Man I'm in a bind

soulsinging

failedpersephone wrote:

oh my. . . his wife is the primary 'bread winner" and that can be a burden when there is a small child at home...for either parent to have to leave the home to make the bulk of the living it is a heartbreak. he was simply stating that.

i dunno about that. my dad never seemed to mind so much. i think he enjoyed getting the hell away from the racket to talk sensibly with adults.

blackredyellow

failedpersephone wrote:

oh my. . . his wife is the primary 'bread winner" and that can be a burden when there is a small child at home...for either parent to have to leave the home to make the bulk of the living it is a heartbreak. he was simply stating that. He didn't say that "Because she was a woman she wanted to be at home" that was YOU who said that...you make so many chip on your shoulder inferences that it is unbelievable. once again, He was saying that he felt like he needed to lift some of the burden from his wife since technically the MONEY part of their partnership is only seasonal for him. and seriously - this is the most sexist thing you have heard?? do you have nosebleeds from being up on high??

I started a reply then I read yours... thank you for saying it better than I could.

edvedder913

I am speechless. I think this may be the 1st or 2nd time in my life that I have said this.

edvedder913

I am speechless no more.....knew it wouldn't last.

ANYONE MALE OR FEMALE who bears the main resposnibility of working and taking care of the financial needs of a family is burdened. Yes it is a burden to know that several others depend on you.

There is NOTHING sexist about that statement. It's actually a caring statement when taken the right way. He wants to care for his family. Good for him!

edvedder913

GreenTeaDisease wrote:

I honestly just sometimes can't believe the horrible things people say on this board....

GreenTeaDisease wrote:

there is so much wrong with both these paragraphs, I don't even know where to begin.

where is that therapy thread?

no comment necessary......figure it out

KosmicJelli

Unfortunately, if you have to bite the bullet and get a job for desparate financially reasons then do so... everyone has to make the sacrifice. But if you can modify the way you live to stay at home with your kids I suggest you do so!!! Nothing could be more rewarding to have the kids home with a parent...

Phantom Pain

Brain of J.Lo wrote:

My husband, who has not a sexist bone in his body, has become sooooo driven to work as much as possible (even if it means getting up at 4 AM...which is SO not him, lol) to financially provide for us nowadays. He was certainly not lazy before our daughter was born or anything like that, but something has changed in him and I think men just naturally put this pressure on themselves to be the provider. While I think that is a societal issue...I also just think it comes with the territory of being a father. Becoming a parent makes you feel differently about things. I don't know how else to put it.

I can definitely see that happening with me

I think our mental make-up is to be that way, also I think if a guy grew up in a house without things (we didnt have a lot growing up) as an adult you want to make sure everything is different for your family

I still kid my wife though and tell her to keep getting raises so I can retire

Brain of J.Lo

Phantom Pain wrote:

also I think if a guy grew up in a house without things (we didnt have a lot growing up) as an adult you want to make sure everything is different for your family

That's how my dad was. He was actually dirt poor growing up, and worked really hard to get an education and a good salary to make sure that we always had more than enough.

Danimal

GreenTeaDisease wrote:

this is literally the most sexist thing I have ever heard. why is working a "burden" for your wife? Why would it be any easier for a woman to not work than it would be "as a man." Like I why would your wife want to stay home just because she's a woman? maybe on a personal/individual level she does prefer to stay home, but it's not because she's a woman and you're a man.

and I am confused, who watches the kid during the months you work?

honestly, after that gypsy thread, I'm really not surprised you feel this way. You say that *I* shouldn't have kids? Personally I'm tired of racists and male chauvinists and other ignorant, closed-minded people being permitted to procreate. I hope your daughter can succeed in life despite growing up in this kind of environment. My dad had very similar opinions to these "roles" of your's, luckily I smart enough to learn he was wrong at an early age, so it can be done.

I honestly just sometimes can't believe the horrible things people say on this board...It's like, shocking. I thought these ideas died during our parents' generation.

Oh get over it. Work is a burden to us ALL.

He's just trying to be a responsible adult for his family.

Also it doesn't sound like he's asking for his wife to quit her job.

Some of you fucking people read WAAAAAAAAAY too much into things. Everything is not so complex.

Rygar

failedpersephone wrote:

oh my. . . his wife is the primary 'bread winner" and that can be a burden when there is a small child at home...for either parent to have to leave the home to make the bulk of the living it is a heartbreak. he was simply stating that. He didn't say that "Because she was a woman she wanted to be at home" that was YOU who said that...you make so many chip on your shoulder inferences that it is unbelievable. once again, He was saying that he felt like he needed to lift some of the burden from his wife since technically the MONEY part of their partnership is only seasonal for him. and seriously - this is the most sexist thing you have heard?? do you have nosebleeds from being up on high??



he said that his mother and his mother in law does this...remember you took umbrage at that earlier - he was "spoiled" remember???


okay the gypsy thread is not this thread. a person can have multiple facets...i can't even begin to write everything I can think of with this section of your misguided post. seriously - your sniffling hand clasped style of "hoping" for his daughter's sake is really insufferable...and by the way Acoustic Guy isn't your daddy - so maybe you should take your own advice about the therapy thread, and get your daddy aggressions out on someone else. this man was asking for help not condemnation.

