she has an interesting definition of exist since by talking to you that pretty much proves your existence
oh now now, you have to remember that we were taught about Adam & Eve being the first living beings on Earth. Nobody ever asked where the dinosaurs fit in!
WI '98, WI '99 (EV), WI '00, Chgo '00, MO '00, Champaign '03, Chgo '03, WI '03, IN '03, MI '04, Chgo '06:N1 & 2, WI '06, Chgo '07, Chgo '08 (EV:N1), Chgo '09:N1 & 2, Chgo '11 (EV:N1), WI '11:N1 & 2, Philly '12, Wrigley '13, Pitt '13, Buff '13, Detroit '14, MKE '14, Wrigley '16: N1 & N2, Seattle '18 N2, Wrigley '18: N1 & N2, Fenway '18 N1, STL '22, St Paul '23 N2, Chgo '23: N1 & N2
oh now now, you have to remember that we were taught about Adam & Eve being the first living beings on Earth. Nobody ever asked where the dinosaurs fit in!
ive seen the flintstones, I know exactly where the dinosaurs fit...
hear my name
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
firstly, i so appreciate the thread title "child-free". a long-time, and long-gone, board member, victory gin, was the one to point out to me the idea of being "child-free" rather than "child-less" and i so appreciated that.
according to society, i did everything "right": i married young, i was in love, i so wanted to be a mother. we half-heartedly tried very early on when i couldn't find work as a teacher early in my career. haha, i know. anyhoo, didn't happen. later, when we both felt it was a "good" time, ie: i finished my masters degree, i was permanently certified as a teacher, we started "trying" in earnest. it didn't happen. we went to my gyno for assistance/guidance ... i went thru HELL on earth ... i still did not stay pregnant, almost ruined my marriage (repercussions still felt to this day to be honest) and no baby. took it as far as i was comfortable subjecting my body (aka no in vitro) and that ended that. was i unhappy? you betcha. i was devastated. i thought it was only "natural and right" for me to have my own family. i grieved a very long time.
i look back now and i am happy we didn't have a child. it would not have been right for us, and certainly not for whatever child. we are still married, we still suffer consequences, but idk if it's because we're child-free or because of who we are. bottom-line, it is NOT selfish to not have children anymore than it's selfish TO have children. either choice is just that - a CHOICE, based upon your own WANTS. now, if one gets pregnant without making a choice, that's something else, but whether staying or not staying pregnant, is "selfish" or not depending on many circumstances. it is far, far too simplistic to call remaining child-free selfish.
are there times i still wish to be a mother? i'd be lying if i said no. i also know, on the cusp of turning 45 VERY soon, it is unrealistic, and yes, selfish, to consider trying at this point in my life. adoption would be the far more "unselfish" option at this point, ad honestly, i don't think in my current circumstance it is at all what i desire. i've lived the life i am meant to live. i've had the experiences i've meant to have, and that has been child-free. i do THANK victory gin for pointing out to me i am "child-free" not "child-less" b/c YES, it was a CHOICE. i could;ve gone the in vitro route, i could've adopted ... whatever. i CHOSE not to. it was not an easy choice. it was not a selfish choice. it is merely what, i, we, chose for ourselves. i am happy we had the chance to CHOOSE. and forgive me for being far more honest than i should've.
and you went to catholic school? :think: :corn: :wave:
So did I. :oops:
I used to complain mightily to my prince about people pestering me to get pregnant. He would always say something like "Nobody ever says anything to me about it!" :roll:
I have no idea if I'll ever have kids, but I have two friends who I've known since the fourth grade who have kids and their kids, especially my one friend's two year old son always are a blast to be around.
Reading 2004
Albany 2006 Camden 2006 E. Rutherford 2, 2006 Inglewood 2006,
Chicago 2007
Camden 2008 MSG 2008 MSG 2008 Hartford 2008.
Seattle 2009 Seattle 2009 Philadelphia 2009,Philadelphia 2009 Philadelphia 2009
Hartford 2010 MSG 2010 MSG 2010
Toronto 2011,Toronto 2011
Wrigley Field 2013 Brooklyn 2013 Brooklyn 2013 Philadelphia 2, 2013
Philadelphia 1, 2016 Philadelphia 2 2016 New York 2016 New York 2016 Fenway 1, 2016 Fenway 2, 2018 MSG 2022 St. Paul, 1, St. Paul 2 2023 MSG 2024, MSG 2024 Philadelphia 2024
"I play good, hard-nosed basketball.
Things happen in the game. Nothing you
can do. I don't go and say,
"I'm gonna beat this guy up."
