How do you save a relationship?

124

Comments

  • Rygar
    Rygar Posts: 8,711
    JordyWordy wrote:
    not trying to be nit-picking, but what is the other interpretation? i instantly took it too be meant the way harmless read it too, is there a meaning ive missed?? (not trying to debate, just wana know what ive missed)

    a culture of unhappy marriage can be even worse than a culture of divorce
    I took it with a numeric interpretation. The percentage of divorce is getting higher (I don't know exact numbers, and in fact, don't know FOR A FACT that it's the highest it's ever been but I'm going that way..)
    That's a culture of divorce.
    The reasons for divorce, well that's it's own thread.
  • roar
    roar Posts: 1,116
    harmless_little_f*** wrote:
    If I'm wrong, I'm prepared to stand corrected. :)

    i said it was sad. to me, it is.

    ...especially after reading through this thread and seeing all of the underlying selfishness that i see in the posts. romanticized ideas of love & marriage leads to a culture of divorce that really is depressing for those of us who still hang onto the belief that marriage is forever...and a vow between two people to share their lives together for better or for worse.

    i can't judge anyone for what they choose to do, and i did not say anything negative to offend those who have had to deal with the pain of a divorce. please don't put words in my mouth. thanks.
  • harmless_little_f***
    harmless_little_f*** Posts: 8,005
    roar wrote:
    i said it was sad. to me, it is.

    ...especially after reading through this thread and seeing all of the underlying selfishness that i see in the posts. romanticized ideas of love & marriage leads to a culture of divorce that really is depressing for those of us who still hang onto the belief that marriage is forever...and a vow between two people to share their lives together for better or for worse.

    i can't judge anyone for what they choose to do, and i did not say anything negative to offend those who have had to deal with the pain of a divorce. please don't put words in my mouth. thanks.

    Yeah, see, that's what I thought, you were being fucking condescending...

    You stand back and criticise the sad 'culture of divorce' because of your own higher moral values. I've got news for you, idiot... I have the same moral values as you. I believe marriage is forever and everything else is bullshit of the highest order.

    She had other ideas, and now I'm fucked.

    I'm not going to be fucking lumped into any 'culture of divorce' by you, or anyone. Divorce is a tragedy, not a moral depravation or epidemic.
    'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'

    - the great Sir Leo Harrison
  • GreenTeaDisease
    GreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
    Rygar wrote:
    I took it with a numeric interpretation. The percentage of divorce is getting higher (I don't know exact numbers, and in fact, don't know FOR A FACT that it's the highest it's ever been but I'm going that way..)
    That's a culture of divorce.
    The reasons for divorce, well that's it's own thread.

    well maybe is enough people get divorced people will be more careful when they get married in the first place.

    eh, besides, who cares if we have a "culture of divorce"? It's no skin of anyone's back if there are a lot of divorced people running around.
  • JordyWordy
    JordyWordy Posts: 2,261
    roar wrote:
    i said it was sad. to me, it is.

    ...especially after reading through this thread and seeing all of the underlying selfishness that i see in the posts. romanticized ideas of love & marriage leads to a culture of divorce that really is depressing for those of us who still hang onto the belief that marriage is forever...and a vow between two people to share their lives together for better or for worse.

    i can't judge anyone for what they choose to do, and i did not say anything negative to offend those who have had to deal with the pain of a divorce. please don't put words in my mouth. thanks.

    ahhh. thats fair. :) agree with all of that. good to see that there are still those who truly believe in marriage

    BUT reality can intervene. and i still think that while its great to believe that you can spend a lifetime together with one person people can change so much that often it will become impossible. which is the depressing part.

    edit: personally i dont think you should let what other people do in their private relationships affect/upset/depress you...its real life is all
  • harmless_little_f***
    harmless_little_f*** Posts: 8,005
    GreenTeaDisease wrote:
    well maybe is enough people get divorced people will be more careful when they get married in the first place.

    eh, besides, who cares if we have a "culture of divorce"? It's no skin of anyone's back if there are a lot of divorced people running around.

