nope, dont want a big wedding at all! id like an outdoor wedding, simple dress, nothing expensive, shoes off, by some gorgeous beach! close friends and family, violine playing.... ahhh.....
Or maybe a Uke playing?
I thought the exact same thing!
We eloped and took our family with us to a tiny chapel in the woods with a covered bridge
and babbling brook,
had a BBQ for the reception, then was in a wood pile in my wedding dress an hour later
Love is the grandest thing we have, helping it last perhaps the most difficult. It takes
loyalty, dedication and forgiveness, it takes two, that is the ultimate commitment,
two hearts.
I hate to say it, but I don't think you will "get over that". Trust me, as time goes on it will naw away at you, you will likely just grow resentful over time. If you feel marriage is important, then it IS important. If your boyfriend doesn't see eye to eye on this issue, I think it's probably going to end up being a deal breaker. You may as well try and be with someone who doesn't want children when you do. It just doesn't work in the long run. You can certaiy try to convince yourself that you can get past this but both personal experience and observation of others tells me that you likely will not enjoy how this turns out if you try and see it his way. If anything, he should be trying to change HIS view, because that way he is simply letting go of what is basically a phobia. If you try and change and ignore what you really feel, you are letting go of a dream and something that is deeply important to you. Now, which one sounds like something that should be let go of in this scenario??? ... if he really wants to spend his life with you, then he should marry you, because that's the only way you're going to be able to move forward happily and comfortably with him. Why are YOU automatically the one who has to change your feelings here, when yours are the positive feelings, and his are rooted in negativity and a deep seated fear if legal commitment with you??? You will not be happy if you choose that route.
Post edited by PJ_Soul on
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
yes okay... but I don'tobject to having a party - I object to what is an allegedly spiritual celebration needing to be a legal document
Ask anyone who IS married, and they will tell you that it means a LOT more than a party and a piece of paper. For those who believe in marriage it has a huge emotional and spiritual impact (not to mention what the legal papers DO mean, especially when you have children... in case of a break up when there are kids and custody issues involved, the piece of paper becomes VERY meaningful - more than most people who haven't been through it know... I've not been through it btw, but I watched a friend go through a custody battle and he learned tons about the differences between being married and just common law in custody cases, and it really does have a real impact). But anyway, besides protecting yourself in case of a break up, it's very meaningful emotionally, and has a huge impact on a relationship for most people. You may not care, but you are the minority.
I am not married and never have been btw. But I have been in a relationship where I wanted to get married, handheld didn't. I tried to live with it, but as time went on it got harder and harder to live with for me, and ultimately it had to end because of this very issue.
Post edited by PJ_Soul on
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
okay, but what everyone who is o concerned about marriage has failed to explain is how/why it improves a relatioonship. Why if you aren't religiou (in which case I make an exemption) and how does it make a difference over what (for example) ziggy and her bf have?
I I think it's rude to ask people to explain. Why should they? They find it very meaningful, that's it. Just respect that and move on.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
but by calling marriage the ultimate committment you are by definition belittling the committment of non-married couples, I don't understand how that is in question.
It seems to me that you see the marriage as making your relationship superior and that is what i have an issue with.
Pandora... all I want from the OP is a reason she wants it, I don't have a problem with her wanting it just wish I could understand the why
Oh man... NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. How about that? I'm only on page 2 of this (interesting) ... but I really hope you drop this line of questioning soon, as it is totally irrelevant to the OP's question, and she needs help, not an argument about the merits of marriage, her feeling for which have already been revealed clearly. :roll:
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
Love is the grandest thing we have, helping it last perhaps the most difficult. It takes
loyalty, dedication and forgiveness, it takes two, that is the ultimate commitment,
two hearts.
This is very sweet and beautiful and true.
Might I add - whether via formal marriage and/or the commitment itself, it's never equal, the burdens shift...we have to lift the other when they need it, be there for them, be their ear to listen, shoulder to lean on...and accept the same when in a similar position.
Pride goes out the window but it's OK. Almost necessary.
I don't know that the words/vows themselves need to be spoken, when actually living them with the other.
