Saay NO to violence against men!

Ahnimus

Statistics About Domestic Abuse And Violence Against Men

Very little in known about the actual number of men who are in a domestic relationship in which they are abused or treated violently by women. In 100 domestic violence situations approximately 40 cases involve violence by women against men. An estimated 400,000 women per year are abused or treated violently in the United States by their spouse or intimate partner. This means that roughly 300,000 to 400,000 men are treated violently by their wife or girl friend.

For more information see http://www.dvmen.org

Why Do We Know So Little About Domestic Abuse And Violence Against Men?

There are many reasons why we don't know more about domestic abuse and violence against men. First of all, the incidence of domestic violence reported men appears to be so low that it is hard to get reliable estimates. In addition, it has taken years of advocacy and support to encourage women to report domestic violence. Virtually nothing has been done to encourage men to report abuse. The idea that men could be victims of domestic abuse and violence is so unthinkable that many men will not even attempt to report the situation.

The dynamic of domestic abuse and violence is also different between men and women. The reasons, purposes and motivations are often very different between sexes. Although the counseling and psychological community have responded to domestic abuse and violence against women, there has been very little investment in resources to address and understand the issues of domestic abuse and violence against men. In most cases, the actual physical damage inflicted by men is so much greater than the actual physical harm inflected by women. The impact of domestic violence is less apparent and less likely to come to the attention of others when men are abused. For example, it is assumed than a man with a bruise or black eye was in a fight with another man or was injured on the job or playing contact sports. Even when men do report domestic abuse and violence, most people are so astonished men usually end up feeling like nobody believes them.

The Problem With Assumptions About Domestic Abuse And Violence

It is a widely held assumption that women are always the victims and men are always the perpetrators. Between 50 and 60% of all domestic abuse and violence is against women. There are many reasons why people assume men are never victims and why women often ignore the possibility. For one thing, domestic abuse and violence has been minimized, justified and ignored for a very long time. Women are now more organized, supportive and outspoken about the epidemic of domestic abuse and violence against women. Very little attention has been paid to the issue of domestic abuse and violence against men - especially because violence against women has been so obvious and was ignored for so long.

cont...
http://www.oregoncounseling.org/Handouts/DomesticViolenceMen.htm

Cosmo

I been a bad boy... I need a good spanking.

Ahnimus

Cosmo wrote:

I been a bad boy... I need a good spanking.

How about a stab in the chest? Or a frying pan to the head? I think Loraina is out of jail now looking for a new hubby.

Jeanie

So is it safe for women to join this discussion?

Cosmo

Ahnimus wrote:

How about a stab in the chest? Or a frying pan to the head? I think Loraina is out of jail now looking for a new hubby.

...
That's the thing with them crazy chicks... they are usually wild fucks.. but you run the risk of having them plunge a gardening tool into your forehead the next morning. Kinda lets you know what it's like to be a male Praying Mantis... one minute you're banging her brains out.. the next minute... she is eating your brains.
...
But... I still need a good spanking.

Ahnimus

Jeanie wrote:

So is it safe for women to join this discussion?

Yea! Of course.

Jeanie

Ahnimus wrote:

Yea! Of course.

Cool. :cool: I'm just catching up on the reading. I'm glad you started the thread though.

And I was really pleased to see that there is that article from Erin Pizzy on the first link.

Ahnimus

This is a good one.

This paper discusses the effect of false or misleading statistics on the law of domestic violence. Semiotics deals with communicative action. The communicative action here is the mass dissemination of unfounded statistics.

Some journalists and feminists have led the public to believe that many men and almost no women are physically abusive towards their mates (McNeely and Robinson-Simpson, 1987). The truth of the matter is that women hit their mates as often as men do, (Gelles and Straus, 1988; George, 1994).

If legislators and judges had known the truth, they might not have favored the changes they have made in the law (Brott, 1994). However, these changes in law and practice might be desirable even if they would not have happened without the mass deception of the public (Weiss and Young, 1996). From a lawyer's point of view the most regrettable change is that procedural due process has gone out the window. All accusations are believed and sweeping orders are granted ex parte (Young, 1998).

The publicists have succeeded in altering public opinion so that juries are too willing to acquit female killers and governors are too willing to pardon them (Young, 1997). This effect may also be rather regrettable but it does not affect nearly so many people as the trashing of due process does.

