Well we have an appointment at 2pm tomorrow, in the "quiet room". I fucking hate that room. I never even step foot in it because I know that's where all the shit goes down. I'm gonna see if we can sit outside on the patio adjacent to it, just because.
I'm trying so hard to do normal things every day but it's difficult. Every drawing I do is so dark and ugly I don't even want to share it with anyone.
sending my prayers and thoughts to you and your mum and your family
don't apologise - rant all you want, let off steam and take care of yourself too during this difficult time
don't feel obliged to do normal stuff, do whatever you feel like
i can't imagine what you're going through but you are so strong and have gotten through so much already, i admire just how well you are taking care of your mother. dealing with this and doctors and nurses and people who are trying to emphathise but aren't helping must be hard but you've shown strength through here.
there'll always be people who you find don't come through when you need it the most - focus on the ones who do and take care of yourself as well
I, like Claireack, hope tomorrow goes well and am sending love & light your way
Thank you Claire and Pilate. I'm trying to be careful with myself, I have been working half-days so I can come home and rest before going to the hospital and spend time with our dad to make sure he's okay too. I'm trying to get back into the swing of things like with my Etsy shop and such, mostly to distract myself. All I want to do is just sleep though, it's pathetic.
I'm trying to be strong but there are moments I feel I'm failing miserably because I"ll just break down and cry. But I guess there is no weakness in that...can't help it even if I wanted to.
Ranting here does help though, I feel like I have to keep it altogeher since I'm always speaking with the doctors and such, and my friends are a huge help too.
Yeah I've cried quite a bit, and I managed to stop and do a drawing, only to have hte doctor call me again and it starts all over again :( ugh. I don't want to feel anything anymore, I want to turn my brain off, turn everything OFF, even if it's just for a few minutes.
(((hugs))) That's some great advice from pilate and claireack. I wish that we could help shoulder your burden chiqui. You and your family are all in my thoughts. Lots and lots and lots of healing vibes being sent your way.
"What the CANUCK happened?!? - Esquimalt Barber Shop
(((hugs))) That's some great advice from pilate and claireack. I wish that we could help shoulder your burden chiqui. You and your family are all in my thoughts. Lots and lots and lots of healing vibes being sent your way.
Having a place to just vent is a big help for sure, I appreciate the ear you all provide! Thanks for all the thoughts and healing vibes, we can sure use it.
Tomorrow will be weird, I'm going in to work in the morning and folks in the lab are taking me out for a birthday lunch which should be nice. But then we have the meeting at 2pm with the palliative folks at the hospital. After which we're laying down the gauntlet with our family to basically either put up or shut up...come out and see her, or fuck off. They really should have been here months ago, or two years ago when she was in the hospital for 9 months. Oh well, I guess we'll see how that goes anyway.
I guess that's life for you, balance of good stuff and crap. And everyone's trying to make my birthday feel special but it's getting hard to get into the swing of it, I dunno. For now I'm just hoping I can finally fall asleep. I either want to sleep in the middle of the day or not sleep at all at night, all screwed up!
(((hugs))) That's some great advice from pilate and claireack. I wish that we could help shoulder your burden chiqui. You and your family are all in my thoughts. Lots and lots and lots of healing vibes being sent your way.
Having a place to just vent is a big help for sure, I appreciate the ear you all provide! Thanks for all the thoughts and healing vibes, we can sure use it.
Tomorrow will be weird, I'm going in to work in the morning and folks in the lab are taking me out for a birthday lunch which should be nice. But then we have the meeting at 2pm with the palliative folks at the hospital. After which we're laying down the gauntlet with our family to basically either put up or shut up...come out and see her, or fuck off. They really should have been here months ago, or two years ago when she was in the hospital for 9 months. Oh well, I guess we'll see how that goes anyway.
I guess that's life for you, balance of good stuff and crap. And everyone's trying to make my birthday feel special but it's getting hard to get into the swing of it, I dunno. For now I'm just hoping I can finally fall asleep. I either want to sleep in the middle of the day or not sleep at all at night, all screwed up!
*hugs*
it DOES put life in perspective, absolutely.
all the shit, helps you focus more on the good stuff....and appreciate it when it, finally, comes back around.
hope some happiness is on it's way to you chica.
it DOES put life in perspective, absolutely.
all the shit, helps you focus more on the good stuff....and appreciate it when it, finally, comes back around.
hope some happiness is on it's way to you chica.
Yeah I'm down for some good stuff, any morsel of it! I'm trying to stay chipper this morning, and just be grateful that I"ll have another birthday to celebrate, despite everything going on. That's been the hard part with all this, keeping balanced and not forgetting my own existence in the middle of everything. It seems really easy to get swallowed up, and I don't want to be.
I just want to let you know, we are here for you. Sometimes it's easier to talk things out...write about how you feel. Create something to keep your mind busy. Thing like this are never easy, but just remember, you are loved.
Pleas let us know if we can do something for you.
The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.
Aww, Barb, i am so, so sorry. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry that you and your family are going through this. Healing thoughts, wishes and vibes being sent your way ((((hugs))))
"What the CANUCK happened?!? - Esquimalt Barber Shop
You are still very much in my thoughts, along with your family, during this difficult time. Just try to get through day by day, or hour by hour, however you can best cope.
