Should I ask Agnes out on a date?

Meltdown99

Yes

Spiritual_Chaos said:

I am pretty certain she would (politely) say no.

Just go for it.  Or maybe you have?

HesCalledDyer

Ghosting = the new “no.”

Annafalk

Yes

Maybe she just has a new phone number, it happened to me once when I texted someone for something.  This is another reason to ask face to face.

Spiritual_Chaos

HesCalledDyer said:

Ghosting = the new “no.”

Haha, actually sort of had this happen after a (pretty decent) Tinderdate. Felt pretty weird.

Wma31394

Follow up..

"Hey ya did you get my text?" 

OffSheGoes35

No

Wma31394 said:

Follow up..

"Hey ya did you get my text?" 

"I didn't get that one or this one."

HughFreakingDillon

mcgruff10 said:

Spiritual_Chaos said:

bbiggs said:

I just read this whole thread. Damn entertaining. I have two questions/comments.

1. OP...did you ask her yet, or what? Rip the band aid off, dude.  

2. I couldn’t think of a funnier scenario than me telling my wife I’m gonna go catch a flick or have dinner one on one with another woman. And for the record, my wife is cool as shit and not jealous at all. That would just be weird. I had plenty of female friends growing up, in college, etc. that I would do stuff like this with. As a married man at age 37, couldn’t do it.  On that note, maybe I’ll start a poll to see if I should ask my wife if I can take another woman to dinner and a movie!

1. I'll do it today...

2. But what if you had a close female friend, from before you met your wife? Would you just stop hanging out with this friend because of her gender?

To answer your second question simply: yes.  I think you would have a different perspective if you ever get married.

I know I'm late to this party, but this is surprising. over the years, some of my best friends have been female. it's all in how you approach it. if it's clear that your relationship is platonic, and your friend treats your spouse with respect and kindness, there should be no worry. now, there was one friend I had who I used to attend concerts with all the time after my wife got concert-fatigued. this friend often treated my wife as if she was the enemy (but only subtley, and usually when I was out of earshot/eyesight). eventually I saw her do it right in front of me, and I never hung out with her again. 

my best friend for many many years was female. i did her toast to the bride. I now hang out with her husband here and there. I rarley hang out with them together. I go for coffee with her, watch sports with him. 

I've even met women at work after my wife and I had already been together and hung out with them. mostly just concerts. my wife isn't always thrilled (especially if the friend is hot, LOL), but I am never secretive about it, and always invite her along. 

PJ_Soul

Yes

lastexitlondon said:

I still say flowers are a great gift. I like flowers  also. Unconventional hey!

Flowers are only a great gift if you give them to her at her home. Don't give them to women when you're out, where she can't put them in water or anything. Then they're just a pain in the ass.

HughFreakingDillon

bbiggs said:

PJ_Soul said:

mcgruff10 said:

Spiritual_Chaos said:

bbiggs said:

I just read this whole thread. Damn entertaining. I have two questions/comments.

1. OP...did you ask her yet, or what? Rip the band aid off, dude.  

2. I couldn’t think of a funnier scenario than me telling my wife I’m gonna go catch a flick or have dinner one on one with another woman. And for the record, my wife is cool as shit and not jealous at all. That would just be weird. I had plenty of female friends growing up, in college, etc. that I would do stuff like this with. As a married man at age 37, couldn’t do it.  On that note, maybe I’ll start a poll to see if I should ask my wife if I can take another woman to dinner and a movie!

1. I'll do it today...

2. But what if you had a close female friend, from before you met your wife? Would you just stop hanging out with this friend because of her gender?

To answer your second question simply: yes.  I think you would have a different perspective if you ever get married.

Why? All of my male friends are married and it didn't change their perspective at all. And I was in a common law marriage, and that didn't change mine. I can't believe you'd ditch a good friend like that just because... what? Because you'd be worried you'd cheat on your wife with her? Or your wife would be worried about it? I don't think I get it. Obviously we're not talking about friends you want to screw, lol.

I guess equality is farther away than I even thought!