Another semiotical angle is the dramatization of truthful statistics. For example, for a few years mate-to-mate homicides were running at about 2,100 per year, 1,400 dead women, 700 dead men. This was presented as: "Every day in this country four women are killed by men who say they loved them." No mention is made of the two men killed every day by women who had said they loved the men they later killed.

The Justice Department began keeping track of murder by intimates in 1976. For that year 1,357 men were killed and 1,600 women, 46% men, 54% women. The figures for 1996 were 516 male victims and 1,326 women, 28% men, 72% women (Greenfeld, 1998, p. 37). These 1,842 murders are about 9% of all murders in the United States. Over the years, men and black women are getting killed less frequently.

Rhetorical Statistics And Domestic Violence Law by John P. Rooney, J.D.

Ahnimus

Honestly, I thought this thread would be more popular... not.

Jeanie

Ahnimus wrote:

Honestly, I thought this thread would be more popular... not.

Timing love.

I've been banging about here for 7 hours already, one does get fatigued and you have supplied a lot of information. And we are getting to the quiet time on the board.

Just have a bit of patience. You never know? It might take off over night!

Want me to say something controversial to get the ball rolling!

melodious

Jeanie wrote:

Timing love.

Want me to say something controversial to get the ball rolling!

No...please! let me be the one!!!

Ahnimus

It seems like one of the main concerns common in these papers and expressed by Erin is that Patriarchy causes domestic violence. The reports indicate this is not the case.

melodious

The main thing that causes domestic violence is lack of communication. If a person does not know how to express him/herself, then all that stress builds up and has to be released somehow.

The more time a person takes to know him/herself, the more he/she will learn to find a center beam and ride turbulent waves with ease...Like dancing in a storm...

What happens when an abuser doesn't have a victim? Chances are the person will mutilate the self and manifest symptoms in many forms. I don't think domestic violence is perpetrated by gender; it's frustration level.

ps. if I am speaking out of turn, please feel free to say so..it is not my wish to interupt anyone's flow...peace. thanks good to see you

LikeAnOpeningBandForTheSun

i had a girlfriend that hit me when we had a fight, but it didnt hurt. i just laughed it off which made it worse.

i wonder what ever happened to that crazy chick.

I hate that I'm attracted to fucking psychos...

Jeanie

melodious wrote:

No...please! let me be the one!!!

Why of course! After you!

Jeanie

Ahnimus wrote:

It seems like one of the main concerns common in these papers and expressed by Erin is that Patriarchy causes domestic violence. The reports indicate this is not the case.

So what do you think is the main cause?

Jeanie

melodious wrote:

The main thing that causes domestic violence is lack of communication. If a person does not know how to express him/herself, then all that stress builds up and has to be released somehow.

The more time a person takes to know him/herself, the more he/she will learn to find a center beam and ride turbulent waves with ease...Like dancing in a storm...

What happens when an abuser doesn't have a victim? Chances are the person will mutilate the self and manifest symptoms in many forms. I don't think domestic violence is perpetrated by gender; it's frustration level.

ps. if I am speaking out of turn, please feel free to say so..it is not my wish to interupt anyone's flow...peace. thanks good to see you

I'd agree with that provisionally.
I think it's learned behaviour and a way of coping for some people. That they cannot express their anger or frustration in a healthy way.
But I do think that in order to unlearn the behaviour a lot more resources need to be put in place. I do think that some intervention is needed in a lot of cases because it really is a difficult thing for some people to "unlearn". Particularly if they continue on in the relationship with the person they have abused.

And no you're not interrupting my flow. I'm glad you spoke and it's good to see you too.

Ahnimus

Jeanie wrote:

So what do you think is the main cause?

The main cause? I don't think there is one. I think every situation is unique in many ways. A lot of DV might be caused by poor communication, or an unrelenting participant. For example, there were times I wanted to beat the shit out of my ex because she wouldn't shut the fuck up. Instead, I sat and listened to it while repeating my own mantra. It was even worse when her mother joined in. You know, that nagging and demeaning tangent women get into when they are upset. That could be a huge contributor right there.