For me, it's not so much about the ceremonial side, though I get it, big-time. Mikee, your honesty and passion for your choice made me smile. May you and your wife keep that "shout-it-from-the-top-of-the-world" attitude! And don't you ever apologize for it.
And, Ziggy's side of it - me and mine are in the same situation (no kids, just cats ), but have been together about as long and are living our life by the vows one would take in a ceremony - religious, civil, or otherwise. You too have every right to shout it out, live it out, in your own way.
nope, dont want a big wedding at all! id like an outdoor wedding, simple dress, nothing expensive, shoes off, by some gorgeous beach! close friends and family, violine playing.... ahhh.....
Or maybe a Uke playing?
I thought the exact same thing!
We eloped and took our family with us to a tiny chapel in the woods with a covered bridge
and babbling brook,
had a BBQ for the reception, then was in a wood pile in my wedding dress an hour later
Love is the grandest thing we have, helping it last perhaps the most difficult. It takes
loyalty, dedication and forgiveness, it takes two, that is the ultimate commitment,
two hearts.
AWWWW! Uke playing would be amazing! Probably Longing to belong! a girl can dream eh??
Wendy Testaburger
" we're going to take this to some level that people aren't going to forget... and if that means risking your life, we're going to do it!..." EV
Mikee, your honesty and passion for your choice made me smile. May you and your wife keep that "shout-it-from-the-top-of-the-world" attitude! And don't you ever apologize for it.
And, Ziggy's side of it - me and mine are in the same situation (no kids, just cats ), but have been together about as long and are living our life by the vows one would take in a ceremony - religious, civil, or otherwise. You too have every right to shout it out, live it out, in your own way.
i understand the situation....isnt easy for both of you..
and you with your dream..and he with his ideas..and issues...
i ll tell you my opinion...cos i understand your boyfriend maybe better than others....
first,you dont let go your dreams..never..fight for them,work for them....you want something,you need to go for it..
and as for your man..is really up to you again...you are the one can make him feel secure and trust that your story has nothing to do with his past and his parents..its on your hands to make him feel the level of trust and safe to make your dream,his dream as well....
Thanks Dimitri, thats really nice Im working on it... its a shame cos we have such a great thing going on... you never know, he might change his mind when he gets older
Wendy Testaburger
" we're going to take this to some level that people aren't going to forget... and if that means risking your life, we're going to do it!..." EV
So according to a couple of people above, after 13+ years my bf and I still haven't made the ultimate commitment? Bullshit! I find it sad that people need marriage to feel that they've fully committed, need it to vow to be there for each forever etc. I made that commitment well over a decade ago without a wedding to make it "an official union".
I'm not against marriage. I'm against people thinking that unmarried people aren't as committed as married people....when the only real difference is a piece of paper.
Who said that?! No one, that's your interpretation. I was saying what my perception of marriage is and why its important to me. I was not commenting on you. I find your post quite offensive to be honest. You say your are not against marriage but you clearly have no respect for the idea of it.
I find it sad that you feel the need to belittle marriage when I would do nothing other than wish you the best in your own relationship married or not.
I think people are different than each other, and have different priorities, and yeah marriage is an important thing to me, not because I want the commitment, what i want is get our families together in a big celebration day, to show everyone how much we mean to each other
Its a personal thing, the OP clearly sees it as an important thing too.
Wendy Testaburger
" we're going to take this to some level that people aren't going to forget... and if that means risking your life, we're going to do it!..." EV
Just before I got married an guy told me a story. He said I had to go and buy a bottle of Mead which is a honey wine made for thousands of years, reportedly the oldest alcoholic drink. He said I should take it on my honeymoon and drink it under the moon. That's where the term honeymoon comes from. Couples would drink the Mead under the moon after the wedding as a good luck charm.
See! Marriage is full of beauty and romance! I love that shit!
(ps, sorry OP.... total thread highjack)
Yeah sorry OP!!
even seems that thread highjack isnt nessesary bad thing for OP..maybe can take some ideas and use them to speak to her man...maybe this turn to something usefull for her..
relationships arent easy,even you believe or not to marriage..need to work alot,never stop trying,and need to know to step back for make it work...
No problme Mikee!!! do you want to marry me???
