PJ fans in 12 step Recovery

njnancy

Ernie Vedder said:

10 months sober!

That is incredible!! I am so proud of you. It really is quite an accomplishment. I know some people say we shouldn't 'celebrate' ourselves because we're just doing what we're supposed to do (at least I encountered many old timers that kept our vanity in check), but feel good about being sober - it has been great to come here and see your progress. Way to go.

hedonist

Nancy...wow

lastexitlondon

njnancy said:

lastexitlondon said:

I've just found this page and over the last few nights ive read from the start eagerly waiting to see where everyone is at today. This thread has made me realise I have a problem. Of what level im just not sure but i asked for help today because of this thread. Thank you.

I'm so glad you found us! And realizing you have a problem is the first step. Actually, we kinda know we have a problem for quite awhile before we admit it out loud, at least i did, but when somebody else says it, defenses go up. I fought all the different ideas of sobriety for over 2 years - I didn't want to stop drinking, I love to drink - God I love to drink. And I was dealing with an onset of anxiety and depression at the same time and I just wanted to be 'crazy' and fix that and then I wouldn't have a consumption problems, esp consumption behavior and the awful next morning filled with remorse and embarrassment. But I had been abusing alcohol and other stuff at different points of my life for a long time before the mental health problems popped up. They were just a good excuse (or so I thought). It isn't easy. But I'm so proud that you admitted to us and to someone else in your life that you have a problem - that is huge and I am proud of your honesty. Now what do you do, right?
I just had my sober anniversary on November 13th - it's been 21 years and 3 weeks of  total sobriety - not just alcohol but any mood altering substance. I'm a coffee junkie now, you can't make me stop drinking my coffee - it's like air to me. And I also have been a smoker for a long time, but I am 5 months without a cigarette - last one I had was beginning of July. I am using a vape thingy, but the craving is basically gone. They absolutely add crap to make your more addicted to the cigarettes. I've gone out at 3am to get a pack. But the vape is just menthol and nicotine and I'm going to switch to non -nicotine vaping soon. I hardly use it though, much different than my obsession with cigarettes for more years than I'd like to admit.
I can't tell you exactly what changed my wanting to be be sober to just not wanting to drink one day. It happened just like that. One day I woke up and it was gone. I have had a lot of loss in my life so I have my problems with God as my higher power. I don't see how he could take my siblings from me and from their families. I can't make peace with it. My father died, at 67, less than a month after I stopped drinking for real. It was my first immediate family death and it was painful, but I didn't think of drinking. It had been taken from. I know it sounds crazy but it's true. I have never wanted to drink in all these years. I have wanted to escape, after a shitty day, week, year and I realize I can't go have a glass of wine with the girls or whatnot. I don't think I've ever just had a glass of anything, from the very beginning. I loved it, and I never wanted to stop. I have coping mechanisms and sleep is my escape when things get really intense - when I wake up from a nap I'm in a different state of mind.

And the first time my one on one therapist suggested I attend an AA meeting, I almost lost my mind. Why would I go talk to alcoholics? I wasn't like them! I just had some problems and I didn't need to hear what they had to say because I had a pre-conceived idea of what kinds of people were alcoholics and I was just a problem drinker. Several rehabs and years later and it was AA that saved my life. I finally decided to give it my all and see what happened - went everyday, sometimes twice a day - that was my homebase because it was safe and the people were just like me, not what I'd imagined. They understood me cause they were going through the same thing. It felt good to have other people say things and I'd realize that I did the same thing. I wasn't alone - I had people who knew me better than I knew myself.

I was a hard case and many thought I wouldn't make it, but here I am. And here you are. You might be surprised at who you bump into at a meeting, if you choose to go. Just keep coming back here and letting us know what's up with you. I don't want you to feel alone, cause you're not. 
Nancy

Wow Nancy i can relate to all of this.
I have done my first sober week for i don't know how long. I am scared and like you i love drinking but it doesn't love me. So i have managed a week and i onow i won't drink tomorrow either. That s all i know but i really hope i can go further. Because its caused me no end of health problems

njnancy

lastexitlondon said:

njnancy said:

lastexitlondon said:

I've just found this page and over the last few nights ive read from the start eagerly waiting to see where everyone is at today. This thread has made me realise I have a problem. Of what level im just not sure but i asked for help today because of this thread. Thank you.

