Why men cheat..
locked
Posts: 4,038
interesting article..:
9 Reasons Why Men Cheat
By The Lifescript Editorial StaffPublished October 04, 2009
Why do men cheat? Funnyman David Letterman is the latest celebrity to admit he's had sex with women other than his wife. Yet cheating isn’t limited to the famous and powerful. So seriously, what’s the deal? We examine 9 reasons men say they stray. Plus, take our quiz and find out if your guy will cheat…
David Letterman has it all: fame, money, ratings, and a new wife and son. Yet with everything to lose, he cheated with "Late Show" female staffers. Why DO men stray? And could it happen to you?
Approximately 40% of men seek sexual satisfaction outside their relationships, estimates Kat Hertlein, Ph.D., professor of human development at the University of Nevada - Las Vegas and a marriage and family therapist.
That number hasn’t changed much since 1950, when the famous Kinsey sex study found that 50% of U.S. men cheat at some point in their marriages.
Why They Cheat
The No.1 reason: Men crave sexual “variety,” according to David Buss, professor of psychology at the University of Texas and author of The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating (BasicBooks).
“They’ve evolved the desire to be with different women,” he says.
That’s because it’s very simple for men to reproduce (one act of sex versus nine months of pregnancy for women), so to create as many offspring as possible they’re biologically programmed to mate with many women.
“The ‘payoff’ in reproductive currencies [kids] of a short-term mating strategy generally has been higher for men than women,” Buss says. So after thousands of generations, “this has forged in the male brain a desire for sexual variety.”
Other top reasons men cheat? They’re unhappy with their mates - and extramarital sex is cheaper and easier to get these days, Buss says.
And "power wives" beware: Being married to a high-profile guy ups the odds he’ll wander.
“Women are attracted to men who have power and status, so public figures usually have plenty of opportunity,” Buss says.
Whether your guy is a political animal, an A-list celeb or just a cubicle-mate, his motivation to cheat is the same, according to one relationship expert.
“Ninety-nine percent of the time, there’s a simple reason why: boredom,” says Steve Santagati, author of The Manual: A True Bad Boy Explains How Men Think, Date and Mate – and What Women Can Do to Come Out on Top (Crown).
Whatever the reasons, cheaters give monogamous men (the majority) a bad name.
Why They Say They Cheat
Here are 9 excuses guys give for doing the extramarital mambo:
1. She ain’t what she used to be.
Like Adam, the typical man can’t resist the temptation of riper fruit, especially if the woman in his life has let herself go.
“If she got lazy or gained weight or just doesn’t take care of herself, a guy will start looking at other women,” Santagati says.
Women who want to keep their men on a short leash need to take a “good, hard look in the mirror,” he adds.
And men should do the same. He might be a complete slob and still be demanding perfection from her. “It’s the typical double standard.”
For their part, guys should also make an effort to rediscover the spark at home.
“Make her feel pretty, even if you’re lying,” he advises. “Tell her how beautiful she is and how much you appreciate it. It will make her feel sexy and she’ll want to make you happy.”
That attention can lead to a more satisfying sex life, agrees Sue Johnson, a professor of clinical psychology at the University of Ottawa and author of Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love (Little Brown and Company).
“All the evidence shows that when [women] feel safe and connected, you’re better at taking care of your partner.”
2. No one loves a ball buster.
Perhaps nothing will drive a married man into the arms of another woman faster than a nagging wife. “She’s like a mosquito,” Santagati says. “He doesn’t want to have sex with her; he wants to [swat her away].”
The more viable option: hot sex with a more “understanding” woman.
Hogwash, says Steven Solomon, Ph.D., author of Intimacy After Infidelity: How to Rebuild & Affair-Proof Your Marriage (New Harbinger).
“[A woman] didn't do something that excuses cheating." Whatever the relationship dynamic, it’s not that healthy to begin with if it leads to infidelity, Solomon says.
3. She just doesn’t “get” me.
Men who cheat say they don’t feel understood by their mate. But it’s not always the woman. Mostly they’re either angry or afraid to connect.
“It’s easier for men to go outside the relationship than work it out with their partner,” says UNLV’s Hertlein. “We see this ‘triangulation’ a lot.”
