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PJ fans in 12 step Recovery

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  • njnancynjnancy Northern New JerseyPosts: 5,096
    Congratulations to all you wonderfully defective miracles!

    Belated, but sincere...

    @mickeyrat 14 years of walkin" the walk! 
    @hedonist.   2 years already!! You are a rockstar! So happy.
    @Hobbes 14 years , way to go you cuddly furball!
    @tish 8 years I believe? Awesome.  Keep doing whatever you're doing!
    @lastexitlondon celebrating 4 months or so? What matters most is celebrating today! You have come such a long way, I hope you know that!
    @Poncier. That be a lot of digits you've racked up, proud & happy for you.
    @deadendp - you are the best celebration & encouragement friend to all!

    If I missed someone please set me straight!

    Love you guys, missed you all. 💜💚
  • deadendpdeadendp Northeast OhioPosts: 10,080
    njnancy said:
    Congratulations to all you wonderfully defective miracles!

    Belated, but sincere...

    @mickeyrat 14 years of walkin" the walk! 
    @hedonist.   2 years already!! You are a rockstar! So happy.
    @Hobbes 14 years , way to go you cuddly furball!
    @tish 8 years I believe? Awesome.  Keep doing whatever you're doing!
    @lastexitlondon celebrating 4 months or so? What matters most is celebrating today! You have come such a long way, I hope you know that!
    @Poncier. That be a lot of digits you've racked up, proud & happy for you.
    @deadendp - you are the best celebration & encouragement friend to all!

    If I missed someone please set me straight!

    Love you guys, missed you all. 💜💚
    We missed you. :kiss:  
    2014: Cincinnati
    2016: Lexington and Wrigley 1
  • hedonisthedonist standing on the edge of foreverPosts: 22,817
    deadendp said:
    njnancy said:
    Congratulations to all you wonderfully defective miracles!

    Belated, but sincere...

    @mickeyrat 14 years of walkin" the walk! 
    @hedonist.   2 years already!! You are a rockstar! So happy.
    @Hobbes 14 years , way to go you cuddly furball!
    @tish 8 years I believe? Awesome.  Keep doing whatever you're doing!
    @lastexitlondon celebrating 4 months or so? What matters most is celebrating today! You have come such a long way, I hope you know that!
    @Poncier. That be a lot of digits you've racked up, proud & happy for you.
    @deadendp - you are the best celebration & encouragement friend to all!

    If I missed someone please set me straight!

    Love you guys, missed you all. 💜💚
    We missed you. :kiss:  
    Ditto that!
  • njnancynjnancy Northern New JerseyPosts: 5,096
    hedonist said:
    deadendp said:
    njnancy said:
    Congratulations to all you wonderfully defective miracles!

    Belated, but sincere...

    @mickeyrat 14 years of walkin" the walk! 
    @hedonist.   2 years already!! You are a rockstar! So happy.
    @Hobbes 14 years , way to go you cuddly furball!
    @tish 8 years I believe? Awesome.  Keep doing whatever you're doing!
    @lastexitlondon celebrating 4 months or so? What matters most is celebrating today! You have come such a long way, I hope you know that!
    @Poncier. That be a lot of digits you've racked up, proud & happy for you.
    @deadendp - you are the best celebration & encouragement friend to all!

    If I missed someone please set me straight!

    Love you guys, missed you all. 💜💚
    We missed you. :kiss:  
    Ditto that!
    Thanks for giving me warm fuzzies gals. 🥰
  • mickeyratmickeyrat Posts: 20,158
    real wtf turn of events...

    15 yrs ago this fall its demanded I stay away. had been swiping moms debit  card for a couple years, regularly draining her account.. brother paying it all back .

    now 14 1/2 yrs sober.

    last week mom t-bones a car and breaks her leg and cracks an elbow. it's necessary for me to fly to vegas and deal with her car. I suggest limited power of attorney to do that. brother says I think you should access more than that. mom says take over everything til she's on her feet again then serve as back up when needed.....


    .seriously, WTF!?!?!?
    _____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________

    Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
    you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
    memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
    another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
  • A credit to your  hard work and journey.
    brixton 93
    astoria 06
    albany 06
    hartford 06
    reading 06
    barcelona 06
    paris 06
    wembley 07
    dusseldorf 07
    nijmegen 07

    this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
  • HughFreakingDillonHughFreakingDillon HeadstoniaPosts: 25,314
    mickeyrat said:
    real wtf turn of events...

