but by calling marriage the ultimate committment you are by definition belittling the committment of non-married couples, I don't understand how that is in question.
It seems to me that you see the marriage as making your relationship superior and that is what i have an issue with.
Exactly! We are totally on the same page.
And Mikee, how am I intimated by marriage when I've already stated twice we will probably do it one day....huh? Intimation is definitely not the reason why I am not already "married"....even though we already are "married" in every aspect bar the piece of paper. Makes no sense.
but by calling marriage the ultimate committment you are by definition belittling the committment of non-married couples, I don't understand how that is in question.
It seems to me that you see the marriage as making your relationship superior and that is what i have an issue with.
Pandora... all I want from the OP is a reason she wants it, I don't have a problem with her wanting it just wish I could understand the why
It is the ultimate commitment for some people ...actually for a lot of people.
Unfortunately unless you view it as a lifelong love it means little.
Both parties committed to lifelong love. As I said I know many couples in a common law
marriage, who like you, look at marriage as a piece of paper.
I think perhaps the OP does not, as I do not. The legality of our marriage did help
during very rocky times ... 3 decades can bring lots of upsets as you might know.
I believe for us marriage was part of our bond. We took vows, for the two of us, that meant something.
If that means something to the OP then I go back to her partner
getting some counseling to remove the fear he has
of making the same mistakes his parents did.
Because he might be doing just that by not listening nor respecting
the commitment his lady wants to make.
Im here for some advice! Ive been with my partner for 6 years, and dreamt of a gorgeous wedding and getting marriage from the age of 14....Im now 31, have met the man I want to marry.... except he doesnt believe in marriage, due to his traumatic childhood watching his parents argue for years.... we talked and I told him Im fine with just being boyfriend and girlfriend.... but Im not really, therefore Ive been very frustrated for the past few months.... any advice on how to get over that?? why do we ladies, give so much s***t about marriage and weddings??? thanks in advance
My advice is stop telling him lies. That's no way to start the road to the ultimate commitment.
And Mikee, how am I intimated by marriage when I've already stated twice we will probably do it one day....huh? Intimation is definitely not the reason why I am not already "married"....even though we already are "married" in every aspect bar the piece of paper. Makes no sense.
Your response to the phrase ultimate commitment. You immediately assumed that I meant it was a higher "level" commitment than your own relationship. This defensiveness seemed to me to be quite telling. My apologies if that is not the case.
I hope, if you do get married, you will come back here and tell us your feelings about it. I for one will be very interested to hear them.
Im here for some advice! Ive been with my partner for 6 years, and dreamt of a gorgeous wedding and getting marriage from the age of 14....Im now 31, have met the man I want to marry.... except he doesnt believe in marriage, due to his traumatic childhood watching his parents argue for years.... we talked and I told him Im fine with just being boyfriend and girlfriend.... but Im not really, therefore Ive been very frustrated for the past few months.... any advice on how to get over that?? why do we ladies, give so much s***t about marriage and weddings??? thanks in advance
My advice is stop telling him lies. That's no way to start the road to the ultimate commitment.
Your response to the phrase ultimate commitment. You immediately assumed that I meant it was a higher "level" commitment than your own relationship. This defensiveness seemed to me to be quite telling. My apologies if that is not the case.
I hope, if you do get married, you will come back here and tell us your feelings about it. I for one will be very interested to hear them.
Deal! When it happens, I'll be sure to tell you whether it changed anything or I feel differently. We'll be nearing two decades together by then I'd say. I'm thinking nothing will change at all....but we shall see!
Your response to the phrase ultimate commitment. You immediately assumed that I meant it was a higher "level" commitment than your own relationship. This defensiveness seemed to me to be quite telling. My apologies if that is not the case.
I hope, if you do get married, you will come back here and tell us your feelings about it. I for one will be very interested to hear them.
Deal! When it happens, I'll be sure to tell you whether it changed anything or I feel differently. We'll be nearing two decades together by then I'd say. I'm thinking nothing will change at all....but we shall see!
