The writer's strike exposes Jay Leno even more. Decent at stand up , but weak overall . I agree with Howard when he points out that Jay never saw two sides of an issue he didn't like.
Speaking of the show over the last few days , The Grandma Caprio ( Howard ) v. Beth ( Artie ) megaphone wars have been hilarious. Today , the Avant Garde music with Fred adding monkey and dolphin sound effects had me rolling on the floor laughing with tears in my eyes. I hope the show does find a club or two to play or to parody avant garde music.
"Buy the ticket,take the ride"
Dr. Hunter S. Thompson
"If I wanted you to understand, I would have explained it better"
Johan Cruijff
i can't come to terms with the fact that jay leno hosts a talk show....;)
Agreed. I actually never watch leno. I'm not even sure stuttering john is still on? Is he???
Its just funny that the stern show got a guy named stuttering john a major announcing gig.
PJ - 36
EV - 5
(**Letterman'02, Irving Plaza, Storytellers, Beacon, ACL, Spectrum 3&4, Bridge School '10**)
"Constant recoil,..sometimes life don't leave you alone."
Let's connect on twitter - @Jeffgorra
artie coming out to george is some funny shit....:D:D
I'm just catching it right now and am in tears. Dirty Work and Beer League may not show off Artie's true acting as well as this bit did. Hilarious! It's so great when Zulu is on!
I'm just catching it right now and am in tears. Dirty Work and Beer League may not show off Artie's true acting as well as this bit did. Hilarious! It's so great when Zulu is on!
Too funny!
I didn't get to listen to Howard today..
I'm having withdrawls! lol
And so the lion fell in love with the lamb...,"
"What a stupid lamb."
"What a sick, masochistic lion."
Did Howard happen to talk about his old K-ROCK GM; Tom "Cheap Ass" Chiusano? Apparently the dude held a big meeting at K-Rock last friday and said " in hour I am gone and never coming back" and left the station for good.
PJ - 36
EV - 5
(**Letterman'02, Irving Plaza, Storytellers, Beacon, ACL, Spectrum 3&4, Bridge School '10**)
"Constant recoil,..sometimes life don't leave you alone."
Let's connect on twitter - @Jeffgorra
Did Howard happen to talk about his old K-ROCK GM; Tom "Cheap Ass" Chiusano? Apparently the dude held a big meeting at K-Rock last friday and said " in hour I am gone and never coming back" and left the station for good.
I've missed most of this week. What happened with Artie and those two chicks he brought with him to his show or Letterman (whatever). I heard he had the 'best story ever' to tell, according to Lankford. Anybody catch what happened????
24 years old, mid-life crisis
nowadays hits you when you're young
I've missed most of this week. What happened with Artie and those two chicks he brought with him to his show or Letterman (whatever). I heard he had the 'best story ever' to tell, according to Lankford. Anybody catch what happened????
start reading at "Artie's Nightmare Before Letterman. 01/30/08. 6:10am"
Yeah, I tried, but work blocks it. :( Any way you can copy/paste it in here? Please... I'm not going home either, so I won't have unblocked net access for a while. :(
24 years old, mid-life crisis
nowadays hits you when you're young
I don't know what I would have done if I never got sirius in my car!
I have listened to Howard since my brother started me on him in 1996. I was 16 years of age!!
Yeah...I started about the same time. It's really taken another step since going to satellite. Some of the stuff they've done is amazing entertainment.
24 years old, mid-life crisis
nowadays hits you when you're young
Yeah, I tried, but work blocks it. :( Any way you can copy/paste it in here? Please... I'm not going home either, so I won't have unblocked net access for a while. :(
Basically Tuesday Howard got three girls to agree to kiss Artie and jerk him off after Letterman if he took them to Letterman. So Artie was having Teddy set everything up (dinner with them and then they were going back to Artie's suite). In the meantime, Artie has been talking to Daner and they agreed to give their relationship another shot. But Artie didn't mention this at all during Tuesday's show. So on the way to Letterman, Vinny (Letterman's producer) emails Teddy AND Daner with the plans for the night. Daner calls Artie on the way to Letterman and is really pissed. Nothing happened with the girls (and Artie says nothing would have happened) and now there is little chance he and Daner will get back together.
I started listening in 1992 on my way to college....needless to say, I was late a lot.
Show is much better now IMO. Old show was kinda "forced". flow of the show is better. seems more laid back now, everyone isnt clapping after ever joke, etc.
The one thing I look forward to about going to work in the a.m. is the HS show. Its gonna suck when he calls it quits. I think Fitzsimmons would make a good replacement. Not the same, but that guy is a funny dude.
