Should I ask Agnes out on a date?

OffSheGoes35

No

HughFreakingDillon said:

Spiritual_Chaos said:

njnancy said:

Spiritual_Chaos said:

Nothing as unsexy as people talking about meat.

Me and Agnes never talk about meat. 

You've obviously never been to Jersey.

And when did you and Agnes last speak? Inquiring minds want to know.

IRL, we haven't met yet. 

Talked on messanger about some ad-awards-show she was at. Last week. She said she had nothing to wear. I said I believed that was BS. She later said she found something to wear.

how does one have monthly/bi monthly beers having never met in real life?

I think he means post-surgery. At least I hope so. I would hate to imagine him at a pub sitting in a corner with a ventriloquist dummy.

njnancy

Yes

PJ_Soul said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Meltdown99 said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Meltdown99 said:

For the single people...Do any of you plan on staying single by choice?  My Dad had 2 cousins who choose to be single.  One did eventually marry, in his 70's, he died about 2 years later...  

I crave love. But then I feel like I don't want a relationship. I'd like companionship but not the arguments, having to fit in with her family and social group who I may not like etc.

Have you tried sped dating?  Many places arrange speed dating for free, check out the community news.  No idea how you avoid conflict/argument, it's part of life ... it's more important how you handle conflict, unfortunately, most people have never been taught good conflict resolution skills.  Your last sentence is normal fears.  Just be yourself.  You do not want someone who can not except you, as you.  

I've considered it as I refuse to try online dating. Not just the acceptance of me as me but the having to put up with people I don't like.
Plus seeing how my two sisters' marriages have turned to shit has left me feeling less than optimistic about marriages.
As well as what I learned at university, passion fades over time, we habituate to our partner and that is why people break up or cheat.

If you refuse to participate in life with people, which will necessarily involve some conflict/disagreement, and meeting other people who turn up in said life, then there is no way you can have a relationship, or have any children. Sorry. Sounds like you either need to get over that, or resign yourself to being alone, or find someone with literally no family, no friends, who doesn't want children, and never has anything to say or thoughts of her own for you two to disagree over.  These are the only options you've left available to yourself at this time. I really do hope you can change them somehow.

The woman speaks truth. 

Relationships, either short term or long term, are messy. People are complex. Relationships take a lot of work in order to be successful and truly two people moving through the ups and downs of life together. People divorce when they hit a snag in a relationship and just aren't equipped to do the necessary things - real conversations, compromise, understanding, listening, forgiving, therapy, etc.  If you are meeting and marrying someone in your 20's/early 30's - there is going to be a lot of involvement from each other's families. Dealing with in-laws and friends of your partner is part of the deal. Sometimes divorce is necessary - a person turns out to be abusive or chronically unfaithful; but most times people bail instead of sticking out a rough patch. 

Passion doesn't fade, lust fades. If you find someone that is right for you, you are not going to sustain a lust-filled sex life. It's a great starting point but there needs to be more than just mutual sexual attraction to have a relationship that is more than just a body buddy. You need to grow passionate about other aspects of that person and that is when you know that you have something real and worth doing whatever you need to do in order to make it work. If you don't grow the relationship past the initial lust phase, then that's all it will ever be and that's okay for some people. That's all some people want. Especially later in life. You need to be confident in who you are and what you want in order to successfully get out there and navigate relationships. If you don't want to deal with conflict or families or anything uncomfortable then you will have to resign yourself to just the initial stages of attraction and then moving on to someone else or not date at all.  

HughFreakingDillon

Spiritual_Chaos said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

Spiritual_Chaos said:

njnancy said:

Spiritual_Chaos said:

Nothing as unsexy as people talking about meat.

Me and Agnes never talk about meat. 

You've obviously never been to Jersey.

And when did you and Agnes last speak? Inquiring minds want to know.

IRL, we haven't met yet. 

Talked on messanger about some ad-awards-show she was at. Last week. She said she had nothing to wear. I said I believed that was BS. She later said she found something to wear.

how does one have monthly/bi monthly beers having never met in real life?

Haven't met since I asked her out.

Oh, I thought you meant you had NEVER met. I thought, "jesus, 45 pages and we're just finding out this was an online thing NOW???"

njnancy

Yes

F Me In The Brain said:

HesCalledDyer said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

Spiritual_Chaos said:

Went to the pharmacy and ran into a new employee from the HR department. She stopped me and we talked a while about my surgery and about how I was feeling. 

One - kind of weird talking to people from work outside of the office. Sort of. A bit.

Two - Maybe I should ask her out. BEING ON THE ROLL THAT I AM!