    15 yrs ago this fall its demanded I stay away. had been swiping moms debit  card for a couple years, regularly draining her account.. brother paying it all back .

    now 14 1/2 yrs sober.

    last week mom t-bones a car and breaks her leg and cracks an elbow. it's necessary for me to fly to vegas and deal with her car. I suggest limited power of attorney to do that. brother says I think you should access more than that. mom says take over everything til she's on her feet again then serve as back up when needed.....


    .seriously, WTF!?!?!?
    good for you mickey. obviously they know the real you is here and now. 
    (Track 10 of The Headstones' Nickels For Your Nightmares)


  • FifthelementFifthelement LotuslandPosts: 6,633
    mickeyrat said:
    real wtf turn of events...

    15 yrs ago this fall its demanded I stay away. had been swiping moms debit  card for a couple years, regularly draining her account.. brother paying it all back .

    now 14 1/2 yrs sober.

    last week mom t-bones a car and breaks her leg and cracks an elbow. it's necessary for me to fly to vegas and deal with her car. I suggest limited power of attorney to do that. brother says I think you should access more than that. mom says take over everything til she's on her feet again then serve as back up when needed.....


    .seriously, WTF!?!?!?
    Oh Mickey, that’s so wonderful.  I’m sorry to hear about your mother and I hope she makes a full and speedy recovery. I’m glad they recognise the hard work and dedication that you’ve put into your sobriety.  You’ve earned their respect and trust.  Well done!
    "What the CANUCK happened?!? - Esquimalt Barber Shop
  • GlowGirlGlowGirl New York, NYPosts: 2,617
    mickeyrat said:
    real wtf turn of events...

    15 yrs ago this fall its demanded I stay away. had been swiping moms debit  card for a couple years, regularly draining her account.. brother paying it all back .

    now 14 1/2 yrs sober.

    last week mom t-bones a car and breaks her leg and cracks an elbow. it's necessary for me to fly to vegas and deal with her car. I suggest limited power of attorney to do that. brother says I think you should access more than that. mom says take over everything til she's on her feet again then serve as back up when needed.....


    .seriously, WTF!?!?!?
    First of all, I hope your mother is ok. I am sure that was traumatic. The fact that that your family is trusting you to take over everything is a true testament to your character, and all that you have overcome in the past 14 1/2 years. Your family is obviously very proud of you. Well done, my friend!!

  • hedonisthedonist standing on the edge of foreverPosts: 22,817
    May that feeling of triumph endure, mickey. Good thoughts to your mom. 
  • WhatYouTaughtMeWhatYouTaughtMe I have no idea what's going on right now!Posts: 4,925
    I don't know if this is the appropriate place to post this so let me know if it's out of line. I've lost many friends and family to drug and alcohol use over the years, and I currently am watching two separate people who were close to me spiral out of control. One with booze, the other relapsed with meth after a decade away from it. I guess I'm just looking for some perspective from people who have turned their life around. I feel incredibly helpless and any efforts to talk to them are met with strong resistance. If this isn't the right place I apologise. I guess I'm just looking for advice. Do I walk away as much as it hurts? Or keep reaching out? 
  • WhatYouTaughtMeWhatYouTaughtMe I have no idea what's going on right now!Posts: 4,925
    And congratulations to all the people on here who keep fighting that good fight. And to anyone who wants to get clean/sober, just start. Don't wait for the perfect time or situation. 
  • HughFreakingDillonHughFreakingDillon HeadstoniaPosts: 25,314
    I don't know if this is the appropriate place to post this so let me know if it's out of line. I've lost many friends and family to drug and alcohol use over the years, and I currently am watching two separate people who were close to me spiral out of control. One with booze, the other relapsed with meth after a decade away from it. I guess I'm just looking for some perspective from people who have turned their life around. I feel incredibly helpless and any efforts to talk to them are met with strong resistance. If this isn't the right place I apologise. I guess I'm just looking for advice. Do I walk away as much as it hurts? Or keep reaching out? 
    my brother in law died from alcoholism. basically all you can do is do as much as you can while you can maintain your own sanity and well being. anything beyond that isn't helping anyone. 

    our family all did as much as we could. he just, in the end, didn't want help. or he did and didn't know how to navigate it. I think he honestly wanted to get help. he tried a few times, even after my sister and also his girlfriend both kicked him out. he wanted to for his son. but he just couldn't overcome it. 