Wendy Testaburger
" we're going to take this to some level that people aren't going to forget... and if that means risking your life, we're going to do it!..." EV
i understand the situation....isnt easy for both of you..
and you with your dream..and he with his ideas..and issues...
i ll tell you my opinion...cos i understand your boyfriend maybe better than others....
first,you dont let go your dreams..never..fight for them,work for them....you want something,you need to go for it..
and as for your man..is really up to you again...you are the one can make him feel secure and trust that your story has nothing to do with his past and his parents..its on your hands to make him feel the level of trust and safe to make your dream,his dream as well....
Thanks Dimitri, thats really nice Im working on it... its a shame cos we have such a great thing going on... you never know, he might change his mind when he gets older
"...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
but by calling marriage the ultimate committment you are by definition belittling the committment of non-married couples, I don't understand how that is in question.
It seems to me that you see the marriage as making your relationship superior and that is what i have an issue with.
Pandora... all I want from the OP is a reason she wants it, I don't have a problem with her wanting it just wish I could understand the why
Oh man... NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. How about that? I'm only on page 2 of this (interesting) ... but I really hope you drop this line of questioning soon, as it is totally irrelevant to the OP's question, and she needs help, not an argument about the merits of marriage, her feeling for which have already been revealed clearly. :roll:
aw thanks
Wendy Testaburger
" we're going to take this to some level that people aren't going to forget... and if that means risking your life, we're going to do it!..." EV
Hey everyone! Thanks for all the replies and opinions! its helped me a lot! I have spoken to him about it, and we both up for having a family in the near future, but I cant help my frustration feelings! I have considered seeing a counsellor but he refuses... I am a Counselling Trainee myself and know how that could help us through... anyway, it isnt just the commitment I want... i want to be his wife, cos I love him to bits! I'll finish reading all the comments, watch this space ps: Thanks Dimitri! Ur lovely!!
why do you want to be his wife? why isnt being with him simply as his partner, his equal enough? what does being someones wife mean? is it a need to belong? is it a need to be able to say...i am johnnys wife? i think the commitment comes irrespective of that peice of paper. what is a piece of paper going ot stop you doing? what does that piece of paper represent.. to you? do men tie themselves in knots thinking about being someones husband?
hear my name
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
It was JB who really wanted marriage.
He didn't want to just live together, when it was kind of the thing to do back then.
He knew how special we were as two. It deserved a celebration and yes ultimate commitment.
He was romantic, ready to commit and really enjoyed planning his proposal
and then the planning of our wedding excursion and week vacation
in our little honeymoon cabin on the chain of lakes.
We have made many memories in the last 30 years but our wedding and honeymoon
by far is the most special ... and we celebrate it every year... our lifetime love
by remembering that day and week of fun!
For some people this completes them, to be someone's husband or wife for life.
We are proud of each other and the entity that is our lasting bond, our marriage.
It is a lifetime accomplishment! It is our lives. I like being JB's wife,
he likes being Pandora's husband. This has been very cool
I would like to pose the question ... why not marry?
Is it a nonconforming issue, is it fear?
perhaps why the OP's boyfriend is afraid of jinxing something good? or failing?
Is it because one party balks?
Why not be married? cause it's not needed? But not everything in life is done out of need.
Much is done out of giving.
I always pictured our marriage as a gift given to each other. We gave ourselves to each other
for a lifetime... it was spoken and we meant it.
Hey everyone! Thanks for all the replies and opinions! its helped me a lot! I have spoken to him about it, and we both up for having a family in the near future, but I cant help my frustration feelings! I have considered seeing a counsellor but he refuses... I am a Counselling Trainee myself and know how that could help us through... anyway, it isnt just the commitment I want... i want to be his wife, cos I love him to bits! I'll finish reading all the comments, watch this space ps: Thanks Dimitri! Ur lovely!!
why do you want to be his wife? why isnt being with him simply as his partner, his equal enough? what does being someones wife mean? is it a need to belong? is it a need to be able to say...i am johnnys wife? i think the commitment comes irrespective of that peice of paper. what is a piece of paper going ot stop you doing? what does that piece of paper represent.. to you? do men tie themselves in knots thinking about being someones husband?