I'm so glad you found us! And realizing you have a problem is the first step. Actually, we kinda know we have a problem for quite awhile before we admit it out loud, at least i did, but when somebody else says it, defenses go up. I fought all the different ideas of sobriety for over 2 years - I didn't want to stop drinking, I love to drink - God I love to drink. And I was dealing with an onset of anxiety and depression at the same time and I just wanted to be 'crazy' and fix that and then I wouldn't have a consumption problems, esp consumption behavior and the awful next morning filled with remorse and embarrassment. But I had been abusing alcohol and other stuff at different points of my life for a long time before the mental health problems popped up. They were just a good excuse (or so I thought). It isn't easy. But I'm so proud that you admitted to us and to someone else in your life that you have a problem - that is huge and I am proud of your honesty. Now what do you do, right?
I just had my sober anniversary on November 13th - it's been 21 years and 3 weeks of  total sobriety - not just alcohol but any mood altering substance. I'm a coffee junkie now, you can't make me stop drinking my coffee - it's like air to me. And I also have been a smoker for a long time, but I am 5 months without a cigarette - last one I had was beginning of July. I am using a vape thingy, but the craving is basically gone. They absolutely add crap to make your more addicted to the cigarettes. I've gone out at 3am to get a pack. But the vape is just menthol and nicotine and I'm going to switch to non -nicotine vaping soon. I hardly use it though, much different than my obsession with cigarettes for more years than I'd like to admit.
I can't tell you exactly what changed my wanting to be be sober to just not wanting to drink one day. It happened just like that. One day I woke up and it was gone. I have had a lot of loss in my life so I have my problems with God as my higher power. I don't see how he could take my siblings from me and from their families. I can't make peace with it. My father died, at 67, less than a month after I stopped drinking for real. It was my first immediate family death and it was painful, but I didn't think of drinking. It had been taken from. I know it sounds crazy but it's true. I have never wanted to drink in all these years. I have wanted to escape, after a shitty day, week, year and I realize I can't go have a glass of wine with the girls or whatnot. I don't think I've ever just had a glass of anything, from the very beginning. I loved it, and I never wanted to stop. I have coping mechanisms and sleep is my escape when things get really intense - when I wake up from a nap I'm in a different state of mind.

And the first time my one on one therapist suggested I attend an AA meeting, I almost lost my mind. Why would I go talk to alcoholics? I wasn't like them! I just had some problems and I didn't need to hear what they had to say because I had a pre-conceived idea of what kinds of people were alcoholics and I was just a problem drinker. Several rehabs and years later and it was AA that saved my life. I finally decided to give it my all and see what happened - went everyday, sometimes twice a day - that was my homebase because it was safe and the people were just like me, not what I'd imagined. They understood me cause they were going through the same thing. It felt good to have other people say things and I'd realize that I did the same thing. I wasn't alone - I had people who knew me better than I knew myself.

I was a hard case and many thought I wouldn't make it, but here I am. And here you are. You might be surprised at who you bump into at a meeting, if you choose to go. Just keep coming back here and letting us know what's up with you. I don't want you to feel alone, cause you're not. 
Nancy

Wow Nancy i can relate to all of this.
I have done my first sober week for i don't know how long. I am scared and like you i love drinking but it doesn't love me. So i have managed a week and i onow i won't drink tomorrow either. That s all i know but i really hope i can go further. Because its caused me no end of health problems

We get drink alone, we get sober together. I think it is fantastic that you have been sober for a week - way to go!!! But you sound like you are white knuckling it. And that is a shitty way to live cause it's on your mind all the time and you just keep using your willpower. Alcoholism isn't a willpower problem - you aren't a weak human being because you used more than you should or in ways other people didn't - you abused because you have a disease - and willpower and desire to be sober is essential and I commend you. One day, one hour, one second at a time is a great mindset - don't think any further than the next right thing - don't try and think of long term sobriety - it is overwhelming and self defeating. Just keep your mind set on the moment - just know you aren't drinking at this moment. We have no guarantee that we won't drink tomorrow - the disease is insidious - it could creep up on you when you least expect it. Especially in the beginning. You want to be sober tomorrow and you will do whatever you have to to achieve that goal - never say never - I've seen it go sideways for many people. 
I don't know if you are going to meetings but I really hope you are, or try one. It is scary and something you never imagined would be part of your life - and everyone sitting in that room feels the same way - please give meetings a chance. I am blessed to live in NJ right across from Manhattan, so there are multiple meetings of different sorts every night of the week close to my home. I hope you have that. I don't know if you have any friends or acquaintances that go to AA, but if you do, it would make it easier. That's all I say about meetings - the thing I dreaded saved my life and became a home for me. 
Most important - keep talking to people and whatever you do, don't drink or use. I hope your health problems are recoverable with this move on your part. There is a lot of life to live and it is possible to have a good life without using. It's something I couldn't imagine but it's true. Shit will happen, but you will be able to deal with it with a clear mind and not using in order to self-medicate when shit gets tough. 

Keep it up for you - you deserve to be healthy and hopeful! You are important and worthy - say positive things and reject the negative shit that wants you to feel worthless and use. If you feed the positive it will flourish - same with the negative - don't feed it. We can hate ourselves more than any other person can. So reject that bullshit and just be proud and make a list of what is good about you. And say one good thing to yourself in the mirror - change your thinking cause the old way will lead you right back to a drink - I know it well. 

Have a great day! 

Thoughts_Arrive

I hope OP and you people didn't mind the facebook post.
Internet based addictions are real.

