. they look MUCH worse on me than jeans, and everyone in my office dresses down so I would feel weird.
The point is that all curves are good - even yours! and good clothing and good tailoring ensure that!
And you may think you de-emphasize your curves, but most likely you will just draw attention to them in an unflattering way.
And why feeling weird wearing a pair of dress pants if they make you look good, even if everyone else dresses down?! who cares!
It's another thing if they don't make you look your best.
It does look like it's your [mis]perception of your own body/appearance and preconception of what people think about you that's the real issue here - not so much availability of nice clothes in plus size.
The point is that all curves are good - even yours! and good clothing and good tailoring ensure that!
And you may think you de-emphasize your curves, but most likely you will just draw attention to them in an unflattering way.
And why feeling weird wearing a pair of dress pants if they make you look good, even if everyone else dresses down?! who cares!
It's another thing if they don't make you look your best.
It does look like it's your [mis]perception of your own body/appearance and preconception of what people think about you that's the real issue here - not so much availability of nice clothes in plus size.
no most of my curves are my lower stomach, my butt, and the interior of my thighs are REALLY curvy (my legs look like hour glasses and my thighs are disproportionately long). I like to straighten out my leg because I've never considered inner thigh fat attractive. I don't like how all pants now seem to be higher rise (they all are at the plus size store). While I'm not into ultra low I need something that sits on my hips to minimize that lower stomach area. high rises just draw attention to it (and encase it in fabric- never good). And I'll be damned if EVERYTHING seems to be higher these days...
no most of my curves are my lower stomach, my butt, and the interior of my thighs are REALLY curvy (my legs look like hour glasses and my thighs are disproportionately long). I like to straighten out my leg because I've never considered inner thigh fat attractive. I don't like how all pants now seem to be higher rise (they all are at the plus size store). While I'm not into ultra low I need something that sits on my hips to minimize that lower stomach area. high rises just draw attention to it (and encase it in fabric- never good). And I'll be damned if EVERYTHING seems to be higher these days...
Trust me, there are things to help with that as a countermeasure to extra fat in unsightly places - and I'm talking about specific underwear garments. There was even a feature in a women's magazine recently about wonder knickers [British for underpants]
Also, you can straighten your leg out by giving the illusion of length with longer hems and high heels.
With dressing, it's just a question of optical illusion. You need to ensure that the way you dress draw attention AWAY from your problem areas.
If your lower stomach is your problem area, try and disguise it with slightly longer shirts/tops. The focus will be therefore your top when people see you not your bottom half.
Not sure whether this makes any sense without any visuals being possible!
Trust me, there are things to help with that as a countermeasure to extra fat in unsightly places - and I'm talking about specific underwear garments. There was even a feature in a women's magazine recently about wonder knickers [British for underpants]
Also, you can straighten your leg out by giving the illusion of length with longer hems and high heels.
With dressing, it's just a question of optical illusion. You need to ensure that the way you dress draw attention AWAY from your problem areas.
If your lower stomach is your problem area, try and disguise it with slightly longer shirts/tops. The focus will be therefore your top when people see you not your bottom half.
Not sure whether this makes any sense without any visuals being possible!
well I'm actually pretty good at dressing appropriately for my shape. If I weren't so picky about it I'd be able to buy much more clothes. I know what looks "good" on me.
I don't normally wear high heels though. I have displaced toe bones that are extremely painful (as a result of wearing heels) so I don't wear them anymore. I can't really wear flats either for the same reason. I wear danskos most of the time. not all that flatter but whatever, it's not like I'm a fashion plate.
no most of my curves are my lower stomach, my butt, and the interior of my thighs are REALLY curvy (my legs look like hour glasses and my thighs are disproportionately long). I like to straighten out my leg because I've never considered inner thigh fat attractive. I don't like how all pants now seem to be higher rise (they all are at the plus size store). While I'm not into ultra low I need something that sits on my hips to minimize that lower stomach area. high rises just draw attention to it (and encase it in fabric- never good). And I'll be damned if EVERYTHING seems to be higher these days...
