Farts

Gern Blansten

Reminds me of my second job out of college.  I would have been about 26 or so.

There were 8 of us in an office suite.  My office just happened to be a little larger than a few of the others so it contained a large cabinet where all of the office supplies were stored.  If someone needed a pen or staples or something they would pop in and grab them from the cabinet.

One day I was at my desk and let a fart go that probably steamed up the windows.  Just god awful stench.

About 30 seconds after releasing it a nice looking young (female) staffer came in to get into the cabinet.  To say I was embarrassed would be an understatement.  I can't imagine that she didn't get a whiff of that monster but the awkwardness after that was uncomfortable.

pearljammr78

All of these stories are hilarious. Ha ha ha

lastexitlondon

Im not a fan.
But  this thread  made me laugh and made me think of my dear auntie. She fuckin loves em. And once her and her youngest saved up farts in a jar for months . And when the elder son fell asleep one day.  Opened and held to his nose. 
Not for everyone these things.  And  i did laugh  at tempos post . And i too wonder about this itchy shoot if you  will!

HesCalledDyer

I once came up with a concept for a recurring television short called Rock & Rumble where it's just a group of like 2-5 people sitting on a big front porch in rocking chairs just ripping farts and laughing for about 10 minutes.  No words, no conversation, no plot.  Just rockin' & rumblin'.

mickeyrat

this dude in my office. just fucking atrocious. I am seriously what the actual fuck are you eating. Am hestitant to go to hr though.

pearljammr78

When I was in the service years ago. I had been drinking like a savage while eating shitty for days. Needless to say my stomach was hurting. I was in a Target in the clothes section and all of a sudden, immense pressure on my balloon knot. So I let the hottest, hold your butt checks together so nothing else falls out in the process, epic fart. Just then I see people walking over to where I’m at. So I book it and hide behind a rack of clothes. All of a sudden this guy yells. “Holy shit! It fucking stinks here!” And this lady yells back, “ Oh my god, and it’s everywhere, I can’t get away from it!” 
Needless to say, I fell over laughing trying not to be seen or heard. But so proud and ashamed of myself at the same time. I smile big 20+ years later every time it crosses my mind. Booze and bad food= death farts. 

dankind

I try to always leave one in the revolving door or elevator before I exit at my office building.

Gern Blansten

pearljammr78 said:

When I was in the service years ago. I had been drinking like a savage while eating shitty for days. Needless to say my stomach was hurting. I was in a Target in the clothes section and all of a sudden, immense pressure on my balloon knot. So I let the hottest, hold your butt checks together so nothing else falls out in the process, epic fart. Just then I see people walking over to where I’m at. So I book it and hide behind a rack of clothes. All of a sudden this guy yells. “Holy shit! It fucking stinks here!” And this lady yells back, “ Oh my god, and it’s everywhere, I can’t get away from it!” 
Needless to say, I fell over laughing trying not to be seen or heard. But so proud and ashamed of myself at the same time. I smile big 20+ years later every time it crosses my mind. Booze and bad food= death farts. 

Nice....I rarely fart in the office but I think I had a similar issue.  Just one of those times I couldn't hold it in and I probably thought I could get away with it.

I just can't believe the people that fart at concerts or any event where people are seated close together.  Of course I'm also always surprised at the number of people I notice taking shits at concerts or games, etc.  

HughFreakingDillon

pearljammr78 said:

When I was in the service years ago. I had been drinking like a savage while eating shitty for days. Needless to say my stomach was hurting. I was in a Target in the clothes section and all of a sudden, immense pressure on my balloon knot. So I let the hottest, hold your butt checks together so nothing else falls out in the process, epic fart. Just then I see people walking over to where I’m at. So I book it and hide behind a rack of clothes. All of a sudden this guy yells. “Holy shit! It fucking stinks here!” And this lady yells back, “ Oh my god, and it’s everywhere, I can’t get away from it!” 
Needless to say, I fell over laughing trying not to be seen or heard. But so proud and ashamed of myself at the same time. I smile big 20+ years later every time it crosses my mind. Booze and bad food= death farts. 

I'm dying! LMAO

HughFreakingDillon

Gern Blansten said:

pearljammr78 said:

When I was in the service years ago. I had been drinking like a savage while eating shitty for days. Needless to say my stomach was hurting. I was in a Target in the clothes section and all of a sudden, immense pressure on my balloon knot. So I let the hottest, hold your butt checks together so nothing else falls out in the process, epic fart. Just then I see people walking over to where I’m at. So I book it and hide behind a rack of clothes. All of a sudden this guy yells. “Holy shit! It fucking stinks here!” And this lady yells back, “ Oh my god, and it’s everywhere, I can’t get away from it!” 
Needless to say, I fell over laughing trying not to be seen or heard. But so proud and ashamed of myself at the same time. I smile big 20+ years later every time it crosses my mind. Booze and bad food= death farts. 

