Attacker's apology revives a victim's nightmare

soulsinging

sponger wrote:

First off, by accusing me of laying a guilt trip on Just Her Way and not being sensitive to her, he is essentially saying that I should not be urging her to contact the authorities.

Yet, he has been claiming this entire time that he has never stood in the way of encourgement to contact the authorities.

If my response to his response seemed to initiave conflict, it's because I know soulsinging's MO. He's just trying to start shit. He's going to law school for crying out loud.

no, i have been claiming the entire time that you are an asshole and know nothing about how to encourage someone.

mammasan

ThumbingMyWay32 wrote:

If he wants to add his two cents worth, he can. I'm pretty certain he hasn't committed murder either.

Adding your two cents is one think. Verbally attacking these people simply because they didn't report their attackers is a little uncalled for.

sponger

soulsinging wrote:

no, i have been claiming the entire time that you are an asshole and know nothing about how to encourage someone.

If that were true, then your first response would've been to acknowledge the need to contact authorities, but to disapprove of the manner in which it was done. That is not what you did.

soulsinging

ThumbingMyWay32 wrote:

If he wants to add his two cents worth, he can. I'm pretty certain he hasn't committed murder either.

an atheist has no business telling a christian the proper way to conduct a mass. a lawyer has no business telling a surgeon how to perform an operation. a hippy has no business teaching an NRA member how to fire a gun. and a jackass who has no experience dealing with sexual abuse has no business telling telling a victim how they should respond to it.

Vedderlution_Baby

http://www.abcnews4.com/news/stories/1006/371202.html

http://www.yourlawyer.com/articles/read/11254

http://www.signonsandiego.com/news/nation/20050127-0305-churchabuse-shanley.html


Read them. Talks about victims of molestation and rape (all priest incidents, i knew those would be easiest to find) came forward years afterwards, sometimes decades.

I remember me and my mother got into a fight one night (man, this was forever ago....probably about four or five...give or take a few years) about my cutting. It got pretty heated, with each of us yelling at each other because she couldn't understand why I did it and I didnt want to tell her. Well eventually, I yelled what happened and her reaction was more or less "You're not the only one shit like this has happened to". Something like that. I've never brought it up again. I don't want to bring it up again. I don't want my family to know what happened, especially the ones that are friends with the man. I still think about it. A lot. I still get disgusted with myself and with him. I still want to make myself bleed just so I can deal with a physical pain, which is nothing compared to a emotional pain I can't fucking control at all. It still hurts and what's ironic is I probably feel more guilty about it than he does. I'm not ready to go to counseling. Maybe some day I will be ready for it. And I'm definitely not ready to face this guy and let everyone know what happened.

Did you not think I cared about this at all? Did you not think I thought about this nearly everyday? You want me to know he's done it again and I'm to blame. So it would seem that I need to be punished too. I've been punishing myself for years. And if i ever stop punishing myself, its not going to be for a long timeasdgjkl;a]
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sponger

mammasan wrote:

Adding your two cents is one think. Verbally attacking these people simply because they didn't report their attackers is a little uncalled for.

I think perhaps if your daughter/son was as of right now being molested by the person who these people have chosen to allow walk free, your opinion would be different.

soulsinging

sponger wrote:

If that were true, then your first response would've been to acknowledge the need to contact authorities, but to disapprove of the manner in which it was done. That is not what you did.

i stand corrected. from the beginning i have been claiming you are an asshole and have no business telling a victim of sexual abuse how they have to respond to it.

sponger

soulsinging wrote:

an atheist has no business telling a christian the proper way to conduct a mass. a lawyer has no business telling a surgeon how to perform an operation. a hippy has no business teaching an NRA member how to fire a gun. and a jackass who has no experience dealing with sexual abuse has no business telling telling a victim how they should respond to it.

Your analogy assumes that I am giving advice to a counselor who has experience in child sexual abuse. That's why it's a faulty analogy.

There are no counselors on here who are trained in child sexual abuse. Being victims of that abuse does not make them experts on dealing with it.

angelica

sponger wrote:

...Canada...

I just find it astonishing that you revealed child sexual abuse and it was never brought it whether or not this person was brought to justice.

Are you overlooking the fact that all agencies do not encourage reporting? In all of the books I've read (and many of my favourite self-help ones are American), I've not read one that encouraged reporting, either. It's to the contrary, in my understanding. Rather than teaching the individual to "suck it up" and act like and "adult" (when in terms of talking about sexual assault you ARE dealing with that individual's child-self who was maimed and effectively paralyzed in time at that period), help comes through support and providing a safe environment for survivors to be able to rudimentarily begin piecing themselves back together again.