I saw your pictures, I think you are in the wrong store if you are shopping at plus sized stores..
can I sign you up for what not to wear?? I think stacey and clinton would do you well!
edit: excuse my spelling and grammar errors, the kitten is obsessed with my eye lashes, and is trying to eat them so I was posting sorta blindly
I saw your pictures, I think you are in the wrong store if you are shopping at plus sized stores..
can I sign you up for what not to wear?? I think stacy and cliton would do you well!
oh yeah, that's what I'm saying! I DON'T work well in the plus size stores. the pants technically "fit" but they look ridiculous and the tops are just SWIMMING on me, even if I get the smallest size. A 16 in a regular store is much different than a 16 in a plus store. And honestly, I really think the styles they sell in the plus sizes make people look fatter. I really do. everything is like an empire-waisted mumu with huge prints and colors. it's the stereotype of what fat women wear.
what I'm always so confused about is when I'm in a regular store like say the gap, and I see a girl who is CLEARLY way bigger than I am. I seem to not fit in things that people who are bigger than me can. that makes no sense I know. but it's true.
Dude, I would LOVE to be signed up for what not to wear, that's like my dream. unfortunately I actually have really good *taste* in clothes so I wouldn't make very interesting television .
can I sign you up for what not to wear?? I think stacy and cliton would do you well!
it's about time someone brought up this suggestion
I wasn't gonna I didn't want to be made fun of
1998 ~ Barrie
2003 ~ Toronto
2005 ~ London, Toronto
2006 ~ Toronto
2008 ~ Hartford, Mansfied I,
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Comments
just an fyi...you'd have better luck banging your head on your keyboard.
ever hear the saying, "some people do not want to be helped"..........? infer from it what you will.......:)
anyhoo, i totally understand being unhappy with yourself, i think we all do. however, most of us manage to pull through and not let it 'limit us' to such a degree. i think it helps to put it in it's proper perspective. hell, when i went to see pj tour in italy, i was looking the *worst* in my life, probably the heaviest i have ever been. sure, didn't love it....but NO way would i let that stop me from a trip of a lifetime, and yea...i met a TON of friends from here, some for the very first time, so thus their 'first impression' of me....but c'est la vie. they could think whatever they liked in regards to my appearance, but i hoped overall they would 'see' and like me, for me.
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
I think it is very crappy that they only sell bigger sizes online. it's like "oh fat people will take whatever they can get they don't need to try it on." I usually don't look right in plus sizes though. I'm not looking for plus, I'm just looking for regular 16s, which are hard to find and very, very long. Plus size 16 are different than regular 16s. I didn't know that until recently.
off topic a bit, back when I was 16 before, I ordered "custom made" levis. they were the WORST jeans I have ever put on! they didn't fit at all! the butt was HUGE, the crotch went down to my knees, and they were way too short!
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
well seriously good for you d2d, but it's not the same for everyone. I grew up having an adult body by the age of 9. I was heavier, taller, had hips, boobs, a stomach, a butt, as a little kid. I never had a hot teenager body. and it ruined my life. No matter how good I was at soccer and how hard I worked I was never picked for the team because of my size. I was tormented on a daily basis. I never could wear anything I thought was cool. Try shopping for prom dresses in the plus section while your friends at 5-7-9! the guy I liked in college referred to me as "that fat girl." And it's not just about being thin-not in the least. It's about being in shape. After all those years of not making teams the only thing I live for is being all tight strong muscle and showing everyone else up. And none of my skinny friends have ever been in the kind of shape I've been it. and it's the clothing-the CLOTHING. do you know what it's like to wake up in the morning and literally having NOTHING you can wear? And not for lack of trying? And do you think that after years of being an athlete and obsessed with fitness I like going to the gym now and having complete strangers come up and be like "oh, new years resolution? well keep at it!" It means a lot to me ok? It might not to you, which is great, lovely even! I'm happy for you!
