Why people feel so alone?

Thoughts_Arrive

My mum to me today: "You have no friends, nobody loves you".
Ouch! It hurts because it is true.
She always brings my no friends thing up but today she was poisonous as we were arguing.

jnimhaoileoin

Thoughts_Arrive said:

jennycoyle said:

I wouldn't mind living alone, it's the thought of being alone for the rest of my life that's scary, that I might never have a partner or children

Yeah same.
I am 31 soon and never had a girlfriend and don't believe I ever will.
Everyone is dumbfounded at this.
Shrinks I have seen were shocked to hear and ask me why, if I knew I'd tell them, I don't know.

Yep, same here, never even been on a date and heading for the title of Ireland's only 30 year old virgin next year haha

Hardest thing is not even being able to imagine the situation changing as your self-esteem is so low you can't imagine anyone ever loving you, even though you can't really explain what makes you so unlovable compared to others. I have many faults but I think I'm a good person, I guess I'm just not an attractive person

If your mother speaks to you like that then she's doing so with the intention of hurting you and her words mean nothing. Don't let her cruelty bring you down. I don't think you or me are any less worthy or deserving of friends, I think we just find it harder to make connections with people and to put ourselves out there

Thoughts_Arrive

I am terrified of the 40 year old virgin tag, like that movie. 9 years to go.
I find it hard to not be terrified around new people so it makes it hard meeting potential friends.
I don't think I am a bad person, I too have my flaws in character.
I guess my lack of confidence has turned off my 3 previous dates.

jnimhaoileoin

Thoughts_Arrive said:

I am terrified of the 40 year old virgin tag, like that movie. 9 years to go.
I find it hard to not be terrified around new people so it makes it hard meeting potential friends.
I don't think I am a bad person, I too have my flaws in character.
I guess my lack of confidence has turned off my 3 previous dates.

Sure even though I'm only 29, I've already resigned myself to the fact that I may never have children, simply because I can't foresee any future in which I won't be alone

Have you tried internet dating? Maybe you could get to know someone via messaging before meeting in person and then it wouldn't be as scary. I've had no luck with it myself but Ireland is a very small country!

Thoughts_Arrive

jennycoyle said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

I am terrified of the 40 year old virgin tag, like that movie. 9 years to go.
I find it hard to not be terrified around new people so it makes it hard meeting potential friends.
I don't think I am a bad person, I too have my flaws in character.
I guess my lack of confidence has turned off my 3 previous dates.

Sure even though I'm only 29, I've already resigned myself to the fact that I may never have children, simply because I can't foresee any future in which I won't be alone

Have you tried internet dating? Maybe you could get to know someone via messaging before meeting in person and then it wouldn't be as scary. I've had no luck with it myself but Ireland is a very small country!

I haven't got the courage to try internet dating.
I don't have any good photos of myself in social settings to use as profile pics.
Plus I don't have anything interesting to say about myself.
A former friend had some psychos from net dating (one threatened to have him bashed after he told her he didn't want to continue dating) so it has scared me off.
I feel like net dating is the last resort for losers like me.
I prefer meeting the traditional tech-free ways.

whispering hands

So what if you can't even get the 'losers' ( self proclaimed, not MY words) to talk to you? I got my little feelings hurt a bit by the fact that I made an attempt to reach out to someone here, and other than one response have gotten no further replies.. Yet the claim is we all want to change our loneliness factor.. At some point, we have to make an effort.. My effort was shot down.. Just like elementary school. Oh well, I guess there's no harm in having tried. I wish you all the best Thoughts Arrive.

jnimhaoileoin

Thoughts_Arrive said:

jennycoyle said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

I am terrified of the 40 year old virgin tag, like that movie. 9 years to go.
I find it hard to not be terrified around new people so it makes it hard meeting potential friends.
I don't think I am a bad person, I too have my flaws in character.
I guess my lack of confidence has turned off my 3 previous dates.

Sure even though I'm only 29, I've already resigned myself to the fact that I may never have children, simply because I can't foresee any future in which I won't be alone

Have you tried internet dating? Maybe you could get to know someone via messaging before meeting in person and then it wouldn't be as scary. I've had no luck with it myself but Ireland is a very small country!