    I know you asked from the perspective of those recovering, but thought it couldn't hurt to add my two cents. 
    (Track 10 of The Headstones' Nickels For Your Nightmares)


  • hedonisthedonist standing on the edge of foreverPosts: 22,817
    I don't know if this is the appropriate place to post this so let me know if it's out of line. I've lost many friends and family to drug and alcohol use over the years, and I currently am watching two separate people who were close to me spiral out of control. One with booze, the other relapsed with meth after a decade away from it. I guess I'm just looking for some perspective from people who have turned their life around. I feel incredibly helpless and any efforts to talk to them are met with strong resistance. If this isn't the right place I apologise. I guess I'm just looking for advice. Do I walk away as much as it hurts? Or keep reaching out? 
    I know some here have/had family members to which this can apply. Not my place to speak for them, but if they feel comfortable sharing, I hope it helps you and lets you know you’re doing what you can, while keeping your SELF somewhat intact.

    From my own experience, I knew I was headed toward (or had already arrived) somewhere pretty bad. It took me being scared straight as shit to take that first step, beyond what was provided to me. 

    To say it was difficult would be an understatement. But it was the single best thing I ever did for myself.

    i look back, but I’m never going back there. 
  • mickeyratmickeyrat Posts: 20,158
    I don't know if this is the appropriate place to post this so let me know if it's out of line. I've lost many friends and family to drug and alcohol use over the years, and I currently am watching two separate people who were close to me spiral out of control. One with booze, the other relapsed with meth after a decade away from it. I guess I'm just looking for some perspective from people who have turned their life around. I feel incredibly helpless and any efforts to talk to them are met with strong resistance. If this isn't the right place I apologise. I guess I'm just looking for advice. Do I walk away as much as it hurts? Or keep reaching out? 

    There is little to nothing you can do to solve their problem. What you xan do is add to the harm they cause themselves by acting with good intention inbthe belief you are trying to help.
    So first. protect yourself and loved ones from any harm THEY may cause you.

    Second whether you break off contact or not is not something I can advise on except to say that knowing I had people in my corner helped. I just knew they shouldn't try to help. So I'd say to keep in contact but protect yourself. And pray if you are inclined. You can tell them that they don't HAVE to live that way. that sucessful help is available for the asking. If its to heartbreaking to watch then do what you must...

    I see it this way, I was furiously digging my hole to get to bottom and family and some friends were kicking dirt back in while trying, with good intention  to help me. I just needed everyone to let me alone to finish my work.
    _____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________

    Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
    you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
    memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
    another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
  • HughFreakingDillonHughFreakingDillon HeadstoniaPosts: 25,314
    mickeyrat said:
    I don't know if this is the appropriate place to post this so let me know if it's out of line. I've lost many friends and family to drug and alcohol use over the years, and I currently am watching two separate people who were close to me spiral out of control. One with booze, the other relapsed with meth after a decade away from it. I guess I'm just looking for some perspective from people who have turned their life around. I feel incredibly helpless and any efforts to talk to them are met with strong resistance. If this isn't the right place I apologise. I guess I'm just looking for advice. Do I walk away as much as it hurts? Or keep reaching out? 

    There is little to nothing you can do to solve their problem. What you xan do is add to the harm they cause themselves by acting with good intention inbthe belief you are trying to help.
    So first. protect yourself and loved ones from any harm THEY may cause you.

    Second whether you break off contact or not is not something I can advise on except to say that knowing I had people in my corner helped. I just knew they shouldn't try to help. So I'd say to keep in contact but protect yourself. And pray if you are inclined. You can tell them that they don't HAVE to live that way. that sucessful help is available for the asking. If its to heartbreaking to watch then do what you must...

    I see it this way, I was furiously digging my hole to get to bottom and family and some friends were kicking dirt back in while trying, with good intention  to help me. I just needed everyone to let me alone to finish my work.
    that's true. i have found with my own struggles over the years that often when someone tries to steer me in what they believe to be the "right direction", if i was anywhere close to going in that direction, their actions often turned me in the direction they were trying to steer me away from. 
    (Track 10 of The Headstones' Nickels For Your Nightmares)


  • hedonisthedonist standing on the edge of foreverPosts: 22,817
    mickeyrat said:
    I don't know if this is the appropriate place to post this so let me know if it's out of line. I've lost many friends and family to drug and alcohol use over the years, and I currently am watching two separate people who were close to me spiral out of control. One with booze, the other relapsed with meth after a decade away from it. I guess I'm just looking for some perspective from people who have turned their life around. I feel incredibly helpless and any efforts to talk to them are met with strong resistance. If this isn't the right place I apologise. I guess I'm just looking for advice. Do I walk away as much as it hurts? Or keep reaching out? 

