Should this bother me, or am I overreacting?
Fighting Hellfish
Posts: 3,170
So my wife is on this website, LinkedIn, She gets an e-mail from an ex boyfriend from her college days, 11 years ago. She shows me the first e-mail, saying she couldn't believe it. So I figure she'll put a quick kibosh on this, especially considering this guy cheated on her. Well last night I grab the laptop to check some baseball scores, and her e-mail is open to an e-mail from this guy. Friendly chit chat, she tells him "it really was great to hear from you". Even tells him that it's not weird that he emails her out of the blue, which he admitted, especially since he's married and he knows that sh'es married. It happens again tonight. Another e-mail exchange. I'm really mad about this.
First off, I would never consider chatting up an ex-girlfriend. It would be disrespectful to my wife. especially an ex who cheated on me. Lt alone leave it open ona computer I use all the time.
Second, with her work schedule, and 2 kids under 2 1/2, we don't have much time for each other. Yet she finds time catch up with some asshole who cheated on her
This has me really up in arms. I slept on the couch last night, and will do so again tonight. It's something I would never even think about doing to her. i have an ex GF named Pam. When we were first dating, and then married, she didn't like it when I would ask her to hand me the cooking spray Pam. She thinks I'm being ridiculous, and I think she should have some self respect, and tell this ass to fuck off, and that he blew it by cheating on her.
First off, I would never consider chatting up an ex-girlfriend. It would be disrespectful to my wife. especially an ex who cheated on me. Lt alone leave it open ona computer I use all the time.
Second, with her work schedule, and 2 kids under 2 1/2, we don't have much time for each other. Yet she finds time catch up with some asshole who cheated on her
This has me really up in arms. I slept on the couch last night, and will do so again tonight. It's something I would never even think about doing to her. i have an ex GF named Pam. When we were first dating, and then married, she didn't like it when I would ask her to hand me the cooking spray Pam. She thinks I'm being ridiculous, and I think she should have some self respect, and tell this ass to fuck off, and that he blew it by cheating on her.
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that said, it'd bother the shit out of me. BUT, i'm very irrational about this sort of thing, so you're probably overreacting.
the fact she left it open on the laptop means she wasn't trying to hide it from you, so i'm guessing it's not a big deal to her. maybe talk to her about how you feel, since it's clearly upsetting you. it sounds like the fact that you both don't have as much time to spend with each other might be a sticking point, getting you even more riled up about it.
i'm sure everything is okay, but no harm in communicating how you feel with her. maybe try to arrange a 'date' so you guys have some quality time together too
my thinking goes like this----he's a guy and she's a girl. So of course he's trying to get it on. Guys don't "catch up" just to hear about your ex girlfriends job, and if her dog is still alive.
Just let her know how you feel and what's it dong to you, get off the couch man.
Peace
*MUSIC IS the expression of EMOTION.....and that POLITICS IS merely the DECOY of PERCEPTION*
.....song_Music & Politics....Michael Franti
*The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly. One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite INSANE*....Nikola Tesla(a man who shaped our world of electricity with his futuristic inventions)
she's in bed. and I'm not very good with the "let's talk about our feelings." I'm Irish. We're not that built that way. Letting it simmer until you explode, that's our way.
i dont think forgiving someone for fucking up a number of years ago means she has no self-respect or dignity. that's absurd. women are totally different from guys about this, they have very little problem remaining friends if they want or just being friends with guys.
if i wrote an ex, it would be either to rub it in how successful i've become, or because i still love her. but i hear there are guys out there that just want to be decent and see how someone who used to be important to them is doing. and your wife responding certainly doesn't mean she's disrespecting herself.
OK does that once cheater always a cheater still applies to the Patriots.
All kidding aside have you spoken to your wife? Tell all of your feelings about this all from your point of view. She might think this is all innocent and cute, you'll never know until you talk to her.
Peace
*MUSIC IS the expression of EMOTION.....and that POLITICS IS merely the DECOY of PERCEPTION*
.....song_Music & Politics....Michael Franti
*The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly. One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite INSANE*....Nikola Tesla(a man who shaped our world of electricity with his futuristic inventions)
Yeah, I've talked to her. When I got home from physical therapy (it was my first day, and it hurt) I grabbed the laptop to see how my baseball team is doing, as it's the first week of playoffs. It was open to another e-mail, one she was sending. So I asked her how her boyfriend is.....
Oh man oh man now I see your point. I have a girlfriend who is Irish and man is she ever fiery. She gets nervous when I have to talk to my ex-wife about our daughter who lives with me. Not that I want to talk to her but at times it can't be avoided. I haven't had that blow up talk yet but I'm sure one will come as the years go by.
