PJ fans in 12 step Recovery

Fifthelement

mickeyrat said:

its a hard thing to watch and wait for. My dog of 15 yrs seems to be on her way out.
slipping in and out of consciousness.

(((Hugs))) mickeyrat. I'm gutted for you.  May her end be peaceful.

Miss.Snowdrop

lastexitlondon said:

Im into week 4 now its my sons 19th birthday. Yesterday i ruined our early xmas dinner bec my tooth broke and i left my mums house upset leaving my children there.my mum put so much effort in and i left before it even begun. I upset everyone including myself. Previously i would have got very drunk
 I didn't . And as you all posted before "to feel" is painful. I feel it now. Pain. Guilt. Sorrow. Im trying so hard but i wanted to smash my face against a wall and hurt myself. Now its the next early morning i feel so much sorrow and i am desperate to survive with a hollow space where i feel like my life is soon to end. Sorry for this but its all honest

I am sorry to hear you are in a dark place at the moment. I hope you are able to stay strong and resist the urge. Of course I do not know your family but I have discovered for myself that honesty can often work wonders. I am not in recovery from substance abuse but have other mental health issues and often get angry for no reason. Quite often at people who mean the world to me and usually it's not their fault. I might be under stress or simply disagree with them or their behaviour. But learning to recognize these moments and being able to apologise has become such a relief... 
It simply clears the air and helps removing awkward interaction. The sooner I talk to people about the situation, the easier it is to resolve them. 

I guess what I am trying to say is: you have the power to make it up to your family. If you can't face them, because you feel ashamed (and believe, I have been there), text them, send them an email - anything. You don't have to tell your kids, what exactly you are going through, but tell them you are having a rough time and were mad at yourself and you are sorry you let it out on them, but that it was wrong and you are sorry. That gesture will mean so much to them and you will feel so much better. Ask them how you can make it up to them. The worst you can do is let is fester and become bigger. Nip it in the butt, before that happens. And being able to admit when we're wrong is something we all could do more, I think we often don't want to feel vulnerable and put ourselves on the spot. But by doing exactly that we become the bigger and stronger person.  

mickeyrat

oftenreading said:

lastexitlondon said:

I still feel like im failing my admiration is for the peaceful ones who live and love and laugh with a free spirit and mind. 

Do any of us really have a free spirit and mind? Much of what we think we know about others is an illusion.

yes, comparing our insides to others outsides is a sure way to beat yourself up.

Miss.Snowdrop

Just read the anxiety threat...I should have done that before writing the above. Sorry about that. I wish I could help...

hedonist

rollings...my best of thoughts and a whole lotta love sent to you both.

And to all struggling in their own ways.

lastexitlondon

So my dr questions me giving up drinking as not a good idea.....how can that be? Fuckin ridiculous.
Because i suffer with extreme health anxiety. I now get no relief from symptoms and fear. So when i drank i would get a break
 Ffs. Im so confused still. My brain is a mess

mickeyrat

lastexitlondon said:

So my dr questions me giving up drinking as not a good idea.....how can that be? Fuckin ridiculous.
Because i suffer with extreme health anxiety. I now get no relief from symptoms and fear. So when i drank i would get a break
 Ffs. Im so confused still. My brain is a mess

Assume you explained your reason why?

I have only heard of one instance where a friend was told to keep drinking. He was so far gone into alcoholism. Dr said he shoud gradually taper off to prevent dt's. he was doing a half gallon of vodka daily.

lastexitlondon

Yes. My reason is to think clearer and to not need to drink. And also to be healthy. But im not mentally healthy. 

lastexitlondon

Im feeling at one with not drinking today. 
I just need to fix my brain then i want to fly

Thoughts_Arrive

lastexitlondon said:

Im feeling at one with not drinking today. 
I just need to fix my brain then i want to fly

Glad to hear man.
One small step at a time.
I like this meditation guide, sometimes I use it before bed and it relaxes me so much.
You can use it whenever.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6p_yaNFSYao

lastexitlondon

Thank you

Thoughts_Arrive

lastexitlondon said:

Thank you

All good.
Put some headphones, lay down in bed or the couch and breath.

mickeyrat

a good friend passed away wednesday. effects of copd. he was a quiet guy, a willing ear and a solid AA.

helped me in many ways

lastexitlondon

Sorry to hear this news mickey. 

lastexitlondon

Im finding this hard now i approach 1 month. And this time of year is especially hard.

lastexitlondon

I have had both ends of the spectrum in one day
 Weird. I felt sure this morning and not sure thos evening. Sleep i think

lastexitlondon

People fuckin test me. I swear.

mickeyrat

lastexitlondon said:

People fuckin test me. I swear.

feels like it sometimes

lastexitlondon

 Still going even though its hard

Thoughts_Arrive

lastexitlondon said:

 Still going even though its hard

You are one strong guy!
Keep punching!
Did you try mindfulness meditation?