A deep-seated fear of intimacy can be hard for some guys to overcome. And they’re more likely to cheat again, especially if they don’t go to couples therapy, Hertlein says.
4. It’s the thrill.
Most guys who have affairs are getting in touch with their inner caveman: They like to play with fire. “It adds a level of danger,” Santagati says, “and danger adds to the excitement.”
By keeping surprise and sizzle in your sex life, a woman can keep the home fires burning so hot that her man won’t have any reason to cheat.
But that's not the whole story. Solomon says men also cheat because of fear, loneliness or anger. “The betraying partner's failure to deal with these feelings is what causes him to be unfaithful," he says.
5. Blame it on the “hunter.”
Often, married men who cheat can’t quite explain their motivation. They just find themselves compelled to bust out of their day-to-day routine in search of something new. It’s a primitive instinct that dates back to their role as hunter and gatherer – only this time, they’re hunting and gathering new women.
“Maybe he got married too young,” Santagati says, “or he just feels as if he hasn’t seen everything.”
Women can protect themselves by getting wise to this behavior early in the relationship – and getting out.
Santagati suggests you can find out more about a man’s dating history by watching how he acts in a room full of gorgeous women.
If you can’t rein him in when your romance is new, you’ll never control him down the road when your life together is more settled. “The first three months are critical,” he says.
6. Biology, baby.
“It’s our biological nature to be with as many females as possible,” Santagati says.
“Once we’ve seen a woman naked several times, it becomes commonplace. It doesn’t matter if you’re Jessica Alba or Sienna Miller, we become accustomed to your body and want to experience something different – different lips, different body types. We’re only monogamous because we realize that love and friendship are more important than getting laid.”
But Juliet Williams, associate professor of women’s studies at UCLA disagrees. “No matter how stunningly high the number of male cheaters, we know it’s not biological,” she says. “There are still a higher percentage of men who are monogamous.”
Whether it’s evolution, biology or simple novelty, infidelity researchers agree that men do seek different sex partners. However, the decision whether to cheat is entirely in a man’s control.
“Most men don’t act on those desires because they don’t want to jeopardize social reputations or marriages,” says University of Texas’ Buss.
“Former President Jimmy Carter, for example, told an interviewer that he had ‘lust in his heart’ but as far as we knew, he never acted on it,” he says.
7. It’s just sex.
For most guys, sex and love are two entirely different things.
“We really believe, ‘I can still love my wife and want to have sex with other women.’ We separate it in our brains,” Santagati says.
That rationale allows guys to cheat guilt-free, with one notable exception:
“Any guilt that a man has after sex isn’t about the sex itself, it’s about the consequences,” Santagati says. “Will she be a stalker? Will my wife find out?
"If a guy is in a committed, monogamous relationship, he should ask himself one question before he cheats: Is it worth it? He should consider the worst-case scenario, meaning that his wife finds out and is now brokenhearted. Is it worth it?”
8. Not tonight, dear.
Let’s face it. Men want more sex than women.
So when their partner is tired from wrangling kids all day and unwilling to try new things, even the most loyal hubbies get bored and go looking for nookie.
More sexually permissive men who don’t have equally adventurous partners are also more apt to wander, says UNLV’s Hertlein. Their sexual values are just not compatible.
9. Because we can.
Ok, we’re guys, remember? It’s hard to resist temptation, especially when it’s at our fingertips.
Thanks to the Internet, it’s easier for men to cheat anytime, anywhere… while they’re watching TV or on the laptop in bed next to their sleeping wives.
“We’re not talking about penis and vaginas,” Hertlein says. “Cheating is defined as anything that breaches a relationship contract.”
“That includes “sexy communication and flirting that’s kept secret from your partner..
9 Reasons Why Men Cheat
By The Lifescript Editorial StaffPublished October 04, 2009
Why do men cheat? Funnyman David Letterman is the latest celebrity to admit he's had sex with women other than his wife. Yet cheating isn’t limited to the famous and powerful. So seriously, what’s the deal? We examine 9 reasons men say they stray. Plus, take our quiz and find out if your guy will cheat…
David Letterman has it all: fame, money, ratings, and a new wife and son. Yet with everything to lose, he cheated with "Late Show" female staffers. Why DO men stray? And could it happen to you?