Only because I wholeheartedly disagree with what the comment infers....even though you have made it clear that that is not what you actually meant....even though you do think marriage is the ultimate commitment.
Im here for some advice! Ive been with my partner for 6 years, and dreamt of a gorgeous wedding and getting marriage from the age of 14....Im now 31, have met the man I want to marry.... except he doesnt believe in marriage, due to his traumatic childhood watching his parents argue for years.... we talked and I told him Im fine with just being boyfriend and girlfriend.... but Im not really, therefore Ive been very frustrated for the past few months.... any advice on how to get over that?? why do we ladies, give so much s***t about marriage and weddings??? thanks in advance
My advice is stop telling him lies. That's no way to start the road to the ultimate commitment.
I think the OP is afraid too Ziggy ... Afraid if she makes demands it will make waves
rock the boat.
Have we given advice to get her over her frustration?
My advice is make demands rock the boat, best to know now after 6 years if it
is going to sink or not ...
this young man will show how committed he is to lifetime love and what means something
very important to his lifetime lover.
Only because I wholeheartedly disagree with what the comment infers....even though you have made it clear that that is not what you actually meant....even though you do think marriage is the ultimate commitment.
Just before I got married an guy told me a story. He said I had to go and buy a bottle of Mead which is a honey wine made for thousands of years, reportedly the oldest alcoholic drink. He said I should take it on my honeymoon and drink it under the moon. That's where the term honeymoon comes from. Couples would drink the Mead under the moon after the wedding as a good luck charm.
See! Marriage is full of beauty and romance! I love that shit!
Just before I got married an guy told me a story. He said I had to go and buy a bottle of Mead which is a honey wine made for thousands of years, reportedly the oldest alcoholic drink. He said I should take it on my honeymoon and drink it under the moon. That's where the term honeymoon comes from. Couples would drink the Mead under the moon after the wedding as a good luck charm.
See! Marriage is full of beauty and romance! I love that shit!
If it's something that means alot to you, you NEED to express this to him. He loves you, you love him so your "wants and needs" can be clearly expressed and should be fulfilled.
Don't settle if this something that is important to you, go after your dreams. So talk to him about it and make your thoughts clear.
The thing I like most about time is that it's not real. It's all in the head. Sure, it's a useful trick to use if you want to meet someone at a specific place in the universe and have tea or coffee- but that's all it is- a trick. There is no such thing as the past. It exists only in the memory. There is no such thing as the future. It exists only in our imagination. If our watches were truly accurate, the only thing they would ever say is "Now". That's what time it is. It's "Now". - Damien Echols
Just before I got married an guy told me a story. He said I had to go and buy a bottle of Mead which is a honey wine made for thousands of years, reportedly the oldest alcoholic drink. He said I should take it on my honeymoon and drink it under the moon. That's where the term honeymoon comes from. Couples would drink the Mead under the moon after the wedding as a good luck charm.
See! Marriage is full of beauty and romance! I love that shit!
(ps, sorry OP.... total thread highjack)
Yeah sorry OP!!
even seems that thread highjack isnt nessesary bad thing for OP..maybe can take some ideas and use them to speak to her man...maybe this turn to something usefull for her..
relationships arent easy,even you believe or not to marriage..need to work alot,never stop trying,and need to know to step back for make it work...
"...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
Would this be parallel with the issue of wanting to have kids or not? Would you be happy to continue your life if you wanted kids and he didn't?
To me, if you feel it's something important and integral that you're missing, it's going to eat away at you until it's another few years down the line and you're miserable. Get these things sorted out now while they're an issue. Hiding these issues for fear of boat-rocking does not a good relationship make.
I didn't read this whole thread but marriage is up to every individual. It's right for some people and not right for others. I don't think that since society says you need to get married and have kids that you need to conform. That being said, it sounds like you want to get married. And really, that's all that matters. It's something that is important to you. You need to sit down with your boyfriend and tell him how important it is to you. If the two of you can't agree, then you need to decide if you are okay with not ever getting married. Do you think you'll resent him in the future? Do what is right for you and in your heart.
