A safe place for anxiety sufferers to share.

Fifthelement

jhager79 said:

Thank you @Fifthelement ,taking it hour by hour and day by day. Has not been easy and I've been leaning on some strong people who have been done this road before. They have been placed into my life for a reason and I'm truly grateful for that.

I’m so pleased that you have support in place. Day by day, hour by hour, is definitely the way to go. 💕💕💕

lastexitlondon

I just don't know what more i can do. 
Im trying to keep busy but its not working.  Im so lost. Health anxiety  is fucking awful.  Its at a level i believe im dying of illness every second of every day. It  not only ruins my life but those around me. I see how mental people  like me become homeless and addicted to anything that will pause  this for even an hour

Fifthelement

lastexitlondon said:

I just don't know what more i can do. 
Im trying to keep busy but its not working.  Im so lost. Health anxiety  is fucking awful.  Its at a level i believe im dying of illness every second of every day. It  not only ruins my life but those around me. I see how mental people  like me become homeless and addicted to anything that will pause  this for even an hour

I’m sorry you’re suffering so badly right now.  Sending hugs across the sea and wishing you moments of peace.

lastexitlondon

Fifthelement said:

lastexitlondon said:

I just don't know what more i can do. 
Im trying to keep busy but its not working.  Im so lost. Health anxiety  is fucking awful.  Its at a level i believe im dying of illness every second of every day. It  not only ruins my life but those around me. I see how mental people  like me become homeless and addicted to anything that will pause  this for even an hour

I’m sorry you’re suffering so badly right now.  Sending hugs across the sea and wishing you moments of peace.

Thank you so much

lastexitlondon

So  i haven't  been here for a bit. I just had the call . My dad has a month or so left. Its a long long story our relationship.  I want to say so much . Im alone. So much happened  the last 10 years in our relationship.  And i thought  many times i might lose him. I lost him many times emotionally  and prepared  so many times. But  im ill prepared and im an outcast now for speaking  the actual truth. He was an alcoholic.  10 years sober  but it turns out his liver remembered . So many things  i need help working out. My siblings are there with him when he found out. Not  me. His new wife and my half sister hate me because  i spoke up for my full brother who they mistreated.  I lost my relationship  so my younger  brother could have his  relationship  with dad. I was always close but from  afar to dad as the  eldest. 
He left when i was 8 and bro was 6. To have to more kids with this  lady he had been cheating  with since my mum was young. Horrible. But  i love my 2 siblings from that marriage. They are full brother and sister to me. But i had to call out bad behaviour  towards chris  my full bro. And from then on half sis and step mum won't  speak  to me. My dad did bad things  to my mum and us by proxy. From alcoholism.  Not anyones fault but horrible. Chris didn't want to know  my dad. I always  spent my life trying.  Trying trying to get dad to notice me and us. I never gave up. Now chris is there with him and im here miles away  alone. They all recieved the news together.  But not me. Sorry this is long

hedonist

I’m so sorry, Rob. I wish I knew the “right” thing to say, but know I wish you well — as always.  

lastexitlondon

hedonist said:

I’m so sorry, Rob. I wish I knew the “right” thing to say, but know I wish you well — as always.  

You are an inspiration hedo. I always think how strong  you are. And hold it  with me in weak moments know that

HughFreakingDillon

lastexitlondon said:

So  i haven't  been here for a bit. I just had the call . My dad has a month or so left. Its a long long story our relationship.  I want to say so much . Im alone. So much happened  the last 10 years in our relationship.  And i thought  many times i might lose him. I lost him many times emotionally  and prepared  so many times. But  im ill prepared and im an outcast now for speaking  the actual truth. He was an alcoholic.  10 years sober  but it turns out his liver remembered . So many things  i need help working out. My siblings are there with him when he found out. Not  me. His new wife and my half sister hate me because  i spoke up for my full brother who they mistreated.  I lost my relationship  so my younger  brother could have his  relationship  with dad. I was always close but from  afar to dad as the  eldest. 
He left when i was 8 and bro was 6. To have to more kids with this  lady he had been cheating  with since my mum was young. Horrible. But  i love my 2 siblings from that marriage. They are full brother and sister to me. But i had to call out bad behaviour  towards chris  my full bro. And from then on half sis and step mum won't  speak  to me. My dad did bad things  to my mum and us by proxy. From alcoholism.  Not anyones fault but horrible. Chris didn't want to know  my dad. I always  spent my life trying.  Trying trying to get dad to notice me and us. I never gave up. Now chris is there with him and im here miles away  alone. They all recieved the news together.  But not me. Sorry this is long

