Dying alone

RYME

Thirty Bills Unpaid said:

Ryme... you're messing up the quotes. You're typing in the quoted area and then things kind of get jumbled.

Please make sure you're below the quoted section when you start going to work on a post.

I'm not pointing this out to suggest anything or belittle you. It's happened a few times lately and to keep things clearer... it's better when each post everybody offers stands uniquely upon presentation to the community.

I don't know why it sometimes does that to me. I start typing in the white section and then it bounces my words up into somebody else's gray quote. If you could tell me how to avoid that I would appreciate it.
Now the same thing happened at to thoughts arrive.

Thoughts_Arrive

Thirty Bills Unpaid said:

Ryme... you're messing up the quotes. You're typing in the quoted area and then things kind of get jumbled.

Please make sure you're below the quoted section when you start going to work on a post.

I'm not pointing this out to suggest anything or belittle you. It's happened a few times lately and to keep things clearer... it's better when each post everybody offers stands uniquely upon presentation to the community.

I completely agree, hard to read otherwise.

Thoughts_Arrive

RYME said:

Thirty Bills Unpaid said:

Ryme... you're messing up the quotes. You're typing in the quoted area and then things kind of get jumbled.

Please make sure you're below the quoted section when you start going to work on a post.

I'm not pointing this out to suggest anything or belittle you. It's happened a few times lately and to keep things clearer... it's better when each post everybody offers stands uniquely upon presentation to the community.

I don't know why it sometimes does that to me. I start typing in the white section and then it bounces my words up into somebody else's gray quote. If you could tell me how to avoid that I would appreciate it.

happens to me all the time. I then have to refresh the screen to get it out of the box.

Thirty Bills Unpaid

It happens to me sometimes too.

When I start typing... I now always check to make sure I'm below the quoted section. If I notice I'm in the quoted section... I quit and start again.

It's an easy mistake to make- especially on a mobile device.

dignin

It doesn't make sense that the updates to this site have made it shittier.

Once you end up in the other persons quote box you're pretty much fucked and you need to bail out and start over, never used to be like that.

Thoughts_Arrive

dignin said:

It doesn't make sense that the updates to this site have made it shittier.

Once you end up in the other persons quote box you're pretty much fucked and you need to bail out and start over, never used to be like that.

Has anyone raised it with Kat/Sea?

rgambs

RYME said:

Thirty Bills Unpaid said:

Ryme... you're messing up the quotes. You're typing in the quoted area and then things kind of get jumbled.

Please make sure you're below the quoted section when you start going to work on a post.

I'm not pointing this out to suggest anything or belittle you. It's happened a few times lately and to keep things clearer... it's better when each post everybody offers stands uniquely upon presentation to the community.

I don't know why it sometimes does that to me. I start typing in the white section and then it bounces my words up into somebody else's gray quote. If you could tell me how to avoid that I would appreciate it.
Now the same thing happened at to thoughts arrive.

It happens to me when auto-correct fills in the first word of my post, usually happens on words with an apostrophe because I don't bother typing it.

RYME

My comment accidentally ended up in your quote. So I'll just bring it down so we can continue the conversation.

RYME

RYME said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

rgambs said:

I've watched a few people die and I'm convinced we all die alone and that's ok.
The moment of the last breath usually comes much, much slower than people think, often even in more sudden deaths than natural causes.
I think the percentage of people who are aware of their last breath is next to zero, and in that moment you are alone inside yourself, if you still exist at all.
It's nice for the survivors to feel that it was good that someone was there, I sat that vigil myself for my uncle, but I don't think it matters at all to the departing. 

I watched my uncle die. It was terrifying to see. it was 20 years ago and I'll never forget it. 

Promoting my religion isn't it.  I don't get payed to say what I say.  I'm referring to Thirty Bills. 
I do enjoy trying to provide greving people with a few comforting words.  
People can take or leave what I say, I don't know why people get offended when My wish is to bring a little comfort to anyone struggling with the loss of a loved one.
Your uncle Hugh, is in a much better place right now, he probably Watches Over You, He's not gone, he's not out here in a cold hole in the ground somewhere.  The Flesh usually gets cremated or buried when it dies, but the spirit lives on. 
Your uncle, family members, frends, loved ones are very much alive and in that parallel dimension which is what heaven is.  Heaven is not some place far far away up in the sky somewhere at the other end of the Galaxy, it's right here.
We cannot see that other dimension when we are in the flesh.  To be absent from the flesh body is to be present with the Lord.  Corinthians chapter 5 verse 8 is where you'll find that documented.
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+Corinthians+5&version=KJV
We have two bodies, a flesh body & a spirit body.
Your spirit body lives inside your flesh body when you're in the flesh. When the flesh body dies your flesh body returns to the ground, (flesh bodies are basically made out of clay or dirt to put it bluntly) and your spirit body (made out of a totally different substance) goes to that other dimension where you will be present with the Lord and those loved friends and relatives that have passed on along the way before you.  
Now,,, if people here don't like what I just said that's fine let it go, and I'll let it go.
If it provides a little bit of comfort knowing that you're loved ones and relatives are not gone I would think that would be a good thing.
And Hugh, maby you can finally have  some peace of mind, even though you watched your uncle's flesh body die, He is not gone & you will see him again.
Go in peace.

