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Self-Mutilation

libragirllibragirl Posts: 4,632
edited July 2008 in All Encompassing Trip
Does anyone know someone who does this or did it..Did they ever find a way to stop? Or do you or ever did it?

My friend is a cutter and Im worried about her.

Please do not post rude or insensitive remarks. Thank you.
These cuts are leaving creases. Trace the scars to fit the pieces, to tell the story, you don't need to say a word.
Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments

  • Ledbetterman10Ledbetterman10 Posts: 16,929
    dude, no one wants to talk about self-mutilation.

    The All Encompassing Trip forum is for: Sports, Movies, TV, Books, Games, Career, Travel, non-Pearl Jam topics (not a chat room)

    nope, don't see self-mutilation up there. I mean really...if you want to learn about a topic, then go and research it. some things are meant to be learned that way. If you want to know which show has the best Evenflow or what Nothing As It Seems is about, then this is the place to ask it. but jesus.......
    2000: Camden 1, 2003: Philly, State College, Camden 1, MSG 2, Hershey, 2004: Reading, 2005: Philly, 2006: Camden 1, 2, East Rutherford 1, 2007: Lollapalooza, 2008: Camden 1, Washington D.C., MSG 1, 2, 2009: Philly 1, 2, 3, 4, 2010: Bristol, MSG 2, 2011: PJ20 1, 2, 2012: Made In America, 2013: Brooklyn 2, Philly 2, 2014: Denver, 2015: Global Citizen Festival, 2016: Philly 2, Fenway 1, 2018: Fenway 1, 2, 2021: Sea. Hear. Now. 2022: Camden, 2024: Philly 2

    Pearl Jam bootlegs:
    http://wegotshit.blogspot.com
  • EvilMerlinEvilMerlin Posts: 1,865
    libragirl wrote:
    Does anyone know someone who does this or did it..Did they ever find a way to stop? Or do you or ever did it?

    I have a buddy who did it, he said he got to a point where he kind of grew out of it. After therapy for his aggression and anger, it started to slow down, and I think he was beginning to process the pain he was causing himself.
  • FifthelementFifthelement Lotusland Posts: 6,963
    libragirl wrote:
    Does anyone know someone who does this or did it..Did they ever find a way to stop? Or do you or ever did it?


    My niece was cutting herself. I talked to her about it and then told her that I needed to tell her parents because she needed serious help. She was upset at first, but eventually went to counselling, and is dealing with her issues head-on now. I am happy to say that she has stopped cutting.
    "What the CANUCK happened?!? - Esquimalt Barber Shop
  • Rhinocerous SurpriseRhinocerous Surprise Posts: 4,423
    I know someone who did... I told them that, even though they thought they were just hurting themselves, every time they did it, it hurt the people they loved. There are so many better ways of dealing with stuff.
    Smokey Robinson constantly looks like he's trying to act natural after being accused of farting.
  • HushBullHushBull Posts: 996
    Ledbetterman10 wrote:
    dude, no one wants to talk about self-mutilation.

    The All Encompassing Trip forum is for: Sports, Movies, TV, Books, Games, Career, Travel, non-Pearl Jam topics (not a chat room)

    nope, don't see self-mutilation up there. I mean really...if you want to learn about a topic, then go and research it. some things are meant to be learned that way. If you want to know which show has the best Evenflow or what Nothing As It Seems is about, then this is the place to ask it. but jesus.......
    I would advise you just not clicky on the topic. I like AET because it is no holds barred.
    "When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro"
  • brain of cbrain of c Posts: 5,213
    razorblade sherry.

    i wonder if she made it through.
    d'oh!!!!!!

    http://www.myspace.com/brain_of_c
  • libragirllibragirl Posts: 4,632
    EvilMerlin wrote:
    I have a buddy who did it, he said he got to a point where he kind of grew out of it. After therapy for his aggression and anger, it started to slow down, and I think he was beginning to process the pain he was causing himself.