    I think it is to roar... I think it deeply upsets his moral code.
    'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'

    - the great Sir Leo Harrison
  • roar
    roar Posts: 1,116
    harmless_little_f*** wrote:
    Yeah, see, that's what I thought, you were being fucking condescending...

    You stand back and criticise the sad 'culture of divorce' because of your own higher moral values. I've got news for you, idiot... I had the same moral values as you. I believe marriage is forever and everything else is bullshit of the highest order.

    She had other ideas... I'm not going to be fucking lumped into any 'culture of divorce' by you, or anyone.

    i said the culture of divorce is depressing in my first post. then, i explained why i believe it is (in condensed form). with the divorce rate as high as it is, values clearly have changed in our society...and to me, that's depressing.

    i'm not stupid. i do have high moral values, and i'm not going to apologize for them or for the feelings i had when i read through this thread.
  • GreenTeaDisease
    GreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
    roar wrote:
    i said the culture of divorce is depressing in my first post. then, i explained why i believe it is (in condensed form). with the divorce rate as high as it is, values clearly have changed in our society...and to me, that's depressing.

    i'm not stupid. i do have high moral values, and i'm not going to apologize for them or for the feelings i had when i read through this thread.

    I'm not getting what divorce has to do with morals.

    and higher divorce rates have nothing to do with changing values. people would have been getting divorced since the beginning of time of time if they could have done it more easily (or at all, given the culture in question).
  • roar
    roar Posts: 1,116
    GreenTeaDisease wrote:
    I'm not getting what divorce has to do with morals.

    he said i had high moral values. i was just affirming that my "morals" are of high importance to me.
  • GreenTeaDisease
    GreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
    roar wrote:
    he said i had high moral values. i was just affirming that my "morals" are of high importance to me.

    yeah I get that...they are important to me as well...but I don't think there is a link between morals and divorce.
  • harmless_little_f***
    harmless_little_f*** Posts: 8,005
    GreenTeaDisease wrote:
    I'm not getting what divorce has to do with morals.

    and higher divorce rates have nothing to do with changing values. people would have been getting divorced since the beginning of time of time if they could have done it more easily (or at all, given the culture in question).

    Many people believe it has (I know his sort, trust me), but they've invariably never gone through it. I wonder if he'd be so happy if he was suddenly found living as one of his own statistics..

    Edit: by the way, by 'sad', I'll bet you a fiver he means 'sinful'..
    'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'

    - the great Sir Leo Harrison
  • rearviewmiror
    rearviewmiror Posts: 894
    How can you say you have high morals? I mean aren't morals based on personal feelings of what is right or wrong? Can't I then say yours are actually quite low, or that your entire value system leads you to false assumptions?

    By the way, I know what you mean, but this is where we all get into trouble talking about these things.

    I happen to be in the latter stages of a divorce i initiated. Until you walk in my shoes, don't assume that every divorce is frivilous and I am morally bankrupt.

    I would contend that Marraige is artificially overvalued by society and too many people get married. That is where the divorce rate comes from. That and it looks out of whack with our previous generations who couldnt divorce freely for many reasons good and bad.
    9/7/98, 8/3/00, 9/4/00, 4/15/03, 7/1/03, 9/28/04, 9/29/04, 5/24/06, 5/25/06, 6/17/08, 6/22/08, 6/28/08, 6/30/08, 5/17/10, 10/15/13, 10/16/13.
  • roar
    roar Posts: 1,116
    rearviewmiror wrote:
    don't assume that every divorce is frivilous and I am morally bankrupt.