Approximately 40% of men seek sexual satisfaction outside their relationships, estimates Kat Hertlein, Ph.D., professor of human development at the University of Nevada - Las Vegas and a marriage and family therapist.
That number hasn’t changed much since 1950, when the famous Kinsey sex study found that 50% of U.S. men cheat at some point in their marriages.
Why They Cheat
The No.1 reason: Men crave sexual “variety,” according to David Buss, professor of psychology at the University of Texas and author of The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating (BasicBooks).
“They’ve evolved the desire to be with different women,” he says.
That’s because it’s very simple for men to reproduce (one act of sex versus nine months of pregnancy for women), so to create as many offspring as possible they’re biologically programmed to mate with many women.
“The ‘payoff’ in reproductive currencies [kids] of a short-term mating strategy generally has been higher for men than women,” Buss says. So after thousands of generations, “this has forged in the male brain a desire for sexual variety.”
Other top reasons men cheat? They’re unhappy with their mates - and extramarital sex is cheaper and easier to get these days, Buss says.
And "power wives" beware: Being married to a high-profile guy ups the odds he’ll wander.
“Women are attracted to men who have power and status, so public figures usually have plenty of opportunity,” Buss says.
Whether your guy is a political animal, an A-list celeb or just a cubicle-mate, his motivation to cheat is the same, according to one relationship expert.
“Ninety-nine percent of the time, there’s a simple reason why: boredom,” says Steve Santagati, author of The Manual: A True Bad Boy Explains How Men Think, Date and Mate – and What Women Can Do to Come Out on Top (Crown).
Whatever the reasons, cheaters give monogamous men (the majority) a bad name.
Why They Say They Cheat
Here are 9 excuses guys give for doing the extramarital mambo:
1. She ain’t what she used to be.
Like Adam, the typical man can’t resist the temptation of riper fruit, especially if the woman in his life has let herself go.
“If she got lazy or gained weight or just doesn’t take care of herself, a guy will start looking at other women,” Santagati says.
Women who want to keep their men on a short leash need to take a “good, hard look in the mirror,” he adds.
And men should do the same. He might be a complete slob and still be demanding perfection from her. “It’s the typical double standard.”
For their part, guys should also make an effort to rediscover the spark at home.
“Make her feel pretty, even if you’re lying,” he advises. “Tell her how beautiful she is and how much you appreciate it. It will make her feel sexy and she’ll want to make you happy.”
That attention can lead to a more satisfying sex life, agrees Sue Johnson, a professor of clinical psychology at the University of Ottawa and author of Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love (Little Brown and Company).
“All the evidence shows that when [women] feel safe and connected, you’re better at taking care of your partner.”
2. No one loves a ball buster.
Perhaps nothing will drive a married man into the arms of another woman faster than a nagging wife. “She’s like a mosquito,” Santagati says. “He doesn’t want to have sex with her; he wants to [swat her away].”
The more viable option: hot sex with a more “understanding” woman.
Hogwash, says Steven Solomon, Ph.D., author of Intimacy After Infidelity: How to Rebuild & Affair-Proof Your Marriage (New Harbinger).
“[A woman] didn't do something that excuses cheating." Whatever the relationship dynamic, it’s not that healthy to begin with if it leads to infidelity, Solomon says.
3. She just doesn’t “get” me.
Men who cheat say they don’t feel understood by their mate. But it’s not always the woman. Mostly they’re either angry or afraid to connect.
“It’s easier for men to go outside the relationship than work it out with their partner,” says UNLV’s Hertlein. “We see this ‘triangulation’ a lot.”
A deep-seated fear of intimacy can be hard for some guys to overcome. And they’re more likely to cheat again, especially if they don’t go to couples therapy, Hertlein says.
4. It’s the thrill.
Most guys who have affairs are getting in touch with their inner caveman: They like to play with fire. “It adds a level of danger,” Santagati says, “and danger adds to the excitement.”
By keeping surprise and sizzle in your sex life, a woman can keep the home fires burning so hot that her man won’t have any reason to cheat.
But that's not the whole story. Solomon says men also cheat because of fear, loneliness or anger. “The betraying partner's failure to deal with these feelings is what causes him to be unfaithful," he says.
