my friend wants me to go to a pub crawl today

GreenTeaDisease

dunkman wrote:

hey whats with all the doom and gloom... :(

its not healthy to work out 7 days a week anyway.. so you had today off.. big deal.

seriously.. hold your head up high and go out and take the world on... at some point everyone will go through something shit in their lives.. but you have to take the punches and be strong.

ha. I had like 3.5 days off this week. I am failing miserably. I never used to do this, it's terrible. honestly I am so far behind it's not even funny.

Heineken Helen

Brain of J.Lo wrote:

When I've been in situations like this, the best thing for me to do was actually force myself to go out.

Absolutely... I used to be like this at times. I was getting a form of agoraphobia... it's pretty scary but you have to bite the bullet and do what scares you... especially if it's something that's starting to affect your life the way it affects yours GTD... and having seen your pics, you DEFINITELY have nothing to worry about. There's nothing wrong with your looks, you're very cute and all you need is confidence.

The worst was when I moved to London, I was terrified to leave the house on my own. It eventually got to the point where there was no food in the house and it was either leave or starve It does take a while to get over but you have to knock these things on the head quite early before it takes over you.

Heineken Helen

GreenTeaDisease wrote:

well my friend ended up not wanting to go to the pub crawl so we went out to dinner with our other friend and her boyfriend and then hung out for a long time and had drinks. it was much better for me.

aw that sounds great... sounds like you've pretty good friends. Have you told them how you feel?

Heineken Helen

GreenTeaDisease wrote:

it's not about appearance. it's about the behavior that underlies appearance.

Do you know that people see you as you see yourself? And they treat you as you expect to be treated? I've gone through phases in my life where I've had low self esteem and very little self respect and guess what? That's how people treated me at the time. Once you realise that pretty much everyone has some kinda hang up and lotsa people are going through the same thing...and once you see how pointless it is, then you can move on. Now people treat me completely different and also the kinds of guys I attract now are much more respectful and treat me pretty much like a princess . Cos I've realised that's how I deserve to be treated

Heineken Helen

GreenTeaDisease wrote:

I know, that's why it's really starting to bother me. it's been too long and I haven't been able to fix things yet.



I'm not that funny and stuff though, especially when I'm with my friends because they aren't really funny. my personality is fine and I'm friendly and all, but not enough to make up for what I have become. Being the fittest person in the room was all I had going for me really. even if I didn't look that great, people were usually impressed by how I handled my life. I gut nuttin to even talk about now let alone impress people with.

and honestly, going out last night was probably not a good idea overall given how lazy I've been today. I woke up too late, my stomach doesn't feel right, I've gotten nothing done including a work out. Now I'll have to wait until the morning. I feel very anxious and jumpy and guilty and i've got a lot of pent-up energy I can't use.

Must you always be the 'best' at something? I'm far from the best at ANYTHING in any room of people... I never really have been the best at anything. Came close with a couple of things but it wasn't about competition. Perhaps you're just too competitive? You don't always need to impress either... sometimes it's good to BE impressed. You've got nothing to prove to anybody but yourself.

Heineken Helen

Stone Is God wrote:

You shouldn't have to worry about trying to impress people. I'm sure people would like you for who you are. It's funny, if you have the attiutude that you don't give a shit what people think about you, it actually draws people to you.

This really is true! I used to try and impress and it didn't really impress anyone . Once I got to the stage that I genuinely couldn't give a fuck what anybody thinks about me (apart from one or two people ) I seemed more interesting to people! AND it's much more fun being this way

chime

Have to agree with Helen on a lot of what she said ... but would add on the clothes thing (as it seems to be one of the things that makes you uncomfortable about going out) which I've noticed you've had a couple of threads on in the past ... probably going shopping when you HAVE to buy an outfit eg for a wedding is stressful for everyone and it seems from your last clothes shopping thread you may be go shopping with this same pressure all the time of having to buy something.

