Attacker's apology revives a victim's nightmare

angelica

sponger, I've had numerous sexual assaults. I have a long, detailed psychiatric history. I once shared some of the specific diagnoses with you on myspace. I have had two psychiatrists over a psychiatric treatment period of about 10 years. I've had numerous counsellors in my life, all of whom knew my sexual assault experiences as a child (and adult). Two of these counsellors I had in the past five years while I was dredging up the horrors of my childhood abuses in order to heal from eating disorders. This on top of countless self-help books I've read over the years. Throughout this intensive psychological, psychiatric and self help journey, not one doctor, psychiatrist, psychologist or counsellor asked me if I brought charges against any of the perpetrators. And not one encouraged me to do so.

mammasan

sponger wrote:

First of all, people, I think we're finally getting somewhere.

I never on a single say that a counselor would ride anybody's ass on this.

I am the person riding their ass on this, and I admit that I'm being somewhat direct about it. Yes, that's what separates me from a professional.

But, let's not contradict ourselves. From the beginning, you yahoos have been saying that the mere thought of them being urged to confront their abusers is just cold-hearted and thoughtless.

Remember, my first post about this was simply, "You need to destroy the abuser's life before that abuser destroys the lives of others."

And I got a whole bunch of a flak from people who really didn't have clue about what was going on.

Now you want to change your tune and say that these people should be at least "URGED" to bring this matter to the authorities.

Well, that's a whole lot different from how this thread was going earlier.

Looks like my work is done.

If your job was to prove that you are an ass, than yes your work was done sometime ago. As I recall no one said that to advice a victim to report the abuse was wrong. People just took offense to the manner in which you where speaking to these vitims and your constent refferal to this one college course as your source of expertice. I even stated in my second post that i would advice the victim to report the crime but would never resort to insulting them. All along it was you who was missing the point. You who kept questioning everyone else's experience when the experience you possess is no better than mine or anyone else's here.

sponger

soulsinging wrote:

answer the question tough guy. do you know ANYTHING about counseling beyond one semester of college classes?

i've seen your attitude before. usually in the perpetrator's of the abuse of people i know.

One semester of college classes? I said one semester of extracurricular activities involving group therapy. More words being put in my mouth.

That second statement of yours is just looney.

soulsinging

sponger wrote:

I see. So when your foot gets put in your mouth, it's because you were just being sarcastic. I will make note of that.



Ego-stroking? You think I enjoyed it.

Hippiemom having counseled a single person about this doesn't mean shit. If you think it does, then you're lost.

Besides, you've already acknowledged in an earlier post that these victims are "encouraged" to report the abuse to the authorities. That contradicts what hippiemom was saying. So you are contradicting hippiemom. Suppose that's just more sarcasm?

she has counseled many. now you're the one grasping at straws. i never said what actually happens, i said encouraging them is reasonable and that abusing them further is disgusting. you fall into the latter camp.

sponger

mammasan wrote:

As I recall no one said that to advice a victim to report the abuse was wrong. People just took offense to the manner in which you where speaking to these vitims and your constent refferal to this one college course as your source of expertice. I even stated in my second post that i would advice the victim to report the crime but would never resort to insulting them. All along it was you who was missing the point. You who kept questioning everyone else's experience when the experience you possess is no better than mine or anyone else's here.

wrong. people were actually justifying a person's need to remain silent. No one was acknowledging the need to go to authorities.

My first few posts were simply urging these people to go to the cops. I did nothing in the form of insult them or ridicule them.

I received accusatory repsonses in return.

Then Just Her Way tried to bullshit me, and that's when I cut loose.

Other than that, you are full of shit.

soulsinging

sponger wrote:

One semester of college classes? I said one semester of extracurricular activities involving group therapy. More words being put in my mouth.