    I have a friend and she was doing it since Highschool. I think she stopped for a while but now she is doing it again I think. I saw a cut on her wrist. She has scars and stuff..it's a shame she is an attractive girl. I was hoping she would start being able to deal with stuff in a healthier way. I just want to help her but don't know how.
    These cuts are leaving creases. Trace the scars to fit the pieces, to tell the story, you don't need to say a word.
  • FifthelementFifthelement Lotusland Posts: 6,963
    Ledbetterman10 wrote:
    dude, no one wants to talk about self-mutilation.

    The All Encompassing Trip forum is for: Sports, Movies, TV, Books, Games, Career, Travel, non-Pearl Jam topics (not a chat room)

    nope, don't see self-mutilation up there. I mean really...if you want to learn about a topic, then go and research it. some things are meant to be learned that way. If you want to know which show has the best Evenflow or what Nothing As It Seems is about, then this is the place to ask it. but jesus.......

    I don't even know how to respond to this. If you can't contribute positively, than please don't contribute. Pass the thread by.
    "What the CANUCK happened?!? - Esquimalt Barber Shop
  • EvilMerlinEvilMerlin Posts: 1,865
    libragirl wrote:
    I have a friend and she was doing it since Highschool. I think she stopped for a while but now she is doing it again I think. I saw a cut on her wrist. She has scars and stuff..it's a shame she is an attractive girl. I was hoping she would start being able to deal with stuff in a healthier way. I just want to help her but don't know how.

    If it's a possibility and she'd be willing to go, I'd say counselling is the best way to go.
  • normnorm Posts: 31,146
    libragirl wrote:
    I have a friend and she was doing it since Highschool. I think she stopped for a while but now she is doing it again I think. I saw a cut on her wrist. She has scars and stuff..it's a shame she is an attractive girl. I was hoping she would start being able to deal with stuff in a healthier way. I just want to help her but don't know how.

    sidenote....it's odd to read that and read your signature right after it ;)
  • angelicaangelica Posts: 6,038
    I spent a few years cutting...

    I've had other cutters gravitate towards me through the years.

    I work at the Canadian Mental Health Association, and deal with cutters somewhat often.

    It's my understanding that the label "self-mutilation" has fallen out of favour, due to it being an emotionally alarmist type of term.
    "The opposite of a fact is falsehood, but the opposite of one profound truth may very well be another profound truth." ~ Niels Bohr

    http://www.myspace.com/illuminatta

    Rhinocerous Surprise '08!!!
  • libragirllibragirl Posts: 4,632
    Fifthelement wrote:
    My niece was cutting herself. I talked to her about it and then told her that I needed to tell her parents because she needed serious help. She was upset at first, but eventually went to counselling, and is dealing with her issues head-on now. I am happy to say that she has stopped cutting.

    Im not even sure if anyone around her knows it..I feel like saying something because Im scared she's going to go too far someday. But I don't want her to get mad at me. Maybe I can try to tell her to go to counseling..she seems like she really wants to stop.
    These cuts are leaving creases. Trace the scars to fit the pieces, to tell the story, you don't need to say a word.
  • EvilMerlinEvilMerlin Posts: 1,865
    Ledbetterman10 wrote:
    dude, no one wants to talk about self-mutilation.

    The All Encompassing Trip forum is for: Sports, Movies, TV, Books, Games, Career, Travel, non-Pearl Jam topics (not a chat room)

    nope, don't see self-mutilation up there. I mean really...if you want to learn about a topic, then go and research it. some things are meant to be learned that way. If you want to know which show has the best Evenflow or what Nothing As It Seems is about, then this is the place to ask it. but jesus.......

    Dude, you just stated the rules...and then made an example that broke the rules. WTF?

    Why would I ask about Even Flow or Nothing as it Seems here, when you stated the rules to me that this is for non-Pearl Jam topics.

    Interesting...

    I think this is the perfect place to ask about self-mutilation. As good as it gets on these boards.

    Unless you thought this was the porch??