so you prefer making your life miserable even longer b/c of it?
i think that's ALL anyone is getting at here. my oldest sister was always the 'fat girl' growing up, and all that ou describe. guess what? she's still 'fat'....but she's accepted herself, is happy with herself. sure, in her younger years she tormented herself too, i don't think to the degree you seem to from your posts...but none the less. she also did manage to get herself very thin/in shape...worked out, etc. she is not meant to be a 'skinny girl'.....and she does still work out, but yes.....gave up on the 'ideal'...and let's her nbody carry those extra pounds.
all i or anyone else seem to be suggesting is a little less guilt and a lot more self acceptance might do you a LOT of good. not saying it would be easy, but it might be a good idea. many of us have been reading your posts for years, and yes.....it doesn't sound like a happy way to be. if it were, i don't think you'd keep posting about it is all. feel free to disregard my comments, i mostly posted above for chime and helen...and the 'general' ideas in the thread, not specifically you.
btw - i am well aware 'it's not the same for everyone'......point is tho, it IS a choice. there are plenty of people in the world probably in far worse off shape, and perhaps a far better self-image. it's good for the psyche to find a balance between wanting to be your best, in your personal best shape/health...and also giving yourself permission to live, and accept yourself for who you are. you'd probably be so much more 'attractive' to yourself and others...if you tried more for that balance, and less guilt and self-depreciation, that's all.
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
I know, I said old navy and the gap are the only places I can find them. some other places have them but they are cut too small for me.
and NO, NOT ALL THEIR JEANS COME IN SHORT. Go to the GAP and ask them. I just did about 2 months ago I said "do you have 16 ankles in these?" and the girl's response was "oh no, we only carry ankle up to 12."
even at like express, when I used to fit in there, they carried up to size 12, but they only carry short up to 10.
Banana Republic only carries petite on their web site up to size 12. (I've written them 3 times to complain about this).
Old Navy carried everything in short. However, I look AWFUL in old navy pants. I have a pair of old navy jeans that I wear when my other jeans are in the wash, but I don't wear them out of the house, because I look like ball.
the point is that I don't *have* to be this way anymore. when I was in high school and college and a kid, that's all I knew. And then when I was 25 I suddenly was normal. so I *know* that I don't have to be like this. I *know* that it's not me. but I've been such a fuck up in the past year or so I've dug this freaking hole again. I *know* that just working out a few times a week and eating healthy isn't enough for me and yet I have fallen into that trap. I don't *have* to accept myself as you say your sister did. I don't want people to think I have accepted this. I don't want people to know that I've stopped going above and beyond. Everything I built up was ruined in a few months time. Years of training. Years of forcing my body to do what it didn't want to. I'm not going to "accept" that.
and again, seriously how can you be comfortable going out with people when you literally HAVE NO CLOTHING.
anyhoo...i'm done. i have nothing to offer you and you don't want anything in any case. i understand wanting to *vent*...so that's all good, b/c you most definitely never do want 'help' or suggestions, and have all the answers...so i'll just shut up in this thread here now.
honestly...the shape your body is in to me is the least of your worries. self-acceptance is key. if you can't see that, no one can change it for you.
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
do you not think I have done all this?? Seriously. First of all, getting things hemmed does not solve the problem. I hem everything I buy. I usually have to get about foot of fabric taken off, and it ruins the pants. And I have tried shopping in Layne Bryant. Besides hating the clothes there, I don't fit in them. I just don't, ok? they are not right for my body type. the pants are too high and rounded and the tops are too huge. just because you are certain size doesn't mean the clothes fit properly. I am not a "plus" as I said plus sizes are cut differently than regular large sizes. You think I am arguing with you, but you are talking to me like I am a child and not like I haven't considered all these simple solutions before.
I remember posting in your thread about the lack of cloths for plus-sizes whenever it was.
I totally sympathise with your situation. I put on weight, lost weight, put it back on... a lot, a little. It happens. It's no biggie!