I think there are very few people who don't have a hang up or problem buying clothes ... mine comes from being very short ... trousers a nightmate ... dresses as bad (my bust, waist, hips aren't where the bust waist hips of the dress are) so I generally wear more skirts than my friends mixed with some jeans... I think a little is just dressing for your shape ... if you have trouble buying trousers/jeans may be A-line skirts would be easier.

I have fun with clothes ... wouldn't say I was fashionable ... definitely not dressing to look good ... some things work ... some things don't ... but I don't really care what impression I'm making ... as several people I've met can attest ... I'm generally quite a shy person .. but just have fun with clothes ...

Has shopping for clothes ever been fun for you or something to do to pass the time?

I think most people suffer social anxiety at one point or another but I'm sorry on this occassion it got you so upset

Heineken Helen

Chime wrote:

Have to agree with Helen on a lot of what she said ... but would add on the clothes thing (as it seems to be one of the things that makes you uncomfortable about going out) which I've noticed you've had a couple of threads on in the past ... probably going shopping when you HAVE to buy an outfit eg for a wedding is stressful for everyone and it seems from your last clothes shopping thread you may be go shopping with this same pressure all the time of having to buy something.

I think there are very few people who don't have a hang up or problem buying clothes ... mine comes from being very short ... trousers a nightmate ... dresses as bad (my bust, waist, hips aren't where the bust waist hips of the dress are) so I generally wear more skirts than my friends mixed with some jeans... I think a little is just dressing for your shape ... if you have trouble buying trousers/jeans may be A-line skirts would be easier.

I have fun with clothes ... wouldn't say I was fashionable ... definitely not dressing to look good ... some things work ... some things don't ... but I don't really care what impression I'm making ... as several people I've met can attest ... I'm generally quite a shy person .. but just have fun with clothes ...

Has shopping for clothes ever been fun for you or something to do to pass the time?

I think most people suffer social anxiety at one point or another but I'm sorry on this occassion it got you so upset

I always like how you dress... you've got your own style and it's really cool. Good advice about the shopping. If you've found one style of clothes that suits you, there's nothing wrong with sticking with that. Then you can become more adventurous. Also, like everything, with shopping practice makes perfect. Why don't ya give yourself a whole week to shop. The first nght may be stressful... even the second night may be... but I guarantee by the third night, you'll get the hang of it. Sometimes I get really annoyed going shopping cos I find NOTHING I like, after going into EVERY shop. Then a couple of nights later I'll find lots, and when I find stuff I like, I don't care how much money I spend and usually spend a few nights shopping... cos it could be months before I find stuff I like again

GreenTeaDisease

Chime wrote:

Have to agree with Helen on a lot of what she said ... but would add on the clothes thing (as it seems to be one of the things that makes you uncomfortable about going out) which I've noticed you've had a couple of threads on in the past ... probably going shopping when you HAVE to buy an outfit eg for a wedding is stressful for everyone and it seems from your last clothes shopping thread you may be go shopping with this same pressure all the time of having to buy something.

I think there are very few people who don't have a hang up or problem buying clothes ... mine comes from being very short ... trousers a nightmate ... dresses as bad (my bust, waist, hips aren't where the bust waist hips of the dress are) so I generally wear more skirts than my friends mixed with some jeans... I think a little is just dressing for your shape ... if you have trouble buying trousers/jeans may be A-line skirts would be easier.

I do LOVE skirts. they are the most forgiving and comfortable item of clothing for me to wear with my shape. But I haven't been able to find ANY in the past year or so, I think they are out of style or something! (and I need new ones because anything I have that's over 6 months to a year old is too small). In addition, living in boston in the winter, it's not always practical to wear skirts all the time unfortunately. I would wear them more if I could wear high boots but I've only ever found *one* pair of high boots (I shop for them every year) that I've ever been able to zip, and of course, like everything else, they are too small now.

