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  • FinsburyParkCarrots
    FinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    I like the extended syntax in this poem. It creates a physical impression of perseverence against the elements, which symbolises and complements the speaker's internal wish to protect his addressee in the face of life's struggles.
  • olderman
    olderman Posts: 1,765
    sun's flagrant light, combustion's might, rays stream
    scorch the skin of the lizards, made so cool
    by molted process, agonizing scream,
    deserts in a dream, erases my pool,

    this life of languid leisure i have found,
    no strife - my candid pleasure knows no bound,
    pleasure seeker is the new love reaper,
    i've heard tell, you're quite the night time keeper,

    sin me awhile, love is lost without sin,
    as stolen lines and scenic crypted rhymes,
    some fool on a stool losing fast to win,
    hears his woman approach his space in time.

    sin me awhile, savor this life, taste waves
    in a sea's foam flavor, this life's haste craves
    Down the street you can hear her scream youre a disgrace
    As she slams the door in his drunken face
    And now he stands outside
    And all the neighbours start to gossip and drool
    He cries oh, girl you must be mad,
    What happened to the sweet love you and me had?
    Against the door he leans and starts a scene,
    And his tears fall and burn the garden green

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