I think people without kids are not interested in making friends with someone who has three children hanging off them 24/7.
I hope that won't continue to be true for you. I have many friends with children that I didn't meet until after they had their kids. I recognize that their kids are a huge part of their lives and I honor that.
I think most of my friends with children are happy to be parents and enjoy their kids. The kids bring their parents happiness and their fair share of grief as well, even as adults, as you pointed out. None of us have any guarantees of what the future holds, whether we have children or not.
I don't know how old your kids are but I've notice that my friends have had the most difficulty having a life of their own when their kids are small, just because they are so dependent on you for many things.
I know it can be hard to make friends in a new place and I don't know how much free time you have. Have you tried getting involved in an activity that doesn't involve your kids? The ways I've tended to make new friends have been through doing something new--volunteering, a book club, yoga class, whatever your interests are. I met many new people just by taking a noncredit class at a community college. Not being critical of you, just offering some suggestions.
I'm only 20, but I have absolutely no desire to have kids later on in life. I realize that yes, this could change as the years go on, but for some reason I don't think it will--honestly zero interest in a baby in the future. And it's weird, as I like kids and are good with them, but just do not like the idea of my own. I've already told my sister I will auntie the shit out of however many kids she has in the future (she knows she definitely wants kids when she grows up) I commend children-free women who realize that having kids just may not be for them--and that's ok!! I don't think it's selfish in the slightest. Kids are a personal choice...who's to judge others for what works best for them?
"Sometimes you find yourself having to put all your faith in no faith."
~not a dude~
2010: MSGx2
2012: Made In America
2013: Pittsburgh, Brooklynx2, Hartford, Baltimore
2014: Leeds, Milton Keynes, Detroit
2015: Global Citizen Festival
2016: Phillyx2, MSGx2, Fenwayx2 2018: Barcelona, Wrigleyx2
its not selfish...its your life and you can choose what or how you gonna live..
the only issue is,if after years you regret about that choice..
and dont care what society thinks or says..societies are full of must and should and less of want
good luck
"...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
No children here either, by choice. While sometimes I think, "what if...," I'm also very content to have my wife of almost 7 years and just enjoy each others company. It makes traveling and going to games/concerts so easy as we never have to worry about a babysitter. The drawbacks, no one to leave my disposable income to and 1 very spoiled dog, but that kinda stuff takes care of itself. Still wating for a niece or nephew to step up, but I figure that'll happen when the time comes to take care of their old Auntie and Uncle. And in reality, we all die alone.
"Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience." Mark Twain
You know me, I don't want kids either. Actually talked to a male friend about this not too long ago. He said, "As a woman I find it hard to believe you wouldn't want to have kids, it's such a powerful thing" well, just because I have the 'ability' to bear children doesn't mean I want them.
You have a Honda, I have a Honda...the Honda's speedometer goes to 150 MPH...does that mean we should drive the Honda at 150 MPH 'just because' it says it can?
I think it's selfish when one has a child and either doesn't want them (the child is a 'mistake' or the woman felt social pressures from friends/family), or depends on the government to assist in raising the child(ren) (constantly being on welfare and popping out more kids i.e. 'working the system'-I have no issue if they use welfare as assistance to get back on their feet).
People have asked me "who will take care of you when you get old?" to me, that's pretty selfish...having a child purely to depend on them to 'take care of you' when you get old and senile? :nono: (I really hate that 'look' that some people with kids give you when you say, 'I don't have children'-they try to be all elitist)
I'm not a kid person at all, but there are some children that I like...they are usually respectful, well-behaved, and self-sufficient (i.e. they can entertain themselves when I visit my friends and don't need to be the center of attention 24/7).
Just be proud of your choice and have fun with it...
"I'm like 7-up and caffiene with kids...never had 'em, never will"
"If I wanted the effect of kids, I would spill grape juice all over my new white shag rug and get the same effect"
"I like my dogs just fine...they will never ask to borrow my car"
"If I ever get the slightest urge for kids, I just watch the first 15 minutes of Super Nanny and then remember why I don't want them"
(I must admit I was a bit smug when I read the part in the article that said "today not having kids means 'having it all'")
The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
the most difficult job in the world is to raise kids... and yes it sux.... sometimes.. but there are those times when your world shines andits because you look at these people you created and smile knowing they've turned into good people despite any misgivings you had and any false steps you think you trod. you know I didn't consciously choose to be a parent but when I see the results of my actions I am content knowing that my children have turned out to be good people despite any missteps they may have taken.
hear my name
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
the most difficult job in the world is to raise kids... and yes it sux.... sometimes.. but there are those times when your world shines andits because you look at these people you created and smile knowing they've turned into good people despite any misgivings you had and any false steps you think you trod. you know I didn't consciously choose to be a parent but when I see the results of my actions I am content knowing that my children have turned out to be good people despite any missteps they may have taken.
