Self-Mutilation

Vedderlution_Baby

I cut for seven years. First time I did it I was 11 and broke a plastic clothes hanger in two. Took a piece and started to carve. At that point, I didn't know why I did it. Just that I did it. I could sense something underneath the surface of my thoughts, but couldn't tell what it was. It was soon after that the memories of sexual abuse I had suffered returned to me after I had blacked them out. The sexual abuse wasn't the only reason I did it. My mother put me under a lot of stress with verbal abuse and always being on edge. I had a lot of emotional pain, and absolutely no way to deal with it at all. So, I decided to make the emotional pain physical, so I could see it and watch it, and know that one day it would heal. Not a very healthy or long lasting fix for my problem, but I wasn't looking at that at the time. It became an addiction for me, and just like an addiction, I had to do it more often and do a larger amount each time to get the same effect. Eventually my parents found out. The first thing they did was slap me across the face. After they got done doing that I went back into my room and cut myself up all over again. My current g/f got me to stop doing it by saying that when I did it to myself, I did it to her. I haven't done it in about two to three years but it's not over. You know how they say once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic? I apply that to self-mutilation also. Atleast for myself. I'd be lying if I said I didn't get urges to do it even today.


I've got scratches, all over my arms
One for each day, since I fell apart.

That line gets me every fucking time.

libragirl

angelica wrote:

Yeah, and that's the type of thing that you would be best served to check with whomever you can for advice on how to cope... All kinds of different agencies, etc, have different policies on what is best...

At the CMHA, I work in crisis intervention, so what we do in the moment of a crisis, is different than others may feel is best for long term. And with bad self-harm, we have a mobile crisis team that is trained to get people to go (and who go with) to the hospital for care of wounds at the least. The more facets/options you are familiar with and can choose from the better equipped you will be to make the best choices for your situation.

Yeah Im going to do some more research. I think isolation is bad for her and she tends to do isolate herself. I'm going to try to keep her occupied..do fun stuff and such..I know it sounds stupid but I think it helps her.

Thank you again Angelica so much for your help.

acoustic guy

Vedderlution_Baby! wrote:

I cut for seven years. First time I did it I was 11 and broke a plastic clothes hanger in two. Took a piece and started to carve. At that point, I didn't know why I did it. Just that I did it. I could sense something underneath the surface of my thoughts, but couldn't tell what it was. It was soon after that the memories of sexual abuse I had suffered returned to me after I had blacked them out. The sexual abuse wasn't the only reason I did it. My mother put me under a lot of stress with verbal abuse and always being on edge. I had a lot of emotional pain, and absolutely no way to deal with it at all. So, I decided to make the emotional pain physical, so I could see it and watch it, and know that one day it would heal. Not a very healthy or long lasting fix for my problem, but I wasn't looking at that at the time. It became an addiction for me, and just like an addiction, I had to do it more often and do a larger amount each time to get the same effect. Eventually my parents found out. The first thing they did was slap me across the face. After they got done doing that I went back into my room and cut myself up all over again. My current g/f got me to stop doing it by saying that when I did it to myself, I did it to her. I haven't done it in about two to three years but it's not over. You know how they say once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic? I apply that to self-mutilation also. Atleast for myself. I'd be lying if I said I didn't get urges to do it even today.


I've got scratches, all over my arms
One for each day, since I fell apart.

That line gets me every fucking time.

