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How do you save a relationship?

given2fly78given2fly78 Posts: 404
edited January 2008 in All Encompassing Trip
When the other person refuses to see there is a problem?

I know there are a lot of relationship threads on here, so I figure someone must have gone through something like this.

My hubby and I have been together for 10 years. Almost 1/3 of my life. But as time goes on, I realize that we really have nothing in common. Our goals, our dreams, our lifestyle. I do note that you don't have to be with your exact duplicate, but when it comes down to it, our futures just don't seem to be on the same path. And it makes me sad.

When I try and talk to him about anything, he just gets defensive. Or doesn't care. He doesn't see any problems. Life is "status quo". But I've grown, matured, "aged" if you will. And I still have hopes and dreams. And I see that he doesn't share them with me, is almost just along for the ride.

I've made a lot of sacrifices for him. And he doesn't see it. Past is past he says. There are too many things to list, and trust me, I'm willing to change. I have changed, that's probably part of the problem.

I've finally realized that I'm older, different than I was at 19. But it's almost like he's stuck. No goals, no ambition, never wants to grow up. And we don't align anymore. I'm not sure this is what I want anymore.

The biggest thing is, that I've totally alienated myself. We moved to where we live now about 6 years ago. And we never made any new friends, he never wanted to hang out with my friends or go anywhere with the people I met. So we ended up being alone. So I really don't have anyone. I feel alone.

If I left (what a mess that would be) I'd start 100% over. I'd probably move all by myself south. New job, new life, new place, alone. Which sounds liberating in theory, but I'm not sure I can handle it.

How do I fix this? Can it be fixed? Am I just coexsisting? Will I live the rest of my life wondering? How can I make him see that I'm unhappy with what our relationship has become? Do all relationships end up like this? Am I just in a rut?

You know the Dave Matthews Song "Grey Street"? That's me! The song brings me to tears because that's how I feel.

Oh there's an emptiness inside her
And she'll do anything to fill it in
And though it's red blood bleeding from her now
It's more like cold blue ice in her heart
She feels like kicking out all the windows
And setting fire to this life
She could change everything about her
Using colors bold and bright
But all the colors mix together - to grey
And it breaks her heart
It breaks her heart
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. "
Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

I saw Hard To Imagine LIVE at MSG!
Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments

  • harmless_little_f***harmless_little_f*** Posts: 8,005
    I dunno.... my wife didn't see anything was wrong and by the time she did, she'd already decided to leave me.
    'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'

    - the great Sir Leo Harrison
  • josevolutionjosevolution Posts: 29,952
    given2fly78 wrote:
    When the other person refuses to see there is a problem?

    I know there are a lot of relationship threads on here, so I figure someone must have gone through something like this.

    My hubby and I have been together for 10 years. Almost 1/3 of my life. But as time goes on, I realize that we really have nothing in common. Our goals, our dreams, our lifestyle. I do note that you don't have to be with your exact duplicate, but when it comes down to it, our futures just don't seem to be on the same path. And it makes me sad.

    When I try and talk to him about anything, he just gets defensive. Or doesn't care. He doesn't see any problems. Life is "status quo". But I've grown, matured, "aged" if you will. And I still have hopes and dreams. And I see that he doesn't share them with me, is almost just along for the ride.

    I've made a lot of sacrifices for him. And he doesn't see it. Past is past he says. There are too many things to list, and trust me, I'm willing to change. I have changed, that's probably part of the problem.

    I've finally realized that I'm older, different than I was at 19. But it's almost like he's stuck. No goals, no ambition, never wants to grow up. And we don't align anymore. I'm not sure this is what I want anymore.

    The biggest thing is, that I've totally alienated myself. We moved to where we live now about 6 years ago. And we never made any new friends, he never wanted to hang out with my friends or go anywhere with the people I met. So we ended up being alone. So I really don't have anyone. I feel alone.

    If I left (what a mess that would be) I'd start 100% over. I'd probably move all by myself south. New job, new life, new place, alone. Which sounds liberating in theory, but I'm not sure I can handle it.

    How do I fix this? Can it be fixed? Am I just coexsisting? Will I live the rest of my life wondering? How can I make him see that I'm unhappy with what our relationship has become? Do all relationships end up like this? Am I just in a rut?

    You know the Dave Matthews Song "Grey Street"? That's me! The song brings me to tears because that's how I feel.