WI '98, WI '99 (EV), WI '00, Chgo '00, MO '00, Champaign '03, Chgo '03, WI '03, IN '03, MI '04, Chgo '06:N1 & 2, WI '06, Chgo '07, Chgo '08 (EV:N1), Chgo '09:N1 & 2, Chgo '11 (EV:N1), WI '11:N1 & 2, Philly '12, Wrigley '13, Pitt '13, Buff '13, Detroit '14, MKE '14, Wrigley '16: N1 & N2, Seattle '18 N2, Wrigley '18: N1 & N2, Fenway '18 N1, STL '22, St Paul '23 N2, Chgo '23: N1 & N2
I would be with my wife with or without the paper...
I think the bigger commitment was co-mingling our money
"...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
I don't understand how two people who have complete trust and faith in each other and in their relationship need any sort of social acceptance and/or confirmation. I jut feel regardless of the divorce rate that a ceremony is unnecassary in order to confirm a committment
I agree. Totally unnecessary.
same here
i'd just as soon we hadn't
(i know we paid more income tax after we got married)
i wrote our ceremony
it lasted three minutes, and that's only because the minister added a prayer
the reception, however, lasted two days
I don't know how you can get him to commit to marriage other then to tell him how important it is to YOU. If he values your needs and desires then he should consider them for your future together. I had to tell my hubby that I wanted to marry before he was ready. After college we decided to move to CO, I told him that I didn't want to move to another state and live with him with out being married, he agreed to get married before our move if my mom could plan a wedding in two weeks, she did! A simple backyard party with family and friends. My hubby told me in no uncertain terms that he would do every thing in his power to have our marriage work because he too had been through a horrible divorce when he was 13. I have to say...the first 3 years were really hard, having that piece of paper can change your feelings for sure, good and bad. We worked though everything that came our way and did a lot of growing up. A week after our 5 year anniversary we had our first son, right after he was born hubby looked me in the eye and said....you aren't ever getting rid of me now! He has been the best dad and hubby EVER! I've had a blessed life with this man.
Something very interesting that I've been seeing a lot lately is what people my moms age are doing after losing their first spouse. My Mom and her boyfriend had a commitment ceremony 3.5 years ago after living together for a year or so. They didn't marry legally with a license because the government kills their financial status. They take too much away and then when one of the spouses dies and their money is left to their kids, the other spouse can end up in trouble financially. They maintain their own homes, and keep most of their assets separate, except an account for trips, meals out etc. They do call themselves married and wear rings. My Uncle is having his commitment ceremony next week, he is doing exactly the same thing as my mom did. He gave his fiance GORGEOUS RINGS!!! This seems to be a trend now with the elderly in this country.
~*LIVE~LOVE~LAUGH*~
*May the Peace of the Wilderness be with YOU*
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
— Unknown
Hey everyone! Thanks for all the replies and opinions! its helped me a lot! I have spoken to him about it, and we both up for having a family in the near future, but I cant help my frustration feelings! I have considered seeing a counsellor but he refuses... I am a Counselling Trainee myself and know how that could help us through... anyway, it isnt just the commitment I want... i want to be his wife, cos I love him to bits! I'll finish reading all the comments, watch this space ps: Thanks Dimitri! Ur lovely!!
Wendy Testaburger
" we're going to take this to some level that people aren't going to forget... and if that means risking your life, we're going to do it!..." EV
Hey everyone! Thanks for all the replies and opinions! its helped me a lot! I have spoken to him about it, and we both up for having a family in the near future, but I cant help my frustration feelings! I have considered seeing a counsellor but he refuses... I am a Counselling Trainee myself and know how that could help us through... anyway, it isnt just the commitment I want... i want to be his wife, cos I love him to bits! I'll finish reading all the comments, watch this space ps: Thanks Dimitri! Ur lovely!!