Woooo. Very personal info. Takes balls to write that.
Keep focused

angelica

Vedderlution_Baby! wrote:

I cut for seven years. First time I did it I was 11 and broke a plastic clothes hanger in two. Took a piece and started to carve. At that point, I didn't know why I did it. Just that I did it. I could sense something underneath the surface of my thoughts, but couldn't tell what it was. It was soon after that the memories of sexual abuse I had suffered returned to me after I had blacked them out. The sexual abuse wasn't the only reason I did it. My mother put me under a lot of stress with verbal abuse and always being on edge. I had a lot of emotional pain, and absolutely no way to deal with it at all. So, I decided to make the emotional pain physical, so I could see it and watch it, and know that one day it would heal. Not a very healthy or long lasting fix for my problem, but I wasn't looking at that at the time. It became an addiction for me, and just like an addiction, I had to do it more often and do a larger amount each time to get the same effect. Eventually my parents found out. The first thing they did was slap me across the face. After they got done doing that I went back into my room and cut myself up all over again. My current g/f got me to stop doing it by saying that when I did it to myself, I did it to her. I haven't done it in about two to three years but it's not over. You know how they say once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic? I apply that to self-mutilation also. Atleast for myself. I'd be lying if I said I didn't get urges to do it even today.


I've got scratches, all over my arms
One for each day, since I fell apart.

That line gets me every fucking time.

My daughter also has scars all over her arms. Her ex-boyfriend has cigarette burns along his.

I send my support to you, my friend. I remember us talking about this before. Peace.

angelica

libragirl wrote:

Yeah Im going to do some more research. I think isolation is bad for her and she tends to do isolate herself. I'm going to try to keep her occupied..do fun stuff and such..I know it sounds stupid but I think it helps her.

Thank you again Angelica so much for your help.

You are very welcome. ((((Hugs)))) to you!

libragirl

Vedderlution_Baby! wrote:

I cut for seven years. First time I did it I was 11 and broke a plastic clothes hanger in two. Took a piece and started to carve. At that point, I didn't know why I did it. Just that I did it. I could sense something underneath the surface of my thoughts, but couldn't tell what it was. It was soon after that the memories of sexual abuse I had suffered returned to me after I had blacked them out. The sexual abuse wasn't the only reason I did it. My mother put me under a lot of stress with verbal abuse and always being on edge. I had a lot of emotional pain, and absolutely no way to deal with it at all. So, I decided to make the emotional pain physical, so I could see it and watch it, and know that one day it would heal. Not a very healthy or long lasting fix for my problem, but I wasn't looking at that at the time. It became an addiction for me, and just like an addiction, I had to do it more often and do a larger amount each time to get the same effect. Eventually my parents found out. The first thing they did was slap me across the face. After they got done doing that I went back into my room and cut myself up all over again. My current g/f got me to stop doing it by saying that when I did it to myself, I did it to her. I haven't done it in about two to three years but it's not over. You know how they say once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic? I apply that to self-mutilation also. Atleast for myself. I'd be lying if I said I didn't get urges to do it even today.


I've got scratches, all over my arms
One for each day, since I fell apart.

That line gets me every fucking time.

Thank you for sharing that...Im sorry that you have gone through that. I think my friend had gone a couple of years or so..and I was always hopeful. It's stupid but once when i was in her room i tried to look for knives, scissors or razors to throw them away...

So you gf just asking you to stop was enough? I tried to tell her and I think it works for a little while..but like you said I think the urges is always there. :(

Fahka

self mutilation is something that teenagers have used for years as "cries for attention" I m not gonna judge (i personally have never been a self mutilator or known anyone who has really personally) but its just so dumb :(


So worthless.. achieves nothing but bad scars and negative attention. Such a shame.. I used to think it was just a 12-16 year old attention cry (those are very confusing years for a person so i could see why it might happen) but now i hear about people doing it up unto their 30s! i am sorry but if u are hurting yourself past the age of 16, you need to get over yourself.. everyone has problems.. the world would over run with the rivers of tears... Life sucks.. doesn't mean ure purty skin has to suffer for it..

Vedderlution_Baby

libragirl wrote:

Thank you for sharing that...Im sorry that you have gone through that. I think my friend had gone a couple of years or so..and I was always hopeful. It's stupid but once when i was in her room i tried to look for knives, scissors or razors to throw them away...