All that's sacred, comes from youth....dedications, naive and true.
I started listening in 1992 on my way to college....needless to say, I was late a lot.
Show is much better now IMO. Old show was kinda "forced". flow of the show is better. seems more laid back now, everyone isnt clapping after ever joke, etc.
The one thing I look forward to about going to work in the a.m. is the HS show. Its gonna suck when he calls it quits. I think Fitzsimmons would make a good replacement. Not the same, but that guy is a funny dude.
It's so great now because you can listen when you want to. I actually avoid the show in the morning so I can listen to it fresh on my ride home.
Do you think he will hang it up after his contract with Sirius is up? I hope he stays another 5 years.
Basically Tuesday Howard got three girls to agree to kiss Artie and jerk him off after Letterman if he took them to Letterman. So Artie was having Teddy set everything up (dinner with them and then they were going back to Artie's suite). In the meantime, Artie has been talking to Daner and they agreed to give their relationship another shot. But Artie didn't mention this at all during Tuesday's show. So on the way to Letterman, Vinny (Letterman's producer) emails Teddy AND Daner with the plans for the night. Daner calls Artie on the way to Letterman and is really pissed. Nothing happened with the girls (and Artie says nothing would have happened) and now there is little chance he and Daner will get back together.
Thanks!
Haha, that's classic Artie, f'ing everything up! Why in the hell would Vinny email Dana?
24 years old, mid-life crisis
nowadays hits you when you're young
It's so great now because you can listen when you want to. I actually avoid the show in the morning so I can listen to it fresh on my ride home.
Do you think he will hang it up after his contract with Sirius is up? I hope he stays another 5 years.
I hope so too. He is always saying he doesnt want to become the "old guy" on the radio. Even if he stays on until hes 100, I'll take that over any of the other lame shows.
They replaced his show here in Albany NY with "Free Beer and Hot Wings". Ill be damned if I am going to listen to that shit show or something like it every morning. I may just become an NPR and sports radio freak again when he leaves.
All that's sacred, comes from youth....dedications, naive and true.
Artie's Nightmare Before Letterman. 01/30/08. 6:10am
Artie said that was the Letterman appearance, but that wasn't the end of the story. Howard mentioned what happened yesterday on the show with the three hot chicks they had on. Howard said that he set Artie up with the Penthouse girls and a friend that had come with them. Howard said that he arranged for Artie to get a hand job from one of the girls.
Artie said that he was going to talk about this nightmare of his. He said that he's been avoiding talking about how he might be in a relationship and he didn't want to fuck things up. He said that he told Howard about this but Howard disregarded it. Howard said that he learned that about a week ago but he didn't know that he was so serious about it. He said that he's heard Artie offering chicks money before and he figured that this was a good way to set him up. IF he wasn't interested, he should have just said no. He didn't have to say yes to the girl thing.
Howard said that Artie shouldn't be blaming him for all of this but Artie said that he's really not. Robin said she now understands why he was popping the Subutex.
Artie said that he and Dana were talking over the holidays. Robin asked him if he was kidding. She said she thought that relationship was dead. Artie said that they talked over the holidays and they were going back and forth about giving it a try again. She wanted to do it and they went over that for about a month. He said that about 4 days ago, or less, they were on the phone and he said that they should try to do it again. He said that they were going to give it one more shot.
Artie said that he and Dana were talking about the whole monogamy thing and they were going to try and do that. He said that their relationship is very volatile and he had to figure out a way to say this on the air. He said he couldn't figure out how to do that so he held off.
Howard said that the one girl yesterday said she was going to let Artie suck her nipples. Artie said that one of the girls didn't even stick around, she left before Letterman even started. The other girls weren't going to do anything either so he knew that was going to happen to him. He said that they got their Paparazzi pictures taken and that's all they were looking for.
Artie said that Dana used to come to Conan with him and he told her about going to do that show last night. She asked to come with him but he told her that the show was going to know if she showed up because Steve Langford would be there. He told her it wouldn't be fun. She still talked about possibly coming.
Artie said that Dana was possibly going to show up to this Letterman thing. He said that the story gets really good from here. He said that if it happened in a sitcom, it would be unbelievable.
Artie said that the girls were with him and they were so hot. He said that he was going to say something to them about this but they were so hot that he couldn't get it out. He said that their asses were hypnotizing. He would have thrown away his whole life for that. Howard said he was on his web site looking at those asses again last night.