I haven't got the courage to try internet dating.
I don't have any good photos of myself in social settings to use as profile pics.
Plus I don't have anything interesting to say about myself.
A former friend had some psychos from net dating (one threatened to have him bashed after he told her he didn't want to continue dating) so it has scared me off.
I feel like net dating is the last resort for losers like me.
I prefer meeting the traditional tech-free ways.

Sure i haven't much of interest to say for myself either I guess it makes me feel better that I can say I'm making an effort though. So I set up a profile and every couple of weeks I'll message a guy. I'm not hugely surprised that none of them have replied but even so it feels like a small achievement to have tried.

P.s. if you chat a bit online before meeting you should be able to weed out the crazies Give it a go, you really have nothing to lose and it's such a normal and popular way of meeting people these days

2-feign-reluctance

Existential dilemma....

HughFreakingDillon

Thoughts_Arrive said:

My mum to me today: "You have no friends, nobody loves you".
Ouch! It hurts because it is true.
She always brings my no friends thing up but today she was poisonous as we were arguing.

What in the fuck? Why would your mother say something so incredibly hurtful?

pjhawks

Thoughts_Arrive said:

imalive said:

thoughts arrive-

I'm sure you're trying, but I think getting a job might make a big difference for you. you might feel like you're doing something worthwhile (most jobs are, even if they may not feel like it) and you might meet some people. hang in there.

Thanks dude.
I have stopped trying in the last few weeks, I can't find the will to get back on internet job sites.
I don't even know what I want to do and what my purpose is in life which doesn't help.
All the jobs (close to 100 applications) that I have applied for I have gotten nowhere.
I applied for where I have skills yet never hear back from recruiters or get told I wasn't successful.
I can't fit into the corporate world in which I have experience, it's a daily struggle to be 'like them'.
My previous colleagues all turned out to be bullies, two faced backstabbers with a nasty streak behind your back, and users.
I have lost faith in people in the workplace.

why not try to volunteer somewhere or try and get a retail job or like a supermarket. yea the money won't do much but it will get you out of the house where you will have more interactions with people and even though the money won't be great will most likely make you feel good that you are accomplishing something by working outside the home.

maybe people on this board aren't traditional friends per se but you always have the people who have responded here who seem liked minded and some with similar situations. that's a good thing.

whispering hands

HughFreakingDillon said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

My mum to me today: "You have no friends, nobody loves you".
Ouch! It hurts because it is true.
She always brings my no friends thing up but today she was poisonous as we were arguing.

What in the fuck? Why would your mother say something so incredibly hurtful?

Not all mothers are kind. I know this from experience.

Nami

whispering hands said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

My mum to me today: "You have no friends, nobody loves you".
Ouch! It hurts because it is true.
She always brings my no friends thing up but today she was poisonous as we were arguing.

What in the fuck? Why would your mother say something so incredibly hurtful?

Not all mothers are kind. I know this from experience.

This is true. not all moms are kind.

The day i lost my job my my wife called her mother for support, she responded why you calling her to bring us down with your shit. she then said i hope you dont think your moving back in with us till you get your feet back on the ground. Then continued to call my bro in law and complain. My mother in law is an alcoholic and i realize it was the booze..maybe some true feelings there... but that shit hurt us both. All the stories she told me finally hit home.... truly sad for a child (my Wife) to go through that. Coming from a loving family myself, it still stings that a mother can do or say that to their own child.

I will never look at her the same.

Thoughts_Arrive

HughFreakingDillon said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

My mum to me today: "You have no friends, nobody loves you".
Ouch! It hurts because it is true.
She always brings my no friends thing up but today she was poisonous as we were arguing.

What in the fuck? Why would your mother say something so incredibly hurtful?

Because she is a nasty person most times with undiagnosed mental health issue(s) and a big reason for my depression and anxiety issues.

HughFreakingDillon

Thoughts_Arrive said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

My mum to me today: "You have no friends, nobody loves you".
Ouch! It hurts because it is true.
She always brings my no friends thing up but today she was poisonous as we were arguing.

