Is 35 or 40 too old to have kids?

PJaddicted

catefrances wrote:

i also have 4 children. but right from the start ive called the shots. we have free and subsidised tertiary education here in australia so anyone can get educated. i disavow any personal transport that uses petroleum...so no buying cars for my children.
personally i dont know what it is parents are buying their kids but i think the figures i see quoted for the raising oif children is so outrageous my head spins. sometimes i wonder what it is my children are missing out on. then i look at them and realise that they are loved and fed and housed and clothed and anything else is superfluous.
some may say my world view is a little askew but it's not. consumerism sucks and will be the death of society given enough time.

To each his own, I'll raise my four boys the way I see fit, and you can do the same with your own. Unfortunately cars are needed where we live in the country, there is no public transportation in our town. We can get to NY city by a bus...but no where else locally. All of my sons have cars that don't guzzle gas. Colleges are not free here in the states. SUNY schools cost us about $17,000 a year per child, and that is a bargain. Private colleges can cost up to about $50,000 a year. I told my boys we would only be paying for a SUNY education only. Oh and college degrees here take 4 years, so that is $17,000 X 4 X 4 for my family. So even if I didn't pay for their cars....there is no way I'd want my kids to start life out with loans that big, I'd rather retire a few years later. I'm not sure what you pay for health care costs in AU ....my families health insurance policy is $1500 a month, and we have high deductibles too for prescriptions and doctors visits, and even hospital costs. Braces are $6000. Food on average costs $20,000 a year for my crew. A simple dentist visit is about $150 per family member every 6 months. My sons glasses are $300 a year. These are not luxury's, they are necessities. My kids are far from spoiled possession wise, the cost of living here is outrageous. It IS expensive to raise a family in the states, especially New York.

oxc

catefrances

PJaddicted wrote:

To each his own, I'll raise my four boys the way I see fit, and you can do the same with your own. Unfortunately cars are needed where we live in the country, there is no public transportation in our town. We can get to NY city by a bus...but no where else locally. All of my sons have cars that don't guzzle gas. Colleges are not free here in the states. SUNY schools cost us about $17,000 a year per child, and that is a bargain. Private colleges can cost up to about $50,000 a year. I told my boys we would only be paying for a SUNY education only. Oh and college degrees here take 4 years, so that is $17,000 X 4 X 4 for my family. So even if I didn't pay for their cars....there is no way I'd want my kids to start life out with loans that big, I'd rather retire a few years later. I'm not sure what you pay for health care costs in AU ....my families health insurance policy is $1500 a month, and we have high deductibles too for prescriptions and doctors visits, and even hospital costs. Braces are $6000. Food on average costs $20,000 a year for my crew. A simple dentist visit is about $150 per family member every 6 months. My sons glasses are $300 a year. These are not luxury's, they are necessities. My kids are far from spoiled possession wise, the cost of living here is outrageous. It IS expensive to raise a family in the states, especially New York.

oxc

please dont think i was passing judgement on the way you raise your kids. that is not something i would do. i was stating my own situation and my aversion to this capitalist consumerist society we all live in. i am very fortunate to live in australia, which admittedly is a bit more socialised than the US. as for medical expenses, that is not something ive ever had to be concerned about. and certainly not something to be classed as frivilous.
tertiary education is not free here in australia either. but payment can be deferred until one's wage rises above a certain level and then the fees must be paid back.

Steve Dunne

tish wrote:

I mean, I just figure it's game over at 35 unless you can afford really good health care. That number is like doomsday.

Tish - i'm not going to read this thread and if you're still reading posts here than my 2 cents is 'hell no'. Little man was born to his 35 yr old mother...just days before her 36th birthday. Although I think he's clinically insane right now at 1 1/2, he's just acting his age.

sd

PJaddicted

catefrances wrote:

please dont think i was passing judgement on the way you raise your kids. that is not something i would do. i was stating my own situation and my aversion to this capitalist consumerist society we all live in. i am very fortunate to live in australia, which admittedly is a bit more socialised than the US. as for medical expenses, that is not something ive ever had to be concerned about. and certainly not something to be classed as frivilous.
tertiary education is not free here in australia either. but payment can be deferred until one's wage rises above a certain level and then the fees must be paid back.