Artie said that he has a lapse in judgment when he agreed to let the girls come with him. He said that Jason was taking creepy pictures with them and stuff like that. He wasn't going to pursue it with the girls but it was so hard to say no. He told Teddy to just make this bit happen for the show. He went home and did his pre-interview before doing Letterman. He said that was really more pressure than Letterman. He said that it was like having some young kid judging him on what he had to talk about. He said that this kid has to take his stuff and go pitch it to Letterman.
Artie got through the pre-interview and went to lay down. He tried to get in touch with Dana who was at work. He ended up not showering and just went down to his car to get out of there. He went to pick up the girls at the hotel. He said that he was thinking about how this wasn't going to turn out very well. He said that the girls looked amazing when they picked them up. He said that they had tight jeans and shirts on and the make-up turned them from a 9.5 to a 10. He said that they were at the corner of 7th and 31st and they really stuck out so much that the driver knew who they were as soon as he saw them.
Artie said that the girls were in fun mode and they were asking about the pictures all of the paparazzi that were going to be there. Vinnie Favale got involved to try and help him out. Teddy made a bunch of arrangements with them and set up a suite in a hotel and a restaurant. Teddy and Vinnie were coordinating everything. He said that Vinnie e-mailed Teddy to let him know what was going on.
Artie said that Vinnie and Dana were very close in the past. He said that Vinnie had e-mailed Dana about all of this stuff while all of this was going on. He said it must have been a mistake or something. Artie said that he had all of these hot chicks with him and Teddy was playing with his phone or playing a video game or something. He said that he popped another Subutex and figured he had the white clown lips when he got to Letterman.
Three blocks before Letterman Artie sees that he's gotten 4 calls from Dana in a row. Teddy said he got an e-mail from her as well. Artie said that he asked the girls to calm down so he could talk about this. Vinnie had e-mailed her with all of the plans so she called and said something that was so hilarious that he had to giggle. He said that she was so mad.
Artie said that he got Dana on the phone and asked where he was and said that she thought she was going to go. She told him that she was going to make the night easy and check him and the girls into the hotel for him because she had the confirmation number. She had all of the plans that Vinnie had e-mailed to her. Vinnie claimed it was completely accidental.
Artie hung the phone up telling Dana that he was going through the tunnel, there was no tunnel. He said that he asked Teddy what e-mail she could have gotten and he told him about the one that Vinnie had sent to him. He said that Teddy read the e-mail and Artie had it there to read to Howard. In the e-mail Vinnie gave every detail about picking up the girls, what time everything was going to happen and where they were going to go after the show. They were going to go to the Penthouse club after the show. Vinnie was also confirming the arrangements about the hotel room that they had booked for that night. Vinnie had every single detail about him being with the girls, the confirmation number and everything.
Artie said that this is what Dana had in front of her. He said that he picked up on Dana and she was being very funny and asking if she could help him out with anything since she did have all of the info. Artie said that she was very funny but he knows she had to be pissed. Then it slowly dissolved into Dana screaming at him about all of this stuff. Meanwhile, the girls in the car were asking for champagne and stuff.
Artie said that he was doing this for the air but she didn't want to hear that. He said that he knew that the girls weren't going to bang him anyway and it really was just a bit for the air. He said that no one knew what to do after that.
Artie pulled up at Letterman and told Dana that he was going to come over to see her. He said that the girls weren't going to do anything and he knew that from the start. He said that he was devastated and he's really not a bad guy. He said he doesn't cheat on anyone and he's afraid that her family might be connected and might have him killed for all he knows.
Artie said that the girls were there telling him that he wasn't any fun and stuff like that. Then Vinnie greets them when they get there. Howard had Vinnie on the phone and told him that he's an asshole. Vinnie was in his bathroom so the phone was echoing. He's not sure how the e-mail even got to Dana. He said that he made a huge clerical error when he e-mailed her.
Howard asked Vinnie about how this happened. Vinnie said that he sometimes gets a name wrong in his Blackberry. He said that he's not even sure what Teddy's last name is but he knows that's how he stays in contact with Artie. He said that he wasn't that close to Dana but he must have had some contact information for her in his Blackberry. He said that he didn't know that Teddy had his own entry in the Blackberry so he assumed that the contact for Artie was Teddy, not Dana. He said he's mortified over the whole thing. Vinnie said that Teddy called and said that he thought that he hadn't gotten the information in the e-mail so he checked the mail he got and thought that it was Artie's sister.
Artie told Vinnie that he tried to call Dana after that but she told him she had company and she hung up on him. Artie said that he was in the green room drinking and eating like mad. He said that Vinnie wrote her back and tried to explain everything but it apparently didn't help. Vinnie said that everything was canceled and nothing ever happened. Artie said that she knows that because he went home and tried to call her all night.
