Self-Mutilation

AmentsChick

I have absolutely no tolerance for pain...sorry, I'm no help.

libragirl

AmentsChick wrote:

I have absolutely no tolerance for pain...sorry, I'm no help.

That is understandable..a lot of people don't understand it for that reason. I really haven't mentioned it but I do have a little exp. I did it once or twice when I was a teenager...I feel lucky that it really didn't have the draw like it does for my friend and others. I do remember at the time not feeling pain...but well after it did hurt and that's why i didn't do it again.

Collin

libragirl wrote:

yeah..I think I have annoyed some people by posting this..but people have been very helpful and I appreciate it greatly. But basically that's all Im gonna be able to do right now Collin, talk and listen and hope she wants to get better.

I hope your friend wants to get better too.

And I agree with what Vedderlution said:

"And you have to realize that if she does decide to let you know what's inside...it can be pretty dark and ugly. Don't tell her you'll listen then tell her you can't."

I was not prepared for it and it's hard. To hear what they've been through and what is going on in their heads... it can be very difficult to listen to especially if the person is someone you care about a lot.

AmentsChick

libragirl wrote:

That is understandable..a lot of people don't understand it for that reason. I really haven't mentioned it but I do have a little exp. I did it once or twice when I was a teenager...I feel lucky that it really didn't have the draw like it does for my friend and others. I do remember at the time not feeling pain...but well after it did hurt and that's why i didn't do it again.

Yeah, I had an ex who had been a "cutter" (I hate that term) when he was younger. He showed me the scars on his arms and it absolutely broke my heart.

decides2dream

Collin wrote:

This is a heavy subject. I can't give you any advice that hasn't been given already.

I know several people who have done it. I didn't know how to handle it, whether I should have told someone or not (I didn't). All I did was talk and listen.

honestly, that's all anyone can do. be supportive. sure, provide information for help. be even more supportive. however, bottomline, the ONLY way this friend, or anyone, can get help is when they decide for themselves they want it. tis true, we can only truly help ourselves in such situations. it's like any other maladaptive practice - drugs, alcohol, eating disorders, all forms of addictions - the only person who can help you is yourself. one has to WANT to get help, get out, get over it. i wish your friend luck and health libra....and the strength to see what she needs for herself.



and not making light of this very serious subject, but i immediately thought of the excellent little indie flick secretary.....quirky and sweet, but with very dark undertones, and i thought it dealt well with the cutting issue.

libragirl

decides2dream wrote:

honestly, that's all anyone can do. be supportive. sure, provide information for help. be even more supportive. however, bottomline, the ONLY way this friend, or anyone, can get help is when they decide for themselves they want it. tis true, we can only truly help ourselves in such situations. it's like any other maladaptive practice - drugs, alcohol, eating disorders, all forms of addictions - the only person who can help you is yourself. one has to WANT to get help, get out, get over it. i wish your friend luck and health libra....and the strength to see what she needs for herself.



and not making light of this very serious subject, but i immediately thought of the excellent little indie flick secretary.....quirky and sweet, but with very dark undertones, and i thought it dealt well with the cutting issue.

yeah...that was a good movie and I agree it dealt with it well. I remember thinking of my friend when i saw it.

urbanhippie

I've worked with teenagers who've done this. I think the best approach is to offer love, patience and understanding. It's rare that self harmers go any further with their cutting. It's a form of coping that helps to allieviate the pressures. Of course your friend may be at risk of accidentally hurting themself more than they intended, so maybe you could talk to her about 'safe' ways of coping. Teenagers that I have worked with have been taught to use ice as a way of coping. Apparently an icecube pressed firmly onto the skin can give a similar feeling of release with out the danger. I'm not saying it always works but it may.

Good luck and the fact that your so worried means you probably a good friend and are helping more than you think.

smithnic

As Will said in Good Will Hunting, I have some experience with this.

For literature I would read "Bodies Under Siege"
http://www.amazon.com/Bodies-under-Siege-Self-mutilation-Modification/dp/0801853001

As well as reading up on borderline personality.

Also there have been marked improvements with a therapy style known as DBT or Dialectical Behavioral Therapy for Borderline patients. Here's the text:

http://www.amazon.com/Training-Treating-Borderline-Personality-Disorder/dp/0898620341

Bellevue has a great program:

http://www.ipdp.org/

just tina

Ledbetterman10 wrote:

dude, no one wants to talk about self-mutilation.