Wendy Testaburger
" we're going to take this to some level that people aren't going to forget... and if that means risking your life, we're going to do it!..." EV
Im here for some advice! Ive been with my partner for 6 years, and dreamt of a gorgeous wedding and getting marriage from the age of 14....Im now 31, have met the man I want to marry.... except he doesnt believe in marriage, due to his traumatic childhood watching his parents argue for years.... we talked and I told him Im fine with just being boyfriend and girlfriend.... but Im not really, therefore Ive been very frustrated for the past few months.... any advice on how to get over that?? why do we ladies, give so much s***t about marriage and weddings??? thanks in advance
I don't mind the idea of marriage.....but hate weddings.....which is why after 13.5 years together we are still not married. We don't want a wedding....and even a very small thing still takes a lot of planning. We'll probably do it one day and include our babies in the day.....and only our parents will be there.....if either of us could be fucked organising it.
Would being married really make any difference to how you two are now? Or are you more disappointed with not having the big spectacle and hoopla of the wedding?
nope, dont want a big wedding at all! id like an outdoor wedding, simple dress, nothing expensive, shoes off, by some gorgeous beach! close friends and family, violine playing.... ahhh.....
Wendy Testaburger
" we're going to take this to some level that people aren't going to forget... and if that means risking your life, we're going to do it!..." EV
OP, I think it really depends why you want to get married. I'm all for two people being committed to each other without needing a piece of paper for validation. However, there are some very practical things to worry about. I, for one, would want to make sure that if something were to happen to me, that the person I love and trust the most to make decisions for me is in the position to do it (like pulling the plug on life support, getting access to my assets etc). I don't think my "boyfriend" would have the same rights as my "husband". And vice versa.
Ultimately, if it's important to you, it's important to you, and you decide whether you are willing to make the sacrifice and if you do, you do it without harbouring any resentment towards him. I think everyone has their deal-breakers and you have to decide if this is one for you. And if it is, then he will have to decide if it is for him, and really decide sooner rather than later so that neither of you are continuing to go down a path that you want to be on. And you have to be prepared to live with the consequences.
I think in every relationship you have to be true to yourself first and foremost and if you are giving up a big part of who you are to conform to something someone else wants, you lose yourself in the relationship and problems manifests itself down the road.
I think in every relationship you have to be true to yourself first and foremost and if you are giving up a big part of who you are to conform to something someone else wants, you lose yourself in the relationship and problems manifests itself down the road.
This is one of the wisest things I've ever read! Well-put
WI '98, WI '99 (EV), WI '00, Chgo '00, MO '00, Champaign '03, Chgo '03, WI '03, IN '03, MI '04, Chgo '06:N1 & 2, WI '06, Chgo '07, Chgo '08 (EV:N1), Chgo '09:N1 & 2, Chgo '11 (EV:N1), WI '11:N1 & 2, Philly '12, Wrigley '13, Pitt '13, Buff '13, Detroit '14, MKE '14, Wrigley '16: N1 & N2, Seattle '18 N2, Wrigley '18: N1 & N2, Fenway '18 N1, STL '22, St Paul '23 N2, Chgo '23: N1 & N2
I can relate to the whole dreaming about the wedding. cinderella or whatever put that thought in your mind, it's there and it's hard to deal with. can't get into the socialogical basis of why it's present in our society.
but anyway I had that from a young age, thought I'd be married around 25ish with 2.5 children and a happily ever after life.
I got married at 39, by that time I had come around and accepted the idea that marriage wasn't for me. just a numbers thing, not that I wasn't worth marrying, just that some do and some don't. I was really okay with it. did I want to get married? or did I want to me with someone I consider my soulmate, someone loves me more than most anything, caring, protective, there for me thru thick and thin? I realized I would rather be happy with a man that was the latter vs. just being married for some kind of social acceptance.
when me and my hubby got together and our relationship began to progress, marriage seemed like a natural step and we were both ready for it. religion and paperwork asside, there are things you want done a certain way in life and if you don't have that piece of paper it won't be done the way you want. for example in the case of a death of either, if not married, in most states property goes to remaining heirs. where I'm at, if someone isn't married and has no children then their property goes to their parents. so we live and have our life in our house for 15 yrs and one of us dies unexpectantly and half of mine/his house goes to the parents, not to the remainin spouse.
