challenge

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  • olderman
    olderman Posts: 1,765
    que lastima.. mi hija es una estudiante de espanol.. i will miss my girl .. she is going to spain for six weeks .. i will not sleep until she returns.. .. .. ..
    Down the street you can hear her scream youre a disgrace
    As she slams the door in his drunken face
    And now he stands outside
    And all the neighbours start to gossip and drool
    He cries oh, girl you must be mad,
    What happened to the sweet love you and me had?
    Against the door he leans and starts a scene,
    And his tears fall and burn the garden green
  • ISN
    ISN Posts: 1,700
    oh...your daughter....tell her to go to Madrid....it's heaven on earth.....los madrilenos son mejor de todos

    :)
    ....they're asking me to prove why I should be allowed to stay with my baby in Australia, because I'm mentally ill......and they think I should leave......
  • FinsburyParkCarrots
    FinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    Bump.......

    :D
  • olderman
    olderman Posts: 1,765
    in my room i scribble a sonnet new,
    so much is on my mind i should feign rest,
    tis empty as the sky is cloudless blue,
    my soul cries for some tree branch safety's nest,
    so is my search for love and happiness,
    so i borrow from songs i love anew,
    written for lovers whose lust is cruel,
    sung for the soul's mean moment and no less..

    capture me my sweetest darling beauty,
    rapture my soul and crave my lust for you,
    squeeze me with your arms and thighs and cooty,
    set free my pulsive rocking motions true..
    get with it - we shall visit higher grounds,
    creating heat's lust without it's bounds

    this is truly ruff and rambling but i put alot of time into it so i am going to post it... hope you let me know how to improve it because i have alot of feeling in this one, it's just that i am not getting with it right now... thanks :)
    Down the street you can hear her scream youre a disgrace
    As she slams the door in his drunken face
    And now he stands outside
    And all the neighbours start to gossip and drool
    He cries oh, girl you must be mad,
    What happened to the sweet love you and me had?
    Against the door he leans and starts a scene,
    And his tears fall and burn the garden green
  • ISN
    ISN Posts: 1,700
    it's quite raw, as it should be.....apart from a couple of spelling errors.....I think it's ready.....I can't think of a way it could be changed.....although I tried.....
    ....they're asking me to prove why I should be allowed to stay with my baby in Australia, because I'm mentally ill......and they think I should leave......
  • ISN
    ISN Posts: 1,700
    ababcdcdefefgg

    through all my waking slumbers I can walk
    through all the countless rumbles of the crowd
    and taking off my ears from ranting talk
    to whisper lyrics soft and music loud
    today I found I couldn't stay afloat
    when then I saw you standing in the queue
    it made me grab my bag and drop my coat
    and turn my music off and look from you
    I blushed and wondered then if you could see it
    I rushed to cover up my simple shyness
    you smiled so sweetly, shyly....will you be it
    the wetness drowning out my every dryness
    you know it's meant that we should be together
    it has to be or love no more I'll ever
    ....they're asking me to prove why I should be allowed to stay with my baby in Australia, because I'm mentally ill......and they think I should leave......
  • olderman
    olderman Posts: 1,765
    thnx for ur input ISN .. sometimes i flow sometimes i just don't know
    Down the street you can hear her scream youre a disgrace
    As she slams the door in his drunken face
    And now he stands outside
    And all the neighbours start to gossip and drool
    He cries oh, girl you must be mad,
    What happened to the sweet love you and me had?
    Against the door he leans and starts a scene,
    And his tears fall and burn the garden green
  • ISN
    ISN Posts: 1,700
    you're crazy....like me :D
    ....they're asking me to prove why I should be allowed to stay with my baby in Australia, because I'm mentally ill......and they think I should leave......
  • olderman
    olderman Posts: 1,765
    Originally posted by ISN
    ababcdcdefefgg

    through all my waking slumbers I can walk
    through all the countless rumbles of the crowd
    and taking off my ears from ranting talk
    to whisper lyrics soft and music loud
    today I found I couldn't stay afloat
    when then I saw you standing in the queue
    it made me grab my bag and drop my coat
    and turn my music off and look from you
    I blushed and wondered then if you could see it
    I rushed to cover up my simple shyness
    you smiled so sweetly, shyly....will you be it
    the wetness drowning out my every dryness
    you know it's meant that we should be together
    it has to be or love no more I'll ever

    I LIKE THIS VERY MUCH .. THANK YOU ISN
    Down the street you can hear her scream youre a disgrace
    As she slams the door in his drunken face
    And now he stands outside
    And all the neighbours start to gossip and drool
    He cries oh, girl you must be mad,
    What happened to the sweet love you and me had?
    Against the door he leans and starts a scene,
    And his tears fall and burn the garden green
  • ISN
    ISN Posts: 1,700
    cool....thanks.....*blushes*......:)
    ....they're asking me to prove why I should be allowed to stay with my baby in Australia, because I'm mentally ill......and they think I should leave......
  • olderman
    olderman Posts: 1,765
    Originally posted by FinsburyParkCarrots
    Bump.......