    Oh there's an emptiness inside her
    And she'll do anything to fill it in
    And though it's red blood bleeding from her now
    It's more like cold blue ice in her heart
    She feels like kicking out all the windows
    And setting fire to this life
    She could change everything about her
    Using colors bold and bright
    But all the colors mix together - to grey
    And it breaks her heart
    It breaks her heart

    send him this in a letter form he needs to see that your very close to cutting ties, at least that could make you feel a bit better like you did something to maybe bring change ....my2c ...
    jesus greets me looks just like me ....
  • dunkmandunkman Posts: 19,646
    first rule of saving a relationship is never ask a bunch of loner music-loving hippy retards on a forum how they would save a relationship....


    you have no need for the second rule
    oh scary... 40000 morbidly obese christians wearing fanny packs invading europe is probably the least scariest thing since I watched an edited version of The Care Bears movie in an extremely brightly lit cinema.
  • SENROCKSENROCK Posts: 10,736
    do u actually WANT to save it? i mean, if you see how you have changed thru the years. People just change directions in their lives and you being married probably was good at the time. But now that you have "matured" (not aged) maybe its just time to start a new chapter in your life. If you both dont see eye to eye, then end it on good terms instead of hating one another. You shouldnt be held back becuz your spouse isnt feelin' the FLOW. Just really think it out and do whats best for YOU. If u see that theres some hope and u WANT it to work, then lets figure it out. If not, then just end it on a good note and everyone gets what they want. During even the worst of everything, find a way to ALWAYS HAVE A GOOD TIME!!! TRUST ME, it helps.
    ~~~~~~ALWAYS HAVE A GOOD TIME~~~~~~
    Sir Mike McCready is....THE MASTER!!! WAHHH!!!
    EVENFLOW PSYCHOS H.N.I.C~FEEL THE FLOW!!!

    "Pearl Jam fans are obsessed, they'd see the boys in HELL if tickets were sold."-CROJAM95

    It takes balls to put out a UKE album!
  • lalalalaaaaaaaalalalalaaaaaaaa Posts: 2,445
    Everyone says this, but life is too short to be unhappy. Just think about what's worse: feeling the way you do now for the rest of your life, or going through the initial mess of a divorce.

    Good luck.
  • GreenTeaDiseaseGreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
    SENROCK! wrote:
    do u actually WANT to save it? i mean, if you see how you have changed thru the years. People just change directions in their lives and you being married probably was good at the time. But now that you have "matured" (not aged) maybe its just time to start a new chapter in your life. If you both dont see eye to eye, then end it on good terms instead of hating one another. You shouldnt be held back becuz your spouse isnt feelin' the FLOW. Just really think it out and do whats best for YOU. If u see that theres some hope and u WANT it to work, then lets figure it out. If not, then just end it on a good note and everyone gets what they want. During even the worst of everything, find a way to ALWAYS HAVE A GOOD TIME!!! TRUST ME, it helps.

    that was my first thought too- you shouldn't have to try to "save" a relationship. It's true that people are totally different at age 19 than they are 10 years later, that is a no brainer! those years are very formative.
  • SpunkieSpunkie i come from downtown. Posts: 6,724
    Focus on the similarities.
  • harmless_little_f***harmless_little_f*** Posts: 8,005
    dunkman wrote:
    first rule of saving a relationship is never ask a bunch of loner music-loving hippy retards on a forum how they would save a relationship....

    HAHAHAHAHA

    Word.
    'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'

    - the great Sir Leo Harrison
  • harmless_little_f***harmless_little_f*** Posts: 8,005
    tish wrote:
    Focus on the similarities.

    What about if you're both similarly bored?
    'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'

    - the great Sir Leo Harrison
  • dunkmandunkman Posts: 19,646
    harmless_little_f*** wrote:
    HAHAHAHAHA

    Word.


    wow.. 2nd rule is never ever say 'word' in replying to a post

    you're truly FCUK'd ;)
    oh scary... 40000 morbidly obese christians wearing fanny packs invading europe is probably the least scariest thing since I watched an edited version of The Care Bears movie in an extremely brightly lit cinema.
  • SpunkieSpunkie i come from downtown. Posts: 6,724
    You missed the first suggestion to stay positive.
  • surferdudesurferdude Posts: 2,057
    I don't think you can save a relationship. The only relationships I've seen that last are where both parties are pig headed and refuse to leave, regardless of how much it sucks.
    Sounds like that's the position your husband is taking.
    What postion are you willing to take to "save the marriage"? How pig headed can you be?
    “One good thing about music,
    when it hits you, you feel to pain.
    So brutalize me with music.”
    ~ Bob Marley
  • harmless_little_f***harmless_little_f*** Posts: 8,005
    dunkman wrote:
    wow.. 2nd rule is never ever say 'word' in replying to a post

    you're truly FCUK'd ;)

