Should this bother me, or am I overreacting?

Sian-of-the-dead

Fighting Hellfish wrote:

that would be a new thing for me. usually, I just hold it in, and make snide sarcastic comments. Starting this thread is about the closest I've ever come to talkting about "my feelings"

Well it's good that you've started

You really do need to open up to your wife, if she sees that you're prepared to do that she might realise how much this is hurting you.

Luckily I'm in an honest and emotionally open relationship now but my ex used to bottle his feelings terribly. He wasn't happy for years and I was completely oblivious... it ended badly is all I need to say but it proves my point, a relationship is based on the closeness of two individuals... mentally and physically. You can be close physically as much as you want but it's what's in your heart that keeps that bond.

Sarcasm also doesn't help matters. Try to bite your tongue dude! Remember, you don't know what's going on in her head and she doesn't know what's going on in yours... you only see whats on the outside of someone, no matter how well you know them. Sarcastic comments are really negative and can sometimes be seen as hostile. The last thing you want your wife to assume that you want to be hostile towards her but if she doesn't see any other side you to... well... what else is she supposed to think?

I'm not saying any of this is your fault, this could all be applied to your wife too. From what you've said, it seems that she too bottles her emotions. Get the ball rolling and talk to each other.

OneLove

I agree with everyone else, you need to talk to your wife She may not take kindly to you reading her email, but in time she will cool down with that. If it were me, I wouldn't be thrilled about my BF sharing my personal life on a message board either, BUT I know your intentions were good.

I have to say, I am still friends (or atleast occasionally chat with) with some of my Ex's...in fact, my high school boyfriend is a very close friend, and his fiance is probably my "best" friend. They also introduced me to my Boyfriend, they know me pretty damn well cause they did a great job!

Its always a slippery slope if your arguement begins with "all guys....." for every rule there are exceptions.

Good luck

Get_Right

your feelings are what they are right or wrong
but communicate your feelings with your wife and talk about it

its really that simple

of course Id ask for an oral reassurance that she still loves you

Danimal

eyedclaar wrote:

Irish and Cherokee here. That's right, I was born with a bottle of whiskey in my hands... and a black eye. Pretty sure I killed my twin while still in the womb, but that's another story. I will say that I have never found any excuse to get in touch with the ex girls although some of them have got in touch with me. Out of respect for my wife and the fact I have no desire to see or talk to them, I respond in a somewhat terse manner indicating I'm not interested in ongoing communications. More like, glad to know you're still breathing now leave me alone.

Irish AND Cherokee...dude I don't wanna ever see that kind of anger.

saveuplife

Easy solution....

Leave the computer on and open to this thread. Make sure she sees and reads it. But don't force her.

eyedclaar

Danimal wrote:

Irish AND Cherokee...dude I don't wanna ever see that kind of anger.

haha. It usually involves breaking a bottle over someone's head and then scalping them.

However, I'm much better now than I used to be.

acoustic guy

I did not read all the pages just the OP. I would not like tis situation either. She should just cut the communication off and thats it. If she knows how you feel then it should end.

The Juggler

i think you should get divorced.

_

Your feelings are your feelings and that makes them valid.

That said, I vote that you're overreacting.

If your wife had any bad intentions, I doubt that she would be so open about her communication with him. Also, given that he cheated, I'd say the fact that she is ready to communicate with him is a sign that she no longer has any feelings for him.

You really don't know what his intentions are, but what difference does it make? Women have to deal with men who have ulterior motives all the time. It's only her intentions that are important. Sounds to me like you have a trust issue and that's a problem that must be resolved at some point. I'd see this as a perfect opportunity to learn to express your feelings and resolve your trust issues. But that's just my opinion.

Good luck!

Fighting Hellfish

I appreciate evryone's input, and advice. To make one thing clear, these e-mails have been left out in the open. I'm not snooping, or hacking into her hotmail to look for them. Twice I've grabbed the computer to find these e-mails. I'm not going looking for them, but if they're sitting there out in the open on the kitchen table, I'm going to see them, it's impossible for me not to read them. Last night, she left a response she was writing to him open, and never sent it. I left the computer on, plugged in, with just that e-mail open, where she couldn't miss it, to make a point, in an odd kind of way. Of course, Windows had to go and download an update and restart, which blew that out of the water

Maybe a few people would just close it, and ignore it. But I'd say 98% of people would read it. It bothers me that she's talking to this guy in the first place, it bothers me tenfold that she knows I don't like it, she knows I would NEVER do that to her, and that she has no problem carrying this on despite knowing how I feel about it. It also doesn't help that this guy is being snide and making fun of her. Only I get to be snide to my wife, and make fun of her, damnit.

chromiam

The Jeagler wrote:

i think you should get divorced.