“There should be a place where only the things you want to happen, happen”
I think a commitment is a commitment, married or not.....I'm married for 16 years,been together for 20, and my husband was exactly the same,no marriage because of a really bad example in his parents.......Until our 4 year old son at the time came home from school and asked how come mommy wasn't part of the family because she didn't have the same last name as daddy,brother and sister??......500$,1 week and a Justice of the Peace later he did it I just wouldn't analyze it to much unless you know for sure it's a deal breaker for you.....Everything works out one way or another for a reason.........
I will walk w/my hands bound
I will walk w/my face blood
I will walk w/my shadow flag
Memories back when she was smooth and strong
and waiting for the world to come along...
I agree with the previous post, not too analyze too much unless you're sure it's a deal breaker. I wouldn't build a life based on the hope that he will change his mind, but you never know what the future has planned.
I wasn't much of a marriage person. My husband talked about getting married quite often, but I was always sort if indifferent to the idea. However, about six years into our relationship we had to deal with the most traumatic event of our lives to date. How we dealt with it as a couple, and supported eachother and helped eachother is really want changed our relationship and took it to the next level... what cemented us together. But for whatever reason, that is what really changed my feelings on marriage. I can't explain it, but I just had to marry him after that.
Hey everyone! Thanks for all the replies and opinions! its helped me a lot! I have spoken to him about it, and we both up for having a family in the near future, but I cant help my frustration feelings! I have considered seeing a counsellor but he refuses... I am a Counselling Trainee myself and know how that could help us through... anyway, it isnt just the commitment I want... i want to be his wife, cos I love him to bits! I'll finish reading all the comments, watch this space ps: Thanks Dimitri! Ur lovely!!
why do you want to be his wife? why isnt being with him simply as his partner, his equal enough? what does being someones wife mean? is it a need to belong? is it a need to be able to say...i am johnnys wife? i think the commitment comes irrespective of that peice of paper. what is a piece of paper going ot stop you doing? what does that piece of paper represent.. to you? do men tie themselves in knots thinking about being someones husband?
well.... because I love him, and Id love to be Mrs. whoever ( his surname) Nope, no need to belong about the piece of paper, not very bothered about that really! about men wanting to get married, yes, they do, Ive got at least 3 male friends who at the moment would do anything to meet the woman they would like to marry... so each to their own I think... Did I pass? thanks for ur repply
Wendy Testaburger
" we're going to take this to some level that people aren't going to forget... and if that means risking your life, we're going to do it!..." EV
but only on the men do too, I had a breakup caused partially by that exact thing a few years ago. this socialisation thing has fucked up everyone not just women
I don't mean to offend anyone, a lot of what I say should be taken with a grain of salt... that said for most of you I'm a stranger on a computer on the other side of the world, don't give me that sort of power!
Customs, traditions, morals, values form within a society and aid an individual
in the process of personal growth throughout a lifetime ...
influencing hopes, dreams, ideals.
Socialization is only partially accountable for our chosen beliefs and behaviors,
some is based in biological genetics and childhood environment.
A combination of factors work together to bring us to satisfaction.
Some people would not be satisfied without the ultimate social commitment of marriage...
well.... because I love him, and Id love to be Mrs. whoever ( his surname) Nope, no need to belong about the piece of paper, not very bothered about that really! about men wanting to get married, yes, they do, Ive got at least 3 male friends who at the moment would do anything to meet the woman they would like to marry... so each to their own I think... Did I pass? thanks for ur repply
it wasnt a test.. so not sure about whether you passed or not. i was just curious.
hear my name
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
Customs, traditions, morals, values form within a society and aid an individual
in the process of personal growth throughout a lifetime ...
influencing hopes, dreams, ideals.
Socialization is only partially accountable for our chosen beliefs and behaviors,
some is based in biological genetics and childhood environment.
A combination of factors work together to bring us to satisfaction.
Some people would not be satisfied without the ultimate social commitment of marriage...
besides it's fun!
marriage is still around because of tradition and socialisation and religion, if it weren't for those 3 it wouldn't be there.
As to the issue of death/serious injury of a partner? It's called a will, people should have one anyway.
