i walked a strangers path of heated sand,
a burros trail lined with rose red cactii,
the gypsies way to avoid guardia grand
de sevilla and franco's killers nigh,
andalusia's distinct aroma,
pill box remnants of war along beaches,
oily vessels darken the bubbled foam,
whilst remnants of moorish inward teaches
the gypsy that he lost his land long ago,
a freedom born of freedom still taken
away as is the way it seems to be
among those who wish to traverse a slow
long trail of hot sand in a land forsaken,
just a ditty, a remnant by the sea......
Just excellent!
Some wonderful reads in here. I love to read these! It's wonderful to see folks who are able to do such a great job! 'Specially since I pretty much never have any sort of style or form. Kudos!
Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
Just reading old threads, and thought I'd try at this. Here's an Elizabethan sonnet I had to write a month or 2 ago.
Will you not tell me how to gain your love?
Must I fight this fight that cannot be won?
Could it be a sign from high above?
Without you by my side there is no sun.
And if I take your hand and hold it tight,
Take you in my arms to keep,
And promise that our love would outlast the night,
Would tou return the love and embrace me?
Or could you take me and our love as true,
And follow yout heart and let our love be?
In my life I'll dream, think, and live for you.
Sometimes my heart cannot find the right way,
But I know my path when we share the day.
I shouldn't have to fight a battle I'll never win, just to lose those I've never had.
I love those old-fashioned sonnets....gotta re-read this one......where did you come from.....? hello!!!!!
....they're asking me to prove why I should be allowed to stay with my baby in Australia, because I'm mentally ill......and they think I should leave......
just with scansion 'outlast' is wrong.....but I can't think of another word.....maybe 'beat'.......
....they're asking me to prove why I should be allowed to stay with my baby in Australia, because I'm mentally ill......and they think I should leave......
(plus it might be better with 'take you in my arms to hold and keep')
please correct this abundantly.....I wrote it quickly.....and I think I should have worked on it a bit longer....
dreaming and waking sometimes blend
the dreams are luscious visions
and the waking takes me to the end
of sleep where then divisions
part me from the night
and day is here with foggy thoughts
and reluctant welcoming of light
in dreams which catch me, I am caught
but never, though the sun may try, can day
relieve me of the evenescent cloud
which leaves my mind like a lone child at play
or like a puppy let loose from teh pound
so wondrous and so near to happiness
if waking is so much, I can take less
....they're asking me to prove why I should be allowed to stay with my baby in Australia, because I'm mentally ill......and they think I should leave......
It fits the Shakespearean ababacdcdefefgg rhyme scheme, ISN. I wouldn't worry too much about the metre: Patrick Kavanagh's canal bank sonnets were fairly free in metre and syllable length.
I wouldn't call them flaws.....maybe jaws of death!!!!! hello....welcome to hell....!!!!! hahahahahahahahahahahah (evil laugh) kidding.....I'm so happy.....I got the love thang going on today....an I jus got a pm....icq....
....they're asking me to prove why I should be allowed to stay with my baby in Australia, because I'm mentally ill......and they think I should leave......
i seek you
when the sun is down and life seems to stand still
all i need do is let my mind drift to a warmer clime
and another time
a land far off and a woman seemingly out of reach
dreams of love and companionship in a place called oz
in happier times
that sounds like the future.....(not a sonnet....hehehehe) hey....new guy!!!! welcome....it's all a bit hectic in here.....but only on Fridays.....
....they're asking me to prove why I should be allowed to stay with my baby in Australia, because I'm mentally ill......and they think I should leave......
i flew into a field of golden wheat,
only to find a dirt patch underneath,
shaken thru, understood at once this feat,
panic stricken flailing my wings beneath
a kansas sky of blues and daylight heat,
scratching the clay kept moistned as a sheath,
heart beats patterned as the path of my feet,
imprinted - the wet, soft life will bequeath,
while in distant wind run three dogs pointing,
my doom determined by my flight's landing,
this hell i've found is but my annointing,
there is no chance, no i'll not be standing,
hunter's gun is loaded, fingers itching,
certain i'll die - so quite is my twitching.
Down the street you can hear her scream youre a disgrace
As she slams the door in his drunken face
And now he stands outside
And all the neighbours start to gossip and drool
He cries oh, girl you must be mad,
What happened to the sweet love you and me had?