    There is little to nothing you can do to solve their problem. What you xan do is add to the harm they cause themselves by acting with good intention inbthe belief you are trying to help.
    So first. protect yourself and loved ones from any harm THEY may cause you.

    Second whether you break off contact or not is not something I can advise on except to say that knowing I had people in my corner helped. I just knew they shouldn't try to help. So I'd say to keep in contact but protect yourself. And pray if you are inclined. You can tell them that they don't HAVE to live that way. that sucessful help is available for the asking. If its to heartbreaking to watch then do what you must...

    I see it this way, I was furiously digging my hole to get to bottom and family and some friends were kicking dirt back in while trying, with good intention  to help me. I just needed everyone to let me alone to finish my work.
    that's true. i have found with my own struggles over the years that often when someone tries to steer me in what they believe to be the "right direction", if i was anywhere close to going in that direction, their actions often turned me in the direction they were trying to steer me away from. 
    That’s how I was too. Knowledge isn’t tantamount to action though. I’m forever grateful to my husband for keeping at it - keeping at ME - until I got so angry I finally did as he asked (pleaded). That’s when the real journey began.

    There has to be some small inkling of will, I believe. 
  • mickeyratmickeyrat Posts: 20,158
    hedonist said:
    mickeyrat said:
    I don't know if this is the appropriate place to post this so let me know if it's out of line. I've lost many friends and family to drug and alcohol use over the years, and I currently am watching two separate people who were close to me spiral out of control. One with booze, the other relapsed with meth after a decade away from it. I guess I'm just looking for some perspective from people who have turned their life around. I feel incredibly helpless and any efforts to talk to them are met with strong resistance. If this isn't the right place I apologise. I guess I'm just looking for advice. Do I walk away as much as it hurts? Or keep reaching out? 

    There is little to nothing you can do to solve their problem. What you xan do is add to the harm they cause themselves by acting with good intention inbthe belief you are trying to help.
    So first. protect yourself and loved ones from any harm THEY may cause you.

    Second whether you break off contact or not is not something I can advise on except to say that knowing I had people in my corner helped. I just knew they shouldn't try to help. So I'd say to keep in contact but protect yourself. And pray if you are inclined. You can tell them that they don't HAVE to live that way. that sucessful help is available for the asking. If its to heartbreaking to watch then do what you must...

    I see it this way, I was furiously digging my hole to get to bottom and family and some friends were kicking dirt back in while trying, with good intention  to help me. I just needed everyone to let me alone to finish my work.
    that's true. i have found with my own struggles over the years that often when someone tries to steer me in what they believe to be the "right direction", if i was anywhere close to going in that direction, their actions often turned me in the direction they were trying to steer me away from. 
    That’s how I was too. Knowledge isn’t tantamount to action though. I’m forever grateful to my husband for keeping at it - keeping at ME - until I got so angry I finally did as he asked (pleaded). That’s when the real journey began.

    There has to be some small inkling of will, I believe. 
    H.O.W.
    Honesty
    Openmindedness
    Willingness

    essential to any path of recovery
    _____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________

    Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
    you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
    memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
    another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
  • WhatYouTaughtMeWhatYouTaughtMe I have no idea what's going on right now!Posts: 4,925
    Some good thoughts. Thanks for the responses. One of the relationships has been severely damaged I think by my eagerness to offer help in anyway that I can. I've tried not to give ultimatums and stuff like that because I don't feel it would be productive. How do I explain it to someone that they are free to do what they choose with their life, but I also am free to choose to not have anything to do with it? Without it coming off as an ultimatum? Is there any point in trying to communicate rationally with someone who's brain clearly isn't even functioning in a rational way? 
  • mickeyratmickeyrat Posts: 20,158
    rational conversations may be a challenge. just be firm without being accusing?
    _____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________

    Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
    you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
    memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
    another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
  • HughFreakingDillonHughFreakingDillon HeadstoniaPosts: 25,314
    edited October 2020
    just stay engaged in a non-judgemental way. check in. be friendly. if you notice issues, ask if they would like any help or if there is anything you can do. make the person feel loved but not pitied. help them realize on their own that they are worthy. 
    (Track 10 of The Headstones' Nickels For Your Nightmares)


  • WhatYouTaughtMeWhatYouTaughtMe I have no idea what's going on right now!Posts: 4,925
    Alright. Thanks for the suggestions. I'm just trying to flesh things out in my mind because it can make you nuts. If it's hell for me to watch, I can't imagine the hell it is to go through. I don't want to hijack this thread because it's important. I don't know any of you, but I am happy for anyone that can overcome that struggle. 
  • mickeyratmickeyrat Posts: 20,158
    Alright. Thanks for the suggestions. I'm just trying to flesh things out in my mind because it can make you nuts. If it's hell for me to watch, I can't imagine the hell it is to go through. I don't want to hijack this thread because it's important. I don't know any of you, but I am happy for anyone that can overcome that struggle. 
    not a hijack, important stuff being shared.....
    so keep asking or venting or whatever you need....
    _____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________

    Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
    you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
    memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
    another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
  • njnancynjnancy Northern New JerseyPosts: 5,096
    Hey all!

    I celebrated 24 years of sobriety on November 13, 2020. 

    It was hell getting sober, and I made it harder by analyzing everything, but it's part of who I am now. I am also a person who LOVES to party, I just can't because it will kill me. I'm a week or so late in posting as I am fighting the pandemic pull of isolation.

    Love you all and hope you are all having success in your recovery. I, personally, started doing a workbook for steps 8-12. I have had it for a long time but never got to it after my sponsor's son was almost killed in a car accident and she had to drop me.. We did great work 3-7, but I haven't found a sponsor since her. So when I came across this I thought it was time I revisited 'Living With Others'. 

    It's nice to have these safe places, be it cyber or RL. 

    :peace:
  • You are inspiring nancy. Love and health to you my friend 
    brixton 93
    astoria 06
    albany 06
    hartford 06
    reading 06
    barcelona 06
    paris 06
    wembley 07
    dusseldorf 07
    nijmegen 07

    this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
  • njnancynjnancy Northern New JerseyPosts: 5,096
    You are inspiring nancy. Love and health to you my friend 
    It's great to see you Rob!  Thank you, I find inspiration in  everyone's journey. People had basically given up on me after 3 years of attempted sobriety, but one day it was just different and I've felt that way ever since. I know that could change any moment so I don't take it for granted. I've lost so many family members & friends to diseases related to addiction that I know I'd be dead if I hadn't stopped at a relatively young age. 

    I am supposed to go for a lung scan  tomorrow, need to go every year cause I smoked for 35 years or so (July 9, 2017 quit date). I haven't left my home since March except for one trip to the pharmacy months ago and moving the car around the block for the sweeper. I am panicked but they saw something last year and want to check it. I can't get up the courage to go tomorrow right now and times like this cause me to feel like I am wasting my life by succombing to fear especially since I am the only living sibling and what good is sobriety if I am scared to live. I am quite hard on myself. But I wish health and love and safety to you too my friend. I have a way of making simple things so complicated. I'm a work in progress. Each step backward is a chance to learn. I should be a genius by now, lol.  

    Be well!!
  • FifthelementFifthelement LotuslandPosts: 6,633
    Congratulations @njnancy. You’ve worked so hard and faced so many challenges on your journey. I admire you very much. I understand the feeling of anxiety around leaving the house right now, but I hope you’re able to make your appointment and that your lungs come back clear. I’ll be thinking of you and sending you good vibes.
    "What the CANUCK happened?!? - Esquimalt Barber Shop
  • HobbesHobbes Pacific NorthwestPosts: 4,641
    Congrats, Nancy. I am proud of you. 
  • mickeyratmickeyrat Posts: 20,158
    yes. also good to see you too.... good luck today....
    _____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________

    Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
    you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
    memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
    another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
  • hedonisthedonist standing on the edge of foreverPosts: 22,817
    edited December 2020
    I hope all went well, nancy!

    I just watched an old clip of James Hetfield on Rogan, discussing how he became sober. One thing he said that hit home - his wife walked through that fire with him. 

    I am so fortunate to have my fire-walker with me.

    I’m always interested in people’s rock bottoms. What it took for them to say, “No more.”
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