I don't mean to offend anyone, a lot of what I say should be taken with a grain of salt... that said for most of you I'm a stranger on a computer on the other side of the world, don't give me that sort of power!
well.... because I love him, and Id love to be Mrs. whoever ( his surname) Nope, no need to belong about the piece of paper, not very bothered about that really! about men wanting to get married, yes, they do, Ive got at least 3 male friends who at the moment would do anything to meet the woman they would like to marry... so each to their own I think... Did I pass? thanks for ur repply
it wasnt a test.. so not sure about whether you passed or not. i was just curious.
I know, it was just a silly joke, sorry im happy to answer any of your questions, im here to make friends, the more the merrier
Wendy Testaburger
" we're going to take this to some level that people aren't going to forget... and if that means risking your life, we're going to do it!..." EV
Marriage is around because people choose to marry :?
as even in the current fight for the right to marry of same sex couples.
It is a union that is valued.
There is some dismissal of the union in this thread , a lack of acceptance,
a lack of appreciation for it based on what is right for oneself.
It appears though in doing this, some are not showing others
the common courtesy of choice without belittling that choice,
devaluing the union, dismissing it based on what is right for them.
The OP has stated it is right for her. She is met with opposition and badgering questions
as to why and almost the need to defend her feeling, her knowing
what is right, what she needs and wants to share with her boyfriend.
And she wants that meaningful day in a lifetime to proclaim
love and celebrate the precious bond they create. This is special to her.
Why question that!
My husband and I have been together for nearly 13 years and we got married after 10 years. We just wanted a small wedding, (just our Mums) and pissed off to Fiji to get hitched. It wasn't about the party or religion it was just that he wanted to be able to call me his wife and i wanted to be able to call him my husband, almost of a celebration of all the past trials and tribulations we'd been through and survived. It was lovely.
I doesnt really matter why you think it's necessary or why you believe what you believe, what matters is that this is important to you. I wish you the best of luck and I hope you guys can work it out.
“ "Thank you Palestrina. It’s a wonderful evening, it’s great to be here and I wanna dedicate you a super sexy song." " (last words of Mark Sandman of Morphine)
Adelaide 1998
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Adelaide 2006 night 2
Adelaide 2009
Melbourne 2009
Christchurch NZ 2009
Eddie Vedder, Adelaide 2011
PJ20 USA 2011 night 1
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Adelaide BIG DAY OUT 2014
I hate to say it, but I don't think you will "get over that". Trust me, as time goes on it will naw away at you, you will likely just grow resentful over time. If you feel marriage is important, then it IS important. If your boyfriend doesn't see eye to eye on this issue, I think it's probably going to end up being a deal breaker. You may as well try and be with someone who doesn't want children when you do. It just doesn't work in the long run. You can certaiy try to convince yourself that you can get past this but both personal experience and observation of others tells me that you likely will not enjoy how this turns out if you try and see it his way. If anything, he should be trying to change HIS view, because that way he is simply letting go of what is basically a phobia. If you try and change and ignore what you really feel, you are letting go of a dream and something that is deeply important to you. Now, which one sounds like something that should be let go of in this scenario??? ... if he really wants to spend his life with you, then he should marry you, because that's the only way you're going to be able to move forward happily and comfortably with him. Why are YOU automatically the one who has to change your feelings here, when yours are the positive feelings, and his are rooted in negativity and a deep seated fear if legal commitment with you??? You will not be happy if you choose that route.
This is awfully bold advice, and I think its projecting too much. Coming from a guy who knows about guys with your b/fs mentality, i'd completely ignore the first half of this post. But there is a lot of truth in the second half of this post. The situation here is a desire (wedding) vs. a hangup (traumatic past). Is it healthier to force someone to face a trauma, or for a desire to be fulfilled?
Is there a possible middle ground? It simply sounds like you both need to communicate more without pushing anything.
Bottom line is he loves you and you love him -- your relationship could be just as strong whether or not you're married.
Some guys like this just need time. Do not do ANYTHING because of general social constructs. Do whatever you need to do because of your relationship with him. My advice might be incorrect too (and possibly too bold since none of us really know you, your b/f or the real situation), but I'd bet that given more time, he might be willing to get married once he sees that your relationship does not reflect anything else past hangups.