... I was having technical difficulties sorry to bring it down again.

HughFreakingDillon

Thirty Bills Unpaid said:

Ryme... you're messing up the quotes. You're typing in the quoted area and then things kind of get jumbled.

Please make sure you're below the quoted section when you start going to work on a post.

I'm not pointing this out to suggest anything or belittle you. It's happened a few times lately and to keep things clearer... it's better when each post everybody offers stands uniquely upon presentation to the community.

the way I figured it out, if I backspace into the preceding quote by accident, I just hit F5 (!) to refresh the page and try again. that way my words don't go into anyone else's quote. You'd think the software wouldn't allow people to alter others' quotes, but what do I know? 

HughFreakingDillon

unless you are dying slowly in a hospital or palliative care, we almost always die alone, don't we? if we weren't alone, we are often saved, and if we can't be saved, it's often incredibly quick. I don't think it's very common for people to be aware for too long, if any time at all, that they are dying, and they spend a terrifying minute on the floor gasping for air. that's movie shit. most, if not all, of the people I've known in the last few years who have died had no idea it was happening. shit just went black. my buddy's mom, as the doctor put it, was dead before she hit the floor. which is an odd way to put it to a grieving son, but comforting nonetheless. his best friend the same thing. my father in law's best friend, again, same thing. 

hedonist

gimme, I am so sorry - for you and the rest of his family.  That is too damned young.

I think there are many who go through a long, agonizing (for them and loved ones) process of dying.  ALS, terminal cancer, and on.

Man, I need to get a will and "instructions" in order.

Thirty Bills Unpaid

I was thinking about this topic a bit. Let's say my wife and I grow old together. One of us is dying alone. It's just a fact of life. We are all in this together: we will all experience that moment when we pass- whether consciously or not. Don't fear it- just accept it and enjoy the moments before it.

Get all the enjoyment you can from this planet while you are able to. And when you pass... let people speak well of you for all the good things you have done and all the enjoyment you brought people. 

brianlux

gimmesometruth27 said:

i'm 42 and single. i typically have long relationships and go long periods free and single. i have never thought about dying alone. i always assumed i would go after i have settled down with a wife and kids at some point in my 80s. never really gave it much thought.

until last night.

i got a call from my mom at about 10:30 pm. she said that my uncle John was found dead in his bed yesterday evening. he was 58. he was married and had 5 kids, 4 of which were on their own out of state. my youngest cousin is in high school and still lives at home. 

since he was only 15 years older than me he was more like a big brother. i was close to him when i was growing up. he had more of an influence on my life than my own father. you don't really think about how people impact you until it is too late and you are forced to do a retrospective. then it hits you. he is the one that got me in to hockey at age 4. he got me in to rock n roll a little later. he is the reason i played hockey for all those years through college and grad school. he is the family member responsible for me picking up a guitar. without him and his influence i don't know who I would be today.

i last saw him christmas eve, and last talked to him on the phone about something I don't even recall in mid january.

his wife and daughter were out of town in florida for a school function over this past weekend. they got suspicious when he did not answer his phone sunday night or all day monday. they left voicemails and then his mailbox was full and he did not return any calls. his wife got a call that he did not go to work monday or tuesday and work could not reach him, she called the police and asked them to do a welfare check and they found him alone in his bed last night. 

i'm still numb. he was very gregarious and was the life of the party and was the one uncle that kind of kept the family together after my grandmother died. he passed away alone. he deserved better than that, but nobody knew he was going to die. 

i don't want to die alone. 

I'm very sorry to hear about your loss, gimme.  It's so hard to loss someone close like that.  Good thoughts and best wishes for you, buddy.

PJ_Soul

I'm really really sorry to read about you and your family's loss Gimme. It must be so much tougher when the person is that young and it's so unexpected. I hope you're doing okay.

Your story definitely confirms that no matter what choices we make or don't make, there is no way to make sure you don't die alone. It is probably good to come to terms with that - I don't think I find it terribly healthy to be basing major life decisions on this fear. One should have many reasons to get married, have kids, co-habitate, etc, but none of those reasons should be that you don't want to die alone.

lastexitlondon

I've been thinking about this. I might find it easier to die alone as its the people in my life that make it hard to die. If you get what i mean?

HughFreakingDillon

lastexitlondon said:

I've been thinking about this. I might find it easier to die alone as its the people in my life that make it hard to die. If you get what i mean?

yep. I can't tell you the many nights I lay awake wishing that there was some way to erase my existence from the minds of those that care. Because without that......I could go. 