Artie said that he likes Vinnie and he doesn't really have a problem with him. He said that Vinnie wrote a great e-mail to explain everything but she doesn't want to hear it. He said that the girls went to dinner at the Penthouse club without him. He said that he didn't bother going because he wanted to salvage this Dana thing.
Howard said that he could get involved and try to help out with Dana because he has a little bit of a relationship with her. Artie said that he told her to call into the show this morning so she could hear what was going on. Howard said he thinks he could explain the whole thing to her if she did call in.
Howard said that it's good that he had a great Letterman appearance. Artie said that if he had the choice of bombing on Letterman and saving his relationship, or doing great on Letterman, he'd still pick doing great on Letterman.
Artie said that the people that were there taking pictures at Letterman were really creepy. He spent a minute going off on some of those people. Howard said that they could get back at Vinnie for what he did by sending his wife an e-mail about Vinnie getting a stripper pregnant or something. Robin said that this story is a nightmare. She's never heard anything like that.
Howard told Artie to go over to Dana's house and just propose to her. Robin said he can't do that. That's not going to work. She said that she'd think that Artie is crazy if he did that. Howard said that he is crazy. Robin said she got a card from Dana recently and she realized how much she missed her. Howard told her to keep missing her because this isn't going to happen.
Artie said that Steve Langford was there last night and he didn't want to talk to Vinnie about it in front of him. He told Steve that he couldn't hear the story and had to talk to Vinnie in private. He almost asked Paris about what he should do. Howard said that Artie threw away his whole relationship with Dana just so the fans wouldn't call him gay. That's what it boiled down to. Artie didn't turn down the three chicks yesterday because he didn't want the fans calling him gay.
Howard said that Dana needs to know how sorry Artie is. He wanted to be Dana and had Fred as Artie telling her what he did and explaining why he did it. Fred was saying that he should tell her that he wasn't man enough to tell her about this and how he wanted to regain her trust again. He threw in that he was going to buy 5 dogs too so he could show that he loves dogs. Howard's impression of Dana was really starting to aggravate Artie too.
The guys told Artie that Vinnie should have sent Dana an e-mail saying that it was all just a joke and they were goofing around.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that she had a feeling that Dana was back in the picture. She told him that he should go get her and go to Vegas and get married. Robin said he'd have to kidnap her to make that happen. Dana said that she has to know she has to put up with stuff like this if her man is in show business.
Another caller said that Robin is right and they have to back off and let Dana and Artie just work this stuff out on their own. Fred said that Vinnie is the one who really screwed up and cock blocked Artie 4 times if you think about it. He cock blocked him with Dana and the three chicks.
Howard was going to do his Grandma Caprio impression but Artie warned him that he was going to have to do his Beth impression and talk about the 80 kids he's going to have with her. Howard wasn't sure he could take that so he backed off.
Jessica Hahn called in and asked Artie about the relationship and if they were actually back together before all of this happened. Artie said that they were working on that. They sorta had a date. King of All Blacks called in and told Artie that he has to blame the show for all of this stuff. He can't take the blame himself.
Artie said that this stuff might work for a rookie girlfriend but not for Dana. She knows better. Artie said that he loves Dana as a 10 on a scale of 10. He said that he really does love her and he's on the edge of madness at this point. He said that there's nothing stopping him from driving to Peru right now and just getting a hut to sit in and do heroin in.
Howard went into his Grandma Caprio impression as Fred was playing some sad love song. He only did that for a minute before dropping it. Robin said that she doesn't know of a bigger fuck up than what Vinnie did to Artie. Howard got back into the Grandma Caprio thing and Artie warned Benjy to stop writing jokes if he ever wanted another gift from him.
Artie eventually got into his Beth impression and got on his megaphone to get back at Howard for his impression. He was talking about poking holes in condoms as if he were Beth doing that.
Howard said that this is really horrible and Vinnie may have ruined Artie's life. He said that there are no mistakes, this could be a psychological thing with Vinnie and he may have been trying to sabotage him on purpose. Artie said that Teddy is lucky that he wasn't the one who was at fault. He said he wouldn't have just fired Teddy, he would have done much worse.
Howard said that to punish Vinnie, he's never going to do Letterman again. He said that Vinnie can go tell Letterman why he's never doing the show again and take the blame. Howard said that this is bigger than the Mike Gange incident that he had when he went porno to an ex-priest. Artie said that it's in the same category of an unbelievable story that would be in a sitcom. No one would believe it if it was in a sitcom.
Howard asked Robin what she'd do if she got an e-mail like that about Jim Florentine. Artie said that Jim isn't a cad like him so he'd never do anything like that.