SD48277

The holidays are a stressful time. Bumping this thread for all who need the support.

Thoughts_Arrive

Bah Humbug

lastexitlondon

10 days. My memory is fucked

mickeyrat

lastexitlondon said:

10 days. My memory is fucked

it gets better. likely still detoxing.

you will soon begin to feel some things you used to numb with booze. it may feel intense. ride it out.

keep this phrase in mind... THIS TOO SHALL PASS

lastexitlondon

I feel like i have dementia . Im really struggling so bad with physical symptoms . Thank you for replying

mickeyrat

lastexitlondon said:

I feel like i have dementia . Im really struggling so bad with physical symptoms . Thank you for replying

you'll feel foggy for a bit.  make sure you get plenty of fluids and eat decently.

if you become real concerned go to the doctor.

one thing we didnt ask was how much and how frequently you drank. and for how long.

its important. think you'd be past it by now, but a very real condition develops in some who are very far gone.  Delerium Tremens. It can be fatal if untreated.

Amongst the Ani

lastexitlondon said:

I feel like i have dementia . Im really struggling so bad with physical symptoms . Thank you for replying

As Mickey stated it gets so much better. I had a misconception when I tried to get sober the first time I would wake up one morning and feel better and that just isnt how it works. Minus some bad days thrown in, you feel a little better each day. After a while you get to a point where you feel better than you did when you were not sober. I would say watch out for some unexpected emotions. I am going on 3 years sober and sometimes feelings from the past I never dealt with just kind of unexpectedly come up. A good support system helps the most with that as they can lead to bad days. NA, AA works for most. I was lucky to have some really good friends who help when I need it. 

Congrats on how far you have come. Hang in there.  

lastexitlondon

I wasn't a very heavy drinker..i drank most days some beers or a bottle of wine. Over many years about 15 years  drank most days. Something even if 2 beers . Never more than 3 beers and a bottle of wine at a time. 
I think this maybe something else. 

lastexitlondon

Weekends definitely heavier. 

HughFreakingDillon

lastexitlondon said:

I wasn't a very heavy drinker..i drank most days some beers or a bottle of wine. Over many years about 15 years  drank most days. Something even if 2 beers . Never more than 3 beers and a bottle of wine at a time. 
I think this maybe something else. 

I don't know how much exactly my brother in law drank before he ultimately died, but when he tried to quit once, about 5 days after he had a massive seizure. my sister had to call an ambulance. he also had to get fluid drained from his abdomen a few times. depending on your level of dependence, I believe you should be doing this under a doctor's supervision.

to others: do people detox slowly? as in, taper the booze off? or quit all at once? or is there medication to help your body through the initial detox phase?

I don't think it's the amount of booze you consume; it's the reason. my wife's aunt used to only have one drink per day, but she depended on it like a crutch, so she eventually went to AA. 

but I'm sure the recoverers in this thread know way more than I would. 

mickeyrat

HughFreakingDillon said:

lastexitlondon said:

I wasn't a very heavy drinker..i drank most days some beers or a bottle of wine. Over many years about 15 years  drank most days. Something even if 2 beers . Never more than 3 beers and a bottle of wine at a time. 
I think this maybe something else. 

I don't know how much exactly my brother in law drank before he ultimately died, but when he tried to quit once, about 5 days after he had a massive seizure. my sister had to call an ambulance. he also had to get fluid drained from his abdomen a few times. depending on your level of dependence, I believe you should be doing this under a doctor's supervision.

to others: do people detox slowly? as in, taper the booze off? or quit all at once? or is there medication to help your body through the initial detox phase?

I don't think it's the amount of booze you consume; it's the reason. my wife's aunt used to only have one drink per day, but she depended on it like a crutch, so she eventually went to AA. 

but I'm sure the recoverers in this thread know way more than I would. 

yes, docs can and do recommend stepping down for certain drinkers. others may require some meds under direct supervision to get through the initial detox. my sense is he is past that.

only an expert of my own experience and what others have shared but it doesnt sound to me he absolutely requires medical intervention. in light of it being day 10.

his body has forgotten how to readily function without some measure of alcohol. its learning how to again.

he should be fine. but seriously dont hesitate to consult a doctor. no shame in it at all. better to feel foolish than risk it. can get over feeling foolish, dead or damaged not so much....

lastexitlondon

Approaching 3 weeks. 

mickeyrat

lastexitlondon said:

Approaching 3 weeks. 

slowly it gets better.

are you doing this on your own?

oftenreading

lastexitlondon said:

Approaching 3 weeks. 

You're doing an amazing thing for yourself, lel. 

lastexitlondon

Yes all by my self
 I don't see many other people so at the moment its ok but still hard. This sunday marks 3 weeks but i have a family dinner at which my brother and step dad both of  which drink heavily will be drinking. But i am determined so far. 
 Still feeling confused so its probably not the drink. Im struggling with bordem and eating so much sweet stuff. But still going