Self-Mutilation

norm

angelica wrote:

I spent a few years cutting...

I've had other cutters gravitate towards me through the years.

I work at the Canadian Mental Health Association, and deal with cutters somewhat often.

It's my understanding that the label "self-mutilation" has fallen out of favour, due to it being an emotionally alarmist type of term.

why do some people chose cutting or mutilation? i understand it comes from depression and i'm sure some former trauma but is there any reasons why cutting?

EDIT and then you go and answer my ??'s above

libragirl

angelica wrote:

Any support you can offer her is great. And finding ways to connect her with supports, too, such as encouraging counselling. At the least, maybe posting the numbers for local Crisis/Distress lines on her fridge, etc.

Often cutters are maladaptively dealing with their pain, and the cutting is a compulsion, and is serving a purpose for the person when they don't have more productive coping skills.

Some of the cutters I've known, including myself, were sexually assaulted. Due to there being all kinds of possible related control issues, like sexual assault, imo, it's important to offer supports without getting into power struggles with the person. And if you intend to tell family/friends about it, there are risks that this person will no longer trust you, that only you can assess yourself, how you want/need to proceed. Also, if you have a local Distress or Crisis line, they often get third party callers, who are looking for support/help/advice for their loved ones...your call would be greatly welcomed on her behalf! If you don't have a local # many have toll free #s.

Best wishes with this!

She was sexually abused and I know she has a lot of issues with that. I should look at this website and see if i can find a crisis number. Yeah I really don't want to tell her family. It's hard for me to believe they don't know..

Thank you so much for the advice, you have been very helpful.

libragirl

cutback wrote:

why do some people chose cutting or mutilation? i understand it comes from depression and i'm sure some former trauma but is there any reasons why cutting?

EDIT and then you go and answer my ??'s above

well I asked my friend that..and she said it's the only thing that makes her feel better..when she sees the blood it's like a relief. Pretty much like how Angelica explained it, I guess.

norm

libragirl wrote:

well I asked my friend that..and she said it's the only thing that makes her feel better..when she sees the blood it's like a relief. Pretty much like how Angelica explained it, I guess.

yeah that's what i've heard too....makes me so sad to think that someone is so miserable, for lack of a better word, that they cut themselves to feel something....i hope you can get your friend help

angelica

libragirl wrote:

Yeah..I don't know..I did see the term on a website that dealt with it. I am familiar with the word cutting...so what is the term that is used to describe it?

I understand why she does it but it still is baffling to me...I just want to help her.

Cutting is the main term we use at the agencies I'm involved with. These things vary. For me it's important to use the term least offensive to the person grappling with it. Words like "self-mutilation" are more about "experts" defining someone with a label. For my own mental health, I have learned to define my own experiences in ways that are less stigmatizing and more empowering for me.

Always letting her know you are there always is awesome...

What I know is that due to my natural termperament, which is very harmavoidant of others--meaning I am loathe to infringe on others - I often used self-harm methods of dealing with my anger/fury/frustration....eating disorder issues, OCD, cutting, suicidal tendencies, etc. Often self-harmers are very, very sensitive.

However, what I also know is that I was very open and sensitive to the warm, compassionate intentions of others. (I was likewise hypersensitive to ignorance, stigma, judgments, etc.) It took me over 15 years to make some basic changes and get even reasonably healthy...so, it's always a good idea to keep in mind that you can offer your help, and she may not yet be ready, or that she may not be ready in ways others thinks are good for her. Take good care of you, as the bottom line!

libragirl

cutback wrote:

yeah that's what i've heard too....makes me so sad to think that someone is so miserable, for lack of a better word, that they cut themselves to feel something....i hope you can get your friend help

me too..thanks. :(

Ledbetterman10

Well I guess people do want to talk about self-mutilation. I stand corrected.

EvilMerlin

Ledbetterman10 wrote:

Well I guess people do want to talk about self-mutilation. I stand corrected.

There's an audience for everything. Especially when someone is looking for advice.

libragirl

angelica wrote:

Cutting is the main term we use at the agencies I'm involved with. These things vary. For me it's important to use the term least offensive to the person grappling with it. Words like "self-mutilation" are more about "experts" defining someone with a label. For my own mental health, I have learned to define my own experiences in ways that are less stigmatizing and more empowering for me.

Always letting her know you are there always is awesome...

What I know is that due to my natural termperament, which is very harmavoidant of others--meaning I am loathe to infringe on others - I often used self-harm methods of dealing with my anger/fury/frustration....eating disorder issues, OCD, cutting, suicidal tendencies, etc. Often self-harmers are very, very sensitive.

However, what I also know is that I was very open and sensitive to the warm, compassionate intentions of others. (I was likewise hypersensitive to ignorance, stigma, judgments, etc.) It took me over 15 years to make some basic changes and get even reasonably healthy...so, it's always a good idea to keep in mind that you can offer your help, and she may not yet be ready, or that she may not be ready in ways others thinks are good for her. Take good care of you, as the bottom line!

well i think she's afraid to tell her family because of what they might think..she is a very sensitive person. Yeah Im trying not to be pushy...I think she goes through times of not doing it and then having a "setback" an event or something can trigger it. I just want her to be happy, she is a great person.

libragirl

Ledbetterman10 wrote:

Well I guess people do want to talk about self-mutilation. I stand corrected.