ugh. I really don't know what to say to this. This sounds so incredibly complex. All I would try to do (and this is easy to say but would be very hard for me to do) is swallow whatever pride you have in the moment and speak your truth to your dad. Don't worry about whatever reaction you might get from others. Think of what you'd regret not saying/doing and say/do it. And then let it be and move on and let the universe take it from there. All you can control is you. 

You made a sacrifice for your brother and you should be proud that you did that. In the end, we have to live with ourselves, and you can do that knowing you did the right thing, as much as you lost because of it. 

lastexitlondon

❤ is all i can think. Show love .  Feel  love . Ive decided  Im going  no matter what . And i will  be love thats all . After that  its other peoples conscience.  I cant control

lastexitlondon

Thank  you  my dear friends.  

lastexitlondon

HughFreakingDillon said:

lastexitlondon said:

So  i haven't  been here for a bit. I just had the call . My dad has a month or so left. Its a long long story our relationship.  I want to say so much . Im alone. So much happened  the last 10 years in our relationship.  And i thought  many times i might lose him. I lost him many times emotionally  and prepared  so many times. But  im ill prepared and im an outcast now for speaking  the actual truth. He was an alcoholic.  10 years sober  but it turns out his liver remembered . So many things  i need help working out. My siblings are there with him when he found out. Not  me. His new wife and my half sister hate me because  i spoke up for my full brother who they mistreated.  I lost my relationship  so my younger  brother could have his  relationship  with dad. I was always close but from  afar to dad as the  eldest. 
He left when i was 8 and bro was 6. To have to more kids with this  lady he had been cheating  with since my mum was young. Horrible. But  i love my 2 siblings from that marriage. They are full brother and sister to me. But i had to call out bad behaviour  towards chris  my full bro. And from then on half sis and step mum won't  speak  to me. My dad did bad things  to my mum and us by proxy. From alcoholism.  Not anyones fault but horrible. Chris didn't want to know  my dad. I always  spent my life trying.  Trying trying to get dad to notice me and us. I never gave up. Now chris is there with him and im here miles away  alone. They all recieved the news together.  But not me. Sorry this is long

ugh. I really don't know what to say to this. This sounds so incredibly complex. All I would try to do (and this is easy to say but would be very hard for me to do) is swallow whatever pride you have in the moment and speak your truth to your dad. Don't worry about whatever reaction you might get from others. Think of what you'd regret not saying/doing and say/do it. And then let it be and move on and let the universe take it from there. All you can control is you. 

You made a sacrifice for your brother and you should be proud that you did that. In the end, we have to live with ourselves, and you can do that knowing you did the right thing, as much as you lost because of it. 

Great advice my friend 

Fifthelement

@lastexitlondon
Sending love your way Rob.

HFD has some great advice there. Saying goodbye is never easy.  Do what’s best for yourself, what you can live with.  (((Hugs)))

lastexitlondon

I made it to dads. So many tears here and distress its 3 hrs away.  I plan to come  back  next  week if i can.  Trying to make things "normal " with only  weeks to go

lastexitlondon

I fixed all the  things that were wrong  its what my dad wanted  to go in peace. With us all friends .we had this picture. 

lastexitlondon

My sister took it. I wish my brother had a shirt on. But dad insisted we all went in the sea. It was about minus 50 in there.

hedonist

Way to go, Rob. I know that was difficult for you.

And nice pic! Your dad looks happy. 

lastexitlondon

Thank you
His wish was i apologise to my sister  and make it right.  So i did. And we were togther. Must be honest. Saying goodbye i thought  i wont be back. I might get to. But holding his hand he couldn't  let go. Killed me like nothing  else has. 
I appreciate  you guys being  here 

Purple Fairy Tree

Im sorry for your loss Rob :_(

Fifthelement

Good for you Rob. Glad you went.  

Matts3221

Really good on your Rob.  I am sure this was hard and I honestly did not have advice on your last post as how could one ever understand a lifetime of family entanglement.

I hope this brought you , your father and your family some peace.