in case of life support, unmarried patients, the decision is handled by the heirs, parents, children from previous marriages etc.
then there is the multi-vehicle discount you get from being on the same auto policy. truely an annoucement to the world that you both are commited to each other till death do you part. and asking for the support of your communty as well. we had some heated discussion about the money spent on the wedding, cash bar, food, all that and the money was a big part of it. we ended up getting married in the church he grew up in, mine wanted us to fork over some money, then him convert, jeez louise. we had cake and icecream after the ceremony, about 100 people came, left out of there around 3 pm and went camping for 4 days about an hour away. the campground flooded, we had to move and they gave us 2 days free plus a load of wood. also everyone else but one guy bugged out and we basically had the place to ourselves. weddings can be so glutinous. did I dream about a $500-$3000 dress? yes, but I'd rather had a lifelong marriage than a dress that put us in debt. we spent about $1500.
a
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nope, dont want a big wedding at all! id like an outdoor wedding, simple dress, nothing expensive, shoes off, by some gorgeous beach! close friends and family, violine playing.... ahhh.....
I've been married for 16 years, together for 25. My husband didn't believe in marriage and didn't want kids, we've done both, although comprised by only having one child.
He got married because I wanted to. It didn't really mean that much to him, we'd already been together 9 years. But even though we only had a quick ceremony, no guests, just us two and a couple of strangers as witnesses, it meant a lot to me. Then when I fell pregnant he wasn't that keen, but has loved being a parent.
Anyway, marriage and kids isn't for everyone, but talking about it helps.
Just my two bit's I have never had any desire whatsoever to be married.
I was never a wee girl who dressed up and played weddings and never got into that play when other friends did it.I have only came close to having to consider marriage once and the thought of it scared the shit out of me.He asked and I never ever wanted to.I am fiercely independent and felt marriage could be the only thing that would destroy that independence.
I can't stand weddings,my heart sinks when I am invited to one,I can just about cope with only going to the night time party thing but a whole day makes me feel sick with boredom and cynicism.
I have not seen many people have good marriages,my parents,my sister's,friends and I guess this has coloured my opinion of them.
The people I know who have been together a long time,have bairns etc but haven't married have happier lives together than the ones that have been married and are now all divorcing,having affairs,ignoring each other rigid with boredom.
“There should be a place where only the things you want to happen, happen”
Comments
Exactly! We are totally on the same page.
And Mikee, how am I intimated by marriage when I've already stated twice we will probably do it one day....huh? Intimation is definitely not the reason why I am not already "married"....even though we already are "married" in every aspect bar the piece of paper. Makes no sense.
★ 2009 - Sydney, Brisbane, Auckland, Christchurch ★
★ 2011 - EV Newcastle, Melbourne 1, Melbourne 2 ★
Unfortunately unless you view it as a lifelong love it means little.
Both parties committed to lifelong love. As I said I know many couples in a common law
marriage, who like you, look at marriage as a piece of paper.
I think perhaps the OP does not, as I do not. The legality of our marriage did help
during very rocky times ... 3 decades can bring lots of upsets as you might know.
I believe for us marriage was part of our bond. We took vows, for the two of us,
that meant something.
If that means something to the OP then I go back to her partner
getting some counseling to remove the fear he has
of making the same mistakes his parents did.
Because he might be doing just that by not listening nor respecting
the commitment his lady wants to make.
My advice is stop telling him lies. That's no way to start the road to the ultimate commitment.
★ 2009 - Sydney, Brisbane, Auckland, Christchurch ★
★ 2011 - EV Newcastle, Melbourne 1, Melbourne 2 ★
Your response to the phrase ultimate commitment. You immediately assumed that I meant it was a higher "level" commitment than your own relationship. This defensiveness seemed to me to be quite telling. My apologies if that is not the case.