This thread is useless without pictures...

lalalalaaaaaaaa

Fighting Hellfish wrote:

It bothers me that she's talking to this guy in the first place, it bothers me tenfold that she knows I don't like it, she knows I would NEVER do that to her, and that she has no problem carrying this on despite knowing how I feel about it. It also doesn't help that this guy is being snide and making fun of her. Only I get to be snide to my wife, and make fun of her, damnit.

I think this is what the professional shrinky dinks call "control issues"

catch22

Fighting Hellfish wrote:

Maybe a few people would just close it, and ignore it. But I'd say 98% of people would read it. It bothers me that she's talking to this guy in the first place, it bothers me tenfold that she knows I don't like it, she knows I would NEVER do that to her, and that she has no problem carrying this on despite knowing how I feel about it. It also doesn't help that this guy is being snide and making fun of her. Only I get to be snide to my wife, and make fun of her, damnit.

if all you've done is make snide remarks, she may not know how much it bothers you. she may think you're teasing or just doing some macho male blustering. if you always keep your feelings close, she probably has no idea this is truly bothering you.

and leaving the email thing open like that? come on dude, that's such a female mindgame ploy

dave grolsch

i feel sorry for you mate,i would be very jealous if i was in your place,
how can you not be,they used to have sex! your wife should of told this prick to eff off from the start,i would of replied to his email myself telling the dick where to go,hopefully your missus will do the right thing soon and put your mind at rest.

dunkman

dunno if its been mentioned but i'd probably hunt him down and glue his cock to a departing submarine...

bet someone's already suggested that..

ok i'd place hundreds of worms and some lacerated rodents on his eyes and then take him to the local Evil Mad Fucking Crow & Eagle Sanctuary.

Fighting Hellfish

are you offering your services? Name your price.....

TrixieCat

Saturnal wrote:

I think this is what the professional shrinky dinks call "control issues"

I have to agree with this. Sorry. Even if you think you are joking...you are trying to control her.
That is no way to be in a marriage.
Talk to her and be honest about why you don't want her talking to him.
Come off like a controlling jackass and she will pull away from you.

Fighting Hellfish

catch22 wrote:

if all you've done is make snide remarks, she may not know how much it bothers you. she may think you're teasing or just doing some macho male blustering. if you always keep your feelings close, she probably has no idea this is truly bothering you.

and leaving the email thing open like that? come on dude, that's such a female mindgame ploy

she knows. she knows me well enough to know how I would feel about something like this. She also knows how much it would bother her if the situations were reversed.

dunkman

Fighting Hellfish wrote:

are you offering your services? Name your price.....

your wife's email address?



ok that was low

sorry,

nah, i'd do it for fucking free.. the inly reason he's back in touch is cos he still has feelings... no guy gets in touch with an ex... unless he's turned gay and is asking for wallpaper advice?

Kushikushun

Fighting Hellfish wrote:

I appreciate evryone's input, and advice. To make one thing clear, these e-mails have been left out in the open. I'm not snooping, or hacking into her hotmail to look for them. Twice I've grabbed the computer to find these e-mails. I'm not going looking for them, but if they're sitting there out in the open on the kitchen table, I'm going to see them, it's impossible for me not to read them. Last night, she left a response she was writing to him open, and never sent it. I left the computer on, plugged in, with just that e-mail open, where she couldn't miss it, to make a point, in an odd kind of way. Of course, Windows had to go and download an update and restart, which blew that out of the water

Maybe a few people would just close it, and ignore it. But I'd say 98% of people would read it. It bothers me that she's talking to this guy in the first place, it bothers me tenfold that she knows I don't like it, she knows I would NEVER do that to her, and that she has no problem carrying this on despite knowing how I feel about it. It also doesn't help that this guy is being snide and making fun of her. Only I get to be snide to my wife, and make fun of her, damnit.

Ok, now I am the 20th or more person who made this remark: "talk to your wife!!!" ....so now stop being an Irish hardhead and just do that :rolleyes:

...some men....

Talk to her and explain in a calm manner what you are thinking and that you never would do this to her and that you find it disrespectful even though she sees nothing wrong with it. If she does not want to end the e-mails, ask her why this is so important to her....
It shouldnt be important to her, not even close to how important you are to her...so she should be able to stop contacting the guy.

I sense more issues than this between the two of you, or maybe you are just both hardheads. Put down your defenses and talk....come on, you can do it!