5. Blame it on the “hunter.”
Often, married men who cheat can’t quite explain their motivation. They just find themselves compelled to bust out of their day-to-day routine in search of something new. It’s a primitive instinct that dates back to their role as hunter and gatherer – only this time, they’re hunting and gathering new women.
“Maybe he got married too young,” Santagati says, “or he just feels as if he hasn’t seen everything.”
Women can protect themselves by getting wise to this behavior early in the relationship – and getting out.
Santagati suggests you can find out more about a man’s dating history by watching how he acts in a room full of gorgeous women.
If you can’t rein him in when your romance is new, you’ll never control him down the road when your life together is more settled. “The first three months are critical,” he says.
6. Biology, baby.
“It’s our biological nature to be with as many females as possible,” Santagati says.
“Once we’ve seen a woman naked several times, it becomes commonplace. It doesn’t matter if you’re Jessica Alba or Sienna Miller, we become accustomed to your body and want to experience something different – different lips, different body types. We’re only monogamous because we realize that love and friendship are more important than getting laid.”
But Juliet Williams, associate professor of women’s studies at UCLA disagrees. “No matter how stunningly high the number of male cheaters, we know it’s not biological,” she says. “There are still a higher percentage of men who are monogamous.”
Whether it’s evolution, biology or simple novelty, infidelity researchers agree that men do seek different sex partners. However, the decision whether to cheat is entirely in a man’s control.
“Most men don’t act on those desires because they don’t want to jeopardize social reputations or marriages,” says University of Texas’ Buss.
“Former President Jimmy Carter, for example, told an interviewer that he had ‘lust in his heart’ but as far as we knew, he never acted on it,” he says.
7. It’s just sex.
For most guys, sex and love are two entirely different things.
“We really believe, ‘I can still love my wife and want to have sex with other women.’ We separate it in our brains,” Santagati says.
That rationale allows guys to cheat guilt-free, with one notable exception:
“Any guilt that a man has after sex isn’t about the sex itself, it’s about the consequences,” Santagati says. “Will she be a stalker? Will my wife find out?
"If a guy is in a committed, monogamous relationship, he should ask himself one question before he cheats: Is it worth it? He should consider the worst-case scenario, meaning that his wife finds out and is now brokenhearted. Is it worth it?”
8. Not tonight, dear.
Let’s face it. Men want more sex than women.
So when their partner is tired from wrangling kids all day and unwilling to try new things, even the most loyal hubbies get bored and go looking for nookie.
More sexually permissive men who don’t have equally adventurous partners are also more apt to wander, says UNLV’s Hertlein. Their sexual values are just not compatible.
9. Because we can.
Ok, we’re guys, remember? It’s hard to resist temptation, especially when it’s at our fingertips.
Thanks to the Internet, it’s easier for men to cheat anytime, anywhere… while they’re watching TV or on the laptop in bed next to their sleeping wives.
“We’re not talking about penis and vaginas,” Hertlein says. “Cheating is defined as anything that breaches a relationship contract.”
“That includes “sexy communication and flirting that’s kept secret from your partner..
"This here's a REQUEST!"
EV intro to Chloe Dancer / Crown of Thorns
10/25/13 Hartford
EV intro to Chloe Dancer / Crown of Thorns
10/25/13 Hartford
Post edited by Unknown User on
0
Comments
Hail, Hail!!!
men cheat because they want to get laid and it makes them feel good if a woman wants them. often times it is about opportunity. i would say most men who cheat are put into opportunities to cheat, they don't go searching for it (although there are some of those as well) - if the opportunity arises and the woman is hot most men are not thinking of the consequences and are going to go for it.
If they are real men... they SHOULD think of the consequences. It is a WEAKNESS to cheat.