Miss.Snowdrop

HughFreakingDillon said:

lastexitlondon said:

I've been thinking about this. I might find it easier to die alone as its the people in my life that make it hard to die. If you get what i mean?

yep. I can't tell you the many nights I lay awake wishing that there was some way to erase my existence from the minds of those that care. Because without that......I could go. 

As someone who almost did not make it into the world in the first place... I am bloody thankful I got/get to live and be a part of it now! It makes me appreciate my existence more. Once I understood that there was a chance of a world without me in it, the idea of wanting to leave it early became a lot less appealing...

lastexitlondon

Easy come . Easy go. Easy left me a long time ago.

brianlux

lastexitlondon said:

Easy come . Easy go. Easy left me a long time ago.

Isn't that the truth!  I find it so as well.  Yet as much as I often wish for more easy,  I also find I learn and grow more from hard than I do from easy.

lastexitlondon

Im getting tired so tired. I don't wish to be melodramatic.

lastexitlondon

HughFreakingDillon said:

lastexitlondon said:

I've been thinking about this. I might find it easier to die alone as its the people in my life that make it hard to die. If you get what i mean?

yep. I can't tell you the many nights I lay awake wishing that there was some way to erase my existence from the minds of those that care. Because without that......I could go. 

This is me right now

brianlux

lastexitlondon said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

lastexitlondon said:

I've been thinking about this. I might find it easier to die alone as its the people in my life that make it hard to die. If you get what i mean?

yep. I can't tell you the many nights I lay awake wishing that there was some way to erase my existence from the minds of those that care. Because without that......I could go. 

This is me right now

I took the O.D. plunge, once on purpose, once sort by accident.  It really seemed like there was no choice, no way out. I was done.

But by sheer, dumb, unearned, possibly undeserved luck, I lived.   I saw the pain of my near suicide in the eyes of people close to me and I felt like I was given to a lifetime sentence of having to stay alive because I couldn't do that to them again.  So then it became just being alive.  Then it became wanting to live.  Then it became living.  Now I often think about how every day for me is like winning the lottery, even the bad days, even the worst days (and some of my days are brutal and hard) but on the fair days, life is good.  On the good days, life is great. 

I don't know what pain you guys have- no one else can feel it- but I hope you'll at least consider that dying might not really be such a good choice after all. 

Annafalk

lastexitlondon said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

lastexitlondon said:

I've been thinking about this. I might find it easier to die alone as its the people in my life that make it hard to die. If you get what i mean?

yep. I can't tell you the many nights I lay awake wishing that there was some way to erase my existence from the minds of those that care. Because without that......I could go. 

This is me right now

There must be some way for you to find happiness in life again. 

lastexitlondon

Annafalk said:

lastexitlondon said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

lastexitlondon said:

I've been thinking about this. I might find it easier to die alone as its the people in my life that make it hard to die. If you get what i mean?

yep. I can't tell you the many nights I lay awake wishing that there was some way to erase my existence from the minds of those that care. Because without that......I could go. 

This is me right now

There must be some way for you to find happiness in life again. 

Im searching. I have symptoms that i can't cope with thats the sticking point. Im not living. Barely existing im sorry to be so negative the whole time i realise this and its not nice for everyone . You very kind anna

Thoughts_Arrive

I read an article in the newspaper about some dating expert and she said that if a guy hasn't had a girlfriend by close to my age then it's a big red flag and she would avoid them. Makes me sad.

"Of course, not having committed before 40 or even 50 doesn't mean a man will never commit. But if he has never had a serious relationship by that age, alarm bells should be ringing."

https://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life-and-relationships/the-red-flags-of-dating-20180329-p4z6u9.html

hedonist

Most articles of that type are bullshit.

*in my opinion, lest I come across as a "bully" - last time I include that disclaimer!

My dad married late and I became his daughter when he was 43.  Most of the solid men in my life have been those who let life happen, numbers and timelines and stats be damned.

And really, why focus on death?  Takes away from the life right in front of you.

brianlux

I wonder if mountaineers  Scott Fischer and Rob Hall minded dying alone?  I'm a bit haunted and obsessed with their stories lately.  I wonder how I would have felt in such a situation?  I don't know.

HughFreakingDillon

Thoughts_Arrive said:

I read an article in the newspaper about some dating expert and she said that if a guy hasn't had a girlfriend by close to my age then it's a big red flag and she would avoid them. Makes me sad.

"Of course, not having committed before 40 or even 50 doesn't mean a man will never commit. But if he has never had a serious relationship by that age, alarm bells should be ringing."

https://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life-and-relationships/the-red-flags-of-dating-20180329-p4z6u9.html

it's only a red flag, possibly, if the guy is a player, which is what this is referring to. 

hedonist

brianlux said:

I wonder if mountaineers  Scott Fischer and Rob Hall minded dying alone?  I'm a bit haunted and obsessed with their stories lately.  I wonder how I would have felt in such a situation?  I don't know.

I think you have to have that mindset to take on Everest or any comparable trek.  Both the act itself, coupled with the knowledge you'll likely die trying?  Damn.

There's no way my pansy-ass could take that on.