You cannot make blanket statements about people and their situations and expect to be considered accurate. You cannot read what you deem to be contradictions and consider that proof that you've caught someone in some nefarious lie or misdeed. They can also represent your lack of understanding the situation.

Psychology is not at all about telling someone what to do.

mammasan

sponger wrote:

I think perhaps if your daughter/son was as of right now being molested by the person who these people have chosen to allow walk free, your opinion would be different.

I can't say what my response would be because my children have never been molested and I have never been molested. For me to state how I would react would be utter bullshit because nobody knows how they will face a tragedy like this when they encounter it.

ThumbingMyWay32

soulsinging wrote:

ah, for a second there i thought you were an expert on healthy ways for sexual harassment victims to respond to their abuse. whew! now i know i was right and you're just talking out your self-righteous ass.

lol Talk about egos. This is the post that set everything off. It had nothing to do with what sponger said, but rather soulsinging's perception of what he thought sponger was saying. Which is usually being perceived upon from high atop his self-righteous bird's nest.

Vedder brought his own personal, private issue here for all of us to read about. If he doesn't want people to comment on them, in any way they wish, he shouldn't bring it here. Sponger doesn't need to be a psychological expert in order to comment on the topic, although he does need to join the army if he wishes to continue supporting the war.

sponger

Angelica: bullshit. I really am disappointed by your post. You know what you're saying is bullshit. You know that counselors who are informed of child sexual abuse do what they can to bring that abuse to a halt, even if it means contacting the authorities. My goodness.

Just look at Vedderlution's post. He is obviously still really fucked up. He needs help. Maybe I lack the skills and patience to "politely" urge him to do so, but I don't see how any of you are helping him either.

soulsinging

sponger wrote:

Your analogy assumes that I am giving advice to a counselor who has experience in child sexual abuse. That's why it's a faulty analogy.

There are no counselors on here who are trained in child sexual abuse. Being victims of that abuse does not make them experts on dealing with it.

and one semester's worth of volunteering doesn't make you one either.

sponger

mammasan wrote:

I can't say what my response would be because my children have never been molested and I have never been molested. For me to state how I would react would be utter bullshit because nobody knows how they will face a tragedy like this when they encounter it.

I would at least think it would piss you off to no avail. Such an incident would basically mean that your child could end up fucked up for the rest of his life. That's just something I have a hard time taking nonchalantly.

mammasan

sponger wrote:

but I don't see how any of you are helping him either.

But none of us is trying to help him. I would never think that I can help a victim of sexual assault without having the proper training to do so.

ThumbingMyWay32

soulsinging wrote:

an atheist has no business telling a christian the proper way to conduct a mass. a lawyer has no business telling a surgeon how to perform an operation. a hippy has no business teaching an NRA member how to fire a gun. and a jackass who has no experience dealing with sexual abuse has no business telling telling a victim how they should respond to it.

A jackass who has no experience dealing with sexual abuse has no business telling a victim to report a felony offense to the authorities?

You're right. You should be a lawyer.

meme

mammasan wrote:

Yes I'm damn sure that a professional therapist would not insult their patient just because they decided not to report the crime. In fact I'm 100% sure that any half way decent therapist would never do such a thing. So again you are just talking shit.

Sponger's arrogance is unreal.
I was raped. Last thing I wanted when it happened was some self-righteous prick telling me what to do. No, wait... telling me that if I failed to report my assaulter, I would be "enabling" more rapes. I did not seek counseling, but if I did and met with that kind of response I would have felt even more alone and helpless. Thank god you decided not to pursue therapy.

ThumbingMyWay32

mammasan wrote:

But none of us is trying to help him. I would never think that I can help a victim of sexual assault without having the proper training to do so.

LMAO! "But none of us is trying to help him."


This is why I'm thankful that none of you here are my neighbors.

soulsinging

ThumbingMyWay32 wrote:

lol Talk about egos. This is the post that set everything off. It had nothing to do with what sponger said, but rather soulsinging's perception of what he thought sponger was saying. Which is usually being perceived upon from high atop his self-righteous bird's nest.

Vedder brought his own personal, private issue here for all of us to read about. If he doesn't want people to comment on them, in any way they wish, he shouldn't bring it here. Sponger doesn't need to be a psychological expert in order to comment on the topic, although he does need to join the army if he wishes to continue supporting the war.

he mentioned that issue only after sponger pressed for details becos "that sounds like a fucked up story and i wanna hear more!"

sponger

soulsinging wrote:

and one semester's worth of volunteering doesn't make you one either.

And as I said before, it doesn't take a psychiatrist to take the first steps here. The first steps are all that I've been talking about.

A better analogy is an eagle-scout trying to construct a splint for a broken bone. Then someone comes along and says, "Hey, where's your medical degree?"