My mother is finally at peace, she passed away at 10:11am this morning. The pain I'm feeling is so overwhelming, but I have no choice but to stay strong. We have family flying in tonight and we are blessed to have a lot of love around us for support.
My mother is finally at peace, she passed away at 10:11am this morning. The pain I'm feeling is so overwhelming, but I have no choice but to stay strong. We have family flying in tonight and we are blessed to have a lot of love around us for support.
Just feels weird with it being my birthday too :(
My deepest condolences go out to you and your family. May your mother finally rest in peace. Hugs to you and your family. Give your dad the biggest hug ever from me ((((()))))
"What the CANUCK happened?!? - Esquimalt Barber Shop
I'm very sorry too, Chiqui...may she rest in peace. Sending condolences to you and your family.
I'm glad you were able to be with her and you did everything that you could.
9/98, 9/00 - DC, 4/03 - Pitt., 7/03 - Bristow, 10/04 - Reading, 10/05 - Philly, 5/06 - DC, 6/06 - Pitt., 6/08 - Va Beach, 6/08 - DC, 5/10 - Bristow, 10/13 B'more
8/08 - Ed solo in DC, 6/09 Ed in B'more,
10/10 - Brad in B'more
Comments
I just want one fucking day where I don't cry. Just one, jesus. And my birthday is on Saturday and I'm to the point where I don't even give a fuck.
Well we have an appointment at 2pm tomorrow, in the "quiet room". I fucking hate that room. I never even step foot in it because I know that's where all the shit goes down. I'm gonna see if we can sit outside on the patio adjacent to it, just because.
I'm trying so hard to do normal things every day but it's difficult. Every drawing I do is so dark and ugly I don't even want to share it with anyone.
Sorry for the rant, just frustrated here.
Hope tomorrow goes as well as it can x
don't apologise - rant all you want, let off steam and take care of yourself too during this difficult time
don't feel obliged to do normal stuff, do whatever you feel like
i can't imagine what you're going through but you are so strong and have gotten through so much already, i admire just how well you are taking care of your mother. dealing with this and doctors and nurses and people who are trying to emphathise but aren't helping must be hard but you've shown strength through here.
there'll always be people who you find don't come through when you need it the most - focus on the ones who do and take care of yourself as well
I, like Claireack, hope tomorrow goes well and am sending love & light your way
I'm trying to be strong but there are moments I feel I'm failing miserably because I"ll just break down and cry. But I guess there is no weakness in that...can't help it even if I wanted to.
Ranting here does help though, I feel like I have to keep it altogeher since I'm always speaking with the doctors and such, and my friends are a huge help too.
Cry Chica, cry,
I've cried so much in the past year than I have in the last 10.....and I've not been dealing with what you have.
*big hugs*
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
Tomorrow will be weird, I'm going in to work in the morning and folks in the lab are taking me out for a birthday lunch which should be nice. But then we have the meeting at 2pm with the palliative folks at the hospital. After which we're laying down the gauntlet with our family to basically either put up or shut up...come out and see her, or fuck off. They really should have been here months ago, or two years ago when she was in the hospital for 9 months. Oh well, I guess we'll see how that goes anyway.
I guess that's life for you, balance of good stuff and crap. And everyone's trying to make my birthday feel special but it's getting hard to get into the swing of it, I dunno. For now I'm just hoping I can finally fall asleep. I either want to sleep in the middle of the day or not sleep at all at night, all screwed up!
*hugs*
it DOES put life in perspective, absolutely.
all the shit, helps you focus more on the good stuff....and appreciate it when it, finally, comes back around.
hope some happiness is on it's way to you chica.
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
{{HUGS}}
You're right. You are a monster! You are sick! Get help!
At least, I am not a fuck-up! A lying fuck-up!
I just want to let you know, we are here for you. Sometimes it's easier to talk things out...write about how you feel. Create something to keep your mind busy. Thing like this are never easy, but just remember, you are loved.
Pleas let us know if we can do something for you.
- Christopher McCandless
The best expression of Love is Time.
The best time to Love is Now.
I'm never as good as when you're there.........
Don't fuck sheep. -EV 7/11/11
You can never have enough Neil in the mix. -EV 10/24/10
There's only one commandment: Don't be an asshole. -EV 5/6/10
I am so sad for you and your family.
nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
oh chica.
idk how i missed this earlier.
my heart breaks for you, your mo, your family....
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
You are still very much in my thoughts, along with your family, during this difficult time. Just try to get through day by day, or hour by hour, however you can best cope.
My mother is finally at peace, she passed away at 10:11am this morning. The pain I'm feeling is so overwhelming, but I have no choice but to stay strong. We have family flying in tonight and we are blessed to have a lot of love around us for support.
Just feels weird with it being my birthday too :(
My deepest condolences go out to you and your family. May your mother finally rest in peace. Hugs to you and your family. Give your dad the biggest hug ever from me ((((()))))
How's your dad?
★ 2009 - Sydney, Brisbane, Auckland, Christchurch ★
★ 2011 - EV Newcastle, Melbourne 1, Melbourne 2 ★
Im very sorry........
Till there aint nothing left worth taking away from me.....
I'm glad you were able to be with her and you did everything that you could.
8/08 - Ed solo in DC, 6/09 Ed in B'more,
10/10 - Brad in B'more