Here’s a real life situation. I have a female friend/colleague that is a runner. She knows I am as well. So she asked me if I wanted to go for a long run before work as she was training for a half marathon. My initial thought was, “why not?” However, once I thought about it, I opted not to. It just seemed a little bit “off” for me to tell my wife I’m going for a run with a woman she has never met and that it would be just the two of us. Now, this woman is also happily married and she knows I’m the same. There is zero reason for concern. But, I envision a lot of scenarios that wouldn’t play out well. Say one of our friends is out for a run that day as well and sees me running with another woman. They’d probably think something is up. If this was a lifelong friend, obviously it’s a different story. But in this case, it seemed out of bounds so I opted against it. 

here's another one:

my wife and I are friends with another couple, have been for a few years (met through our kids). I actually have a lot in common with the wife, musically anyway. so the kurt cobain movie was coming up, she mentioned we should go together. so we did. we joked about it being a date, our spouses also joked about it being a date (and what date they are going to go on). the funny part was, we saw her husband's cousin at the movie. we laughed our heads off. we saw them on the way out and she chatted with him and no big deal. 

it's not out of bounds if your partner is cool with it. let others think whateverthefuck they want. 

Spiritual_Chaos

PJ_Soul said:

lastexitlondon said:

I still say flowers are a great gift. I like flowers  also. Unconventional hey!

Flowers are only a great gift if you give them to her at her home. Don't give them to women when you're out, where she can't put them in water or anything. Then they're just a pain in the ass.

Also; don't give a woman a kitten when you're out.

HughFreakingDillon

gotta be honest, I can't say I'd like being texted a date offer. But I'm 44, so maybe that's commonplace now? given the two of you are friends, the lack of non-verbal cues during the question may have confused/scared her. 

also, there is always the possibility she didn't get the text. I know that happens to me here and there, both on the receiving end and giving end of it. 

cutz

I think Texting for a Date shouldn't happen at any age.  Maybe that's just me? (sorry, but i haven't read the whole thread)

bootlegger10

Yes

I don't see the big deal about texting.  A lot of the "norms" in society may not have been the norm if current technology was around back then.   People may have been texting to go on dates all the time back in the 20's if smartphones were around then.

HughFreakingDillon

bootlegger10 said:

I don't see the big deal about texting.  A lot of the "norms" in society may not have been the norm if current technology was around back then.   People may have been texting to go on dates all the time back in the 20's if smartphones were around then.

absolutely, and I'm not a purist by any stretch, but I just think something like asking someone on a date needs to be a face to face sort of thing. or maybe on the phone at the least. 

I guess it could be argued that texting is the new passing notes in class, but isn't face to face or ear to ear communication the logical evolution of this type of thing?

OffSheGoes35

No

nvm

Spiritual_Chaos

MAYBE I DID IT THE WRONG WAY. OK. DONT GANG UP ON ME.

bootlegger10

Yes

Spiritual_Chaos said:

MAYBE I DID IT THE WRONG WAY. OK. DONT GANG UP ON ME.

Nobody is ganging up on you.  We are debating texting versus face to face. 

bootlegger10

Yes

HughFreakingDillon said:

bootlegger10 said:

I don't see the big deal about texting.  A lot of the "norms" in society may not have been the norm if current technology was around back then.   People may have been texting to go on dates all the time back in the 20's if smartphones were around then.

absolutely, and I'm not a purist by any stretch, but I just think something like asking someone on a date needs to be a face to face sort of thing. or maybe on the phone at the least. 

I guess it could be argued that texting is the new passing notes in class, but isn't face to face or ear to ear communication the logical evolution of this type of thing?

Face to face could be difficult to make happen when you are an adult that is out of school.   You may not see the person very often unless you are coworkers, so phone or text are your two options.  I guess I left out singing telegram.   

I don't know.  Is a date that big a deal that you need to have a phone conversation or face to face?  It isn't like they are proposing marriage or being exclusive.  It is just a dinner with another person.  It happens millions of times each day.   

PJ_Soul

Yes

HughFreakingDillon said:

bootlegger10 said:

I don't see the big deal about texting.  A lot of the "norms" in society may not have been the norm if current technology was around back then.   People may have been texting to go on dates all the time back in the 20's if smartphones were around then.

absolutely, and I'm not a purist by any stretch, but I just think something like asking someone on a date needs to be a face to face sort of thing. or maybe on the phone at the least. 

I guess it could be argued that texting is the new passing notes in class, but isn't face to face or ear to ear communication the logical evolution of this type of thing?

Over the phone is very acceptable.

But anyway, yeah, we didn't have texting when we were in the prime of our dating lives, so we really can't talk. I'm sure it's normal now to do this. And man, does it ever make it easier, lol. I wouldn't do it, but I can understand the temptation.... I'm sure just ghosting people instead of actually responding is much easier too, lol.

HughFreakingDillon

Spiritual_Chaos said:

MAYBE I DID IT THE WRONG WAY. OK. DONT GANG UP ON ME.

sorry, really not trying to gang up. not at all. I said that maybe it's me, since I have been out of the dating pool for 20 years. either way, there's no right or wrong here. just my opinion.