Nice....I rarely fart in the office but I think I had a similar issue.  Just one of those times I couldn't hold it in and I probably thought I could get away with it.

I just can't believe the people that fart at concerts or any event where people are seated close together.  Of course I'm also always surprised at the number of people I notice taking shits at concerts or games, etc.  

what's weird about shitting at a concert? if ya gotta go, ya gotta go. 

pearljammr78

dankind said:

I try to always leave one in the revolving door or elevator before I exit at my office building.

Nice. Trapped spaces are the best unless your the one trapped. Lol

HughFreakingDillon

I hate it when someone leaves an obvious bomb in the elevator, and the next floor someone else gets on....you just know they think I'm the one that dropped it. 

HesCalledDyer

HughFreakingDillon said:

Gern Blansten said:

pearljammr78 said:

When I was in the service years ago. I had been drinking like a savage while eating shitty for days. Needless to say my stomach was hurting. I was in a Target in the clothes section and all of a sudden, immense pressure on my balloon knot. So I let the hottest, hold your butt checks together so nothing else falls out in the process, epic fart. Just then I see people walking over to where I’m at. So I book it and hide behind a rack of clothes. All of a sudden this guy yells. “Holy shit! It fucking stinks here!” And this lady yells back, “ Oh my god, and it’s everywhere, I can’t get away from it!” 
Needless to say, I fell over laughing trying not to be seen or heard. But so proud and ashamed of myself at the same time. I smile big 20+ years later every time it crosses my mind. Booze and bad food= death farts. 

Nice....I rarely fart in the office but I think I had a similar issue.  Just one of those times I couldn't hold it in and I probably thought I could get away with it.

I just can't believe the people that fart at concerts or any event where people are seated close together.  Of course I'm also always surprised at the number of people I notice taking shits at concerts or games, etc.  

what's weird about shitting at a concert? if ya gotta go, ya gotta go. 

Have you seen those toilets? And the inch of fluid they rest in?

HughFreakingDillon

HesCalledDyer said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

Gern Blansten said:

pearljammr78 said:

When I was in the service years ago. I had been drinking like a savage while eating shitty for days. Needless to say my stomach was hurting. I was in a Target in the clothes section and all of a sudden, immense pressure on my balloon knot. So I let the hottest, hold your butt checks together so nothing else falls out in the process, epic fart. Just then I see people walking over to where I’m at. So I book it and hide behind a rack of clothes. All of a sudden this guy yells. “Holy shit! It fucking stinks here!” And this lady yells back, “ Oh my god, and it’s everywhere, I can’t get away from it!” 
Needless to say, I fell over laughing trying not to be seen or heard. But so proud and ashamed of myself at the same time. I smile big 20+ years later every time it crosses my mind. Booze and bad food= death farts. 

Nice....I rarely fart in the office but I think I had a similar issue.  Just one of those times I couldn't hold it in and I probably thought I could get away with it.

I just can't believe the people that fart at concerts or any event where people are seated close together.  Of course I'm also always surprised at the number of people I notice taking shits at concerts or games, etc.  

what's weird about shitting at a concert? if ya gotta go, ya gotta go. 

Have you seen those toilets? And the inch of fluid they rest in?

depends on the event and the attendees. it's rare that I have to do it, but at the events I go to, usually not a problem. 

dankind

HughFreakingDillon said:

I hate it when someone leaves an obvious bomb in the elevator, and the next floor someone else gets on....you just know they think I'm the one that dropped it. 

markymark550

dankind said:

I try to always leave one in the revolving door or elevator before I exit at my office building.

pearljammr78

This is the best thread. It just makes me smile to read all the posts. 

eeriepadave

https://vt.co/entertainment/a-farting-contest-is-being-held-in-india-to-normalise-the-process/?utm_source=vt&utm_medium=junglecreations&utm_campaign=post&fbclid=IwAR0ATmAa5NROZCE8gT-m_655qAdn-FowU2KbwF6EvJhu9ItPVVl2iu1EczU

Horos

52 yo avid farter here.
I've told my wife that my farts should be recorded for movies.
My fave these days is to fart and ask her, "Did you say something?"
When my kids were kids and I felt one coming I'd say, "You know what?" and they'd say, "What?" and fart.
Also told my kids my super power would be farting called The Winds of Change.
Of course there have been mishaps when letting one rip.
I usually lift my leg to give it room to expand.
My farts don't stink.

pearljammr78

That is a contest I would win. 