Howard said he was going to move on but he was very sorry to hear this. He said that he hopes that Artie and Dana can get back together and work things out. Artie said that the one girl didn't even stick around yesterday and the only girl he could have had a chance with was the dark haired girl. She lives out in San Diego though.
Howard told Dana to come to her senses and blamed her for all of this. He said that he should just blame her for everything. Artie said that some guys would do that. Artie said that he should say ''what are you doing getting e-mails from Vinnie?'' and blame her completely.
Howard said that this was some story. Artie said that it really is a good story, he knew he had something for the air after all of this went down.
Ralph called in and said that he doesn't see how they can get mad at Vinnie for the mistake he made. Howard said that Ralph is ''Mr. Mistake'' and of course he's not going to blame Vinnie. Howard talked about all of the stuff that Ralph breaks at Sam Simon's house and at his place too.
Ralph said that Vinnie was just trying to have some fun with this stuff and he didn't send the mail out on purpose. He said that he doesn't understand how Artie isn't taking the blame for any of this because he invited the girls to Letterman. Ralph said that Dana doesn't live in a bubble, she would have found out about this eventually. Howard said that he could have gotten away with it.
Comments
Speaking of the show over the last few days , The Grandma Caprio ( Howard ) v. Beth ( Artie ) megaphone wars have been hilarious. Today , the Avant Garde music with Fred adding monkey and dolphin sound effects had me rolling on the floor laughing with tears in my eyes. I hope the show does find a club or two to play or to parody avant garde music.
Dr. Hunter S. Thompson
"If I wanted you to understand, I would have explained it better"
Johan Cruijff
Its just funny that the stern show got a guy named stuttering john a major announcing gig.
EV - 5
(**Letterman'02, Irving Plaza, Storytellers, Beacon, ACL, Spectrum 3&4, Bridge School '10**)
"Constant recoil,..sometimes life don't leave you alone."
Let's connect on twitter - @Jeffgorra
that was great great radio ,,,so awesome
cant wait to see it on tv
I'm just catching it right now and am in tears. Dirty Work and Beer League may not show off Artie's true acting as well as this bit did. Hilarious! It's so great when Zulu is on!
Too funny!
I didn't get to listen to Howard today..
I'm having withdrawls! lol
"What a stupid lamb."
"What a sick, masochistic lion."
This is AWESOME.
Great production, great story, lots of unheard stuff.
2003-6/1, 10/25
2005-8/29, 9/4
2006-7/2, 7/22, 7/23
2008-4/15(EV solo)
2009-9/21, 9/22, 9/28
2011-9/3, 9/4
2012-9/30
2013-7/19, 11/30
heard a little this morning. i'll tune it in now to check it out.
Artie's rant on Tom Brady was so great today. Good to have a live show again.
EV - 5
(**Letterman'02, Irving Plaza, Storytellers, Beacon, ACL, Spectrum 3&4, Bridge School '10**)
"Constant recoil,..sometimes life don't leave you alone."
Let's connect on twitter - @Jeffgorra
some what true ...
http://www.fmqb.com/article.asp?id=552876&spid=1314
nowadays hits you when you're young
That will be so fun...
sometimes Artie gets on my nerves...Howard,Robin & Fred NEVER do, but Artie does!!
I love Howard Stern!!
"What a stupid lamb."
"What a sick, masochistic lion."
"Waaaaaah, Artie annoys me, waaaaaah!!"
nowadays hits you when you're young
http://www.marksfriggin.com/news08/1-28.htm#wed
start reading at "Artie's Nightmare Before Letterman. 01/30/08. 6:10am"
I have listened to Howard since my brother started me on him in 1996. I was 16 years of age!!
"What a stupid lamb."
"What a sick, masochistic lion."
Yeah, I tried, but work blocks it. :( Any way you can copy/paste it in here? Please...
nowadays hits you when you're young
Yeah...I started about the same time. It's really taken another step since going to satellite. Some of the stuff they've done is amazing entertainment.
nowadays hits you when you're young
Basically Tuesday Howard got three girls to agree to kiss Artie and jerk him off after Letterman if he took them to Letterman. So Artie was having Teddy set everything up (dinner with them and then they were going back to Artie's suite). In the meantime, Artie has been talking to Daner and they agreed to give their relationship another shot. But Artie didn't mention this at all during Tuesday's show. So on the way to Letterman, Vinny (Letterman's producer) emails Teddy AND Daner with the plans for the night. Daner calls Artie on the way to Letterman and is really pissed. Nothing happened with the girls (and Artie says nothing would have happened) and now there is little chance he and Daner will get back together.