Against the door he leans and starts a scene,
And his tears fall and burn the garden green
great sonnet.....better than a bonnet.....I want it.....hehehehe.....
I like it olderman - I would recommend two changes.....
the addition of a word in the first, and the deletion of a word in the second....
my own annointing
so quiet my twitching.....
but, I say, gimme more!!!!
....they're asking me to prove why I should be allowed to stay with my baby in Australia, because I'm mentally ill......and they think I should leave......
great sonnet.....better than a bonnet.....I want it.....hehehehe.....
I like it olderman - I would recommend two changes.....
the addition of a word in the first, and the deletion of a word in the second....
my own annointing
so quiet my twitching.....
but, I say, gimme more!!!!
thank you ISN.. your input is always appreciated ..
BTW, i like to read your poetry as well. thanks again
Down the street you can hear her scream youre a disgrace
As she slams the door in his drunken face
And now he stands outside
And all the neighbours start to gossip and drool
He cries oh, girl you must be mad,
What happened to the sweet love you and me had?
Against the door he leans and starts a scene,
And his tears fall and burn the garden green
still the sky shines bright in this summer swoon,
sizzles the skin beneath skin singed - i've read
poems of poppies popping powder spoon,
geographic temptress testifies instead,
concerning matters of much importance,
draws a line of portent, laughing - yet cries
for the lover and lovers, the last chance
swiftly overcomes her life of sad lies.
salted serpent sells skin for a sizzle,
choco chisels chronic chips of crushes,
for sale skittles to sugar the flavor,
laughter of one million drops of drizzle,
comes a time i've spent in search of bushes,
moments the which i will fully savor.
Down the street you can hear her scream youre a disgrace
As she slams the door in his drunken face
And now he stands outside
And all the neighbours start to gossip and drool
He cries oh, girl you must be mad,
What happened to the sweet love you and me had?
Against the door he leans and starts a scene,
And his tears fall and burn the garden green
Tonight this sickly air feels sinister.
I breath it in the dust, sticky and sheer.
In the distance I see their cigarettes flicker
And through the smoke they smell my fear.
The streetlight above flutters like a strobe
Their awkward motions all lurch and stutter
They get closer and closer–their legs never move.
Surrounding me, hemorrhaging from the gutters.
The inconsistent bulb finally explodes
And the only light now is the burning eyes–
They aren’t red like I’ve come to hope–
Nor is their clothing black–a deft disguise.
The ones that hurt you with the most spite–
Are the ones who dress in white.
The most remarkable thing about you standing in the doorway, is that its you, and that you're standing in the doorway.
I write down good reasons to freeze to death in my spiral ring notebook. But in the long tresses of your hair--I am a babbling brook.
very GOOD......I wanted to get some kind of tone into my very good, which is why I capitalized good.......like this is something I've been waiting for......or maybe it's because I use emphatic tones with my baby to help him understand.....
....they're asking me to prove why I should be allowed to stay with my baby in Australia, because I'm mentally ill......and they think I should leave......
Tonight this sickly air feels sinister.
I breath it in the dust, sticky and sheer.
In the distance I see their cigarettes flicker
And through the smoke they smell my fear.
The streetlight above flutters like a strobe
Their awkward motions all lurch and stutter
They get closer and closer–their legs never move.
Surrounding me, hemorrhaging from the gutters.
The inconsistent bulb finally explodes
And the only light now is the burning eyes–
They aren’t red like I’ve come to hope–
Nor is their clothing black–a deft disguise.
The ones that hurt you with the most spite–
Are the ones who dress in white.
missing you kwyjibo. where did you go?
anybody else up for writing a sonnet?
Down the street you can hear her scream youre a disgrace
As she slams the door in his drunken face
And now he stands outside
And all the neighbours start to gossip and drool
He cries oh, girl you must be mad,
What happened to the sweet love you and me had?
Against the door he leans and starts a scene,
And his tears fall and burn the garden green
birthday candles flare brightly, cling to hope,
everlasting celebrations melted,
running wax, wisp of smoke from burning rope,
never casting depressive moods, smelted
iron ore cuts the cake, stainless it's appeal
as clean slices of children's smiles, glee
fills the photographs, images real,
moments captured still, precious times for me
she skips the rope fantastic, growing up
before my eyes, love's girl always my
daughter, has become so wise a woman,
graduation cake, candles, drink a cup
of kind words, it's all i could teach or cry,
fleeting sadness, light the candles of sand
Down the street you can hear her scream youre a disgrace
As she slams the door in his drunken face
And now he stands outside
And all the neighbours start to gossip and drool
He cries oh, girl you must be mad,
What happened to the sweet love you and me had?