How many people are going to accidentally shit by trying to push out one too hard? Someone should telecast this event. It looks more entertaining than the NFL. 

lastexitlondon

I would watch that on tv.

pearljammr78

Type your comment

Will the Farter on the Howard Stern Show is a farting legend. 

BLACK35

dankind said:

I try to always leave one in the revolving door or elevator before I exit at my office building.

I try to do this everytime when I Leave an elevator if possible

pearljammr78

https://apple.news/Afc8CPX83SsaNIK30z_JW0g

My hero. Lol

lastexitlondon

Now i have just been sent a song made by my auntie and 2 cousins using their recorded farts. And this is commitment to the love of farts.( I hate farts for the  record ). It was made in a studio by aunties boyfriend. Who is the drummer  in the  zombies. . Its left me bewildered. I cant think  it was hos finest hour but you guys here will probably think  it is. Haha i wish i could upload it . 

mace1229

One of my most proud fart moments was a few years ago. I'm a high school chemistry teacher. Our class was setup weird, we had my class, then a shared lab next door, then another class on the other side. When I need to relive myself I just go into the lab, pretend to do something for a minute and come back.
But this day the other class was in there doing a lab. It was a basic observation lab, they pick up a sample and practice making basic observations. I had to make the decision to cropdust my own class or the lab of students I didn't know. Easy choice.
I pretend to do something important for a minute, then I hear the group a few feet away say "this material smells like sulfur" and write that into their lab.

CROJAM95

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WhatYouTaughtMe

I farted in my truck right before I got out of it for a 3 hour class in July. The Phoenix heat was not so kind to the odor. I got in after class and almost vomited in my mouth.

Gern Blansten

HughFreakingDillon said:

Gern Blansten said:

pearljammr78 said:

When I was in the service years ago. I had been drinking like a savage while eating shitty for days. Needless to say my stomach was hurting. I was in a Target in the clothes section and all of a sudden, immense pressure on my balloon knot. So I let the hottest, hold your butt checks together so nothing else falls out in the process, epic fart. Just then I see people walking over to where I’m at. So I book it and hide behind a rack of clothes. All of a sudden this guy yells. “Holy shit! It fucking stinks here!” And this lady yells back, “ Oh my god, and it’s everywhere, I can’t get away from it!” 
Needless to say, I fell over laughing trying not to be seen or heard. But so proud and ashamed of myself at the same time. I smile big 20+ years later every time it crosses my mind. Booze and bad food= death farts. 

Nice....I rarely fart in the office but I think I had a similar issue.  Just one of those times I couldn't hold it in and I probably thought I could get away with it.

I just can't believe the people that fart at concerts or any event where people are seated close together.  Of course I'm also always surprised at the number of people I notice taking shits at concerts or games, etc.  

what's weird about shitting at a concert? if ya gotta go, ya gotta go. 

It just doesn't seem like the proper place.  My system is like clockwork though.  I crap every morning when I get up so I don't ever have to put myself in a situation where I don't crap at home.  

I could probably count the number of times I have crapped in a gas station on one hand.

Malroth

Gern Blansten said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

Gern Blansten said:

pearljammr78 said:

When I was in the service years ago. I had been drinking like a savage while eating shitty for days. Needless to say my stomach was hurting. I was in a Target in the clothes section and all of a sudden, immense pressure on my balloon knot. So I let the hottest, hold your butt checks together so nothing else falls out in the process, epic fart. Just then I see people walking over to where I’m at. So I book it and hide behind a rack of clothes. All of a sudden this guy yells. “Holy shit! It fucking stinks here!” And this lady yells back, “ Oh my god, and it’s everywhere, I can’t get away from it!” 
Needless to say, I fell over laughing trying not to be seen or heard. But so proud and ashamed of myself at the same time. I smile big 20+ years later every time it crosses my mind. Booze and bad food= death farts. 

Nice....I rarely fart in the office but I think I had a similar issue.  Just one of those times I couldn't hold it in and I probably thought I could get away with it.

I just can't believe the people that fart at concerts or any event where people are seated close together.  Of course I'm also always surprised at the number of people I notice taking shits at concerts or games, etc.  

what's weird about shitting at a concert? if ya gotta go, ya gotta go. 

It just doesn't seem like the proper place.  My system is like clockwork though.  I crap every morning when I get up so I don't ever have to put myself in a situation where I don't crap at home.  

I could probably count the number of times I have crapped in a gas station on one hand.

So....how many times have you crapped on one hand in a gas station?   and is it usually your own?