Saay NO to violence against men!

Ahnimus

onelongsong wrote:

thank you for that. it helps establish a perspective. i've been abused and cheated by women yet i was taught to keep my mouth shut. for the longest time i thought i was the only one.

If you feel like sharing I'd be interested to hear it, but I can certainly understand if your not comfortable.

Ahnimus

genie wrote:

i agree tell him like it is Ahnimus!

I actually regretted saying that, it's not really my style, but I didn't know what else to say really.

genie

Ahnimus wrote:

I actually regretted saying that, it's not really my style, but I didn't know what else to say really.

but then what else could you have said? Just like you, Jeanie, and others i found his comment to be ridiculous.

Ahnimus

genie wrote:

but then what else could you have said? Just like you, Jeanie, and others i found his comment to be ridiculous.

I know but I try to refrain from labels like idiot and asshole.

melodious

Jeanie wrote:

Well that's great OLS. And I know that my brother and other male relatives were raised the same. However I think it's important that we're ALL of us taught not to hit. Girls and boys. There are some women out there that I've seen attack that probably could do with a snap to the head, but I doubt it would change their behaviour. The thing is, nobody deserves to be hit and everyone needs to learn other ways of coping with their anger and frustration. I can understand people lashing out in anger sometimes and I can understand them retaliating with violence if they are subjected to violence but ultimately it solves nothing.

Eloquently spoken. Violence begets violence. I was wondering if "dad" gave reasoning when making this stance.

To further this thought a bit more, our tolerance level can be influence by recieved nurturing. If a parent say to a child, "Don't do it because I say" only instills fear and little reassaurance...Which can cause a child to make many assumptions in his/her reasoning skills, as well as cause the child to fill in the blanks. Most of the time or should I say, chances are that the individual will make innacurate assumptions and this flaws communication and tolerance skills....and to me this is a shame and a waste of precious life.

Jeanie

melodious wrote:

Eloquently spoken. Violence begets violence. I was wondering if "dad" gave reasoning when making this stance.

To further this thought a bit more, our tolerance level can be influence by recieved nurturing. If a parent say to a child, "Don't do it because I say" only instills fear and little reassaurance...Which can cause a child to make many assumptions in his/her reasoning skills, as well as cause the child to fill in the blanks. Most of the time or should I say, chances are that the individual will make innacurate assumptions and this flaws communication and tolerance skills....and to me this is a shame and a waste of precious life.

Thank you. Most likely the reasoning would be based on that generation's and previous generations views on men and women and the traditional roles and etiquettes I suspect. I know that my grandad would often say that you don't hit girls. Actually I can recall quite a few of the men in my family saying it. And I can't count how many guys I've heard say they were taught that over the years. It's not really based in reality but more in the "what people expect" of you category. I mean it's a silly notion really in that not only does it put immense pressure on boys never to hit girls EVEN if they are being abused but it also sets up the idea in girls that they are safe and that boys won't hit. That doesn't work very well really. I think a lot of women that do abuse are banking on the idea that guys have been brought up not to hit girls. So they think they've got carte blanche to hit at will "safe" in the knowledge that the guy isn't supposed to hit back. It's bull.
I've never really followed the notion myself. I figure if I get hit then I may or may not hit back but I would NEVER expect a guy NOT to hit me if I hit him first purely because I'm a girl. Personally I'd like to see that whole attitude stamped out entirely. I'd like CHILDREN, both boys and girls taught NEVER to hit unless they absolutely have no choice and their life is in danger. I'd also like to see more programmes available to educate EVERYONE now that hitting isn't the answer and give people the tools to acknowledge and accept their anger and frustration and deal with it in much more beneficial ways. I don't expect that we'll ever not get angry with each other but I would like to see a time when we are all much more aware of how to deal with anger.

Anyway, I completely agree with you regarding nurturing. And what children learn not always being enough. It is inaccurate and not enough information for a child but the thing I find interesting is that I think a lot of this kind of thing goes on purely because parents aren't really given an education on how to be a parent until the stork delivers the package! Sure LOTS of parents or parents to be read and learn as much as they can but the onus is not on anyone to have a basic level of parenting skill. So it's a learn as you go game and that's fine for the most part if you are already experienced and you know yourself well and you have a game plan but many people do not. So this makes children a little living experiment. I'm not surprised that it turns out as badly as it does sometimes.

melodious

You will be interested then to know that our county which is considered an economically depressed district, that this very topic you speak of regarding parneting skills is offered to women who recieve Federally funded WIC program (Women, Infants, Children), a subsidized program to help promote nutrition. This program provides nutritional supplements such as Cereals, P-nut Butter, Legumes, Milk and Cheese so that our nation's kids have a chance at proper physical development. Part of this program provides free parenting classes, however, they are not mandatory. Also in our local community college offers a program called C.A.R.E ( i don't know the exact words for this acronym), which is financial aide supplement available to single moms. In order to qualify, a single parent, has to attend weekly meetings as well as enroll in parenting classest that are offered in curriculum. Students get valuable skills and college credit. Parenting is like any other skill, either you are born with it, or it does have to be learned...

What causes an abuser to be abusive? Lots of times humans want to have an issue dealt with.. Sometimes other influences prevent this to occur..such as simple timing...

There are other factors though, concerning domestic violence. When I think of anhimus and this scenario, I don't put external influences in my concept such as alcahol or substance abuse. (only becasue I would like to think the best of someone and be proven differently--i think ahnimus is plain and simply good) I think that it's great if a person can remain calm and try to alleviate hostile energy. I certainly wish I had an inkling how to help calm a situation, but I usually just remove myself. Also letting other people pull our puppet strings by manipulating can weigh in how we are behaving...It's just best to listen to one's heart.

It's very late, now..I hope I made some sense with proper mechanics and punctuation..Thanks for your thoughts, Jeannie....be safe in your travels...

Jeanie

A friend found this for me and I thought is was worth posting here for all of us to see.

http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=Ug57dOTmpmg

melodious

This is absolute value of awesome, Jeannie. I am so glad I signed onto this thread...I personally think it's a wonderment when we come across our gentle spirit. Who's it gonna really hurt to step back and just give love and understanding? Thank you for all you are, and I hardly even know you..

Nobody right; nobody wrong and vice versa...

This conversation has made a lifetime impact on me, for one. Thank you.

RolandTD20Kdrummer

Tie me up, blindfold, and beat me if you want....just don't cut my wee wee off when I'm sleeping.

melodious

RolandTD20Kdrummer wrote:

Tie me up, blindfold, and beat me if you want....just don't cut my wee wee off when I'm sleeping.

If I didn't know any better, I would say you are promoting unconditional love????

Ahnimus

Well, I've been through a lot of public service announcements on youtube and they are pretty much all similar. A white guy flips out at extremely nice people for very little reason. Chalk one up for political correctness.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=pcodyFKKdVM

http://youtube.com/watch?v=ugTeOz7rsgE

http://youtube.com/watch?v=uriWMw-1esw

http://youtube.com/watch?v=y0kGEC69S7c

http://youtube.com/watch?v=xIZpBlwq7Qc

http://youtube.com/watch?v=088ME2DYvOY

http://youtube.com/watch?v=yzsFEVACJBU