That second statement of yours is just looney.

oh yes, even better. you're clearly an expert. im going to quote a post. let's see if you have any response to it.

soulsinging

JD Sal wrote:

My wife is a counselor for emotionally disturbed and behaviorally challenged kids / teenagers, many of whom have a history of sexual and physical abuse. Let me ask you, since you say you have experience in terms of what a qualified professional might actually say to a victim, would a counselor or therapist encourage the victim to report the incident(s), or would they go as far as to insult the victim for not doing so by calling them child molestor enablers and claim they are personally responsible for other victims, such as you have?

well sponger?

mammasan

sponger wrote:

wrong. people were actually justifying a person's need to remain silent. No one was acknowledging the need to go to authorities.

My first few posts were simply urging these people to go to the cops. I did nothing in the form of insult them or ridicule them.

I received accusatory repsonses in return.

Then Just Her Way tried to bullshit me, and that's when I cut loose.

Other than that, you are full of shit.

Dude drop it already. Now you are just embarassing yourself. You attacked these people for no reason claiming to know something you didn't. Now you are just looking pathetic instead of stupid.

sponger

soulsinging wrote:

she has counseled many. now you're the one grasping at straws. i never said what actually happens, i said encouraging them is reasonable and that abusing them further is disgusting. you fall into the latter camp.

But, not child abuse victims, apparently. According to her, she counseled "one woman".

My posts are just corrections of your misinformation. Don't you get tired of that?

second, i suppose when you sat in on those group counseling sessions the "encouragement" they received to urge them to report the abuse was along the lines of "you're a weak and cowardly, worthless human and you are directly responsible for raping children and just as guilty as the actual rapist."

That is indirect acknowledgement that encouragement takes place.

Again, my initial posts were encouragement, for which I received punitive repsonses. Now you're just backtracking.

sponger

mammasan wrote:

Dude drop it already. Now you are just embarassing yourself. You attacked these people for no reason claiming to know something you didn't. Now you are just looking pathetic instead of stupid.

Totally unsubstantiated -as most of your posts in this thread have been. The goal is to actually have supportive reasoning for your opinions, not empty accusatory rhetoric.

sponger

soulsinging wrote:

well sponger?

Are you illiterate?

I've already answered this.

My initial posts were encouragement without insults. I received flak for those posts. I also got some B.S. from Just Her Way.

Never on one occasion did I say counselors insult their patients.

I said they encourage their patients to go to authorities.

This simple fact was challenged. Now that it has been substantiated, people are reverting to a completely different stance altogether.

angelica

sponger wrote:

.

I said they encourage their patients to go to authorities.

Please see my last post....

mammasan

sponger wrote:

Totally unsubstantiated -as most of your posts in this thread have been. The goal is to actually have supportive reasoning for your opinions, not empty accusatory rhetoric.

So may stating that most therapist would encourage that the victim report the crime but not verbally attack the victim is unsubstantiated. My stating that we should not judge these people untill we walk a mile in there shoes is unsubtatiated. My empty accusatory rhetoric was in responce to the same empty accusatory rhetoric that you where spewing towards these people. Again drop it your just further embarrassing yourself.

soulsinging

sponger wrote:

Are you illiterate?

I've already answered this.

My initial posts were encouragement without insults. I received flak for those posts. I also got some B.S. from Just Her Way.

Never on one occasion did I say counselors insult their patients.

I said they encourage their patients to go to authorities.

This simple fact was challenged. Now that it has been substantiated, people are reverting to a completely different stance altogether.

no, YOU insulted victims and WE called you out on it. now you're the one backtracking. and you've substantiated nothing. not one person has yet agreed with you except yourself. dozens have called you out for what you are though. i will admit, however, it's got to be nice to be so oblivious to reality.

sponger

Look, it's pretty simple, folks:

My first 2-3 posts on this subject contained absolutely no insulting language. I was merely making it very clear the ramifications of remaining silent.

Yet, these posts received backlash.

And it was at that point that Just Her Way started bullshiting me.

So, yeah, I get a little impatient when people bullshit me. I cut to the chase.