    :D
    Down the street you can hear her scream youre a disgrace
    As she slams the door in his drunken face
    And now he stands outside
    And all the neighbours start to gossip and drool
    He cries oh, girl you must be mad,
    What happened to the sweet love you and me had?
    Against the door he leans and starts a scene,
    And his tears fall and burn the garden green
  • FinsburyParkCarrots
    FinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    Well, I'm about to head to the pub but before I do, here's Shakespeare's Sonnet 129:

    The expense of spirit in a waste of shame
    Is lust in action: and till action, lust
    Is perjured, murderous, bloody, full of blame,
    Savage, extreme, rude, cruel, not to trust;
    Enjoyed no sooner but despised straight;
    Past reason hunted; and no sooner had,
    Past reason hated, as a swallowed bait,
    On purpose laid to make the taker mad.
    Mad in pursuit and in possession so;
    Had, having, and in quest to have extreme;
    A bliss in proof, and proved, a very woe;
    Before, a joy proposed; behind a dream.
    All this the world well knows; yet none knows well
    To shun the heaven that leads men to this hell.
  • olderman
    olderman Posts: 1,765
    have a pint on me fins!! :D
    Down the street you can hear her scream youre a disgrace
    As she slams the door in his drunken face
    And now he stands outside
    And all the neighbours start to gossip and drool
    He cries oh, girl you must be mad,
    What happened to the sweet love you and me had?
    Against the door he leans and starts a scene,
    And his tears fall and burn the garden green
  • FinsburyParkCarrots
    FinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    Originally posted by olderman
    have a pint on me fins!! :D

    Why thank you, sir. I think there's a band playing in the pub tonight. I'll come back and write a sonnet about them, especially if the drummer's crap. :D
  • olderman
    olderman Posts: 1,765
    bumping this for the new poets on the board

    need more sonnets please :)
    Down the street you can hear her scream youre a disgrace
    As she slams the door in his drunken face
    And now he stands outside
    And all the neighbours start to gossip and drool
    He cries oh, girl you must be mad,
    What happened to the sweet love you and me had?
    Against the door he leans and starts a scene,
    And his tears fall and burn the garden green
  • ripple effect
    ripple effect Posts: 87
    Damn! This may be too big of a challenge for me my friend.

    I'm working on it.
  • wayofthedrunkenpen
    wayofthedrunkenpen Posts: 27
    Ouch this was hard. Not sure if it's any good, but can't resist a challenge.

    He looks up to the skies and gives his praise
    For her sunrise smiles and moonlight kisses
    A once cold heart beats within all ablaze
    Since he found the answer to his wishes
    He walks consumed with a new loves passion
    To the place they first met and fell in love
    Finds her there and feels her skin like satin
    Love cascades as waterfalls from above

    And if passion fades as time progresses
    If looks wither and skin once silken age
    Their love will shine burning time to ashes
    And they'll dance upon loves eternal stage
    Up here in my tree
  • FinsburyParkCarrots
    FinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    I was en route to Ophelia's Nun with this one, but I'll add it here as well.

    It's called "First Kiss". I presume we've all had one. :)

    River pulsions lap the landscape kerb
    of public ground; geese waddle through in twos,
    nodding forth like winged pharoahs. Herb
    sweetnesses between bloom pinks, full blues
    and dancing reds, envelop two who drift
    closely, strangers, man and woman, now
    Remarking on their perfume. Sunplays shift
    Brilliantly on the river flow.

    Man and woman. Standing now. A bee
    hovers low above a honey chance.
    Sun sapphire, gold and blue. Near, now. A free
    rush of water sound. A mirror dance
    of glances, pulses, nearness. Now. A kiss,
    a river flood, windmagic, scented bliss!
  • olderman
    olderman Posts: 1,765
    when the king had decreed all love was lost
    his queen set out with jesters for pleasure
    helpless and hoping she sought love at cost
    found zingers, yea love's singers at measure
    all the which used her beauteous form so fine
    pattern'd their lust on latticed needle point
    for which she was known - yes by eyes of mine
    spread upon the sheets readied to annoint -

    nobles be not proud for 'twas as a lark
    her heart was broken by the bastard king
    yet love her i did for her lovely face
    still melts my memory's nodes and sparks
    sonnets - hopes of a man who wants to sing
    of love's finest moments and fallen grace
    Down the street you can hear her scream youre a disgrace
    As she slams the door in his drunken face
    And now he stands outside
    And all the neighbours start to gossip and drool
    He cries oh, girl you must be mad,
    What happened to the sweet love you and me had?
    Against the door he leans and starts a scene,
    And his tears fall and burn the garden green
  • olderman
    olderman Posts: 1,765
    Originally posted by FinsburyParkCarrots
    I was en route to Ophelia's Nun with this one, but I'll add it here as well.

    It's called "First Kiss". I presume we've all had one. :)

    River pulsions lap the landscape kerb
    of public ground; geese waddle through in twos,
    nodding forth like winged pharoahs. Herb
    sweetnesses between bloom pinks, full blues
    and dancing reds, envelop two who drift
    closely, strangers, man and woman, now
    Remarking on their perfume. Sunplays shift
    Brilliantly on the river flow.

    Man and woman. Standing now. A bee
    hovers low above a honey chance.
    Sun sapphire, gold and blue. Near, now. A free
    rush of water sound. A mirror dance
    of glances, pulses, nearness. Now. A kiss,
    a river flood, windmagic, scented bliss!

    i remember my first kiss
    it was much like this
    sweet ellen down by the crick
    bet you thought i showed her my..

    puppy dog when we ran home so embarrased by the kiss

    nice fins, thank you sir!!
    Down the street you can hear her scream youre a disgrace
    As she slams the door in his drunken face
    And now he stands outside
    And all the neighbours start to gossip and drool
    He cries oh, girl you must be mad,
    What happened to the sweet love you and me had?
    Against the door he leans and starts a scene,
    And his tears fall and burn the garden green

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