My best friend in the entire world married an Aussie...they lived here for a couple of years and then decided that they would do much better in AU. She misses her family and friends more then I can say...but it was the best choice financially for them. They live in a beautiful home with their two children and don't struggle at all. She comes home every 2 years for about a month. Here she would always be playing catch up. I really feel for the Middle and lower class people, I have no idea how they are able to pay for the costs of heating their homes and filling their cars with gas. People in the states don't get raises that go up with the cost of living...they are making less and less every year because every year the cost of living increases so much. It is really sad for them.

I think that is nice how you can pay for college later after you get a job. My oldest son wanted to go to a private college, I figured out how much he would have to borrow on his end after the $17,000 we gave him....he would have to pay about $1300 a month for 9 years. He would be hard pressed to find a job paying good enough money to afford that loan, an apartment, car insurance ($3000 a year for a young man) food, etc he would have to live with us until he was 30 he chose the state school!

Anyway YOU are right.....love is free, and you CAN raise a family closer to the earth if you choose, but unfortunately here in the states you need too much money to just survive.

oxc

catefrances

PJaddicted wrote:

My best friend in the entire world married an Aussie...they lived here for a couple of years and then decided that they would do much better in AU. She misses her family and friends more then I can say...but it was the best choice financially for them. They live in a beautiful home with their two children and don't struggle at all. She comes home every 2 years for about a month. Here she would always be playing catch up. I really feel for the Middle and lower class people, I have no idea how they are able to pay for the costs of heating their homes and filling their cars with gas. People in the states don't get raises that go up with the cost of living...they are making less and less every year because every year the cost of living increases so much. It is really sad for them.

I think that is nice how you can pay for college later after you get a job. My oldest son wanted to go to a private college, I figured out how much he would have to borrow on his end after the $17,000 we gave him....he would have to pay about $1300 a month for 9 years. He would be hard pressed to find a job paying good enough money to afford that loan, an apartment, car insurance ($3000 a year for a young man) food, etc he would have to live with us until he was 30 he chose the state school!

Anyway YOU are right.....love is free, and you CAN raise a family closer to the earth if you choose, but unfortunately here in the states you need too much money to just survive.

oxc

sounds like its time for a revolution.

beachdweller

my mom was 42 when she had my brother (on my 21st birthday), he's 19 soon, and doing just fine...I don't think there is an answer to this question, situation and people kind of dictate

mookie9999

TrixieCat wrote:

Like lying on the beach in Bora Bora...Jimmy Buffet softly strumming his guitar, margarita being served by topless person of your choice, fresh fruit, cool breeze

Topless person of my choice?!?!? I'll choose either Don Knotts or Angela Lansbury!

_

For what it's worth, I know several female doctors who practice obstetrics and are also mothers, so I consider them to be experts on such issues (both as doctors and patients/mothers), and
1. They all acknowledge that advanced maternal age qualifies a pregnancy as "high-risk" and
2. Several of them have still chosen to wait until their early 40s to start having children.

Allie

I think 35 is the 'magic #' that i have heard problems can start to happen after that age. I am about to hit that magic # next month and I don't have kids yet, but I still plan to!!
My Mom had me when she was 35 and I came out ok

Halle Berry is 41 and pregnant with her 1st child, and JLo is 37. Gwen Stefani was 36 when she had her baby. I don't think 35 is too old.

angryyoungman

GreenTeaDisease wrote:

the truth is it's not really "free" anywhere. under any system trade offs are made. in canada for example people often have to wait for extensive periods to receive "free" care and often people such as the elderly are made to wait longer or are denied in favor of someone else.

i didnt read through every post to see if someone mentioned it but see the movie sicko, this comes up

deadnothingbetter

tish wrote:

I mean, I just figure it's game over at 35 unless you can afford really good health care. That number is like doomsday.

i read in some cosmopolitan magazine that it's actually better to have kids at around 34+ age. they gave some estimation that women tend to live longer.... although they have more health complications they have less life threatening one's. then they made some kind of estimation that women who have children at that age are usually more succesful financially. i can't remember what magazine it was... one of those for ladies magazine, not really cosmopolitan. and yeah, i'm a dude... i was reading it at a laundry with no tv's.

catefrances

deadnothingbetter wrote:

i read in some cosmopolitan magazine that it's actually better to have kids at around 34+ age. they gave some estimation that women tend to live longer.... although they have more health complications they have less life threatening one's. then they made some kind of estimation that women who have children at that age are usually more succesful financially. i can't remember what magazine it was... one of those for ladies magazine, not really cosmopolitan. and yeah, i'm a dude... i was reading it at a laundry with no tv's.