    Yeah, it works better verbally. I think saying 'Word' in a well-spoken English accent is the ultimate in Morissettian irony.
    'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'

    - the great Sir Leo Harrison
  • harmless_little_f***harmless_little_f*** Posts: 8,005
    tish wrote:
    You missed the first suggestion to stay positive.

    You missed the part where I was joking.
    'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'

    - the great Sir Leo Harrison
  • given2fly78given2fly78 Posts: 404
    dunkman wrote:
    first rule of saving a relationship is never ask a bunch of loner music-loving hippy retards on a forum how they would save a relationship....


    you have no need for the second rule

    I'm amongst my peers LOL!

    Well, good answers all around. Much appreciated. To whom said "how pig headed can I be?" that's a good point. I've made attempts to talk to him, to make him see that I'm not 100% happy in our relationship, that I think we need to make some changes. But he says it's all good, that maybe I need to "just start taking happy pills". Nice, huh? I'm not depressed. That's NOT it, and I've told him that the main reason I can't talk to him is due to responses like that. So it's not that I haven't made an effort. I'm not one much for counseling, but I figured maybe a 3rd party would help. Suggested to him, shot down. He doesn't see a problem. To which I say, my unhappiness isn't a problem to you? And again, "go on happy pills".

    But on the other hand, isn't marriage for better or for worse? Shouldn't I TRY to make it work? Make an effort? Not just call it quits? Isn't that selfish?

    Everything else is good! Work, top notch! Family, many blessings! But this facet of my life, which is MOST of my life is just giving me a beat down. And I'm starting to think he refuses to see it.
    "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. "
    Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

    I saw Hard To Imagine LIVE at MSG!
  • justamjustam Posts: 21,412
    given2fly78 wrote:
    When the other person refuses to see there is a problem?

    I know there are a lot of relationship threads on here, so I figure someone must have gone through something like this.

    My hubby and I have been together for 10 years. Almost 1/3 of my life. But as time goes on, I realize that we really have nothing in common. Our goals, our dreams, our lifestyle. I do note that you don't have to be with your exact duplicate, but when it comes down to it, our futures just don't seem to be on the same path. And it makes me sad.

    When I try and talk to him about anything, he just gets defensive. Or doesn't care. He doesn't see any problems. Life is "status quo". But I've grown, matured, "aged" if you will. And I still have hopes and dreams. And I see that he doesn't share them with me, is almost just along for the ride.

    I've made a lot of sacrifices for him. And he doesn't see it. Past is past he says. There are too many things to list, and trust me, I'm willing to change. I have changed, that's probably part of the problem.

    I've finally realized that I'm older, different than I was at 19. But it's almost like he's stuck. No goals, no ambition, never wants to grow up. And we don't align anymore. I'm not sure this is what I want anymore.

    The biggest thing is, that I've totally alienated myself. We moved to where we live now about 6 years ago. And we never made any new friends, he never wanted to hang out with my friends or go anywhere with the people I met. So we ended up being alone. So I really don't have anyone. I feel alone.

    If I left (what a mess that would be) I'd start 100% over. I'd probably move all by myself south. New job, new life, new place, alone. Which sounds liberating in theory, but I'm not sure I can handle it.

    How do I fix this? Can it be fixed? Am I just coexsisting? Will I live the rest of my life wondering? How can I make him see that I'm unhappy with what our relationship has become? Do all relationships end up like this? Am I just in a rut?

    You know the Dave Matthews Song "Grey Street"? That's me! The song brings me to tears because that's how I feel.

    Oh there's an emptiness inside her
    And she'll do anything to fill it in
    And though it's red blood bleeding from her now
    It's more like cold blue ice in her heart
    She feels like kicking out all the windows
    And setting fire to this life
    She could change everything about her
    Using colors bold and bright
    But all the colors mix together - to grey
    And it breaks her heart
    It breaks her heart

    Unless you have young children, it sounds like you should just go.
    &&&&&&&&&&&&&&
  • given2fly78given2fly78 Posts: 404
    No kids. Just a house.