OP, I realize you're in love with the idea of being a Mrs. So-and-so. And you're in love with the idea of a wedding. (this is what your posts imply). I don't know; wanting these sorts of things are straight out of a fairy tale book, and living happily ever after never works the way we dream. I think letting go of a dream wedding, first of all, is necessary (and weddings are blase' anyway). Second, divorce rates are now over 50%. If you're not keen on the idea of ever divorcing, you may want to think long and hard about the idea of marriage. Not trying to dissuade you, but trying to make you really think about WHY you want marriage.
It sounds like the idea of counseling is a great idea but if your boyfriend wont do it, it tells me that he's unwilling to meet in the middle. Ask him again. If one party is unwilling to make a relationship work, it's a sign of trouble and heartache. Especially if you want more commitment going forward.
Oh, and if you live in the U.S., after 7 years you're common law married anyway.
Comments
We eloped and took our family with us to a tiny chapel in the woods with a covered bridge
and babbling brook,
had a BBQ for the reception, then was in a wood pile in my wedding dress an hour later
Love is the grandest thing we have, helping it last perhaps the most difficult. It takes
loyalty, dedication and forgiveness, it takes two, that is the ultimate commitment,
two hearts.
I am not married and never have been btw. But I have been in a relationship where I wanted to get married, handheld didn't. I tried to live with it, but as time went on it got harder and harder to live with for me, and ultimately it had to end because of this very issue.
Oh man... NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. How about that? I'm only on page 2 of this (interesting) ... but I really hope you drop this line of questioning soon, as it is totally irrelevant to the OP's question, and she needs help, not an argument about the merits of marriage, her feeling for which have already been revealed clearly. :roll:
Might I add - whether via formal marriage and/or the commitment itself, it's never equal, the burdens shift...we have to lift the other when they need it, be there for them, be their ear to listen, shoulder to lean on...and accept the same when in a similar position.
Pride goes out the window but it's OK. Almost necessary.
I don't know that the words/vows themselves need to be spoken, when actually living them with the other.
For me, it's not so much about the ceremonial side, though I get it, big-time. Mikee, your honesty and passion for your choice made me smile. May you and your wife keep that "shout-it-from-the-top-of-the-world" attitude! And don't you ever apologize for it.
And, Ziggy's side of it - me and mine are in the same situation (no kids, just cats
AWWWW! Uke playing would be amazing! Probably Longing to belong! a girl can dream eh??
" we're going to take this to some level that people aren't going to forget... and if that means risking your life, we're going to do it!..." EV
"
Thanks.... and I won't!!
Thanks Dimitri, thats really nice
" we're going to take this to some level that people aren't going to forget... and if that means risking your life, we're going to do it!..." EV
"
" we're going to take this to some level that people aren't going to forget... and if that means risking your life, we're going to do it!..." EV
"
No problme Mikee!!! do you want to marry me???
" we're going to take this to some level that people aren't going to forget... and if that means risking your life, we're going to do it!..." EV
"
I'll check with the wife.. maybe is we move to park city?
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
aw thanks
" we're going to take this to some level that people aren't going to forget... and if that means risking your life, we're going to do it!..." EV
"
why do you want to be his wife? why isnt being with him simply as his partner, his equal enough? what does being someones wife mean? is it a need to belong? is it a need to be able to say...i am johnnys wife? i think the commitment comes irrespective of that peice of paper. what is a piece of paper going ot stop you doing? what does that piece of paper represent.. to you? do men tie themselves in knots thinking about being someones husband?
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
It was JB who really wanted marriage.
He didn't want to just live together, when it was kind of the thing to do back then.
He knew how special we were as two. It deserved a celebration and yes ultimate commitment.
He was romantic, ready to commit and really enjoyed planning his proposal
and then the planning of our wedding excursion and week vacation
in our little honeymoon cabin on the chain of lakes.
We have made many memories in the last 30 years but our wedding and honeymoon
by far is the most special ... and we celebrate it every year... our lifetime love
by remembering that day and week of fun!
For some people this completes them, to be someone's husband or wife for life.
We are proud of each other and the entity that is our lasting bond, our marriage.
