i wonder what Jeremy's parents thought of "Jeremy"

mcgruff10

Was jeremy his real name?

PJ_Soul

mcgruff10 said:

Was jeremy his real name?

Yes.

Kel Varnsen

HughFreakingDillon said:

Ed has always said it was loosely based on the actual incident. there's no way he could have known when he wrote if daddy gave attention or not.

I think it is important to remember that there is a lot more awareness and just general knowledge surrounding depression and suicide than there was back in the early 90's. So sure back then it would have probably been pretty common to assume that if a kid killed himself that he probably had shitty parents or was picked on. But I am sure that today many more people realize there is probably a lot more to any teen suicide story than that.

OnWis97

This is probably the one song that's given me more discomfort than any other. I have read that the song made things really hard on the family; calls/letters from fans, fans visiting the grave, etc. And I am sure most fans are just treating it like Pearl Jam history (i.e. no sensitivity to the family).

I'd bet they wish that song had never been made. To me it seems exploitative and a bit tone-deaf to the grief of the family. It's an important topic for young disenfranchised people, and Ed's always showing interest in such things but I think being more general would have gone a long way. While it's easy for us to think critically about the artistic aspect of "daddy didn't give attention to the fact that mommy didn't care" people don't always think critically and some may very well interpret Ed placing blame on the parents. In a sense it's an important song, but I wish they'd found a way to paint it as a general song...maybe it even was, but because the instance that inspired it was public, there was no going back. Ed was probably naive enough to believe it (and the band) would never become big enough for it to matter.

Rival is allegedly about Columbine, but the more subtle tone of the lyrics, combined with PJ's move away from the limelight renders that song barely a minor blip. Maybe they learned from Jeremy.

HughFreakingDillon

Kel Varnsen said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

Ed has always said it was loosely based on the actual incident. there's no way he could have known when he wrote if daddy gave attention or not.

I think it is important to remember that there is a lot more awareness and just general knowledge surrounding depression and suicide than there was back in the early 90's. So sure back then it would have probably been pretty common to assume that if a kid killed himself that he probably had shitty parents or was picked on. But I am sure that today many more people realize there is probably a lot more to any teen suicide story than that.

my comment wasn't a criticism on Ed's writing; it was a criticism on those dissecting it.

2-feign-reluctance

PJ_Soul said:

Any subject is free game when it comes to art IMO.

I'm not sure this jibes well with the current level of sensitivity in today's culture. I think social media has played a part in creating an increased 'response' to things like this. How would today's culture react to a song like Jeremy if it was released today?

HughFreakingDillon

2-feign-reluctance said:

PJ_Soul said:

Any subject is free game when it comes to art IMO.

I'm not sure this jibes well with the current level of sensitivity in today's culture. I think social media has played a part in creating an increased 'response' to things like this. How would today's culture react to a song like Jeremy if it was released today?

fucking hysteria.

"insensitive!!!" they'll all yell! "cashing in on tragedy!!!" they will scream!

Dead Man Walking

I remember reading an article from a past PJ member (I want to say one of the Dave's) about how he was sitting at a bar/show/something and a woman came up and just slapped him. Left him totally dumbfounded. Turns out it was a relative of "the" Jeremy (agian, don't remember if it was a mom/sister/aunt/etc.) but she was saying that there is nothing worse than trying to deal with the tragic suicide of a family member and then having constantly shoved in your face everywhere you go.

Mind you, I'm paraphrasing. I looked for a good 15 minutes for the article before posting this but I can't find it (Found it. See below). If anyone knows what I'm talking about, please share it. My memory may be a bit off but I do believe that was the just of the little interview snippet.

EDIT: http://archive.alternativenation.net/former-pearl-jam-drummer-dave-abbruzzese-was-slapped-by-real-life-jeremys-girlfriend-over-video/

SEACIDE

Anon said:

When I was 18, I lost a great friend to suicide. At the time of his funeral, we young kids that knew EVERYTHING sneered at his parents, were downright a-holes and blamed them for Tony's death. I guess at 18, we didn't know how the f* else to deal with such agonizing grief.



Fifteen years later I think of Tony still probably almost every day of my life. Now though, I think of his family, his brother, his parents and how much I can't even begin to wrap my head around how much they must have hurt, still hurt and how much of the blame they probably heaped on themselves without all of us young jerks adding to it.



I've thought a long time about sending Tony's family a letter, not so much as an apology, but more of a hey, he was a great friend I miss him and I think of him and you often.



But, I have NO idea how they processed the suicide of their son. This letter would be my Jeremy of sorts... Cathartic for me in dealing with the pain, but without the piece of info about how they are healing, it could be a sting that they just can't deal with still all these years later or maybe a welcome relief?



We can never read what is truly on someone else's heart I guess..

send the letter ... imo
i think to know their child still lives on in memories is a gift to them ... let them know how often their family and child are thought of by you ... let them know your love for their child ... let them know you care. i think the words would be welcomed ...
I attended the funeral of a friend ... the priest presiding said something i will never forget ... "the price of LOVE is SORROW" ... so in my words don't let the fear of sorrow keep you from loving ...

PJ_Soul

2-feign-reluctance said:

PJ_Soul said:

Any subject is free game when it comes to art IMO.

I'm not sure this jibes well with the current level of sensitivity in today's culture. I think social media has played a part in creating an increased 'response' to things like this. How would today's culture react to a song like Jeremy if it was released today?

I think how it jibes with the current level of sensitivity is irrelevant. In fact, I think it gives artists even more reason to tackle any issue they want. I don't care if it offends. A lot of great art is great specifically because it offends or is provocative.
As for how audiences would react today... who knows. I don't really care TBH.

moses562

I am enjoying the thoughts everyone is sharing. It's nice to see a real discussion happening.

Vedd Hedd

Did someone say Jeremys parents were at a recent show, rocking out?

Riverrunner

Dead Man Walking said:

I remember reading an article from a past PJ member (I want to say one of the Dave's) about how he was sitting at a bar/show/something and a woman came up and just slapped him. Left him totally dumbfounded. Turns out it was a relative of "the" Jeremy (agian, don't remember if it was a mom/sister/aunt/etc.) but she was saying that there is nothing worse than trying to deal with the tragic suicide of a family member and then having constantly shoved in your face everywhere you go.

Mind you, I'm paraphrasing. I looked for a good 15 minutes for the article before posting this but I can't find it (Found it. See below). If anyone knows what I'm talking about, please share it. My memory may be a bit off but I do believe that was the just of the little interview snippet.

EDIT: http://archive.alternativenation.net/former-pearl-jam-drummer-dave-abbruzzese-was-slapped-by-real-life-jeremys-girlfriend-over-video/

Great find. I never heard this story before. As an adult when the song came out I've always thought it was cruel because it was so easy to find out the true identity of the kid and his family. I think a name change to Zachary, Frederich, whatever would have made life a little easier for the friends, family, classmates, and school staff. And Ed should never have talked about his inspiration for the song and just said he wrote it as a result of being "troubled by teen suicide."

Riverrunner

Vedd Hedd said:

Did someone say Jeremys parents were at a recent show, rocking out?

I would be money that was absolutely not true.