    Honest, I've thought many times about leaving. What keeps me? That look on his face. The fact that we've been together for so long. That he knows me so well (I thought). That he was my best friend for so many years. The fact that he depends on me so much. That I'm scared that he'll go back to drinking (even though I KNOW that's not my fault. He's a big boy who makes his own decisions. But head and heart are 2 different things).

    And honestly? The mess of a divorce. The splitting, the separation, the potential for him hating me. Having to deal with selling the house, watching all my hopes and dreams from so long ago go POOF! Up in smoke. The disappointment.

    And, always wondering if I made the wrong decision. Either way, can I win?
    "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. "
    Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

    I saw Hard To Imagine LIVE at MSG!
  • harmless_little_f***harmless_little_f*** Posts: 8,005
    given2fly78 wrote:
    I'm amongst my peers LOL!

    Well, good answers all around. Much appreciated. To whom said "how pig headed can I be?" that's a good point. I've made attempts to talk to him, to make him see that I'm not 100% happy in our relationship, that I think we need to make some changes. But he says it's all good, that maybe I need to "just start taking happy pills". Nice, huh? I'm not depressed. That's NOT it, and I've told him that the main reason I can't talk to him is due to responses like that. So it's not that I haven't made an effort. I'm not one much for counseling, but I figured maybe a 3rd party would help. Suggested to him, shot down. He doesn't see a problem. To which I say, my unhappiness isn't a problem to you? And again, "go on happy pills".

    But on the other hand, isn't marriage for better or for worse? Shouldn't I TRY to make it work? Make an effort? Not just call it quits? Isn't that selfish?

    Everything else is good! Work, top notch! Family, many blessings! But this facet of my life, which is MOST of my life is just giving me a beat down. And I'm starting to think he refuses to see it.

    You sound like my wife a year ago, but I never said anything as retarded as 'Go on happy pills.' That's lame.

    I was prepared to try and make it work to the death, but when there's only one person with a will....

    Anyway, do what you want with that information.. She reached her conclusion, I sincerely hope you reach yours. :)
    'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'

    - the great Sir Leo Harrison
  • harmless_little_f***harmless_little_f*** Posts: 8,005
    given2fly78 wrote:
    No kids. Just a house.

    Honest, I've thought many times about leaving. What keeps me? That look on his face. The fact that we've been together for so long. That he knows me so well (I thought). That he was my best friend for so many years. The fact that he depends on me so much. That I'm scared that he'll go back to drinking (even though I KNOW that's not my fault. He's a big boy who makes his own decisions. But head and heart are 2 different things).

    And honestly? The mess of a divorce. The splitting, the separation, the potential for him hating me. Having to deal with selling the house, watching all my hopes and dreams from so long ago go POOF! Up in smoke. The disappointment.

    And, always wondering if I made the wrong decision. Either way, can I win?

    You will win if in the long run you are happier.
    'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'

    - the great Sir Leo Harrison
  • surferdudesurferdude Posts: 2,057
    given2fly78 wrote:
    watching all my hopes and dreams from so long ago go POOF! Up in smoke.
    No offence but it sounds like they went up in smoke quite a while ago. You've just been living in the ashes of your shattered dreams.
    “One good thing about music,
    when it hits you, you feel to pain.
    So brutalize me with music.”
    ~ Bob Marley
  • justamjustam Posts: 21,412
    given2fly78 wrote:
    No kids. Just a house.

    Honest, I've thought many times about leaving. What keeps me? That look on his face. The fact that we've been together for so long. That he knows me so well (I thought). That he was my best friend for so many years. The fact that he depends on me so much. That I'm scared that he'll go back to drinking (even though I KNOW that's not my fault. He's a big boy who makes his own decisions. But head and heart are 2 different things).

    And honestly? The mess of a divorce. The splitting, the separation, the potential for him hating me. Having to deal with selling the house, watching all my hopes and dreams from so long ago go POOF! Up in smoke. The disappointment.

    And, always wondering if I made the wrong decision. Either way, can I win?

    If you have no children, I think you're wasting your life if you stay. Period.

    You don't owe another adult ANYTHING. Especially if the person won't talk to you about problems in the relationship.
    &&&&&&&&&&&&&&
  • angryyoungmanangryyoungman Medford, NY Posts: 1,028
    given2fly78 wrote:
    When the other person refuses to see there is a problem?