It is a lifetime accomplishment! It is our lives. I like being JB's wife,
he likes being Pandora's husband. This has been very cool
I would like to pose the question ... why not marry?
Is it a nonconforming issue, is it fear?
perhaps why the OP's boyfriend is afraid of jinxing something good? or failing?
Is it because one party balks?
Why not be married? cause it's not needed? But not everything in life is done out of need.
Much is done out of giving.
I always pictured our marriage as a gift given to each other. We gave ourselves to each other
for a lifetime... it was spoken and we meant it.
I will walk w/my face blood
I will walk w/my shadow flag
Memories back when she was smooth and strong
and waiting for the world to come along...
Eddie solo Vegas Oct 31,Nov 1 2012
I wasn't much of a marriage person. My husband talked about getting married quite often, but I was always sort if indifferent to the idea. However, about six years into our relationship we had to deal with the most traumatic event of our lives to date. How we dealt with it as a couple, and supported eachother and helped eachother is really want changed our relationship and took it to the next level... what cemented us together. But for whatever reason, that is what really changed my feelings on marriage. I can't explain it, but I just had to marry him after that.
well.... because I love him, and Id love to be Mrs. whoever ( his surname) Nope, no need to belong
" we're going to take this to some level that people aren't going to forget... and if that means risking your life, we're going to do it!..." EV
"
but only on the men do too, I had a breakup caused partially by that exact thing a few years ago. this socialisation thing has fucked up everyone not just women
in the process of personal growth throughout a lifetime ...
influencing hopes, dreams, ideals.
Socialization is only partially accountable for our chosen beliefs and behaviors,
some is based in biological genetics and childhood environment.
A combination of factors work together to bring us to satisfaction.
Some people would not be satisfied without the ultimate social commitment of marriage...
besides it's fun!
it wasnt a test.. so not sure about whether you passed or not.
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
marriage is still around because of tradition and socialisation and religion, if it weren't for those 3 it wouldn't be there.
As to the issue of death/serious injury of a partner? It's called a will, people should have one anyway.
I know, it was just a silly joke, sorry
" we're going to take this to some level that people aren't going to forget... and if that means risking your life, we're going to do it!..." EV
"
as even in the current fight for the right to marry of same sex couples.
It is a union that is valued.
There is some dismissal of the union in this thread , a lack of acceptance,
a lack of appreciation for it based on what is right for oneself.
It appears though in doing this, some are not showing others
the common courtesy of choice without belittling that choice,
devaluing the union, dismissing it based on what is right for them.
The OP has stated it is right for her. She is met with opposition and badgering questions
as to why and almost the need to defend her feeling, her knowing
what is right, what she needs and wants to share with her boyfriend.
And she wants that meaningful day in a lifetime to proclaim
love and celebrate the precious bond they create. This is special to her.
Why question that!
I commend that and boy is she ever a good sport!
I doesnt really matter why you think it's necessary or why you believe what you believe, what matters is that this is important to you. I wish you the best of luck and I hope you guys can work it out.
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This is awfully bold advice, and I think its projecting too much. Coming from a guy who knows about guys with your b/fs mentality, i'd completely ignore the first half of this post. But there is a lot of truth in the second half of this post. The situation here is a desire (wedding) vs. a hangup (traumatic past). Is it healthier to force someone to face a trauma, or for a desire to be fulfilled?
Is there a possible middle ground? It simply sounds like you both need to communicate more without pushing anything.
Bottom line is he loves you and you love him -- your relationship could be just as strong whether or not you're married.
Some guys like this just need time. Do not do ANYTHING because of general social constructs. Do whatever you need to do because of your relationship with him. My advice might be incorrect too (and possibly too bold since none of us really know you, your b/f or the real situation), but I'd bet that given more time, he might be willing to get married once he sees that your relationship does not reflect anything else past hangups.
It sounds like the idea of counseling is a great idea but if your boyfriend wont do it, it tells me that he's unwilling to meet in the middle. Ask him again. If one party is unwilling to make a relationship work, it's a sign of trouble and heartache. Especially if you want more commitment going forward.
Oh, and if you live in the U.S., after 7 years you're common law married anyway.