So you gf just asking you to stop was enough? I tried to tell her and I think it works for a little while..but like you said I think the urges is always there. :(

It was a mixture between asking me and me knowing that she wouldn't stick around if I kept doing it. I think I knew it was getting really bad also. I never cut deep, but I always cut a lot and would allow them to bleed as long as they wanted. It was exhausting at times. Exhausting because it took a lot out of me to hurt myself that much and then make sure they couldn't be seen by strategically placed clothing.

Just keep letting her know you care about her. Let her know you just aren't going through the motions so your conscience is clean. And you have to realize that if she does decide to let you know what's inside...it can be pretty dark and ugly. Don't tell her you'll listen then tell her you can't. (If she hasn't told you already. But the advice applies to anyone else who has the same problem)

angelica

LeatherMandi wrote:

self mutilation is something that teenagers have used for years as "cries for attention" I m not gonna judge (i personally have never been a self mutilator or known anyone who has really personally) but its just so dumb :(


So worthless.. achieves nothing but bad scars and negative attention. Such a shame.. I used to think it was just a 12-16 year old attention cry (those are very confusing years for a person so i could see why it might happen) but now i hear about people doing it up unto their 30s! i am sorry but if u are hurting yourself past the age of 16, you need to get over yourself.. everyone has problems.. the world would over run with the rivers of tears... Life sucks.. doesn't mean ure purty skin has to suffer for it..

You are doing exactly what you say you are not doing: judging. You judge without understanding.

libragirl

LeatherMandi wrote:

self mutilation is something that teenagers have used for years as "cries for attention" I m not gonna judge (i personally have never been a self mutilator or known anyone who has really personally) but its just so dumb :(


So worthless.. achieves nothing but bad scars and negative attention. Such a shame.. I used to think it was just a 12-16 year old attention cry (those are very confusing years for a person so i could see why it might happen) but now i hear about people doing it up unto their 30s! i am sorry but if u are hurting yourself past the age of 16, you need to get over yourself.. everyone has problems.. the world would over run with the rivers of tears... Life sucks.. doesn't mean ure purty skin has to suffer for it..

Yes everyone does have problems..but not everyone can deal with it in a healthy or what most people would say a normal way. I have compassion for people and I think it's more complex then her having to get over herself.

Im never judge my friend or put her down...she has been through some bad shit and it evidently has caused her to not be able to channel her pain and frustrations in a healthy way.

I just want to help her.

Fahka

angelica wrote:

You are doing exactly what you say you are not doing: judging. You judge without understanding.

My OPINION.. is that its worthless and silly, how the fuck is judging?

If u are cutting yourself im not gonna treat you any differently... but it doesnt mean that i can't think your being emo.. i wish i could say my heart aches for the people who are doing it but to be honest, it just doesnt. All u can do is hope that that person finds whatever it is they are looking for to make things "ok" within themselves


Trust me, ive seen the lifetime movies.. its sad.. i dont get why people do but that doesnt mean im being judgmental for a second... I just have no respect for it .. its a respect less kind of thing..

angelica

Vedderlution_Baby! wrote:

.. And you have to realize that if she does decide to let you know what's inside...it can be pretty dark and ugly. Don't tell her you'll listen then tell her you can't. (If she hasn't told you already. But the advice applies to anyone else who has the same problem)

This is so true. I was unable to express my actual underlying issues to people, because they were horrified and tried block me always...to shut me down. Even my psychiatrist...In Canada, given psychiatry is covered by universal health care, psychiatry is often the main form of treatment for mental health issues. and yet they don't want to hear the stories...they are instead interested in "symptoms" and handing out medications.

My healing began when my boyfriend listened to me, heard the dark, horrible ugliness, and cried with me, and told me it wasn't my fault, and I wasn't to blame.

libragirl

angelica wrote:

You are doing exactly what you say you are not doing: judging. You judge without understanding.