Well I know it's not a happy and joyful subject but life isn't always either.

libragirl

EvilMerlin wrote:

There's an audience for everything. Especially when someone is looking for advice.

well yeah I forgot to request that people not post rude comments...pfft..big mistake.





Im not trying to exploit my friend..Im just really concerned and everyone has been very helpful and encouraging..

Thank you.

Ledbetterman10

libragirl wrote:

Well I know it's not a happy and joyful subject but life isn't always either.

I know. well I hope everything works out for whoever needs it to. but damn...just reading those words on the forum page is a bummer

libragirl

Ledbetterman10 wrote:

I know. well I hope everything works out for whoever needs it to. but damn...just reading those words on the forum page is a bummer

Well yeah it is a bummer..especially knowing someone close to you who is in trouble and you can't help them.

angelica

libragirl wrote:

She was sexually abused and I know she has a lot of issues with that. I should look at this website and see if i can find a crisis number. Yeah I really don't want to tell her family. It's hard for me to believe they don't know..

Thank you so much for the advice, you have been very helpful.

You are very welcome. I am honoured if anything I've said has been helpful.

At the CMHA where I work, we treat cutting as non-emergency, because it's not a suicidal behaviour. However, that changes if there is a bad wound or something health threatening. Medical help may be warranted. And counselling etc, always encouraged. In general, cutting is not suicidal behaviour.

There are a lot of fine lines that you will have to discern for yourself, so any supports you have is all the better! And if anything I say conflicts with your gut instinct, trust your gut and seek more guidance, through those crisis lines, etc! And you seem like a sensitive, caring person yourself, and she will appreciate that, even if she is unable to make the necessary changes yet. If you act from your heart in a well-intended way, and adapt when things aren't working, you'll do fine. Sometimes caring friends/family don't realize how much power they can have as even that one person who is there. And if it becomes overwhelming for you, make sure you keep your own boundaries healthy.

For my own initial healing, it was just one non-professional (my bumbling boyfriend) who supported me for years. It was magic, even though it took a long time to see the outcome. Know any positive support is effective, and trust your intuition!

I am grateful for the opportunity to share.

Ledbetterman10

libragirl wrote:

Well yeah it is a bummer..especially knowing someone close to you who is in trouble and you can't help them.

Have you tried to help them?

libragirl

angelica wrote:

You are very welcome. I am honoured if anything I've said has been helpful.

At the CMHA where I work, we treat cutting as non-emergency, because it's not a suicidal behaviour. However, that changes if there is a bad wound or something health threatening. Medical help may be warranted. And counselling etc, always encouraged. In general, cutting is not suicidal behaviour.

There are a lot of fine lines that you will have to discern for yourself, so any supports you have is all the better! And if anything I say conflicts with your gut instinct, trust your gut and seek more guidance, through those crisis lines, etc! And you seem like a sensitive, caring person yourself, and she will appreciate that, even if she is unable to make the necessary changes yet. If you act from your heart in a well-intended way, and adapt when things aren't working, you'll do fine. Sometimes caring friends/family don't realize how much power they can have as even that one person who is there. And if it becomes overwhelming for you, make sure you keep your own boundaries healthy.

For my own initial healing, it was just one non-professional (my bumbling boyfriend) who supported me for years. It was magic, even though it took a long time to see the outcome. Know any positive support is effective, and trust your intuition!

I am grateful for the opportunity to share.

ah...I don't think she is suicidal but there were times when she really hurt herself bad..but I know the intention isn't there but I guess she can go too far.

angelica

cutback wrote:

yeah that's what i've heard too....makes me so sad to think that someone is so miserable, for lack of a better word, that they cut themselves to feel something....i hope you can get your friend help

For me, I had no idea the kinds of traumas I blocked inside. And I had no idea where I lacked healthy skills. All I knew was that I was in huge turmoil and had to cut in order to release that.

It's sad for others who understand and feel empathy from the outside. And yet, being in that situation, one is blocked from their own trauma, because they are not ready to deal with it. Therefore they are protected from the true pain. And in my case, and for others, by the time I began to develop healthier ways, and understanding, then the underlying pain started coming up in healthy ways, because I could cope with it. I was able to manage it, and feel, experience and soothe my own pain, finally. The brain doesn't let us deal with what we cannot. I have great reverence and respect for how it works.

acoustic guy

I mutilate myself every other day, unless my wife does not have a headache.

libragirl

Ledbetterman10 wrote:

Have you tried to help them?

Im trying as best I can but it seems she has to decide for herself. I guess just being there for her is the best I can do right now. :(

angelica

libragirl wrote:

ah...I don't think she is suicidal but there were times when she really hurt herself bad..but I know the intention isn't there but I guess she can go too far.

Yeah, and that's the type of thing that you would be best served to check with whomever you can for advice on how to cope... All kinds of different agencies, etc, have different policies on what is best...

At the CMHA, I work in crisis intervention, so what we do in the moment of a crisis, is different than others may feel is best for long term. And with bad self-harm, we have a mobile crisis team that is trained to get people to go (and who go with) to the hospital for care of wounds at the least. The more facets/options you are familiar with and can choose from the better equipped you will be to make the best choices for your situation.