I hope, if you do get married, you will come back here and tell us your feelings about it. I for one will be very interested to hear them.
Really got you didn't it!
Deal!
★ 2009 - Sydney, Brisbane, Auckland, Christchurch ★
★ 2011 - EV Newcastle, Melbourne 1, Melbourne 2 ★
Congratulations in advance
★ 2009 - Sydney, Brisbane, Auckland, Christchurch ★
★ 2011 - EV Newcastle, Melbourne 1, Melbourne 2 ★
rock the boat.
Have we given advice to get her over her frustration?
My advice is make demands rock the boat, best to know now after 6 years if it
is going to sink or not ...
this young man will show how committed he is to lifetime love and what means something
very important to his lifetime lover.
6 years is a honeymoon...
Haha Smart arse!
★ 2009 - Sydney, Brisbane, Auckland, Christchurch ★
★ 2011 - EV Newcastle, Melbourne 1, Melbourne 2 ★
Ok ok ok ok ......
Just before I got married an guy told me a story. He said I had to go and buy a bottle of Mead which is a honey wine made for thousands of years, reportedly the oldest alcoholic drink. He said I should take it on my honeymoon and drink it under the moon. That's where the term honeymoon comes from. Couples would drink the Mead under the moon after the wedding as a good luck charm.
See! Marriage is full of beauty and romance! I love that shit!
(ps, sorry OP.... total thread highjack)
Yeah sorry OP!!
★ 2009 - Sydney, Brisbane, Auckland, Christchurch ★
★ 2011 - EV Newcastle, Melbourne 1, Melbourne 2 ★
If it's something that means alot to you, you NEED to express this to him. He loves you, you love him so your "wants and needs" can be clearly expressed and should be fulfilled.
Don't settle if this something that is important to you, go after your dreams. So talk to him about it and make your thoughts clear.
relationships arent easy,even you believe or not to marriage..need to work alot,never stop trying,and need to know to step back for make it work...
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
To me, if you feel it's something important and integral that you're missing, it's going to eat away at you until it's another few years down the line and you're miserable. Get these things sorted out now while they're an issue. Hiding these issues for fear of boat-rocking does not a good relationship make.
http://www.facebook.com/jennytree
SMELL YER MA!
I think the bigger commitment was co-mingling our money
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
same here
i'd just as soon we hadn't
(i know we paid more income tax after we got married)
i wrote our ceremony
it lasted three minutes, and that's only because the minister added a prayer
the reception, however, lasted two days
in fact, today is our 16th anniversary
"what a long, strange trip it's been"
Something very interesting that I've been seeing a lot lately is what people my moms age are doing after losing their first spouse. My Mom and her boyfriend had a commitment ceremony 3.5 years ago after living together for a year or so. They didn't marry legally with a license because the government kills their financial status. They take too much away and then when one of the spouses dies and their money is left to their kids, the other spouse can end up in trouble financially. They maintain their own homes, and keep most of their assets separate, except an account for trips, meals out etc. They do call themselves married and wear rings. My Uncle is having his commitment ceremony next week, he is doing exactly the same thing as my mom did. He gave his fiance GORGEOUS RINGS!!! This seems to be a trend now with the elderly in this country.
*May the Peace of the Wilderness be with YOU*
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
— Unknown
" we're going to take this to some level that people aren't going to forget... and if that means risking your life, we're going to do it!..." EV
"
" we're going to take this to some level that people aren't going to forget... and if that means risking your life, we're going to do it!..." EV
"
nope, dont want a big wedding at all! id like an outdoor wedding, simple dress, nothing expensive, shoes off, by some gorgeous beach! close friends and family, violine playing.... ahhh.....
" we're going to take this to some level that people aren't going to forget... and if that means risking your life, we're going to do it!..." EV
"
Ultimately, if it's important to you, it's important to you, and you decide whether you are willing to make the sacrifice and if you do, you do it without harbouring any resentment towards him. I think everyone has their deal-breakers and you have to decide if this is one for you. And if it is, then he will have to decide if it is for him, and really decide sooner rather than later so that neither of you are continuing to go down a path that you want to be on. And you have to be prepared to live with the consequences.