i would wager a bet that whatever magazine you read it in, is geared to women who have prioritised their career over their reproductive and personal life for whatever reason and so are pandering to that demographic by making them believe that theyve not left it 'too late' to become mothers.

deadnothingbetter

catefrances wrote:

i would wager a bet that whatever magazine you read it in, is geared to women who have prioritised their career over their reproductive and personal life for whatever reason and so are pandering to that demographic by making them believe that theyve not left it 'too late' to become mothers.

sheesh... could you have at least broken your paragraph into at least two sentences?

but, yeah, you're probably right. although i would say they might've had a few pointers in their "estimations". you know, giving them the benefit of the doubt... for instance, my sister. she's 29 right now and she's pregnant. i'm sure she's planning to have more kids. this is only her first and she's only been married since last march. :eek:

Allie

catefrances wrote:

i would wager a bet that whatever magazine you read it in, is geared to women who have prioritised their career over their reproductive and personal life for whatever reason and so are pandering to that demographic by making them believe that theyve not left it 'too late' to become mothers.

lots of women in their 30's have babies though. It's not free in America. Having babies is quite expensive. not everybody thinks about that but everybody should. It's not just a baby, it's a life.
Plus not everybody meets the right person at the right age. There are a lot of variables. And there is nothing wrong with a woman also focusing on her career. Oftentimes people need 2 incomes to raise a child. For me my mother having a job=she was a role model for me. And she had me when she was 35 after the doctors told her she'd never have any more children, after she had a miscarriage.

catefrances

Allie wrote:

lots of women in their 30's have babies though. It's not free in America. Having babies is quite expensive. not everybody thinks about that but everybody should. It's not just a baby, it's a life.
Plus not everybody meets the right person at the right age. There are a lot of variables. And there is nothing wrong with a woman also focusing on her career. Oftentimes people need 2 incomes to raise a child. For me my mother having a job=she was a role model for me. And she had me when she was 35 after the doctors told her she'd never have any more children, after she had a miscarriage.

i know allie. i had 2 children in my 30s.

Allie

catefrances wrote:

i know allie. i had 2 children in my 30s.

then there's hope for me yet!

catefrances

Allie wrote:

then there's hope for me yet!

hope is the light in the darkness.

pacifier

PJaddicted wrote:

To each his own, I'll raise my four boys the way I see fit, and you can do the same with your own. Unfortunately cars are needed where we live in the country, there is no public transportation in our town. We can get to NY city by a bus...but no where else locally. All of my sons have cars that don't guzzle gas. Colleges are not free here in the states. SUNY schools cost us about $17,000 a year per child, and that is a bargain. Private colleges can cost up to about $50,000 a year. I told my boys we would only be paying for a SUNY education only. Oh and college degrees here take 4 years, so that is $17,000 X 4 X 4 for my family. So even if I didn't pay for their cars....there is no way I'd want my kids to start life out with loans that big, I'd rather retire a few years later. I'm not sure what you pay for health care costs in AU ....my families health insurance policy is $1500 a month, and we have high deductibles too for prescriptions and doctors visits, and even hospital costs. Braces are $6000. Food on average costs $20,000 a year for my crew. A simple dentist visit is about $150 per family member every 6 months. My sons glasses are $300 a year. These are not luxury's, they are necessities. My kids are far from spoiled possession wise, the cost of living here is outrageous. It IS expensive to raise a family in the states, especially New York.

oxc

I can't even imagine what that must be like! We have to pay for some things, but the majority of the medical and educational necessities are either free or cheap for public services or, for uni, you pay later when you can afford it.

Australian's all let us rejoice
for we are young and FREE!

PJaddicted

pacifier wrote:

I can't even imagine what that must be like! We have to pay for some things, but the majority of the medical and educational necessities are either free or cheap for public services or, for uni, you pay later when you can afford it.

Australian's all let us rejoice
for we are young and FREE!

To be middle class in my town raising a family with only two children you need to make over $100,000 a year, and you would have to be very conservative with that salary. It was not like that when we moved here, it was a very charming farm town. People liked it so much they all had to move here and change it, we liked the smell of cow poop, the newbies what to look at pretty scenes and bring their BS with them.....it is now expensive and ruined. I will only stay here until my children are raised. NY rips people off like no other state...we are TAXED TO DEATH!

oxc

pineapplesandwaves

Allie wrote:

lots of women in their 30's have babies though.

I don't think anyone is saying that 35-40 is too late to have babies. Lots of women do, and many of those women have healthy babies with little or no complications. However, the older a woman is, the greater the risk of complications and genetic disorders.