The All Encompassing Trip forum is for: Sports, Movies, TV, Books, Games, Career, Travel, non-Pearl Jam topics (not a chat room)

nope, don't see self-mutilation up there. I mean really...if you want to learn about a topic, then go and research it. some things are meant to be learned that way. If you want to know which show has the best Evenflow or what Nothing As It Seems is about, then this is the place to ask it. but jesus.......

reading an article cannot compare to getting actual thoughts/advice/support from real people.

smithnic

Wow going back and reading posts there are some really ignorant people commenting.
My favorite 2 are the ones about it not being apporpriate to talk about it here on AET. Uh, if you want to talk about the best Even Flow that's the Porch buddy.
The other one that is my favorite was the "I'm not going to be their friend" HA! It's a problem not a choice moron.

libragirl

urbanhippie wrote:

Good luck and the fact that your so worried means you probably a good friend and are helping more than you think.

oh yeah Im very worried...but Im not trying to be too pushy.

smithnic wrote:

As Will said in Good Will Hunting, I have some experience with this.

For literature I would read "Bodies Under Siege"
http://www.amazon.com/Bodies-under-Siege-Self-mutilation-Modification/dp/0801853001

As well as reading up on borderline personality.

Also there have been marked improvements with a therapy style known as DBT or Dialectical Behavioral Therapy for Borderline patients. Here's the text:

http://www.amazon.com/Training-Treating-Borderline-Personality-Disorder/dp/0898620341

Bellevue has a great program:

http://www.ipdp.org/

Thank you for the info...that is most helpful, Im going to check that out.

eyedclaar

My older brother used to do strange things to himself like take a needle and thread and sew a loop through the thick web between thumb and index finger. He also cut himself with knives. For him, it was a test of his pain threshold which was immense. Psycho. I too have a large pain threshold but I never felt the need to prove it to anyone, especially myself.

libragirl

smithnic wrote:

Wow going back and reading posts there are some really ignorant people commenting.
My favorite 2 are the ones about it not being apporpriate to talk about it here on AET. Uh, if you want to talk about the best Even Flow that's the Porch buddy.
The other one that is my favorite was the "I'm not going to be their friend" HA! It's a problem not a choice moron.

yeah it was a upsetting seeing those comments...I was upset when i posted this thread and seeing some of those comments was jarring. To think a friend would just abandon me when I really need them is awful. That's not a friend imo. But I just think people who feel that way never experienced anything like this. I don't know.

libragirl

eyedclaar wrote:

My older brother used to do strange things to himself like take a needle and thread and sew a loop through the thick web between thumb and index finger. He also cut himself with knives. For him, it was a test of his pain threshold which was immense. Psycho. I too have a large pain threshold but I never felt the need to prove it to anyone, especially myself.

jesus...and he wasn't depressed or anything?

eyedclaar

libragirl wrote:

jesus...and he wasn't depressed or anything?

I think it was more unfocused rage due to some fairly serious childhood trauma. I think he was trying to prove that his armor was so thick nobody could ever hurt him again.

libragirl

eyedclaar wrote:

I think it was more unfocused rage due to some fairly serious childhood trauma. I think he was trying to prove that his armor was so thick nobody could ever hurt him again.

awww....I hope he is better now.

angelica

urbanhippie wrote:

Teenagers that I have worked with have been taught to use ice as a way of coping. Apparently an icecube pressed firmly onto the skin can give a similar feeling of release with out the danger.

The CMHA suggests that option...the ice held to the skin can be painful and trigger the similar adrenaline rush that cutting can give. Another one is to put an elastic band around your wrist and to snap it to satisfy the adrenaline seeking urge.

Also, I do public speaking at high schools with a girl who used to cut all the time. What helped her move beyond harming herself was that her mother made her a blank white cotton doll to represent herself. This girl began to write on the doll, her feelings, on the parts that symbolized where felt like cutting herself. She would write all kinds of angry outbursts. Eventually, she began to write positive things on the doll, too.

At the CMHA, we also suggest a similar option, which is to draw an outline of yourself/your body on paper, and to write on the body parts you have the urge to cut on. Express/write your feelings of despair, anger, fury, etc. (edit: write in red pen/marker)

eyedclaar

libragirl wrote:

awww....I hope he is better now.

He's a psycho republican living in Alaska. He never really got over his issues, but he doesn't hurt himself anymore. It's too bad really, at one time he was the nicest kid in the world and wasn't afraid to stand up against anyone who was picking on someone smaller or weaker. I learned that from him. Now he doesn't really have any empathy for anyone.

I've posted this before, but here is a song I wrote about him - my evil twin. We're not twins but our faces look so much alike. Pretty much where the similarities end.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKVGKeUKsv0

libragirl

angelica wrote:

At the CMHA, we also suggest a similar option, which is to draw an outline of yourself/your body on paper, and to write on the body parts you have the urge to cut on. Express/write your feelings of despair, anger, fury, etc. (edit: write in red pen/marker)

I actually saw that on a website about self-harm. It also said something about ripping up paper...I suggested both to my friend but she said it's not the same and she did try ripping paper.

angelica

libragirl wrote:

I actually saw that on a website about self-harm. It also said something about ripping up paper...I suggested both to my friend but she said it's not the same and she did try ripping paper.

Yeah...those options wouldn't have worked for me, either.

I think they get more effective as someone is really readying themselves to move beyond acting against themselves. There are so many different stages to recovery.