    Well...I'm the third person to jump on you for this...sorry for beating a dead horse. :p
  • libragirllibragirl Posts: 4,632
    angelica wrote:
    I spent a few years cutting...

    I've had other cutters gravitate towards me through the years.

    I work at the Canadian Mental Health Association, and deal with cutters somewhat often.

    It's my understanding that the label "self-mutilation" has fallen out of favour, due to it being an emotionally alarmist type of term.

    Yeah..I don't know..I did see the term on a website that dealt with it. I am familiar with the word cutting...so what is the term that is used to describe it?

    I understand why she does it but it still is baffling to me...I just want to help her.
    These cuts are leaving creases. Trace the scars to fit the pieces, to tell the story, you don't need to say a word.
  • EvilMerlinEvilMerlin Posts: 1,865
    cutback wrote:
    sidenote....it's odd to read that and read your signature right after it ;)

    You're finding everything today! :p
  • libragirllibragirl Posts: 4,632
    Rhinocerous Surprise wrote:
    I know someone who did... I told them that, even though they thought they were just hurting themselves, every time they did it, it hurt the people they loved. There are so many better ways of dealing with stuff.

    yeah..I think she gets upset because it upsets me and other people who knows she does it...and I can tell she's embarrassed about the scars. I even said if you stop doing it you won't have to worry about hiding scars and cuts, but she said at the time she's not thinking of that.
    These cuts are leaving creases. Trace the scars to fit the pieces, to tell the story, you don't need to say a word.
  • FifthelementFifthelement Lotusland Posts: 6,963
    libragirl wrote:
    Im not even sure if anyone around her knows it..I feel like saying something because Im scared she's going to go too far someday. But I don't want her to get mad at me. Maybe I can try to tell her to go to counseling..she seems like she really wants to stop.


    Be direct and ask her. Tell her you care and that she may find it helpful to get professional help.
    "What the CANUCK happened?!? - Esquimalt Barber Shop
  • libragirllibragirl Posts: 4,632
    Ledbetterman10 wrote:
    dude, no one wants to talk about self-mutilation.

    The All Encompassing Trip forum is for: Sports, Movies, TV, Books, Games, Career, Travel, non-Pearl Jam topics (not a chat room)

    nope, don't see self-mutilation up there. I mean really...if you want to learn about a topic, then go and research it. some things are meant to be learned that way. If you want to know which show has the best Evenflow or what Nothing As It Seems is about, then this is the place to ask it. but jesus.......

    Unbelievable....I really shouldn't even dignify this with a reply but here it is:

    Im sorry if this is upsetting..Im concerned about my friend and a lot of people frequent this board. People with different life experiences and I was hoping to get some advice or feedback.

    I am really offended by this post and really don't understand why you bothered to reply at all. You have the option to ignore a topic that doesn't interest you or is distasteful you know?
    These cuts are leaving creases. Trace the scars to fit the pieces, to tell the story, you don't need to say a word.
  • libragirllibragirl Posts: 4,632
    cutback wrote:
    sidenote....it's odd to read that and read your signature right after it ;)

    oh, well yeah I could understant that being odd.
    These cuts are leaving creases. Trace the scars to fit the pieces, to tell the story, you don't need to say a word.
  • angelicaangelica Posts: 6,038
    libragirl wrote:
    Im not even sure if anyone around her knows it..I feel like saying something because Im scared she's going to go too far someday. But I don't want her to get mad at me. Maybe I can try to tell her to go to counseling..she seems like she really wants to stop.
    Any support you can offer her is great. And finding ways to connect her with supports, too, such as encouraging counselling. At the least, maybe posting the numbers for local Crisis/Distress lines on her fridge, etc.

    Often cutters are maladaptively dealing with their pain, and the cutting is a compulsion, and is serving a purpose for the person when they don't have more productive coping skills.