Against the door he leans and starts a scene,
And his tears fall and burn the garden green
thin air left to the mass of cold mounts a charge up the hill,
sins of an heir clefts hard as my cacaphonous bird call
escapes form and cleaves a new path, free still
to lift the veil of life, tooth and claw,
peer now into the core of the abyss, dark frames of light,
hold my hand from beginning to end, walk with me awhile,
talk with me about you, confront your fears on this dark night,
lust with me, trust my ways, streams flow synchopated style.
feed your heart with loving kindness, scream softly in the dark,
feel me start this moving likeness, dream nightly my sweet lark.
Down the street you can hear her scream youre a disgrace
As she slams the door in his drunken face
And now he stands outside
And all the neighbours start to gossip and drool
He cries oh, girl you must be mad,
What happened to the sweet love you and me had?
Against the door he leans and starts a scene,
And his tears fall and burn the garden green
I like the extended syntax in this poem. It creates a physical impression of perseverence against the elements, which symbolises and complements the speaker's internal wish to protect his addressee in the face of life's struggles.
sun's flagrant light, combustion's might, rays stream
scorch the skin of the lizards, made so cool
by molted process, agonizing scream,
deserts in a dream, erases my pool,
this life of languid leisure i have found,
no strife - my candid pleasure knows no bound,
pleasure seeker is the new love reaper,
i've heard tell, you're quite the night time keeper,
sin me awhile, love is lost without sin,
as stolen lines and scenic crypted rhymes,
some fool on a stool losing fast to win,
hears his woman approach his space in time.
sin me awhile, savor this life, taste waves
in a sea's foam flavor, this life's haste craves
Down the street you can hear her scream youre a disgrace
As she slams the door in his drunken face
And now he stands outside
And all the neighbours start to gossip and drool
He cries oh, girl you must be mad,
What happened to the sweet love you and me had?
Against the door he leans and starts a scene,
And his tears fall and burn the garden green
Comments
Just excellent!
Some wonderful reads in here.
Will you not tell me how to gain your love?
Must I fight this fight that cannot be won?
Could it be a sign from high above?
Without you by my side there is no sun.
And if I take your hand and hold it tight,
Take you in my arms to keep,
And promise that our love would outlast the night,
Would tou return the love and embrace me?
Or could you take me and our love as true,
And follow yout heart and let our love be?
In my life I'll dream, think, and live for you.
Sometimes my heart cannot find the right way,
But I know my path when we share the day.
please correct this abundantly.....I wrote it quickly.....and I think I should have worked on it a bit longer....
dreaming and waking sometimes blend
the dreams are luscious visions
and the waking takes me to the end
of sleep where then divisions
part me from the night
and day is here with foggy thoughts
and reluctant welcoming of light
in dreams which catch me, I am caught
but never, though the sun may try, can day
relieve me of the evenescent cloud
which leaves my mind like a lone child at play
or like a puppy let loose from teh pound
so wondrous and so near to happiness
if waking is so much, I can take less
And hello!!
when the sun is down and life seems to stand still
all i need do is let my mind drift to a warmer clime
and another time
a land far off and a woman seemingly out of reach
dreams of love and companionship in a place called oz
in happier times
Sonnet.....bonnet....want it?
only to find a dirt patch underneath,
shaken thru, understood at once this feat,
panic stricken flailing my wings beneath
a kansas sky of blues and daylight heat,
scratching the clay kept moistned as a sheath,
heart beats patterned as the path of my feet,
imprinted - the wet, soft life will bequeath,
while in distant wind run three dogs pointing,
my doom determined by my flight's landing,
this hell i've found is but my annointing,
there is no chance, no i'll not be standing,
hunter's gun is loaded, fingers itching,
certain i'll die - so quite is my twitching.
As she slams the door in his drunken face
And now he stands outside
And all the neighbours start to gossip and drool
He cries oh, girl you must be mad,
What happened to the sweet love you and me had?
Against the door he leans and starts a scene,
And his tears fall and burn the garden green
I like it olderman - I would recommend two changes.....
the addition of a word in the first, and the deletion of a word in the second....
my own annointing
so quiet my twitching.....
but, I say, gimme more!!!!
thank you ISN.. your input is always appreciated ..