Show is much better now IMO. Old show was kinda "forced". flow of the show is better. seems more laid back now, everyone isnt clapping after ever joke, etc.
The one thing I look forward to about going to work in the a.m. is the HS show. Its gonna suck when he calls it quits. I think Fitzsimmons would make a good replacement. Not the same, but that guy is a funny dude.
I know what you mean. Artie gets on my nerves too sometimes, especially when he kisses Howard's ass. He also says "REALLY?" and "clearly" a ton!
It's so great now because you can listen when you want to. I actually avoid the show in the morning so I can listen to it fresh on my ride home.
Do you think he will hang it up after his contract with Sirius is up? I hope he stays another 5 years.
Thanks!
Haha, that's classic Artie, f'ing everything up! Why in the hell would Vinny email Dana?
nowadays hits you when you're young
He sure does!!!
"What a stupid lamb."
"What a sick, masochistic lion."
They replaced his show here in Albany NY with "Free Beer and Hot Wings". Ill be damned if I am going to listen to that shit show or something like it every morning. I may just become an NPR and sports radio freak again when he leaves.
"What a stupid lamb."
"What a sick, masochistic lion."
Artie said that was the Letterman appearance, but that wasn't the end of the story. Howard mentioned what happened yesterday on the show with the three hot chicks they had on. Howard said that he set Artie up with the Penthouse girls and a friend that had come with them. Howard said that he arranged for Artie to get a hand job from one of the girls.
Artie said that he was going to talk about this nightmare of his. He said that he's been avoiding talking about how he might be in a relationship and he didn't want to fuck things up. He said that he told Howard about this but Howard disregarded it. Howard said that he learned that about a week ago but he didn't know that he was so serious about it. He said that he's heard Artie offering chicks money before and he figured that this was a good way to set him up. IF he wasn't interested, he should have just said no. He didn't have to say yes to the girl thing.
Howard said that Artie shouldn't be blaming him for all of this but Artie said that he's really not. Robin said she now understands why he was popping the Subutex.
Artie said that he and Dana were talking over the holidays. Robin asked him if he was kidding. She said she thought that relationship was dead. Artie said that they talked over the holidays and they were going back and forth about giving it a try again. She wanted to do it and they went over that for about a month. He said that about 4 days ago, or less, they were on the phone and he said that they should try to do it again. He said that they were going to give it one more shot.
Artie said that he and Dana were talking about the whole monogamy thing and they were going to try and do that. He said that their relationship is very volatile and he had to figure out a way to say this on the air. He said he couldn't figure out how to do that so he held off.
Howard said that the one girl yesterday said she was going to let Artie suck her nipples. Artie said that one of the girls didn't even stick around, she left before Letterman even started. The other girls weren't going to do anything either so he knew that was going to happen to him. He said that they got their Paparazzi pictures taken and that's all they were looking for.
Artie said that Dana used to come to Conan with him and he told her about going to do that show last night. She asked to come with him but he told her that the show was going to know if she showed up because Steve Langford would be there. He told her it wouldn't be fun. She still talked about possibly coming.
Artie said that Dana was possibly going to show up to this Letterman thing. He said that the story gets really good from here. He said that if it happened in a sitcom, it would be unbelievable.
Artie said that the girls were with him and they were so hot. He said that he was going to say something to them about this but they were so hot that he couldn't get it out. He said that their asses were hypnotizing. He would have thrown away his whole life for that. Howard said he was on his web site looking at those asses again last night.
Artie said that he has a lapse in judgment when he agreed to let the girls come with him. He said that Jason was taking creepy pictures with them and stuff like that. He wasn't going to pursue it with the girls but it was so hard to say no. He told Teddy to just make this bit happen for the show. He went home and did his pre-interview before doing Letterman. He said that was really more pressure than Letterman. He said that it was like having some young kid judging him on what he had to talk about. He said that this kid has to take his stuff and go pitch it to Letterman.
Artie got through the pre-interview and went to lay down. He tried to get in touch with Dana who was at work. He ended up not showering and just went down to his car to get out of there. He went to pick up the girls at the hotel. He said that he was thinking about how this wasn't going to turn out very well. He said that the girls looked amazing when they picked them up. He said that they had tight jeans and shirts on and the make-up turned them from a 9.5 to a 10. He said that they were at the corner of 7th and 31st and they really stuck out so much that the driver knew who they were as soon as he saw them.
