Should I ask Agnes out on a date?

HughFreakingDillon

bootlegger10 said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

bootlegger10 said:

If you don’t want to date and get married then move on and live your life.  Travel, work, volunteer, learn an instrument, etc....  If you do though, then yes, there are no guarantees you won’t get hurt.

I hurt bad when it comes to being ignored by people. I sunk into depression recently when people didn't bother saying hello to me at university after I made an effort introducing myself. The next time they'd see me they just walk past without saying hello or even smiling.
I sunk into depression when a former colleague all of a sudden stopped wanting to go on lunch break with me like she used to for years before. She just 'ghosted' me and would never give me a reason why when I asked. Seeing I am so sensitive to actual or perceived rejection I believe I would be at big risk of suicide if a love relationship ended. 

I can understand how that would hurt.  I'm not expert on these things.  I just think we are all born with different genes and personalities.  I wish I was the person who was the last to leave at a party and start up a conversation with anyone, but I'm the person that wants to leave right away.  We just need to accept who we are and that's when you have a chance to be content.  Sure, we should always keep going and try to improve ourselves, but I just made a decision I wasn't going to beat myself up for not being a big extrovert.  it wasn't my fault.   I wasn't going to spend all this time trying to be this person I wasn't. 

P.S. No matter how happy people look on the outside, they have their own personal demons they are battling.  Don't be jealous of people or assume their lives are perfect because they more than likely aren't. 

THIS. I spent a lot of time in my life trying to be the person people thought I was. it was massively unhealthy in how I dealt with it, so I had to stop (mind you, it is still a daily struggle). I would drink myself into confidence/extroverted personality. This is just ME. I have to do what is right for ME, without apologies. that's the biggest part. Don't be sorry for who you are. if you have to apologize for being you, you aren't with the right people. 

dankind

Yes

"This world is bullshit.... Go with yourself...."

--Fiona Apple

Meltdown99

Yes

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Thanks Bootlegger. 
Lately I've been looking up people I went to high school with to see what they're up to and most are married with kids.
It's been getting me down. I don't know why I do it when it hurts.

You will also find that it's likely just as many people you went to school with are single, either by choice, divorce or they 2 haven't met someone that they want to settle down with.

rgambs

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Thanks Bootlegger. 
Lately I've been looking up people I went to high school with to see what they're up to and most are married with kids.
It's been getting me down. I don't know why I do it when it hurts.

They would all be jealous of you being single if you got out there and mixed it up.

Meltdown99

Yes

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Thanks Bootlegger. 
Lately I've been looking up people I went to high school with to see what they're up to and most are married with kids.
It's been getting me down. I don't know why I do it when it hurts.

Another important fact.  Looking people up on facebook you went to school with does not tell the whole story.  You get bet there are a few who are married and very unhappy ...

Thoughts_Arrive

Yes

Meltdown99 said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Thanks Bootlegger. 
Lately I've been looking up people I went to high school with to see what they're up to and most are married with kids.
It's been getting me down. I don't know why I do it when it hurts.

You will also find that it's likely just as many people you went to school with are single, either by choice, divorce or they 2 haven't met someone that they want to settle down with.

I've pretty much looked up nearly everyone I went to school with and they are all in relationships. I'm like the only one single.

Thoughts_Arrive

Yes

Upsets me that people that bullied me severely are doing so well, married, good jobs, kids, nice house.

Thoughts_Arrive

Yes

rgambs said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Thanks Bootlegger. 
Lately I've been looking up people I went to high school with to see what they're up to and most are married with kids.
It's been getting me down. I don't know why I do it when it hurts.

They would all be jealous of you being single if you got out there and mixed it up.

Doubt it. Probably laugh at me.
A guy I was friends with (not from school) asked his parents who are my parents' friends if I've found someone yet.
Everyone is wondering why I still have not been in a relationship at 34 years of age.
I'm a joke.

hedonist

Probably pissing in the wind here again...