Hail, Hail!!!
why is it always men getting targeted? so when women cheat they are the innocent ones? guaranteed more women than men cheat.
agree that it is a weakness but the current often outweighs long term thoughts and consequences - this pertains to not just cheating and sex but many things in life (pollution and the environment, money, etc.) people have a tendency in general, to think about the here and now and not the long term consequencies of actions.
exactly!! just because one has the opportunity to cheat does not mean they should...only a child uses excuses like that
Where I'm not ugly and you're lookin' at me
If they are real men... they SHOULD think of the consequences. It is a WEAKNESS to cheat.[/quote]
exactly!! just because one has the opportunity to cheat does not mean they should...only a child uses excuses like that[/quote]
i never said they 'should' cheat when given the opportunity, just that they do. i agree with you that cheaters are pretty much scumbags and there isn't an excuse for it - i was just stating my thoughts on why some cheat.
I believe it is basically a Character issue... the character of your being... and who you are.
If you are in a serious relationship with someone you suppposedly love... and are willing to drag them through such heartache... then, you'd think that you'd question your love for them... if you try to hide your infedelity from them... you are a liar and a coward.
There's a reason WHY I choose wisely my serious relationships... because I like banging more than one gal. I let them know up front, what they are getting with me and leave that decision to them. If it does evolve into something more serious and into an exclusive relationship... I am loyal as a puppy dog. And when things start to dissolve... I will let her know. I would never think of treating someone I love like shit.
There's a reason why I am still friends with my ex-wife and most ex-girlfriends... respect and love.
Hail, Hail!!!
nonsense. what if they dont want to break off the relationship?
there's a reason i'm not... what good are they once you're not getting the ass anymore?
In a new study conducted by marriage counselor M. Gary Neuman, it's estimated that one in 2.7 men will cheat—and most of their wives will never know about it.
Gary documented these findings—and many others—in a groundbreaking new book. To write The Truth About Cheating, Gary surveyed hundreds of faithful and cheating husbands to uncover the real reason some men stray.
Check it out.
http://www.oprah.com/slideshow/oprahsho ... cheating/1
Number One?
What's the number one reason men cheat? Ninety-two percent of men said it wasn't primarily about the sex. "The majority said it was an emotional disconnection, specifically a sense of feeling underappreciated. A lack of thoughtful gestures," Gary says. "Men are very emotional beings. They just don't look like that. Or they don't seem like that. Or they don't tell you that."
Josh says he cheated on his wife, Jennifer, because he felt underappreciated at home and started feeling insecure. "That insecurity was really the catalyst," he says. "I didn't feel comfortable going to the one person in the world I should be going to, which is my wife."
Not about the wife letting herself go either.
How often does a man cheat on his wife with a woman who's more attractive? Not as often as you may think. Gary found that 88 percent of the men surveyed said the other women were no better looking or in no better shape than their own wives.
That only proves one thing... men are fucking liars when asked in a survey.
Hail, Hail!!!
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
Eggs-actly!
:idea:
EV intro to Chloe Dancer / Crown of Thorns
10/25/13 Hartford
for both sides.
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
1) The Pootie is super awesome
2) We were given the gift of masturbation. During this glorious process, we are more sexually titilated by the images of past sexual events to fuel our hand powered Erotica. So, the more sexual encounters I have, the better chance I have something good to jerk off to through the rest of my days...especially once the wife is 55+ and that sweet thang is no longer of any value to me.
In summation, the poo poo has a finite usable shelf life and if you got hammer fucked out by some guy you went to high school with in 1990, he still jerks off thinking about you, even if you're a pig now.
just don't forget that she's probably getting off to thoughts of him when you're fucking her too
I don't know. I'm not a woman. I don't know what they think about or how they get off. I was just giving facts from the male perspective. Sexual memories get filed directly to our Masturbation Mental Rolodex.
or would if most of mine weren't tied to excessive alcohol consumption
If husbands do, wives either deal with it or leave 'em.
If they don't cheat, you're a lucky wife.
They are THERE.. I have met them, seen them in action, and envy their husbands.
The Vast majority of married men (or formerly married) report the following:
1) She's more interested in "keeping up" with her chardonnay drinking, jacuzzi sitting, sex in the city GFs, then to notice her husbamd just came off a 12 hour stint at the office getting his ass chewed out by corprate alligators.
2) She think of sex as a chore. You are a pest to her.
3) You hit the door at the end of day and immediatelky are hit with ALL the things she has to get done and hasn't been able to so you better get your ass in gear.
4) Anytime you are relaxing in your home, you are accused of "not helping her" with 1 million projects.