Chime wrote:

Has shopping for clothes ever been fun for you or something to do to pass the time?

when I was 25 in like 2 months I went from a size 16 to a size 10-12. it was like all my years of working out and eating right suddenly had a result out of nowhere. I did enjoy shopping then. I was still hard to fit, but 12 seems like the magic size- the make things in short under size 12, more stores carry things under size 12, stuff is on sale under size 12...it was like a miracle. I stayed around that size for a few years. But honestly I have hated shopping with a passion for the other 26, 27 years of my life.

plus right now, I have no idea where to shop besides the gap and old navy! when I was small I could shop at H&M and buy some fun cheap clothes and like for work I could shop at ann taylor loft and BR and stuff...but I don't fit anywhere anymore! and plus sizes are too big!

Steve Dunne

GTD I hope you had fun this weekend. If not, then better days lie ahead. Keep gettin after it...

Bar crawls...in my former life...love! Upper West Side, Upper East Side, Greenwich Village...oh man it was pure love!

chime

GreenTeaDisease wrote:

I do LOVE skirts. they are the most forgiving and comfortable item of clothing for me to wear with my shape. But I haven't been able to find ANY in the past year or so, I think they are out of style or something! (and I need new ones because anything I have that's over 6 months to a year old is too small). In addition, living in boston in the winter, it's not always practical to wear skirts all the time unfortunately. I would wear them more if I could wear high boots but I've only ever found *one* pair of high boots (I shop for them every year) that I've ever been able to zip, and of course, like everything else, they are too small now.

Being just comfortable in the clothes you're in so it's not something you think about can make such a difference. I know expense wise ordering from here wouldn't be too expensive but may be there is a US equivalent ... part of the ordering process involves giving your calf measurement http://www.duoboots.com/. Your better than me going for heels ...at my height I probably should but getting me out of my comfortable flatties can't be done ... may be it's not a style you like but my last pair of boots were the slouchy, baggy type with no zip (don't know if that explains it very well) so would fit any calf size.

EDIT: with a little help from google this place does wide calf sizes http://www.silhouettes.com/dept.asp?dept%5Fid=10300

GreenTeaDisease wrote:

when I was 25 in like 2 months I went from a size 16 to a size 10-12. it was like all my years of working out and eating right suddenly had a result out of nowhere. I did enjoy shopping then. I was still hard to fit, but 12 seems like the magic size- the make things in short under size 12, more stores carry things under size 12, stuff is on sale under size 12...it was like a miracle. I stayed around that size for a few years. But honestly I have hated shopping with a passion for the other 26, 27 years of my life.

I know I have days where I can't be bothered shopping and other days where I can wander for a few hours. Shopping really is a mood thing as Helen said earlier ... do you stick to specific shops? ... if so may be trying somewhere new would make it more fun ...

GreenTeaDisease

Chime wrote:

do you stick to specific shops? ... if so may be trying somewhere new would make it more fun ...

as I said, I have no idea where to shop anymore. in the US there are only a few clothing chains, and VERY few that would carry clothes large enough. I don't know where to go besides the gap and old navy, and that stuff doesn't really look right either.

that boot site is cool by the way, I'll have to remember it.

chime

GreenTeaDisease wrote:

as I said, I have no idea where to shop anymore. in the US there are only a few clothing chains, and VERY few that would carry clothes large enough. I don't know where to go besides the gap and old navy, and that stuff doesn't really look right either.

that boot site is cool by the way, I'll have to remember it.

Sorry I can't help on US shops ... the UK shop that immediately springs to mind delivers to the US but there is the problem of exchange rate, not being able to try anything on, but if you would like to look the website is (and shows how to convert sizes) http://www.evans.co.uk/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/StaticPageDisplay?storeId=12553&catalogId=20554&identifier=ev1%20evans%20to%20the%20USA%20welcome

Heineken Helen

GreenTeaDisease wrote:

as I said, I have no idea where to shop anymore. in the US there are only a few clothing chains, and VERY few that would carry clothes large enough. I don't know where to go besides the gap and old navy, and that stuff doesn't really look right either.

that boot site is cool by the way, I'll have to remember it.

see you're probably going to completely the wrong places. If you used to be small and then put on weight, you simply CAN'T shop at the same places anymore cos you'll just run out of there crying. But you do really need to discover where to go. Even if you shop in cheap departmental stores that probably carry up to quite large sizes, you can find the odd great thing in there and that would be a start. You can't be as big as you say... you're training for what? A marathon?