My brother and his fiancee had a misunderstanding a couple of weeks ago. I was over there when they were talking about it. It was mostly just her yelling at him like "You do what I tell you.". In the end my brother ends up saying "Ok, I won't fuck up next time." and I'm thinking this is a disgrace, it's pathetic in more ways than one. I like them both, but damn, he's being abused and it won't end, he won't leave and neither will she.

melodious

And no you're not interrupting my flow. I'm glad you spoke and it's good to see you too

humbled, as for intervention, let's hope it's from the Divine side before we enter into the LAW...

Ah, good ol DV...this is a class I have been both a perpetrator as well as my own victim..

We want to look at outside influences so we dont have to step up to the bar. It's easier to blame someone else. But if we stop and think about being completely alone and we build up frustrations, we end up taking it out by throwing a plate or kicking a wall, or in my case playing chicken...(self mutilization) The problem with any of these issues is once people decide someoen else is to be the keeper, then we let go of our free will...I don't have the answers for others but I do believe that the manifestations from DV are like a virus of a different sort.

You do what I tell you.". In the end my brother ends up saying "Ok, I won't fuck up next time." and I'm thinking this is a disgrace, it's pathetic in more ways than one.

Do you think this is conditioned response? YOu forgot to put out the part where the parnters make excuses for eachothers intolerable and demeaning behavior...sound like codependence there...

My question to you is, do you think that sometimes we exalt our "loved" ones and then when they don't act as if we expect them to, we feel like we have to make excuses for their undesirable behavior? Why do we tolerate idiocy in the name of love? It can't be love because love knows no harm...

I was at a party awhile back and I was sitting in a corner. There was a woman at a bar...she was literally pointing her finger on the man's chest, bellowing some explicitives. This went on for about 5 minutes. I remember feeling so awkward, like I wanted to stop her...He let her continue on and on..

I figured by the looks of them...She was in her 30s and he was well into his 50's, that there must be an ulterior motive for his tolerance. Becaasue most of the men I know, would just have walked away...it was truthfully unnerving for me...


Every action has a benefit or a consequence.

The one tid bit of advice I learned in these situations is to remove yourself...That's easy and takes no discussion...In California there is no law that says a person cannot destroy their own legal property, so if the house is gone, BE Happy...you still have your life.

For guys who are subjected to DV, I would recommend the same advice that is given to women. If you are in a situation, then always have yourself an emergency pak ready so you can make a quik escape. An overnight bag and atleast 100. in cash for refuge...

Jeanie

Ahnimus wrote:

The main cause? I don't think there is one. I think every situation is unique in many ways. A lot of DV might be caused by poor communication, or an unrelenting participant. For example, there were times I wanted to beat the shit out of my ex because she wouldn't shut the fuck up. Instead, I sat and listened to it while repeating my own mantra. It was even worse when her mother joined in. You know, that nagging and demeaning tangent women get into when they are upset. That could be a huge contributor right there.

But do you think it's just that people have learned that way of communicating and it would then stand to reason that they could "unlearn" it or replace it with a more positive communication style?
I don't think that just women do the nagging demeaning tangent. I can distinctly remember a week long episode here about me stupidly forgetting to buy Vegemite. :rolleyes:
It's shitty behaviour no matter who is doing it.
Ryan did you ever stand up, assert your boundaries and leave or ask them to stop? I'm just curious.
Although I do know about the mantra. Had one of my own.

Ahnimus wrote:

My brother and his fiancee had a misunderstanding a couple of weeks ago. I was over there when they were talking about it. It was mostly just her yelling at him like "You do what I tell you.". In the end my brother ends up saying "Ok, I won't fuck up next time." and I'm thinking this is a disgrace, it's pathetic in more ways than one. I like them both, but damn, he's being abused and it won't end, he won't leave and neither will she.

Well I know this game. I've observed it with a close family member and it's really shitful to watch. But I do tend to speak up when it's going on around me and say exactly what I think to both parties. It's hard when you like them both to sit silently and watch while that kind of shit goes on. Best option I reckon is not to be a silent witness but obviously you're in the situation so are better able to judge what's the best course of action.

melodious

But do you think it's just that people have learned that way of communicating and it would then stand to reason that they could "unlearn" it or replace it with a more positive communication style?
I don't think that just women do the nagging demeaning tangent.

This takes a lot of diligence, and commitment to the self before anyone can change or "unlearn" this behavior. Most people are busy prioritizing other activities.

sorry, i couldn't resist...