Hello POT.

(sorry had to borrow that one again.)

Good post.

MattCameronKicksButt

acoustic guy wrote:

Yes I agree, I love the time with her but it can be tough being a man. Its not sexist to say this. I wanna take care of my family and take the burden of work off my wifes shoulders. Whats wrong with that?
Any women here see my point and agree wih me?

I see both of your points. (You and GreenTea).

I feel for you though. I'm going to cry more than him when I send him off to playschool.

Phantom Pain

edvedder913 wrote:

I am speechless no more.....knew it wouldn't last.

ANYONE MALE OR FEMALE who bears the main resposnibility of working and taking care of the financial needs of a family is burdened. Yes it is a burden to know that several others depend on you.

There is NOTHING sexist about that statement. It's actually a caring statement when taken the right way. He wants to care for his family. Good for him!

Exactly

Talk about things getting twisted

Lesbelges

Both my brother and I started going to the daycare at 6months of age and we turned out fine (relatively hehehe).

Just do it. Your child will be fine. Plus it's better to subject her to this now, than the first day she has to go to Kindergarten. Don't delay this very normal life experience! It can only hurt her!

Brain of J.Lo

Lesbelges wrote:

Don't delay this very normal life experience! It can only hurt her!

I have to take issue with this. Staying at home with an 18 month old child is certainly *not* going to harm her. That's a little extreme.

Both daycare and staying at home with a parent have benefits and drawbacks. You just have to figure out what works best for the whole family.

DOSW

acoustic guy wrote:

Its hard being Mr. mom everyday as the man of the house. It can be hard accepting that roll but its for my daughter so its gotta be done.

i.e. It's hard to accept the role of the stay-at-home parent because I'm a man.

That IS a mildly sexist statement. That's what GreenTeaDisease is talking about.

acoustic guy

failedpersephone wrote:

oh my. . . his wife is the primary 'bread winner" and that can be a burden when there is a small child at home...for either parent to have to leave the home to make the bulk of the living it is a heartbreak. he was simply stating that. He didn't say that "Because she was a woman she wanted to be at home" that was YOU who said that...you make so many chip on your shoulder inferences that it is unbelievable. once again, He was saying that he felt like he needed to lift some of the burden from his wife since technically the MONEY part of their partnership is only seasonal for him. and seriously - this is the most sexist thing you have heard?? do you have nosebleeds from being up on high??



he said that his mother and his mother in law does this...remember you took umbrage at that earlier - he was "spoiled" remember???


okay the gypsy thread is not this thread. a person can have multiple facets...i can't even begin to write everything I can think of with this section of your misguided post. seriously - your sniffling hand clasped style of "hoping" for his daughter's sake is really insufferable...and by the way Acoustic Guy isn't your daddy - so maybe you should take your own advice about the therapy thread, and get your daddy aggressions out on someone else. this man was asking for help not condemnation.

Hello POT.

(sorry had to borrow that one again.)

Well said,
Thank you.

Trailer

i love women... but feminists?? nah..

acoustic guy

DOSW wrote:

i.e. It's hard to accept the role of the stay-at-home parent because I'm a man.

That IS a mildly sexist statement. That's what GreenTeaDisease is talking about.

I was not saying it to be sexist. I don't agree with people who are sexist. If you can't understand what I'm saying then thats your problem not mine.
I believe that a woman can do everything a man can do.I don't think her place is in the kitchen by any means. But, I feel that a woman has a softer touch when it comes to raising a child. Is that wrong to say? I think I do a awesome job raising my daughter, but I know my wife would be better. She kicks ass at her job and I don't resent her for it in any way. I make my yearly salary in 6 months. I 'm cool with her working. I just want her to not have too. She would rather be a home aswell. Does that make her sexist? No.
Sorry, that how I feel.

The Champ

DOSW wrote:

i.e. It's hard to accept the role of the stay-at-home parent because I'm a man.

That IS a mildly sexist statement. That's what GreenTeaDisease is talking about.

It's his personal opinion and whether you acknowledge it or not it's the way the majority of men feel as well. He's being fucking honest..

Phantom Pain

Lesbelges wrote:

Both my brother and I started going to the daycare at 6months of age and we turned out fine (relatively hehehe).

Just do it. Your child will be fine. Plus it's better to subject her to this now, than the first day she has to go to Kindergarten. Don't delay this very normal life experience! It can only hurt her!

This "normal life experience" only started when both parents starting working

We (my brother and I) stayed home with my Mom until Kindgergarten there is nothing wrong with that

Daycare should be avoided if you can, I would rather have family or a parent of the child be home with my child

I don't trust strangers regardless of how many kids today are in Daycare