Artie said that the girls were in fun mode and they were asking about the pictures all of the paparazzi that were going to be there. Vinnie Favale got involved to try and help him out. Teddy made a bunch of arrangements with them and set up a suite in a hotel and a restaurant. Teddy and Vinnie were coordinating everything. He said that Vinnie e-mailed Teddy to let him know what was going on.
Artie said that Vinnie and Dana were very close in the past. He said that Vinnie had e-mailed Dana about all of this stuff while all of this was going on. He said it must have been a mistake or something. Artie said that he had all of these hot chicks with him and Teddy was playing with his phone or playing a video game or something. He said that he popped another Subutex and figured he had the white clown lips when he got to Letterman.
Three blocks before Letterman Artie sees that he's gotten 4 calls from Dana in a row. Teddy said he got an e-mail from her as well. Artie said that he asked the girls to calm down so he could talk about this. Vinnie had e-mailed her with all of the plans so she called and said something that was so hilarious that he had to giggle. He said that she was so mad.
Artie said that he got Dana on the phone and asked where he was and said that she thought she was going to go. She told him that she was going to make the night easy and check him and the girls into the hotel for him because she had the confirmation number. She had all of the plans that Vinnie had e-mailed to her. Vinnie claimed it was completely accidental.
Artie hung the phone up telling Dana that he was going through the tunnel, there was no tunnel. He said that he asked Teddy what e-mail she could have gotten and he told him about the one that Vinnie had sent to him. He said that Teddy read the e-mail and Artie had it there to read to Howard. In the e-mail Vinnie gave every detail about picking up the girls, what time everything was going to happen and where they were going to go after the show. They were going to go to the Penthouse club after the show. Vinnie was also confirming the arrangements about the hotel room that they had booked for that night. Vinnie had every single detail about him being with the girls, the confirmation number and everything.
Artie said that this is what Dana had in front of her. He said that he picked up on Dana and she was being very funny and asking if she could help him out with anything since she did have all of the info. Artie said that she was very funny but he knows she had to be pissed. Then it slowly dissolved into Dana screaming at him about all of this stuff. Meanwhile, the girls in the car were asking for champagne and stuff.
Artie said that he was doing this for the air but she didn't want to hear that. He said that he knew that the girls weren't going to bang him anyway and it really was just a bit for the air. He said that no one knew what to do after that.
Artie pulled up at Letterman and told Dana that he was going to come over to see her. He said that the girls weren't going to do anything and he knew that from the start. He said that he was devastated and he's really not a bad guy. He said he doesn't cheat on anyone and he's afraid that her family might be connected and might have him killed for all he knows.
Artie said that the girls were there telling him that he wasn't any fun and stuff like that. Then Vinnie greets them when they get there. Howard had Vinnie on the phone and told him that he's an asshole. Vinnie was in his bathroom so the phone was echoing. He's not sure how the e-mail even got to Dana. He said that he made a huge clerical error when he e-mailed her.
Howard asked Vinnie about how this happened. Vinnie said that he sometimes gets a name wrong in his Blackberry. He said that he's not even sure what Teddy's last name is but he knows that's how he stays in contact with Artie. He said that he wasn't that close to Dana but he must have had some contact information for her in his Blackberry. He said that he didn't know that Teddy had his own entry in the Blackberry so he assumed that the contact for Artie was Teddy, not Dana. He said he's mortified over the whole thing. Vinnie said that Teddy called and said that he thought that he hadn't gotten the information in the e-mail so he checked the mail he got and thought that it was Artie's sister.
Artie told Vinnie that he tried to call Dana after that but she told him she had company and she hung up on him. Artie said that he was in the green room drinking and eating like mad. He said that Vinnie wrote her back and tried to explain everything but it apparently didn't help. Vinnie said that everything was canceled and nothing ever happened. Artie said that she knows that because he went home and tried to call her all night.
Howard said that he could get involved and try to help out with Dana because he has a little bit of a relationship with her. Artie said that he told her to call into the show this morning so she could hear what was going on. Howard said he thinks he could explain the whole thing to her if she did call in.
Howard said that it's good that he had a great Letterman appearance. Artie said that if he had the choice of bombing on Letterman and saving his relationship, or doing great on Letterman, he'd still pick doing great on Letterman.
Artie said that the people that were there taking pictures at Letterman were really creepy. He spent a minute going off on some of those people. Howard said that they could get back at Vinnie for what he did by sending his wife an e-mail about Vinnie getting a stripper pregnant or something. Robin said that this story is a nightmare. She's never heard anything like that.
Howard told Artie to go over to Dana's house and just propose to her. Robin said he can't do that. That's not going to work. She said that she'd think that Artie is crazy if he did that. Howard said that he is crazy. Robin said she got a card from Dana recently and she realized how much she missed her. Howard told her to keep missing her because this isn't going to happen.