1 - Be yourself.  You're not on someone else's timeline.
2 - Expose yourself to different circumstances and environments and enjoy them for what they are.  Most people don't give a shit what you're up to (small talk, anyone?), so find a way to live the life you want, not what you think it should be.
3 - Find ways to improve your self-image and confidence.  Baby steps.
4 - You can't keep yourself from "looking up" everyone you used to know and comparing yourself to them (and being surprised that their being an asshole half a lifetime ago would warrant a broken existence for them now).  Surely this sends a message to you, does it not?  Divert your energy toward something positive.
4 - Stop making excuses.

bootlegger10

Yes

In 2014, 50.2% of Americans 16 years and older were single.  Move to the US and you will fit in with the other 100+ million unmarried people.  I.E., normal. 

I'm in my mid-30's, am single, and don't date.  I work, travel, and play golf.   Nobody bothers me about why I am single and I wouldn't care if they did. 

OffSheGoes35

No

I think he wants someone to agree with him.

If that's what you want T_A, just say so.

HughFreakingDillon

you will never be happy if you keep comparing yourself to people you think have charmed lives. NO ONE DOES. a big house doesn't make you happy. facebook profiles are nowhere near reality.  

get off the computer and go meet people. it's fucking hard and takes guts. but you won't be happy until you do. join a yoga class. go to the gym. take an art class at a local community club. you'll meet people. be confident until you are. don't tell everyone you meet your sob story. be confident in everything. there's no need to tell everyone your life story on the first date/meet. just small talk, likes, dislikes. 

if you spend your time being miserable about being single you will always be miserable and single. be happy about now. and your future will reflect that. 

bootlegger10

Yes

So what is the next turn this thread will take?  

lastexitlondon

Yes

HughFreakingDillon said:

you will never be happy if you keep comparing yourself to people you think have charmed lives. NO ONE DOES. a big house doesn't make you happy. facebook profiles are nowhere near reality.  

get off the computer and go meet people. it's fucking hard and takes guts. but you won't be happy until you do. join a yoga class. go to the gym. take an art class at a local community club. you'll meet people. be confident until you are. don't tell everyone you meet your sob story. be confident in everything. there's no need to tell everyone your life story on the first date/meet. just small talk, likes, dislikes. 

if you spend your time being miserable about being single you will always be miserable and single. be happy about now. and your future will reflect that. 

I like this post. Basically meeting new people is a chance to be who you want not what you perceive is what others think. (All over thinking) just be in the company of other people . Male or female. Friendships will arise  . Don t  obsess on any friendship  . Just be.
 And please relax on your veiw of perfection. 
I think an older lady would love to be in a relationship with you because you are more interested in a more adult relationship not just fucking around. 
Go be who you want to be. Not who you are told to be.

Annafalk

Yes

Thoughts_Arrive said:

bootlegger10 said:

If you don’t want to date and get married then move on and live your life.  Travel, work, volunteer, learn an instrument, etc....  If you do though, then yes, there are no guarantees you won’t get hurt.

I hurt bad when it comes to being ignored by people. I sunk into depression recently when people didn't bother saying hello to me at university after I made an effort introducing myself. The next time they'd see me they just walk past without saying hello or even smiling.
I sunk into depression when a former colleague all of a sudden stopped wanting to go on lunch break with me like she used to for years before. She just 'ghosted' me and would never give me a reason why when I asked. Seeing I am so sensitive to actual or perceived rejection I believe I would be at big risk of suicide if a love relationship ended. 

Being ignored sure hurts, but if it's the one thing that holds you back, the fear of it, then it's important to try and practice that fear and minimize it as much as you can. Try to be strong in your wulnerability. I find it a bit hard explaining what I mean I hope you understand. I think this is one of the abilities that grows stronger with age.

Thoughts_Arrive

Yes

I got home before from my sister's house where I was talking to my niece about her recent break up with her boyfriend.
So embarrassing that I, her older uncle, could not offer any advice because I've never been in a relationship before.

Thoughts_Arrive

Yes

I can't even move into a share house because I am ashamed of having hardly any friends. What will housemates think of me when I have nowhere to go out to socialise. 

Thoughts_Arrive

Yes

Thank you all for your advice.

Thoughts_Arrive

Yes

OffSheGoes35 said:

I think he wants someone to agree with him.

If that's what you want T_A, just say so.

If you say so.

lastexitlondon

Yes

Get some counselling.  It will help