However, if any of you try to even say that you've supported contacting the authorities from the beginning, then you need to take back the accusatory replies that you posted in response to my initial posts on this subject.

mammasan

Sponger : I'd say there's a pretty good chance that you aren't his only victim. The longer you keep it a secret, the longer the victimization will continue. He is out there destroying lives. You need to call the police and destroy his.

Soulsinging: i dont think trying to add to his guilt is going to help his situation. he's made a difficult choice to handle a tragic set of circumstances in a way he feels is best for him. i dont think it's for any of us to tell him he should do otherwise becos we would, let alone tell him his choice is responsible for hurting other people.

Sponger: So, we should just let him feel comfortable with letting some child molester possibly continue to molest other children because that's what he feels "comfortable" with. You think child molesters should walk free when doing so helps one of his victims feel better.

Here is how this arguement started, verbatium. From what I can read no one attacked you, sponger, for you advicing that they should report the crime. Soulsinging simply stated that we should make them feel guilty for not reporting it. You them reply by accusing them of being Ok with other children being molested. You initaiatede the hostilities here. You came off like some pompous ass and know after being but in your place are trying to sing a different tune.

sponger

mammasan wrote:

Sponger : I'd say there's a pretty good chance that you aren't his only victim. The longer you keep it a secret, the longer the victimization will continue. He is out there destroying lives. You need to call the police and destroy his.

Soulsinging: i dont think trying to add to his guilt is going to help his situation. he's made a difficult choice to handle a tragic set of circumstances in a way he feels is best for him. i dont think it's for any of us to tell him he should do otherwise becos we would, let alone tell him his choice is responsible for hurting other people.

Sponger: So, we should just let him feel comfortable with letting some child molester possibly continue to molest other children because that's what he feels "comfortable" with. You think child molesters should walk free when doing so helps one of his victims feel better.

Here is how this arguement started, verbatium. From what I can read no one attacked you, sponger, for you advicing that they should report the crime. Soulsinging simply stated that we should make them feel guilty for not reporting it. You them reply by accusing them of being Ok with other children being molested. You initaiatede the hostilities here. You came off like some pompous ass and know after being but in your place are trying to sing a different tune.

First off, by accusing me of laying a guilt trip on Just Her Way and not being sensitive to her, he is essentially saying that I should not be urging her to contact the authorities.

Yet, he has been claiming this entire time that he has never stood in the way of encourgement to contact the authorities.

If my response to his response seemed to initiave conflict, it's because I know soulsinging's MO. He's just trying to start shit. He's going to law school for crying out loud.

sponger

mammasan wrote:

So may stating that most therapist would encourage that the victim report the crime but not verbally attack the victim is unsubstantiated. My stating that we should not judge these people untill we walk a mile in there shoes is unsubtatiated. My empty accusatory rhetoric was in responce to the same empty accusatory rhetoric that you where spewing towards these people. Again drop it your just further embarrassing yourself.

OK. you got me there.

ThumbingMyWay32

soulsinging wrote:

i think you cannot tell someone how they should be respond to something you know nothing about.

If he wants to add his two cents worth, he can. I'm pretty certain he hasn't committed murder either.

sponger

angelica wrote:

sponger, I've had numerous sexual assaults. I have a long, detailed psychiatric history. I once shared some of the specific diagnoses with you on myspace. I have had two psychiatrists over a psychiatric treatment period of about 10 years. I've had numerous counsellors in my life, all of whom knew my sexual assault experiences as a child (and adult). Two of these counsellors I had in the past five years while I was dredging up the horrors of my childhood abuses in order to heal from eating disorders. This on top of countless self-help books I've read over the years. Throughout this intensive psychological, psychiatric and self help journey, not one doctor, psychiatrist, psychologist or counsellor asked me if I brought charges against any of the perpetrators. And not one encouraged me to do so.

...Canada...

I just find it astonishing that you revealed child sexual abuse and it was never brought it whether or not this person was brought to justice.