This is what I see with friends and family who in spite of everything that may go wrong, still really enjoy their kids. They accept them for the individuals they are rather than extensions of themselves that they can live through vicariously. I remember my sister and her husband high fiving each other when their second kid graduated from college. Sure, they were glad to have the expense behind them but there was also the satisfaction and pride in seeing his accomplishment.
the most difficult job in the world is to raise kids... and yes it sux.... sometimes.. but there are those times when your world shines andits because you look at these people you created and smile knowing they've turned into good people despite any misgivings you had and any false steps you think you trod. you know I didn't consciously choose to be a parent but when I see the results of my actions I am content knowing that my children have turned out to be good people despite any missteps they may have taken.
I respect people who don't have children but I, myself, have gained a lot from raising my two sons. Like you, some days I look at them and it makes me really happy to be in their company because I like who they have grown to be and I feel I added two beautiful men to the world!
Me too like the expression of being child-free, not childless. I'm a child-free woman as well. There was a time when I wasn't too happy about it, but I've realised that I do want a child/children in theory, but not in practice. And that I am perfectly happy as I am.
Kool Kat Club 1992, Moderna museet 1992, Globen 2012, Friends arena 2014
Comments
oh now now, you have to remember that we were taught about Adam & Eve being the first living beings on Earth. Nobody ever asked where the dinosaurs fit in!
ive seen the flintstones, I know exactly where the dinosaurs fit...
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
Upon learning that we were not getting married in a Catholic Church, the in-laws promptly informed us that we were going to hell........
funny thing is they were half right, I spent the next 20 years in hell........ :fp:
according to society, i did everything "right": i married young, i was in love, i so wanted to be a mother. we half-heartedly tried very early on when i couldn't find work as a teacher early in my career. haha, i know. anyhoo, didn't happen. later, when we both felt it was a "good" time, ie: i finished my masters degree, i was permanently certified as a teacher, we started "trying" in earnest. it didn't happen. we went to my gyno for assistance/guidance ... i went thru HELL on earth ... i still did not stay pregnant, almost ruined my marriage (repercussions still felt to this day to be honest) and no baby. took it as far as i was comfortable subjecting my body (aka no in vitro) and that ended that. was i unhappy? you betcha. i was devastated. i thought it was only "natural and right" for me to have my own family. i grieved a very long time.
i look back now and i am happy we didn't have a child. it would not have been right for us, and certainly not for whatever child. we are still married, we still suffer consequences, but idk if it's because we're child-free or because of who we are. bottom-line, it is NOT selfish to not have children anymore than it's selfish TO have children. either choice is just that - a CHOICE, based upon your own WANTS. now, if one gets pregnant without making a choice, that's something else, but whether staying or not staying pregnant, is "selfish" or not depending on many circumstances. it is far, far too simplistic to call remaining child-free selfish.
are there times i still wish to be a mother? i'd be lying if i said no. i also know, on the cusp of turning 45 VERY soon, it is unrealistic, and yes, selfish, to consider trying at this point in my life. adoption would be the far more "unselfish" option at this point, ad honestly, i don't think in my current circumstance it is at all what i desire. i've lived the life i am meant to live. i've had the experiences i've meant to have, and that has been child-free. i do THANK victory gin for pointing out to me i am "child-free" not "child-less" b/c YES, it was a CHOICE. i could;ve gone the in vitro route, i could've adopted ... whatever. i CHOSE not to. it was not an easy choice. it was not a selfish choice. it is merely what, i, we, chose for ourselves. i am happy we had the chance to CHOOSE. and forgive me for being far more honest than i should've.
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
wise and funny woman who i still miss dearly.
oh and btw - i went to catholic school too. and to REALLY freak you out, i taught in catholic schools for ten years as well. :shock:
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
I used to complain mightily to my prince about people pestering me to get pregnant. He would always say something like "Nobody ever says anything to me about it!" :roll:
Kinda makes me wonder how much time - both on the quantity and quality side - the kid will have with him.
Albany 2006 Camden 2006 E. Rutherford 2, 2006 Inglewood 2006,
Chicago 2007
Camden 2008 MSG 2008 MSG 2008 Hartford 2008.