I would caution against dating/asking someone out from HR. 

I would second that caution.

Rule #1: Never take someone to bed from where you make your bread.

I prefer "Don't shit where you eat"

Advice from my old man when I was a youngster

That's the advice I give my son now. Advice I was given when I was his age. I still had to learn the hard way. 

dankind

Yes

“If there are junk yards in hell, love is the dog that guards the gates.”

--Buk

Meltdown99

Yes

2 of the most important lessons I have learned while going through my separation are 1.  it does not matter if you are willing to cross an ocean for someone if they are not even willing to step over a puddle for you (when it dawned on me that my wife would not even cross a puddle, moving on became easier),  2 Never beg someone to be with you, if people do not want to be with you fuck em (when I realized that, I immediately blocked my wife on my phone, me taking control of my life).  

Thoughts_Arrive

Yes

Meltdown99 said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Meltdown99 said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Meltdown99 said:

For the single people...Do any of you plan on staying single by choice?  My Dad had 2 cousins who choose to be single.  One did eventually marry, in his 70's, he died about 2 years later...  

I crave love. But then I feel like I don't want a relationship. I'd like companionship but not the arguments, having to fit in with her family and social group who I may not like etc.

Have you tried sped dating?  Many places arrange speed dating for free, check out the community news.  No idea how you avoid conflict/argument, it's part of life ... it's more important how you handle conflict, unfortunately, most people have never been taught good conflict resolution skills.  Your last sentence is normal fears.  Just be yourself.  You do not want someone who can not except you, as you.  

I've considered it as I refuse to try online dating. Not just the acceptance of me as me but the having to put up with people I don't like.
Plus seeing how my two sisters' marriages have turned to shit has left me feeling less than optimistic about marriages.
As well as what I learned at university, passion fades over time, we habituate to our partner and that is why people break up or cheat.

That why I suggested speed dating.  Do like playing cards/board games ... some community centres host things like this.    Have you tried meetup.com?  Sadly, lots and lots of marriage's turn to shit these days.  And lots and lots of marriages are going to turn to shit.  It is true, with some the passion fades.  Some it's a mid-life crisis that ends the marriage, affairs, spouse wants a different life...whatever it is.  My Mom who was married to my Dad for over 50 years until she passed, always said people need to learn forgiveness to have successful marriages.

I thought about speed dating and it's probably the only way I'll try to find love.
Haven't tried meetup.com, a psychologist I used to see kept suggesting it to me as a way to make friends. I didn't know meetup.com is for dating? I don't know how to play card games lol, never been into them. Board games I never play.

Thoughts_Arrive

Yes

OffSheGoes35 said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Meltdown99 said:

For the single people...Do any of you plan on staying single by choice?  My Dad had 2 cousins who choose to be single.  One did eventually marry, in his 70's, he died about 2 years later...  

I crave love. But then I feel like I don't want a relationship. I'd like companionship but not the arguments, having to fit in with her family and social group who I may not like etc.

THAT'S WHAT I WANT TOO!! Let's have an unofficial non-commitment ceremony and celebrate with all the cheesiest Queen songs!!

https://youtu.be/YehLQEp_88I

Let's

Thoughts_Arrive

Yes

PJ_Soul said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Meltdown99 said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Meltdown99 said:

For the single people...Do any of you plan on staying single by choice?  My Dad had 2 cousins who choose to be single.  One did eventually marry, in his 70's, he died about 2 years later...  

I crave love. But then I feel like I don't want a relationship. I'd like companionship but not the arguments, having to fit in with her family and social group who I may not like etc.

Have you tried sped dating?  Many places arrange speed dating for free, check out the community news.  No idea how you avoid conflict/argument, it's part of life ... it's more important how you handle conflict, unfortunately, most people have never been taught good conflict resolution skills.  Your last sentence is normal fears.  Just be yourself.  You do not want someone who can not except you, as you.  

I've considered it as I refuse to try online dating. Not just the acceptance of me as me but the having to put up with people I don't like.
Plus seeing how my two sisters' marriages have turned to shit has left me feeling less than optimistic about marriages.
As well as what I learned at university, passion fades over time, we habituate to our partner and that is why people break up or cheat.

If you refuse to participate in life with people, which will necessarily involve some conflict/disagreement, and meeting other people who turn up in said life, then there is no way you can have a relationship, or have any children. Sorry. Sounds like you either need to get over that, or resign yourself to being alone, or find someone with literally no family, no friends, who doesn't want children, and never has anything to say or thoughts of her own for you two to disagree over.  These are the only options you've left available to yourself at this time. I really do hope you can change them somehow.