GreenTeaDisease

Heineken Helen wrote:

see you're probably going to completely the wrong places. If you used to be small and then put on weight, you simply CAN'T shop at the same places anymore cos you'll just run out of there crying. But you do really need to discover where to go. Even if you shop in cheap departmental stores that probably carry up to quite large sizes, you can find the odd great thing in there and that would be a start. You can't be as big as you say... you're training for what? A marathon?

haha no a half marathon. and trust me, it is tough running 10 miles to train carrying 200lbs on 5'4" frame. (I don't look 200 lbs. I've always weighed a lot more than I look. but it's still 200 lbs. my lowest weight ever was 152, which I hit at 25, and was what I weighed in 7th grade. but at that weight I looked about 135). I guess the sizes I mentioned earlier are american sizes so they wouldn't mean anything to you, but they are pretty damn big.

well, no I don't shop where I used to, that is the problem. I don't know where to go, so I just don't shop. I do fit in the gap and old navy size 16, but those clothes are cut in an ill-fitting way for me. there is one chain that is for "large" women called Layne Bryant, but even though they carry my size, it is overall too big (made for very tall women with enormous boobs) and the clothes in there are U-G-L-Y. totally not my style. so I just don't go shopping anymore. there is a gap in the office building where I work so at the beginning of the winter I bought 4 sweaters and 2 tshirts that I rotate, and I have one pair of calvin klein jeans that I wear every day and wash on the weekends (and I don't like them very much. they are too long and very frumpy).

chime

On the jeans front do you have a Levis store or something ... somewhere where there will be several different styles and different lengths? where you can try on loads ... I know one of our Levi stores also does customisation for length etc?

Steve Dunne

GreenTeaDisease wrote:

haha no a half marathon. and trust me, it is tough running 10 miles to train carrying 200lbs on 5'4" frame. (I don't look 200 lbs. I've always weighed a lot more than I look. but it's still 200 lbs. my lowest weight ever was 152, which I hit at 25, and was what I weighed in 7th grade. but at that weight I looked about 135). I guess the sizes I mentioned earlier are american sizes so they wouldn't mean anything to you, but they are pretty damn big.

well, no I don't shop where I used to, that is the problem. I don't know where to go, so I just don't shop. I do fit in the gap and old navy size 16, but those clothes are cut in an ill-fitting way for me. there is one chain that is for "large" women called Layne Bryant, but even though they carry my size, it is overall too big (made for very tall women with enormous boobs) and the clothes in there are U-G-L-Y. totally not my style. so I just don't go shopping anymore. there is a gap in the office building where I work so at the beginning of the winter I bought 4 sweaters and 2 tshirts that I rotate, and I have one pair of calvin klein jeans that I wear every day and wash on the weekends (and I don't like them very much. they are too long and very frumpy).

Keep running...it just takes time (nothing new here)...you can do it!!!

GreenTeaDisease

Chime wrote:

On the jeans front do you have a Levis store or something ... somewhere where there will be several different styles and different lengths? where you can try on loads ... I know one of our Levi stores also does customisation for length etc?

levi stores don't sell my size.

chime

GreenTeaDisease wrote:

levi stores don't sell my size.

I will not be defeated http://www.levisstore.com/family/index.jsp?categoryId=2070050&cp=2069959

Heineken Helen

Chime wrote:

I will not be defeated http://www.levisstore.com/family/index.jsp?categoryId=2070050&cp=2069959

good girl chime! See ordering online might be the way to go for now until you get a few things you feel confident in and THEN you can take to the shops