Seattle 2009 Seattle 2009 Philadelphia 2009,Philadelphia 2009 Philadelphia 2009
Hartford 2010 MSG 2010 MSG 2010
Toronto 2011,Toronto 2011
Wrigley Field 2013 Brooklyn 2013 Brooklyn 2013 Philadelphia 2, 2013
Philadelphia 1, 2016 Philadelphia 2 2016 New York 2016 New York 2016 Fenway 1, 2016
Fenway 2, 2018
MSG 2022
St. Paul, 1, St. Paul 2 2023
MSG 2024, MSG 2024
Philadelphia 2024
"I play good, hard-nosed basketball.
Things happen in the game. Nothing you
can do. I don't go and say,
"I'm gonna beat this guy up."
anyone keep in touch with her? ... she still in portland? ...
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
Yes and No
Typo Man: "Thanks kidz, but remembir, stay in skool!"
yep - I agree, there are days where its both Yes and No...
I feel bad for the women who choose Not to get married - they too go thru a lot of grief for their choice.
I think most of my friends with children are happy to be parents and enjoy their kids. The kids bring their parents happiness and their fair share of grief as well, even as adults, as you pointed out. None of us have any guarantees of what the future holds, whether we have children or not.
I don't know how old your kids are but I've notice that my friends have had the most difficulty having a life of their own when their kids are small, just because they are so dependent on you for many things.
I know it can be hard to make friends in a new place and I don't know how much free time you have. Have you tried getting involved in an activity that doesn't involve your kids? The ways I've tended to make new friends have been through doing something new--volunteering, a book club, yoga class, whatever your interests are. I met many new people just by taking a noncredit class at a community college. Not being critical of you, just offering some suggestions.
~not a dude~
2010: MSGx2
2012: Made In America
2013: Pittsburgh, Brooklynx2, Hartford, Baltimore
2014: Leeds, Milton Keynes, Detroit
2015: Global Citizen Festival
2016: Phillyx2, MSGx2, Fenwayx2
2018: Barcelona, Wrigleyx2
the only issue is,if after years you regret about that choice..
and dont care what society thinks or says..societies are full of must and should and less of want
good luck
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
Agreed!
You know me, I don't want kids either. Actually talked to a male friend about this not too long ago. He said, "As a woman I find it hard to believe you wouldn't want to have kids, it's such a powerful thing" well, just because I have the 'ability' to bear children doesn't mean I want them.
You have a Honda, I have a Honda...the Honda's speedometer goes to 150 MPH...does that mean we should drive the Honda at 150 MPH 'just because' it says it can?
I think it's selfish when one has a child and either doesn't want them (the child is a 'mistake' or the woman felt social pressures from friends/family), or depends on the government to assist in raising the child(ren) (constantly being on welfare and popping out more kids i.e. 'working the system'-I have no issue if they use welfare as assistance to get back on their feet).
People have asked me "who will take care of you when you get old?" to me, that's pretty selfish...having a child purely to depend on them to 'take care of you' when you get old and senile? :nono: (I really hate that 'look' that some people with kids give you when you say, 'I don't have children'-they try to be all elitist)
I'm not a kid person at all, but there are some children that I like...they are usually respectful, well-behaved, and self-sufficient (i.e. they can entertain themselves when I visit my friends and don't need to be the center of attention 24/7).
If anybody is interested, there is a social group/club for the child-free: http://www.nokidding.net/index.html
Just be proud of your choice and have fun with it...
"I'm like 7-up and caffiene with kids...never had 'em, never will"
"If I wanted the effect of kids, I would spill grape juice all over my new white shag rug and get the same effect"
"I like my dogs just fine...they will never ask to borrow my car"
"If I ever get the slightest urge for kids, I just watch the first 15 minutes of Super Nanny and then remember why I don't want them"
(I must admit I was a bit smug when I read the part in the article that said "today not having kids means 'having it all'")
- Christopher McCandless
Good for you for not bowing to convention. To have a child just because that's what people do is , simply put, fucking stupid.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
the most difficult job in the world is to raise kids... and yes it sux.... sometimes.. but there are those times when your world shines andits because you look at these people you created and smile knowing they've turned into good people despite any misgivings you had and any false steps you think you trod. you know I didn't consciously choose to be a parent but when I see the results of my actions I am content knowing that my children have turned out to be good people despite any missteps they may have taken.
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
I respect people who don't have children but I, myself, have gained a lot from raising my two sons. Like you, some days I look at them and it makes me really happy to be in their company because I like who they have grown to be and I feel I added two beautiful men to the world!
Fact