Artie said that Steve Langford was there last night and he didn't want to talk to Vinnie about it in front of him. He told Steve that he couldn't hear the story and had to talk to Vinnie in private. He almost asked Paris about what he should do. Howard said that Artie threw away his whole relationship with Dana just so the fans wouldn't call him gay. That's what it boiled down to. Artie didn't turn down the three chicks yesterday because he didn't want the fans calling him gay.
Howard said that Dana needs to know how sorry Artie is. He wanted to be Dana and had Fred as Artie telling her what he did and explaining why he did it. Fred was saying that he should tell her that he wasn't man enough to tell her about this and how he wanted to regain her trust again. He threw in that he was going to buy 5 dogs too so he could show that he loves dogs. Howard's impression of Dana was really starting to aggravate Artie too.
The guys told Artie that Vinnie should have sent Dana an e-mail saying that it was all just a joke and they were goofing around.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that she had a feeling that Dana was back in the picture. She told him that he should go get her and go to Vegas and get married. Robin said he'd have to kidnap her to make that happen. Dana said that she has to know she has to put up with stuff like this if her man is in show business.
Another caller said that Robin is right and they have to back off and let Dana and Artie just work this stuff out on their own. Fred said that Vinnie is the one who really screwed up and cock blocked Artie 4 times if you think about it. He cock blocked him with Dana and the three chicks.
Howard was going to do his Grandma Caprio impression but Artie warned him that he was going to have to do his Beth impression and talk about the 80 kids he's going to have with her. Howard wasn't sure he could take that so he backed off.
Jessica Hahn called in and asked Artie about the relationship and if they were actually back together before all of this happened. Artie said that they were working on that. They sorta had a date. King of All Blacks called in and told Artie that he has to blame the show for all of this stuff. He can't take the blame himself.
Artie said that this stuff might work for a rookie girlfriend but not for Dana. She knows better. Artie said that he loves Dana as a 10 on a scale of 10. He said that he really does love her and he's on the edge of madness at this point. He said that there's nothing stopping him from driving to Peru right now and just getting a hut to sit in and do heroin in.
Howard went into his Grandma Caprio impression as Fred was playing some sad love song. He only did that for a minute before dropping it. Robin said that she doesn't know of a bigger fuck up than what Vinnie did to Artie. Howard got back into the Grandma Caprio thing and Artie warned Benjy to stop writing jokes if he ever wanted another gift from him.
Artie eventually got into his Beth impression and got on his megaphone to get back at Howard for his impression. He was talking about poking holes in condoms as if he were Beth doing that.
Howard said that this is really horrible and Vinnie may have ruined Artie's life. He said that there are no mistakes, this could be a psychological thing with Vinnie and he may have been trying to sabotage him on purpose. Artie said that Teddy is lucky that he wasn't the one who was at fault. He said he wouldn't have just fired Teddy, he would have done much worse.
Howard said that to punish Vinnie, he's never going to do Letterman again. He said that Vinnie can go tell Letterman why he's never doing the show again and take the blame. Howard said that this is bigger than the Mike Gange incident that he had when he went porno to an ex-priest. Artie said that it's in the same category of an unbelievable story that would be in a sitcom. No one would believe it if it was in a sitcom.
Howard asked Robin what she'd do if she got an e-mail like that about Jim Florentine. Artie said that Jim isn't a cad like him so he'd never do anything like that.
Howard said he was going to move on but he was very sorry to hear this. He said that he hopes that Artie and Dana can get back together and work things out. Artie said that the one girl didn't even stick around yesterday and the only girl he could have had a chance with was the dark haired girl. She lives out in San Diego though.
Howard told Dana to come to her senses and blamed her for all of this. He said that he should just blame her for everything. Artie said that some guys would do that. Artie said that he should say ''what are you doing getting e-mails from Vinnie?'' and blame her completely.
Howard said that this was some story. Artie said that it really is a good story, he knew he had something for the air after all of this went down.
Ralph called in and said that he doesn't see how they can get mad at Vinnie for the mistake he made. Howard said that Ralph is ''Mr. Mistake'' and of course he's not going to blame Vinnie. Howard talked about all of the stuff that Ralph breaks at Sam Simon's house and at his place too.
Ralph said that Vinnie was just trying to have some fun with this stuff and he didn't send the mail out on purpose. He said that he doesn't understand how Artie isn't taking the blame for any of this because he invited the girls to Letterman. Ralph said that Dana doesn't live in a bubble, she would have found out about this eventually. Howard said that he could have gotten away with it.