BTW, i like to read your poetry as well. thanks again
As she slams the door in his drunken face
And now he stands outside
And all the neighbours start to gossip and drool
He cries oh, girl you must be mad,
What happened to the sweet love you and me had?
Against the door he leans and starts a scene,
And his tears fall and burn the garden green
sizzles the skin beneath skin singed - i've read
poems of poppies popping powder spoon,
geographic temptress testifies instead,
concerning matters of much importance,
draws a line of portent, laughing - yet cries
for the lover and lovers, the last chance
swiftly overcomes her life of sad lies.
salted serpent sells skin for a sizzle,
choco chisels chronic chips of crushes,
for sale skittles to sugar the flavor,
laughter of one million drops of drizzle,
comes a time i've spent in search of bushes,
moments the which i will fully savor.
As she slams the door in his drunken face
And now he stands outside
And all the neighbours start to gossip and drool
He cries oh, girl you must be mad,
What happened to the sweet love you and me had?
Against the door he leans and starts a scene,
And his tears fall and burn the garden green
Tonight this sickly air feels sinister.
I breath it in the dust, sticky and sheer.
In the distance I see their cigarettes flicker
And through the smoke they smell my fear.
The streetlight above flutters like a strobe
Their awkward motions all lurch and stutter
They get closer and closer–their legs never move.
Surrounding me, hemorrhaging from the gutters.
The inconsistent bulb finally explodes
And the only light now is the burning eyes–
They aren’t red like I’ve come to hope–
Nor is their clothing black–a deft disguise.
The ones that hurt you with the most spite–
Are the ones who dress in white.
I write down good reasons to freeze to death in my spiral ring notebook. But in the long tresses of your hair--I am a babbling brook.
missing you kwyjibo. where did you go?
anybody else up for writing a sonnet?
As she slams the door in his drunken face
And now he stands outside
And all the neighbours start to gossip and drool
He cries oh, girl you must be mad,
What happened to the sweet love you and me had?
Against the door he leans and starts a scene,
And his tears fall and burn the garden green
everlasting celebrations melted,
running wax, wisp of smoke from burning rope,
never casting depressive moods, smelted
iron ore cuts the cake, stainless it's appeal
as clean slices of children's smiles, glee
fills the photographs, images real,
moments captured still, precious times for me
she skips the rope fantastic, growing up
before my eyes, love's girl always my
daughter, has become so wise a woman,
graduation cake, candles, drink a cup
of kind words, it's all i could teach or cry,
fleeting sadness, light the candles of sand
As she slams the door in his drunken face
And now he stands outside
And all the neighbours start to gossip and drool
He cries oh, girl you must be mad,
What happened to the sweet love you and me had?
Against the door he leans and starts a scene,
And his tears fall and burn the garden green
sins of an heir clefts hard as my cacaphonous bird call
escapes form and cleaves a new path, free still
to lift the veil of life, tooth and claw,
peer now into the core of the abyss, dark frames of light,
hold my hand from beginning to end, walk with me awhile,
talk with me about you, confront your fears on this dark night,
lust with me, trust my ways, streams flow synchopated style.
feed your heart with loving kindness, scream softly in the dark,
feel me start this moving likeness, dream nightly my sweet lark.
As she slams the door in his drunken face
And now he stands outside
And all the neighbours start to gossip and drool
He cries oh, girl you must be mad,
What happened to the sweet love you and me had?
Against the door he leans and starts a scene,
And his tears fall and burn the garden green
scorch the skin of the lizards, made so cool
by molted process, agonizing scream,
deserts in a dream, erases my pool,
this life of languid leisure i have found,
no strife - my candid pleasure knows no bound,
pleasure seeker is the new love reaper,
i've heard tell, you're quite the night time keeper,
sin me awhile, love is lost without sin,
as stolen lines and scenic crypted rhymes,
some fool on a stool losing fast to win,
hears his woman approach his space in time.
sin me awhile, savor this life, taste waves
in a sea's foam flavor, this life's haste craves
As she slams the door in his drunken face
And now he stands outside
And all the neighbours start to gossip and drool
He cries oh, girl you must be mad,
What happened to the sweet love you and me had?
Against the door he leans and starts a scene,
And his tears fall and burn the garden green