Well like you said let things simmer down then find a way to delicately bring this matter up with her.
Peace
*MUSIC IS the expression of EMOTION.....and that POLITICS IS merely the DECOY of PERCEPTION*
.....song_Music & Politics....Michael Franti
*The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly. One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite INSANE*....Nikola Tesla(a man who shaped our world of electricity with his futuristic inventions)
you may have a point. I just know I would have handled something like that a lot different, and with her in mind. She doesn't give a shit what I think, just thinks I'm being "absurd". And believe me, if the situation were reversed, she'd beway more irrational than I'm being. Over the summer, I found some makeup stuff under the passenger seat when I was cleaning my car. Seeing as how I haven't been with another woman in 10 years, I assumed it was hers. So I showed it to her. She said it wasn't hers, and thought for a good month that I was cheating on her. Even though I gave it to her. I could see if she found it. But I found it and gave it to her......
my 2cents, sounds like trust might be an issue. and while you may be irish, you should still sit and have a calm discussion with her. if she knows this bothers you so much, and you present your concerns calmly, she'd probably stop writing him altogether.
not dissing your irish hot blood by the way...i'm latina, i know all about hot blood
i bet that went over well
any chance you're taking out your frustration over the physical therapy (recent injury?) on her and this is just a convenient vehicle? it sounds pretty harmless to me. i mean, when i've cheated, i usually made at least some effort to hide it.
Nah, I've been hurt for 8 years, been in and out of physical therapy, and the more painful massage therapy. I went to PT today steamed. and yes, it did go over very well......But since the 2 year old was in the room, I just took my simmering frustration to the basement, and did some laundry, then split, to go get some groceries. Coming home to find her asleep on the couch, and the 2 year old sitting in the bay window, very much awake, that didn't help.
it would be sky high, loaded up on sam Adams Octoberfest, but the 2 year old will probably wake up at 4 AM, as has been the custom of late, and the 5 month old will be up at 8 or 9. And I don't have any bounceback anymore.
On the other hand, such activity is more or less becoming the norm nowadays, and you risk looking like a schmuck by reacting the way you are reacting.
There are actually a number of ex-g/f's of mine in my myspace who are now married, and with whom I carry on occasional messaging.
Unfortunately for me, I can't say that any of them would ever consider leaving their current situation to become a part of my dismal life. On the same token, I couldn't be happier for them.
Of course there is the possibility that your wife might risk all just to embrace a love long forgotten, but the fact that she is open and honest about it with you might be a sign that she's just being your typical myspacer and not fishing the net for new and/or rekindled romance.
My opinion is that the best step to take is really one that you just kind of have to feel out with instinct. If she's the type of woman who reacts well to jealousy, then all power to you. I think there are women out there enjoy that sort of thing and find it rather comforting.
However, I do believe many women are quite the opposite, and she might feel as though her status of being married can at times be constricting. And that's why I say that only you know what steps best to take.
Just be cool like Bodie in Point Break and everything will work out just fine. Even if she leaves you for Keanu Reeves, you're still a fuggen badash.
http://forums.pearljam.com/showthread.php?t=272825
there goes my attempt at psychotherapy
it was a good try. Thanks for playing.
It is totally disrespectful of her and she should stop it immediately. I totally understand your frustration. As a matter of fact I just went through a similar situation with my fiance and I told her I didnt like it and she stopped immediately. No fight just friendly conversation and it ended. Now you might catch some flack for reading her email but thats no big deal..she should understand a tad.
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Keep an eye on it.
I think it could be nothing, but it could turn into something. I think you're right that it would have been appropriate for her to be a bit less friendly and set a boundary right away.
If you don't want to fuel any negative feelings between the two of you I'd be careful about running to sleep on the couch. Distance between you will give a third person room to put a wedge in between you and your wife. Don't be stupid enough to give the guy room to squeeze in.
Best of luck to you. Sounds like it's time to get to feelings talk
Just come out and lay it on the table.....and thats it. If she doesn't change, well go on with your life but just be aware of your situation. ALL MEN don't contact ex's unless they are looking for a second chance or a quicky. I can't speak for women, but I've never known a guy to be different in this aspect. I just find it funny that women don't seem to pick up on this? Or if they do, why they have to pretend like its different?
Situations differ, but an ex usually doesn't connect an old flame out of the blue just for the sake of chit chat...especially not a dude
They say every sin is deadly but I believe they may be wrong...I'm guilty of all seven and I don't feel too bad at all