    Some of the cutters I've known, including myself, were sexually assaulted. Due to there being all kinds of possible related control issues, like sexual assault, imo, it's important to offer supports without getting into power struggles with the person. And if you intend to tell family/friends about it, there are risks that this person will no longer trust you, that only you can assess yourself, how you want/need to proceed. Also, if you have a local Distress or Crisis line, they often get third party callers, who are looking for support/help/advice for their loved ones...your call would be greatly welcomed on her behalf! If you don't have a local # many have toll free #s.

    Best wishes with this!
    "The opposite of a fact is falsehood, but the opposite of one profound truth may very well be another profound truth." ~ Niels Bohr

    http://www.myspace.com/illuminatta

    Rhinocerous Surprise '08!!!
  • normnorm Posts: 31,146
    angelica wrote:
    I spent a few years cutting...

    I've had other cutters gravitate towards me through the years.

    I work at the Canadian Mental Health Association, and deal with cutters somewhat often.

    It's my understanding that the label "self-mutilation" has fallen out of favour, due to it being an emotionally alarmist type of term.

    why do some people chose cutting or mutilation? i understand it comes from depression and i'm sure some former trauma but is there any reasons why cutting?

    EDIT and then you go and answer my ??'s above :o
  • libragirllibragirl Posts: 4,632
    angelica wrote:
    Any support you can offer her is great. And finding ways to connect her with supports, too, such as encouraging counselling. At the least, maybe posting the numbers for local Crisis/Distress lines on her fridge, etc.

    Often cutters are maladaptively dealing with their pain, and the cutting is a compulsion, and is serving a purpose for the person when they don't have more productive coping skills.

    Some of the cutters I've known, including myself, were sexually assaulted. Due to there being all kinds of possible related control issues, like sexual assault, imo, it's important to offer supports without getting into power struggles with the person. And if you intend to tell family/friends about it, there are risks that this person will no longer trust you, that only you can assess yourself, how you want/need to proceed. Also, if you have a local Distress or Crisis line, they often get third party callers, who are looking for support/help/advice for their loved ones...your call would be greatly welcomed on her behalf! If you don't have a local # many have toll free #s.

    Best wishes with this!

    She was sexually abused and I know she has a lot of issues with that. I should look at this website and see if i can find a crisis number. Yeah I really don't want to tell her family. It's hard for me to believe they don't know..

    Thank you so much for the advice, you have been very helpful.
    These cuts are leaving creases. Trace the scars to fit the pieces, to tell the story, you don't need to say a word.
  • libragirllibragirl Posts: 4,632
    cutback wrote:
    why do some people chose cutting or mutilation? i understand it comes from depression and i'm sure some former trauma but is there any reasons why cutting?

    EDIT and then you go and answer my ??'s above :o

    well I asked my friend that..and she said it's the only thing that makes her feel better..when she sees the blood it's like a relief. Pretty much like how Angelica explained it, I guess.
    These cuts are leaving creases. Trace the scars to fit the pieces, to tell the story, you don't need to say a word.
  • normnorm Posts: 31,146
    libragirl wrote:
    well I asked my friend that..and she said it's the only thing that makes her feel better..when she sees the blood it's like a relief. Pretty much like how Angelica explained it, I guess.


    yeah that's what i've heard too....makes me so sad to think that someone is so miserable, for lack of a better word, that they cut themselves to feel something....i hope you can get your friend help
  • angelicaangelica Posts: 6,038
    libragirl wrote:
    Yeah..I don't know..I did see the term on a website that dealt with it. I am familiar with the word cutting...so what is the term that is used to describe it?

    I understand why she does it but it still is baffling to me...I just want to help her.
    Cutting is the main term we use at the agencies I'm involved with. These things vary. For me it's important to use the term least offensive to the person grappling with it. Words like "self-mutilation" are more about "experts" defining someone with a label. For my own mental health, I have learned to define my own experiences in ways that are less stigmatizing and more empowering for me.

    Always letting her know you are there always is awesome...

    What I know is that due to my natural termperament, which is very harmavoidant of others--meaning I am loathe to infringe on others - I often used self-harm methods of dealing with my anger/fury/frustration....eating disorder issues, OCD, cutting, suicidal tendencies, etc. Often self-harmers are very, very sensitive.