Maybe it's because I am so used to being alone that being in a relationship and all that it brings seems daunting and out of my comfort zone.
As I've never been in a relationship it's a whole new world I am anxious about. I hate change.

Thoughts_Arrive

Yes

I find many people so fake and fickle that it bugs me that I'll have to put up with my future girlfriend's family and friends.

bootlegger10

Yes

Thoughts_Arrive said:

I find many people so fake and fickle that it bugs me that I'll have to put up with my future girlfriend's family and friends.

Maybe this is the wrong advice but there is nothing wrong with being single.  Not everyone is built for relationships.  It doesn’t mean you won’t at times feel like you are missing out but I think there is a spectrum for relationships.  On the far right are the people who can’t be alone for thirty seconds and then on the far left are the people who want to be alone all but thirty seconds of the day.  Everyone else is in between.  The way you talk you sound like you are well left of middle so why not just embrace it and move on?  

Maybe this advice is taking the easy way out and the less risky route, but hundreds of millions of single people are walking the earth right now so it is realistic advice.

Thoughts_Arrive

Yes

bootlegger10 said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

I find many people so fake and fickle that it bugs me that I'll have to put up with my future girlfriend's family and friends.

Maybe this is the wrong advice but there is nothing wrong with being single.  Not everyone is built for relationships.  It doesn’t mean you won’t at times feel like you are missing out but I think there is a spectrum for relationships.  On the far right are the people who can’t be alone for thirty seconds and then on the far left are the people who want to be alone all but thirty seconds of the day.  Everyone else is in between.  The way you talk you sound like you are well left of middle so why not just embrace it and move on?  

Maybe this advice is taking the easy way out and the less risky route, but hundreds of millions of single people are walking the earth right now so it is realistic advice.

Thanks.
I always think that maybe I was not made for relationships, maybe that it's my destiny.
Yes, I do feel like I miss out. Recently found out an old friend from school is a new dad and my best friend is going to be a dad early next year. Plus other people I used to be friends with are all married with kids now. Then there's not getting sex...

Thoughts_Arrive

Yes

Forgot to add,
When my mum mentions my future children I tell her that it won't happen and she gets all sad and scared. 

oftenreading

Yes

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Forgot to add,
When my mum mentions my future children I tell her that it won't happen and she gets all sad and scared. 

Having children just because your mother wants grandchildren is one of the worst reasons to have children. They aren't accessories. 

Thoughts_Arrive

Yes

oftenreading said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Forgot to add,
When my mum mentions my future children I tell her that it won't happen and she gets all sad and scared. 

Having children just because your mother wants grandchildren is one of the worst reasons to have children. They aren't accessories. 

Oh no, I wouldn't have children to please her. I can't see myself as a father. It's just that she's heartbroken.

Thoughts_Arrive

Yes

It's hard on my parents because in my culture the man has to have kids so that the family surname can live on.

HesCalledDyer

oftenreading said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Forgot to add,
When my mum mentions my future children I tell her that it won't happen and she gets all sad and scared. 

Having children just because your mother wants grandchildren is one of the worst reasons to have children. They aren't accessories. 

Yep, my folks learned to stop bringing it up years ago. I got hounded all thru my 20s about “When are we getting grandkids?” It took a few hundred times of answering “From me, never.” before they finally got the picture.

Spiritual_Chaos

Thoughts_Arrive said:

It's hard on my parents because in my culture the man has to have kids so that the family surname can live on.

Haha. me and my siblings have both my moms and my dads surname.

My sister has skipped my dads surname and just kept my moms since middleschool. I think he's always been a bit bugged by that, because it's only our family who has that specific name. So her children are only named after my mom.

And now my brothers gave his newborn only my moms name too.

Thoughts_Arrive

Yes

My mum assumes, as do others, that I am closeted gay because of my situation.

OffSheGoes35

No

Thoughts_Arrive said:

OffSheGoes35 said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Meltdown99 said:

For the single people...Do any of you plan on staying single by choice?  My Dad had 2 cousins who choose to be single.  One did eventually marry, in his 70's, he died about 2 years later...  

I crave love. But then I feel like I don't want a relationship. I'd like companionship but not the arguments, having to fit in with her family and social group who I may not like etc.

THAT'S WHAT I WANT TOO!! Let's have an unofficial non-commitment ceremony and celebrate with all the cheesiest Queen songs!!

https://youtu.be/YehLQEp_88I

Let's

Don't act too excited. God damn. Should've been Queen of the Headlights while I had the chance.