Child-free Women

Mamasan23

catefrances wrote:

makes you wonder what other garbage is clogging up their little heads.

:crazy:

norm wrote:

she has an interesting definition of exist since by talking to you that pretty much proves your existence

oh now now, you have to remember that we were taught about Adam & Eve being the first living beings on Earth. Nobody ever asked where the dinosaurs fit in!

catefrances

Mamasan23 wrote:

oh now now, you have to remember that we were taught about Adam & Eve being the first living beings on Earth. Nobody ever asked where the dinosaurs fit in!

ive seen the flintstones, I know exactly where the dinosaurs fit...

rick1zoo2

norm wrote:

and you went to catholic school? :think: :corn: :wave:

Upon learning that we were not getting married in a Catholic Church, the in-laws promptly informed us that we were going to hell........


funny thing is they were half right, I spent the next 20 years in hell........ :fp:

decides2dream

firstly, i so appreciate the thread title "child-free". a long-time, and long-gone, board member, victory gin, was the one to point out to me the idea of being "child-free" rather than "child-less" and i so appreciated that.


according to society, i did everything "right": i married young, i was in love, i so wanted to be a mother. we half-heartedly tried very early on when i couldn't find work as a teacher early in my career. haha, i know. anyhoo, didn't happen. later, when we both felt it was a "good" time, ie: i finished my masters degree, i was permanently certified as a teacher, we started "trying" in earnest. it didn't happen. we went to my gyno for assistance/guidance ... i went thru HELL on earth ... i still did not stay pregnant, almost ruined my marriage (repercussions still felt to this day to be honest) and no baby. took it as far as i was comfortable subjecting my body (aka no in vitro) and that ended that. was i unhappy? you betcha. i was devastated. i thought it was only "natural and right" for me to have my own family. i grieved a very long time.

i look back now and i am happy we didn't have a child. it would not have been right for us, and certainly not for whatever child. we are still married, we still suffer consequences, but idk if it's because we're child-free or because of who we are. bottom-line, it is NOT selfish to not have children anymore than it's selfish TO have children. either choice is just that - a CHOICE, based upon your own WANTS. now, if one gets pregnant without making a choice, that's something else, but whether staying or not staying pregnant, is "selfish" or not depending on many circumstances. it is far, far too simplistic to call remaining child-free selfish.

are there times i still wish to be a mother? i'd be lying if i said no. i also know, on the cusp of turning 45 VERY soon, it is unrealistic, and yes, selfish, to consider trying at this point in my life. adoption would be the far more "unselfish" option at this point, ad honestly, i don't think in my current circumstance it is at all what i desire. i've lived the life i am meant to live. i've had the experiences i've meant to have, and that has been child-free. i do THANK victory gin for pointing out to me i am "child-free" not "child-less" b/c YES, it was a CHOICE. i could;ve gone the in vitro route, i could've adopted ... whatever. i CHOSE not to. it was not an easy choice. it was not a selfish choice. it is merely what, i, we, chose for ourselves. i am happy we had the chance to CHOOSE. and forgive me for being far more honest than i should've.

norm

wow, victory gin...blast from the past

decides2dream

norm wrote:

wow, victory gin...blast from the past

wise and funny woman who i still miss dearly.

oh and btw - i went to catholic school too. and to REALLY freak you out, i taught in catholic schools for ten years as well. :shock:

Who Princess

norm wrote:

and you went to catholic school? :think: :corn: :wave:

So did I. :oops:

I used to complain mightily to my prince about people pestering me to get pregnant. He would always say something like "Nobody ever says anything to me about it!" :roll:

hedonist

Odd little aside...I read earlier today - George Lucas became a father (again) at age 69.

Kinda makes me wonder how much time - both on the quantity and quality side - the kid will have with him.

xavier mcdaniel

I have no idea if I'll ever have kids, but I have two friends who I've known since the fourth grade who have kids and their kids, especially my one friend's two year old son always are a blast to be around.

polaris_x

decides2dream wrote:

norm wrote:

wow, victory gin...blast from the past

wise and funny woman who i still miss dearly.

oh and btw - i went to catholic school too. and to REALLY freak you out, i taught in catholic schools for ten years as well. :shock:

anyone keep in touch with her? ... she still in portland? ...

chadwick

kids are a pain in the frickin keester, yes/no?

BinFrog

chadwick wrote:

kids are a pain in the frickin keester, yes/no?

Yes and No

mikalina

BinFrog wrote:

chadwick wrote:

kids are a pain in the frickin keester, yes/no?

Yes and No

yep - I agree, there are days where its both Yes and No...

mikalina

You made a choice and it was your decision to be Child-free, I wouldn't worry what others think or say about your choice.

I feel bad for the women who choose Not to get married - they too go thru a lot of grief for their choice.

DinghyDog

...

DinghyDog

...

BinauralJam

Kids Suck

Who Princess

DinghyDog wrote:

I think people without kids are not interested in making friends with someone who has three children hanging off them 24/7.

I hope that won't continue to be true for you. I have many friends with children that I didn't meet until after they had their kids. I recognize that their kids are a huge part of their lives and I honor that.

I think most of my friends with children are happy to be parents and enjoy their kids. The kids bring their parents happiness and their fair share of grief as well, even as adults, as you pointed out. None of us have any guarantees of what the future holds, whether we have children or not.

I don't know how old your kids are but I've notice that my friends have had the most difficulty having a life of their own when their kids are small, just because they are so dependent on you for many things.

I know it can be hard to make friends in a new place and I don't know how much free time you have. Have you tried getting involved in an activity that doesn't involve your kids? The ways I've tended to make new friends have been through doing something new--volunteering, a book club, yoga class, whatever your interests are. I met many new people just by taking a noncredit class at a community college. Not being critical of you, just offering some suggestions.

Who Princess

DinghyDog wrote:

By the way, I often ask people about their baby plans - it is not a judgement or an expectation, just curiosity.

I understand this. It only bothered me when people got really nosy about my motivations or pushy with their suggestions.

samjam

I'm only 20, but I have absolutely no desire to have kids later on in life. I realize that yes, this could change as the years go on, but for some reason I don't think it will--honestly zero interest in a baby in the future. And it's weird, as I like kids and are good with them, but just do not like the idea of my own. I've already told my sister I will auntie the shit out of however many kids she has in the future (she knows she definitely wants kids when she grows up) I commend children-free women who realize that having kids just may not be for them--and that's ok!! I don't think it's selfish in the slightest. Kids are a personal choice...who's to judge others for what works best for them?