The key issue is self-acceptance, which from all the posts I have read from you seems to be sorely lacking. It seems to me that you base your own self-worth on what others think of you, or rather - what you believe the others think of you [most likely they won't give it much thought and arecaught up in their own problems] before because you developed prematurely, as it were, and then now because you have lost all that you have gained in terms of body image, athletic prowess, etc.
You need to believe that your appearance is just a shell of what you are inside. If you don't accept what's inside, it will come across outside, regardless of being thin/fat, ugly/beautiful [the latter being totally subjective of course].
On a practical level, my advice is to try and go see a tailor/seamstress. They will create clothes that fit your shape as it is now. Once you have beautiful clothes, you will feel better in yourself. At the same time, I believe you need to work on yourself - do not be so hard on yourself but more accepting of yourself. Have you ever thought about going to see a therapist?
I believe you said you take meds for other probs, but I do think talking to someone's about your issues with body image/self-worth and acceptance will make you feel better in the end.
Sorry if I am appearing too harsh or abrupt - that's not my intention. It might just be my Italian-ness [is that even a word??! LOL] coming through! but I was just prompted now to intervene after reading your posts/different threads as the overall impression I am getting is that you are not happy with yourself because you're not accepting yourself.
You need to remember that it is ok to fall off the wagon, as it were, and not be virtuous with your training or eating too much. It really is ok. Tomorrow is another day. You will pick it up again. Be kinder to yourself!
On the other hand, continually focusing on your perceived or real faults without doing anything about it becomes a confort zone from which it is harder to break out of as time goes by.
Take care!
and there's goes my break!
Laura
There you go! D2D just proving my point.
What other people think of you is totally disconnected from what you perceive your appearance to be.
When I met D2D in Italy I thought she looked good - and trust me, as an Italian with all the emphasis we have on looks and appearance [think LA] that carries a lot of meaning!
But much more seriously, even if that was how D2D felt about her appearance then, it did not transpire because her positive attitude came through instead. And never for a second did I think she looked bad!
And so GTD that is the whole point.
Do not let your neuroses about your appearance spoil your life!
no prob laura, I'm italian too, I get what you mean
isn't having clothes made prohibitly expensive? I tried to find somewhere to do it but I couldn't. can you have like jeans and tshirts made? I don't need any fancy clothes at my job.
I agree that appearance is just a shell. but I believe that being fit and athletic is who you are inside. it's who I am anyway. at least I used to think so. I don't know who I am anymore.
my meds are part of the problem unfortunately :(. they've caused a lot of physiological problems for me in the past year or so.
re: hand-made clothes, even if it is expensive, the psychological benefits will definitely outweigh the costs. Consider it as an investment to better yourself.
I know trudging through shops with nothing to fit or too hideous if it fits is a pain. Having the right clothes for you will make you feel better.
Even if you don't need a complete outfit, you can get skirts done, or nice tops. And you get to choose fabrics and colours. Tailored clothes are always the best option because a good tailor will enhance your good points and disguise the difficult bits.
And I totally hear you on being fit and athletic. I started running a few years ago and now it's a lifesaver, not so much for the health/weight-loss benefits but because it helps me clear my mind, work out literally problems.
I believe you are already training but said you felt bad because you didn't work out over a week-end? or missed out 3 days [sorry - might be confusing threads!] ? that's why I think you're being too harsh on yourself and are too much of a perfectionist.
It is you who are putting all those limitations on yourself. Other people - i truly believe that - are not that concerned with your appearance! Just be yourself.
But if you're having problems being yourself, that's where you need to focus your attention on. You're doing all the rest {training, food].
Can you change your meds if they are causing you all this problems? That's something to do ASAP, I would say.
hmm I'll have to look into the custom made clothes again. I did before but I couldn't find anything.