5) She had YOUR kids and although they are now old enough to take care of themselves, its ungrateful of you to expect her to give you more than five seconds of her attention in her every demanding social calendar. Ugh! the life of a soccer mom is so tough!
:roll:
EV intro to Chloe Dancer / Crown of Thorns
10/25/13 Hartford
I think it's safe to say that 100% of guys like to get their dick sucked. It's become common for women to think that once you're married, blowjobs virtually come to an end, aside from a special occasion. But, if you're married to a guy that likes BJ's, and you used to provide BJ's only to retire from BJ's after he marries you, he won't tell you this, but he'll slowly start to despise you. Over time, he'll get his dick sucked from somebody who appreciates the needs of men.
So ladies, get out there and suck some dick to save your marriage.
hahaha. at the risk of making this thread TOO misogynistic, this reminded me of another great bit from greg giraldo:
"My favorite story from this last year was that guy Brian Nichols who was on trial for rape. Instead of going on trial, he stole a gun from a court officer, pistol whipped a bunch of people, murdered a bunch of people, then he held this woman hostage in her apartment for seven hours, she makes him breakfast, and he let her go.
Now I don't want to sound sexist, but there is a lesson there, you know? It may not kill you girls to learn your way around the kitchen. All it took was a little breakfast to turn this murdering rapist into John Mayer."
these are so true it's not even funny. i think the divorce rates in this country would plummet almost overnight if every woman in the country agreed to not speak a word even for just the first half hour after we get home!
Allright there were more than a couple, but being taken for granted is a HUGE deal that keeps getting glossed over.
As a veteran of 13.5 years of happy (sometimes rocky) marriage I would like to chime in here locked if you don't mind. First off, what most married people don't understand is that you have to put your spouse first - always. Over your kids, over your job, over yourself. The reason being if you both put each other first, then you both feel needed and not neglected or taken for granted. And that trickles down to your kids who above all else need the safety of a stable marriage. I wholeheartedly disagree with the notion of people putting their kids first and I know plenty of people who do that and their marriages suffer for it.
1) My wife loves hanging out with her friends and doing that (drinking wine, goofing off, movies, etc.) but we have an agreement that we come first. And if she wants to hang with her friends, I get to hang with mine, but we come first. It took a long time to make this work, but it does.
2) Then that marriage is doomed. Again (even in sex) you put your spouse's needs and wants first. Do that and you both win. Oh, and in defense of the women, men need to know what they are doing. Foreplay matters!
3) This is bad. We both work and I have to admit that sometimes I do that to her because I get home first and cook dinner most nights. So when I do, I think of all the stuff that needs to be done. We are constantly working on this one - trying to save those discussions for after dinner or something. No one like to get hit with this stuff when they walk in the door.
4) Don't really have this one. We each have our own area of expertise. I do the repairs, but I don't paint and decorate. She's more than willing to take that on, but she doesn't do anything in the garden except kill flowers so I get that. Same with chores. Grocery shopping, dinner, dishes and cleaning up after, pet stuff - me. Laundry, sweeping and mopping, etc. - her.
5) Again, you have to want to contribute time if you want to make it work. An attitude like that is unacceptable and that marriage is doomed. But the guy has to be involved too with soccer/baseball/basketball/homework, etc.
Maybe I am just lucky. But luck is only a small part of it. You have to work at it. Both do. No one ever said it was going to be easy. This is why I hate the romantic comedies and movies like Twilight because I think they set people up to expect the entire relationship will go like that 2 hour movie.
BOS-9/28/04,9/29/04,6/28/08,6/30/08, 9/5/16, 9/7/16, 9/2/18
MTL-9/15/05, OTT-9/16/05
PHL-5/27/06,5/28/06,10/30/09,10/31/09
CHI-8/2/07,8/5/07,8/23/09,8/24/09
HTFD-6/27/08
ATX-10/4/09, 10/12/14
KC-5/3/2010,STL-5/4/2010
Bridge School-10/23/2010,10/24/2010
PJ20-9/3/2011,9/4/2011
OKC-11/16/13
SEA-12/6/13
TUL-10/8/14
you're one of the ones I envy..
EV intro to Chloe Dancer / Crown of Thorns
10/25/13 Hartford