What in the fuck? Why would your mother say something so incredibly hurtful?

Because she is a nasty person most times with undiagnosed mental health issue(s) and a big reason for my depression and anxiety issues.

Sorry to hear that, TA. Time to emancipate?

whispering hands

Nami said:

whispering hands said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

My mum to me today: "You have no friends, nobody loves you".
Ouch! It hurts because it is true.
She always brings my no friends thing up but today she was poisonous as we were arguing.

What in the fuck? Why would your mother say something so incredibly hurtful?

Not all mothers are kind. I know this from experience.

This is true. not all moms are kind.

The day i lost my job my my wife called her mother for support, she responded why you calling her to bring us down with your shit. she then said i hope you dont think your moving back in with us till you get your feet back on the ground. Then continued to call my bro in law and complain. My mother in law is an alcoholic and i realize it was the booze..maybe some true feelings there... but that shit hurt us both. All the stories she told me finally hit home.... truly sad for a child (my Wife) to go through that. Coming from a loving family myself, it still stings that a mother can do or say that to their own child.

I will never look at her the same.

Wow! That is harsh. Good thing your wife has you and your family.

Thoughts_Arrive

HughFreakingDillon said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

My mum to me today: "You have no friends, nobody loves you".
Ouch! It hurts because it is true.
She always brings my no friends thing up but today she was poisonous as we were arguing.

What in the fuck? Why would your mother say something so incredibly hurtful?

Because she is a nasty person most times with undiagnosed mental health issue(s) and a big reason for my depression and anxiety issues.

Sorry to hear that, TA. Time to emancipate?

I want her in my rearviewmirror.

pickupyourwill

Thoughts_Arrive said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

My mum to me today: "You have no friends, nobody loves you".
Ouch! It hurts because it is true.
She always brings my no friends thing up but today she was poisonous as we were arguing.

What in the fuck? Why would your mother say something so incredibly hurtful?

Because she is a nasty person most times with undiagnosed mental health issue(s) and a big reason for my depression and anxiety issues.

Sorry to hear that, TA. Time to emancipate?

I want her in my rearviewmirror.

Wow, and I thought my mom was bad. So sorry you had to go through that. I'm sure she loves you though. Even when it seems like they are distant and no longer the mom who raised us with love, they really still are that same person deep down--never forget that. Hang in there.

Thoughts_Arrive

pickupyourwill said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

My mum to me today: "You have no friends, nobody loves you".
Ouch! It hurts because it is true.
She always brings my no friends thing up but today she was poisonous as we were arguing.

What in the fuck? Why would your mother say something so incredibly hurtful?

Because she is a nasty person most times with undiagnosed mental health issue(s) and a big reason for my depression and anxiety issues.

Sorry to hear that, TA. Time to emancipate?

I want her in my rearviewmirror.

Wow, and I thought my mom was bad. So sorry you had to go through that. I'm sure she loves you though. Even when it seems like they are distant and no longer the mom who raised us with love, they really still are that same person deep down--never forget that. Hang in there.

She's not a bad person, she just does and says very hurtful things.
She's an abuser in her bad moments.
I have nothing in common with her other than love of music.
Thank you for your kind words.

hedonist

Thoughts - I hope you know you can still love your mother but liberate yourself from her words and their effect. Forgiveness is so powerful on US. That's really what it's for.

I hope you can get there, in your own time.

...and, see yourself as I - and I think others here as well - do. Decent, introspective, self-aware, just aware in general.

As Zep says - your time is gonna come.

No need to rush it; you'll know. Trust in yourself and your gut.

Thoughts_Arrive

hedonist said:

Thoughts - I hope you know you can still love your mother but liberate yourself from her words and their effect. Forgiveness is so powerful on US. That's really what it's for.

I hope you can get there, in your own time.

...and, see yourself as I - and I think others here as well - do. Decent, introspective, self-aware, just aware in general.

As Zep says - your time is gonna come.

No need to rush it; you'll know. Trust in yourself and your gut.

Thank you for your kind words.