I worked out on saturday but had no energy to on sunday, and I had missed a couple days during the week too. If I were just maintaining I wouldn't freak out about that, but knowing that i have sooo much work to do now, it upsets me. and yeah, I am a HUGE perfectionist. I won't do something if I can't do it perfectly (eg I never put my laundry away because I can never fold the clothes perfectly enough or get them in the drawers perfectly). I went to a work shop once to correct this, but it didn't help.
I tried changing my meds last year but for my particular problem there is only one thing that is actually proven to work. I'm going to a new doctor at the end of march and maybe she will be able to suggest something...but there haven't been any advancements in my disorder for the past 10 years at least!
I'm sure you'll be able to find a tailor/seamstress in Boston! Ask your co-workers/friends if they know of any.
Or a quick google search:
http://www.bestfitinc.com/
http://www.insiderpages.com/s/MA/Boston/ClothingCustomMade
Make a few phone calls! It will be worth it.
I usually plan ahead my work-out schedule, although when work gets really hectic it is really difficult to keep it up.
But again, being more forgiving about missing a work-out helps. You will start again the next day, it's not that you're stopping altogether.
Do you really need to take meds?
If you haven't seen any advancement in 10 years maybe consider an alternative route?
oh no I mean there hasn't been any like drug/treatment advances from the medical world in treating my disorder. yeah the drugs help me, it's just the side effects that are the problem. and yes I do need them, I tried going off for several months and it was horrible.
oh my coworkers are all men, they don't know anything about clothing. I'll check out the site.
I plan my work outs ahead of time too. but then I end up working until 11 pm one night (this I never know about in advance), or well a bunch of nights in a row as the case may be, and then I can't get up in the morning early enough to go and whatnot. and then I try to make up for it and go after work, which I HATE, and I end up having a miserable time and leaving halfway through.
I see. Well, that's a bummer since you're stuck with the side-effects. Hopefully, you can get new meds with less problematic side-effects when you see the new doctor. Fingers crossed!
Yeah, I totally get that. I am in the same boat - and not only scheduled work-outs go out of the window but healthy eating takes a back seat too! Too much reliance on caffeine and chocolate to sustain long hours. Which is not good but didn't say that the road to hell is paved with good intentions?!
Hope it works out for you too - just take it easy on yourself!
ah! I just looked at the first tailoring place! that looks scary!
I don't think most of those places that came up on the insider search actually do custom clothes.
Well, that was just a quick google search.
You will need to do a more extensive search based on what you like/dislike.
Also, why not ask your local launderette? They might be doing quick alterations and know of someone who makes clothes from scratch.
I know these people exist in London - I'm pretty sure you will find some in Boston!
Actually, I have a friend from Boston - might ask her if she knows any. Although she hasn't lived there for over a decade...
the last time I looked I asked everyone I knew and they all said that you have to go to thailand to get custom made clothes
I put something up on yelp, maybe someone will know of something. I know people who get stuff shortened and stuff, but I've never met anyone who has like jeans made from scratch or something. It seems so difficult and expensive. and honestly now that I think of it, I really don't know if spending so much money and time on clothes when you're fat and stuff anyway is a good idea...I mean I understand the theory of dressing "well" to make yourself feel better, but I don't know if it would...
i may just continue hiding. I think the one item of clothing I really want right now is harry potter's invisibility cloak.
TRUST ME! it does work.
There's something to say about the vanity of Italians!
Seriously, hiding behind unshapely clothes does nothing for your self-esteem, nor your looks. Indeed when you're feeling at the lowest, you should make every effort to look your best!
From an aesthetic/objective point of view, baggy, shapeless clothes are not the way to go - it will just enhance what instead you want to hide.
Instead, if you are curvier than you're used to be, you should emphasise your curves and create a shape, a silouhette.
I don't know your body type so I cannot advise you more accurately. But generally the "fashion" advice for curvy/overweight people is to wear tailored clothes with v-neck, no prints or pattern, no horizontal lines, etc.
Ignore jeans for a while. It's very rare to find flattering jeans, even when you're thin.
Go for skirts and shirts, or tops. Or dresses.