    I know there are a lot of relationship threads on here, so I figure someone must have gone through something like this.

    My hubby and I have been together for 10 years. Almost 1/3 of my life. But as time goes on, I realize that we really have nothing in common. Our goals, our dreams, our lifestyle. I do note that you don't have to be with your exact duplicate, but when it comes down to it, our futures just don't seem to be on the same path. And it makes me sad.

    When I try and talk to him about anything, he just gets defensive. Or doesn't care. He doesn't see any problems. Life is "status quo". But I've grown, matured, "aged" if you will. And I still have hopes and dreams. And I see that he doesn't share them with me, is almost just along for the ride.

    I've made a lot of sacrifices for him. And he doesn't see it. Past is past he says. There are too many things to list, and trust me, I'm willing to change. I have changed, that's probably part of the problem.

    I've finally realized that I'm older, different than I was at 19. But it's almost like he's stuck. No goals, no ambition, never wants to grow up. And we don't align anymore. I'm not sure this is what I want anymore.

    The biggest thing is, that I've totally alienated myself. We moved to where we live now about 6 years ago. And we never made any new friends, he never wanted to hang out with my friends or go anywhere with the people I met. So we ended up being alone. So I really don't have anyone. I feel alone.

    If I left (what a mess that would be) I'd start 100% over. I'd probably move all by myself south. New job, new life, new place, alone. Which sounds liberating in theory, but I'm not sure I can handle it.

    How do I fix this? Can it be fixed? Am I just coexsisting? Will I live the rest of my life wondering? How can I make him see that I'm unhappy with what our relationship has become? Do all relationships end up like this? Am I just in a rut?

    You know the Dave Matthews Song "Grey Street"? That's me! The song brings me to tears because that's how I feel.

    Oh there's an emptiness inside her
    And she'll do anything to fill it in
    And though it's red blood bleeding from her now
    It's more like cold blue ice in her heart
    She feels like kicking out all the windows
    And setting fire to this life
    She could change everything about her
    Using colors bold and bright
    But all the colors mix together - to grey
    And it breaks her heart
    It breaks her heart
    ugh. . .time to get all dr. phil here: "growing in a relationship", chick for "before i didnt, now i wanna have kids" , and your man still doesnt . .yes or no? thats the vibe im gettin here

    quote from your sig:
    How to be happy and true is the quest we're taking on together" Pearl Jam's Thin Air - 1st dance at my wedding!
    i have wished for so long, how i wish for you today
    JEFFREY ROSS ROGERS 1975-2002

    9.10.98 NYC / 8.23.00 JONES BEACH /4.30.03 UNIONDALE / 7.9.03 NYC /5.12.06 ALBANY/ 6.1.06 E.RUTHEFORD/ 6.3.06 E. RUTHEFORD/ CAMDEN 6.19.08/ NYC 6.24.08/ NYC 6.25.08/ HARTFORD 6.27.08/ CHICAGO 8.24.09/ PHILLY 10.31.09/ HARTFORD 5.15.10/ NEWARK 5.18.10/ NYC 5.20.10/ CHICAGO 7.19.13/ BROOKLYN 10.18.13/ BROOKLYN 10.19.13/ HARTFORD 10.25.13/ NYC 9.26.15/ 4.8.16 FT. LAUDERDALE/ 4.9.16 MIAMI / 5.1.16 NYC/ 5.2.16 NYC / 8.5.16 BOSTON / 8.7.16 BOSTON/ 8.20.18 CHICAGO/ 9.2.18 BOSTON/ 9.4.18 BOSTON/ 9.18.21 ASBURY PARK

    finally, FUCK TICKETMASTER
  • given2fly78given2fly78 Posts: 404
    angryyoungman wrote:
    ugh. . .time to get all dr. phil here: "growing in a relationship", chick for "before i didnt, now i wanna have kids" , and your man still doesnt . .yes or no? thats the vibe im gettin here

    quote from your sig:
    How to be happy and true is the quest we're taking on together" Pearl Jam's Thin Air - 1st dance at my wedding!

    Funny enough, I don't want kids - never have, never will. Not something that interests me. Great for some people, but not my proverbial cup of tea. Wrong vibe, sorry!