    Again, I didn't.
    But apparently I can't stop you from putting words in my mouth. You're assuming that because I don't believe in divorce, that I'm judging each and every one of you for it. Not the case...and this is a touchy subject. I wanted to put my feelings out there on the matter...you all can, too.
  • rearviewmiror
    rearviewmiror Posts: 894
    roar wrote:
    Again, I didn't.
    But apparently I can't stop you from putting words in my mouth. You're assuming that because I don't believe in divorce, that I'm judging each and every one of you for it. Not the case...and this is a touchy subject. I wanted to put my feelings out there on the matter...you all can, too.
    I did put words in your mouth, and I apologize. I stand by my statement though that this is the problem with any conevrsation about morals. For some reason we all assume everyone else shares ours exactly and when they don't all hell breaks loose.
    9/7/98, 8/3/00, 9/4/00, 4/15/03, 7/1/03, 9/28/04, 9/29/04, 5/24/06, 5/25/06, 6/17/08, 6/22/08, 6/28/08, 6/30/08, 5/17/10, 10/15/13, 10/16/13.
  • harmless_little_f***
    harmless_little_f*** Posts: 8,005
    roar wrote:
    Again, I didn't.
    But apparently I can't stop you from putting words in my mouth. You're assuming that because I don't believe in divorce, that I'm judging each and every one of you for it. Not the case...and this is a touchy subject. I wanted to put my feelings out there on the matter...you all can, too.

    You don't believe in divorce... in the same sense as you don't believe in the tooth fairy?

    Like I said, neither did I.... until I dropped my ignorance..
    'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'

    - the great Sir Leo Harrison
  • failedpersephone
    failedpersephone Posts: 3,424
    given2fly78 wrote:
    ...
    Honest, I've thought many times about leaving. What keeps me? That look on his face. The fact that we've been together for so long. That he knows me so well (I thought). That he was my best friend for so many years. The fact that he depends on me so much. That I'm scared that he'll go back to drinking (even though I KNOW that's not my fault. He's a big boy who makes his own decisions. But head and heart are 2 different things).

    And honestly? The mess of a divorce. The splitting, the separation, the potential for him hating me. Having to deal with selling the house, watching all my hopes and dreams from so long ago go POOF! Up in smoke. The disappointment.

    And, always wondering if I made the wrong decision. Either way, can I win?

    I can completely understand where you are coming from...it's a look that you arent sure if it will haunt you or make you cry or make you gasp...it's the fact that you KNOW that man.

    I think that the suggestion that you get all of the words from your first post, and add this quoted post of yours to a letter to your husband...is a golden idea. you don't have to throw in the towel, but you do have to make sure that as you have grown, he grows with you...I hope you can work through it because losing a best friend, lover, husband, and mate seems like exquisite torture...but then so is losing yourself.

    god, I am so not helpful at all right here...I just wanted to point out that "the look" can keep you longer than you think, and it can pull you through some bad times...like the times when "the look" is all you have. Anyway, not so good with the advice...not enough info to make a judgment call...but that little part just really screamed out at me.

    wish you peace! :)
    IF YOU WANT A PLATE OF MY BEEF SWELLINGTON, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO PAY THE COVERCHARGE.
  • eyedclaar
    eyedclaar Posts: 6,980
    Marriage is the perfect cure for love. Divorces for everyone!!! Woo-hoo!!!
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  • Spunkie
    Spunkie i come from downtown. Posts: 7,095
    Woo-hoo! I'll take one!
    I was swimming in the Great Barrier Reef 
    Animals were hiding behind the Coral 
    Except for little Turtle
    I could swear he's trying to talk to me 
    Gurgle Gurgle
  • harmless_little_f***
    harmless_little_f*** Posts: 8,005
    tish wrote:
    Woo-hoo! I'll take one!

    If you go for one, I'd recommend getting it 'well done' rather than 'bloody as hell'.... :D
    'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'

    - the great Sir Leo Harrison
  • Spunkie
    Spunkie i come from downtown. Posts: 7,095
    rare?
    I was swimming in the Great Barrier Reef 
    Animals were hiding behind the Coral 
    Except for little Turtle
    I could swear he's trying to talk to me 
    Gurgle Gurgle

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