I think in every relationship you have to be true to yourself first and foremost and if you are giving up a big part of who you are to conform to something someone else wants, you lose yourself in the relationship and problems manifests itself down the road.
I hope everything works out for you.
This is one of the wisest things I've ever read! Well-put
but anyway I had that from a young age, thought I'd be married around 25ish with 2.5 children and a happily ever after life.
I got married at 39, by that time I had come around and accepted the idea that marriage wasn't for me. just a numbers thing, not that I wasn't worth marrying, just that some do and some don't. I was really okay with it. did I want to get married? or did I want to me with someone I consider my soulmate, someone loves me more than most anything, caring, protective, there for me thru thick and thin? I realized I would rather be happy with a man that was the latter vs. just being married for some kind of social acceptance.
when me and my hubby got together and our relationship began to progress, marriage seemed like a natural step and we were both ready for it. religion and paperwork asside, there are things you want done a certain way in life and if you don't have that piece of paper it won't be done the way you want. for example in the case of a death of either, if not married, in most states property goes to remaining heirs. where I'm at, if someone isn't married and has no children then their property goes to their parents. so we live and have our life in our house for 15 yrs and one of us dies unexpectantly and half of mine/his house goes to the parents, not to the remainin spouse.
in case of life support, unmarried patients, the decision is handled by the heirs, parents, children from previous marriages etc.
then there is the multi-vehicle discount you get from being on the same auto policy. truely an annoucement to the world that you both are commited to each other till death do you part. and asking for the support of your communty as well. we had some heated discussion about the money spent on the wedding, cash bar, food, all that and the money was a big part of it. we ended up getting married in the church he grew up in, mine wanted us to fork over some money, then him convert, jeez louise. we had cake and icecream after the ceremony, about 100 people came, left out of there around 3 pm and went camping for 4 days about an hour away. the campground flooded, we had to move and they gave us 2 days free plus a load of wood. also everyone else but one guy bugged out and we basically had the place to ourselves. weddings can be so glutinous. did I dream about a $500-$3000 dress? yes, but I'd rather had a lifelong marriage than a dress that put us in debt. we spent about $1500.
a
New Orleans LA 7/4/95 reschedule 9/17/95
Chicago IL 1998, 10/9/00, 06/18/03, 05/16/06, 05/17/06
08/23/09, 08/24/09, Lolla 08/05/07
Champaign IL 4/23/03
Grand Rapids MI VFC 10/03/04
Grand Rapids MI 19May06
Noblesville IN 05/07/10 Cleveland OH 05/09/10
PJ 20 2011
Baltimore MD, Charlottesville VA, Seattle WA 2013
St. Louis MO, Milwaukee WI 2014
Tampa FL, Chicago IL, Lexington KY 2016
Missoula MT 2018
Or maybe a Uke playing?
He got married because I wanted to. It didn't really mean that much to him, we'd already been together 9 years. But even though we only had a quick ceremony, no guests, just us two and a couple of strangers as witnesses, it meant a lot to me. Then when I fell pregnant he wasn't that keen, but has loved being a parent.
Anyway, marriage and kids isn't for everyone, but talking about it helps.
Good luck with everything.
I was never a wee girl who dressed up and played weddings and never got into that play when other friends did it.I have only came close to having to consider marriage once and the thought of it scared the shit out of me.He asked and I never ever wanted to.I am fiercely independent and felt marriage could be the only thing that would destroy that independence.
I can't stand weddings,my heart sinks when I am invited to one,I can just about cope with only going to the night time party thing but a whole day makes me feel sick with boredom and cynicism.
I have not seen many people have good marriages,my parents,my sister's,friends and I guess this has coloured my opinion of them.
The people I know who have been together a long time,have bairns etc but haven't married have happier lives together than the ones that have been married and are now all divorcing,having affairs,ignoring each other rigid with boredom.