    I'm trying to work on the quest, but it takes TWO! That's the hardest part.
    "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. "
    Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

    I saw Hard To Imagine LIVE at MSG!
  • brain of cbrain of c Posts: 5,213
    given2fly78 wrote:
    Funny enough, I don't want kids - never have, never will. Not something that interests me. Great for some people, but not my proverbial cup of tea. Wrong vibe, sorry!

    I'm trying to work on the quest, but it takes TWO! That's the hardest part.

    end it. then look for a new partner.
    d'oh!!!!!!

    http://www.myspace.com/brain_of_c
  • pjtradekingpjtradeking Posts: 4,045
    I am the LAST person who should be giving advice, but here is my two cents.

    If you are staying for him because you dont want to hurt him, you are cheating yourself. I know this scenario all too well. You will grow to resent him if things dont change and be the way you want or hope them to be. You will stay for the sake of staying and you will in turn start to hate yourself for it as well.

    If you TRULY love him and want it to work...Tell him(dont suggest, TELL HIM) that if he doesnt go to counseling and try to make things better between you, that you are going to leave him. He will either tell you to get your happy pills again, (in which case, he will have made your decision for you), or he will stand up and "Holy, shit, I guess she is serious!" and he will put forth the effort as well if he wants it to work too.

    You are young, and it sounds like you are a strong person who could make a new start on her own no matter what the decision. Dont wait, act now. It is very easy to become complacent and just learn to deal. No way to live, trust me.

    Good Luck to you.
    Never, ever, flipping forget
    "Free Shipping" SPEEDY MCCREADY

    My friend was going to see Eddie last night. Since he was in Vegas, I gave him 5 Grand to gamble with. I told him I wanted it all to go on Black. Bastard! PhillyCrownOfThorns-11-2-12
  • MarblesMarbles Posts: 49
    You're staying for a house, and the hurt pride that would come from a divorce?

    Walk now, before you have kids and make it worse.
  • WhizbangWhizbang Posts: 1,314
    justam wrote:
    If you have no children, I think you're wasting your life if you stay. Period.

    You don't owe another adult ANYTHING. Especially if the person won't talk to you about problems in the relationship.

    agreed. You've given him what you owe to him as your partner, best friend - you've communicated, compromised, considered his feelings. If your best friend won't listen to you when you're telling them how you feel, what you think and his only response is for you to take happy pills? He's no longer your best friend. There is nothing wrong with trying, as you have been. But if it's met with unresponsiveness and "there's nothing wrong with us", there's not much to save of the relationship.

    Being alone is better than wishing you were.
    believe it or not, we don't "need" anything. that is only the spoiled brat in us trying to fill some temporary solution to an emptyness that does not exist.

    I have eaten so much gold I crapped excellence - drtyfrnk29

    Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all!
  • PJGARDENPJGARDEN Posts: 1,484
    I'm sorry but I have to disagree with most of the people here. It sounds to me like your not ready to give up. Relationships, especially marriages, are hard. You will go through some hard times and other times will be great. The hard times will make you closer. Like you said in one of your earlier post, marriage is for better or worse and right now happens to be worse. I think you need to do everything you can to make him understand how unhappy you are and then work on your relationship. Good Luck!
  • deadmosquitodeadmosquito Posts: 729
    PJGARDEN wrote:
    I'm sorry but I have to disagree with most of the people here. It sounds to me like your not ready to give up. Relationships, especially marriages, are hard. You will go through some hard times and other times will be great. The hard times will make you closer. Like you said in one of your earlier post, marriage is for better or worse and right now happens to be worse. I think you need to do everything you can to make him understand how unhappy you are and then work on your relationship. Good Luck!

    i think i agree with this. i know it sucks for you right now, but maybe he's going through something too and is having trouble communicating it. maybe he notices how you feel and he thinks that if he just pretends everything is normal it will eventually be fine again. which obviously is not the case. i would definitely keep trying to get him to go to counseling with you, or maybe you should go by yourself and see what happens there. maybe you guys need a vacation together or something to change up the daily routine you seem to be stuck in. maybe i just believe too much in trying to make things work and sticking it out for the long haul, but that's sorta what getting married is all about. it's promising to do that. otherwise, why would you get married, rather than just co-habitate?

    but what do i know at 22? that's my two cents, feel free to take it or leave it.
  • MarblesMarbles Posts: 49
    Frankly, the OP sounded like typical abuser BS. Separate you from all outside support. Make you feel like shit...

    I took it with that grain of salt.
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