Yeah...I guess that's the risk I took when I posted this..Unfortunately, some people could be insensitive.

keeponrockin

I know several friends that have or do do it... One's used therapy and it's helped, I don't know about the others.

angelica

LeatherMandi wrote:

My OPINION.. is that its worthless and silly, how the fuck is judging?

If u are cutting yourself im not gonna treat you any differently... but it doesnt mean that i can't think your being emo..


Trust me, ive seen the lifetime movies.. its sad.. i dont get why people do but that doesnt mean im being judgmental for a second... I just have no respect for it .. its a respect less kind of thing..

You're entitled to your opinion, just as I'm entitled to point out your contradictory words.

Fahka

libragirl wrote:

Yes everyone does have problems..but not everyone can deal with it in a healthy or what most people would say a normal way. I have compassion for people and I think it's more complex then her having to get over herself.

Im never judge my friend or put her down...she has been through some bad shit and it evidently has caused her to not be able to channel her pain and frustrations in a healthy way.

I just want to help her.

and thats very sweet of you! you should..

i had a friend who i had no idea was even depressed until i got a phone call that she committed suicide.. Keep helping your friend in anyway you can...

I just don't get it .. theres so much better things to come out of anger and hurt other than cuts ..

Vedderlution_Baby

LeatherMandi wrote:

self mutilation is something that teenagers have used for years as "cries for attention" I m not gonna judge (i personally have never been a self mutilator or known anyone who has really personally) but its just so dumb :(


So worthless.. achieves nothing but bad scars and negative attention. Such a shame.. I used to think it was just a 12-16 year old attention cry (those are very confusing years for a person so i could see why it might happen) but now i hear about people doing it up unto their 30s! i am sorry but if u are hurting yourself past the age of 16, you need to get over yourself.. everyone has problems.. the world would over run with the rivers of tears... Life sucks.. doesn't mean ure purty skin has to suffer for it..

Cries for attention...I suppose some of us have done it for that reason. There are also those of us, like myself, who made sure that what we did wasn't seen and nobody knew what was going on. I don't expect you to understand why we do it, but it takes only a little understanding to know that self mutilation stems from emotional problems that a person simply cannot get over. Do you tell a rape victim to get over it? A person who was beaten as a child to get over it? Because sometimes this is what we deal with it. And this is how we deal with it. We know it's not healthy. We know it's not good for us. But you also have to realize that a lot of us don't give a fuck about ourselves.

libragirl

LeatherMandi wrote:

My OPINION.. is that its worthless and silly, how the fuck is judging?

If u are cutting yourself im not gonna treat you any differently... but it doesnt mean that i can't think your being emo.. i wish i could say my heart aches for the people who are doing it but to be honest, it just doesnt. All u can do is hope that that person finds whatever it is they are looking for to make things "ok" within themselves


Trust me, ive seen the lifetime movies.. its sad.. i dont get why people do but that doesnt mean im being judgmental for a second... I just have no respect for it .. its a respect less kind of thing..

I respect your opinion..I agree it is worthless and senseless. But if you have a close friend doing it your not gonna be so flip about it..you are gonna care about helping them. Just like if someone I knew had a drug problem..yeah it's senseless but Im still going to care.

Fahka

angelica wrote:

You're entitled to your opinion, just as I'm entitled to point out your contradictory words.

How did i contradict myself?.. i said.. i dont judge that person who does it.. "oh that person cuts themselves, they are a fucking idiot" That would be judging a person. I just said i didnt have any respect for it.. if you are going to put me under a scope.. at least do it fairly please

libragirl

LeatherMandi wrote:

and thats very sweet of you! you should..

i had a friend who i had no idea was even depressed until i got a phone call that she committed suicide.. Keep helping your friend in anyway you can...

I just don't get it .. theres so much better things to come out of anger and hurt other than cuts ..

eh..it's a hard thing to understand..Im trying to...She tries to cover the cuts but I saw the one on her wrist. As for the attention thing...most of the time they are covering up and stuff...I think she has been keeping it from her family that way.