I am not sure whether it's common in the US to use a tailor, but in Italy it is. And usually it is a local lady - you just show her a picture of a dress you like to give her an idea, get the material/textile and she creates clothes based on your measurements.
my curves are not good ones...I like to wear clothes that de-emphasize them. I look best in very straight jeans. "curvy" jeans just make everything that much worse. though I like skirts as mentioned, I don't want to wear any dress pants. they look MUCH worse on me than jeans, and everyone in my office dresses down so I would feel weird.
The point is that all curves are good - even yours! and good clothing and good tailoring ensure that!
And you may think you de-emphasize your curves, but most likely you will just draw attention to them in an unflattering way.
And why feeling weird wearing a pair of dress pants if they make you look good, even if everyone else dresses down?! who cares!
It's another thing if they don't make you look your best.
It does look like it's your [mis]perception of your own body/appearance and preconception of what people think about you that's the real issue here - not so much availability of nice clothes in plus size.
no most of my curves are my lower stomach, my butt, and the interior of my thighs are REALLY curvy (my legs look like hour glasses and my thighs are disproportionately long). I like to straighten out my leg because I've never considered inner thigh fat attractive. I don't like how all pants now seem to be higher rise (they all are at the plus size store). While I'm not into ultra low I need something that sits on my hips to minimize that lower stomach area. high rises just draw attention to it (and encase it in fabric- never good). And I'll be damned if EVERYTHING seems to be higher these days...
Trust me, there are things to help with that as a countermeasure to extra fat in unsightly places - and I'm talking about specific underwear garments. There was even a feature in a women's magazine recently about wonder knickers [British for underpants]
Also, you can straighten your leg out by giving the illusion of length with longer hems and high heels.
With dressing, it's just a question of optical illusion. You need to ensure that the way you dress draw attention AWAY from your problem areas.
If your lower stomach is your problem area, try and disguise it with slightly longer shirts/tops. The focus will be therefore your top when people see you not your bottom half.
Not sure whether this makes any sense without any visuals being possible!
well I'm actually pretty good at dressing appropriately for my shape. If I weren't so picky about it I'd be able to buy much more clothes. I know what looks "good" on me.
I don't normally wear high heels though. I have displaced toe bones that are extremely painful (as a result of wearing heels) so I don't wear them anymore. I can't really wear flats either for the same reason. I wear danskos most of the time. not all that flatter but whatever, it's not like I'm a fashion plate.
I saw your pictures, I think you are in the wrong store if you are shopping at plus sized stores..
can I sign you up for what not to wear?? I think stacey and clinton would do you well!
edit: excuse my spelling and grammar errors, the kitten is obsessed with my eye lashes, and is trying to eat them so I was posting sorta blindly
oh yeah, that's what I'm saying! I DON'T work well in the plus size stores. the pants technically "fit" but they look ridiculous and the tops are just SWIMMING on me, even if I get the smallest size. A 16 in a regular store is much different than a 16 in a plus store. And honestly, I really think the styles they sell in the plus sizes make people look fatter. I really do. everything is like an empire-waisted mumu with huge prints and colors. it's the stereotype of what fat women wear.
what I'm always so confused about is when I'm in a regular store like say the gap, and I see a girl who is CLEARLY way bigger than I am. I seem to not fit in things that people who are bigger than me can. that makes no sense I know. but it's true.
Dude, I would LOVE to be signed up for what not to wear, that's like my dream. unfortunately I actually have really good *taste* in clothes so I wouldn't make very interesting television
it's about time someone brought up this suggestion
I wasn't gonna I didn't want to be made fun of
2003 ~ Toronto
2005 ~ London, Toronto
2006 ~ Toronto
2008 ~ Hartford, Mansfied I,
2009 ~ Toronto, Chicago I, Chicago II
2010 ~ Cleveland, Buffalo
2011 ~ Toronto I, Toronto II, Ottawa, Hamilton
2013 - London, Pittsburgh, Buffalo