    However, what I also know is that I was very open and sensitive to the warm, compassionate intentions of others. (I was likewise hypersensitive to ignorance, stigma, judgments, etc.) It took me over 15 years to make some basic changes and get even reasonably healthy...so, it's always a good idea to keep in mind that you can offer your help, and she may not yet be ready, or that she may not be ready in ways others thinks are good for her. Take good care of you, as the bottom line!
    "The opposite of a fact is falsehood, but the opposite of one profound truth may very well be another profound truth." ~ Niels Bohr

    http://www.myspace.com/illuminatta

    Rhinocerous Surprise '08!!!
  • libragirllibragirl Posts: 4,632
    cutback wrote:
    yeah that's what i've heard too....makes me so sad to think that someone is so miserable, for lack of a better word, that they cut themselves to feel something....i hope you can get your friend help

    me too..thanks. :(
    These cuts are leaving creases. Trace the scars to fit the pieces, to tell the story, you don't need to say a word.
  • Ledbetterman10Ledbetterman10 Posts: 16,929
    Well I guess people do want to talk about self-mutilation. I stand corrected.
    2000: Camden 1, 2003: Philly, State College, Camden 1, MSG 2, Hershey, 2004: Reading, 2005: Philly, 2006: Camden 1, 2, East Rutherford 1, 2007: Lollapalooza, 2008: Camden 1, Washington D.C., MSG 1, 2, 2009: Philly 1, 2, 3, 4, 2010: Bristol, MSG 2, 2011: PJ20 1, 2, 2012: Made In America, 2013: Brooklyn 2, Philly 2, 2014: Denver, 2015: Global Citizen Festival, 2016: Philly 2, Fenway 1, 2018: Fenway 1, 2, 2021: Sea. Hear. Now. 2022: Camden, 2024: Philly 2

    Pearl Jam bootlegs:
    http://wegotshit.blogspot.com
  • EvilMerlinEvilMerlin Posts: 1,865
    Ledbetterman10 wrote:
    Well I guess people do want to talk about self-mutilation. I stand corrected.

    There's an audience for everything. Especially when someone is looking for advice.
  • libragirllibragirl Posts: 4,632
    angelica wrote:
    Cutting is the main term we use at the agencies I'm involved with. These things vary. For me it's important to use the term least offensive to the person grappling with it. Words like "self-mutilation" are more about "experts" defining someone with a label. For my own mental health, I have learned to define my own experiences in ways that are less stigmatizing and more empowering for me.

    Always letting her know you are there always is awesome...

    What I know is that due to my natural termperament, which is very harmavoidant of others--meaning I am loathe to infringe on others - I often used self-harm methods of dealing with my anger/fury/frustration....eating disorder issues, OCD, cutting, suicidal tendencies, etc. Often self-harmers are very, very sensitive.

    However, what I also know is that I was very open and sensitive to the warm, compassionate intentions of others. (I was likewise hypersensitive to ignorance, stigma, judgments, etc.) It took me over 15 years to make some basic changes and get even reasonably healthy...so, it's always a good idea to keep in mind that you can offer your help, and she may not yet be ready, or that she may not be ready in ways others thinks are good for her. Take good care of you, as the bottom line!

    well i think she's afraid to tell her family because of what they might think..she is a very sensitive person. Yeah Im trying not to be pushy...I think she goes through times of not doing it and then having a "setback" an event or something can trigger it. I just want her to be happy, she is a great person.
    These cuts are leaving creases. Trace the scars to fit the pieces, to tell the story, you don't need to say a word.
  • libragirllibragirl Posts: 4,632
    Ledbetterman10 wrote:
    Well I guess people do want to talk about self-mutilation. I stand corrected.

    Well I know it's not a happy and joyful subject but life isn't always either.
    These cuts are leaving creases. Trace the scars to fit the pieces, to tell the story, you don't need to say a word.
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