ever have a friend that was like a brother to you..

Drop The Leash 10

and then they get a girlfriend and you dont even fuckin exist.. fuck that.

South of Seattle

Drop The Leash 10 wrote:

and then they get a girlfriend and you dont even fuckin exist.. fuck that.

Get used to it my friend.

hinx

I have a friend and she and I have been like sisters FOREVER...and now I have a new brother, because she cannot go ANYWHERE without her boyfriend.

It's very...annoying, to say the least. :?

pretext

I get torn between being really happy for my friend and her happiness, but also really wanting to spend two minutes alone with her.

supersonicyears

yes I do. They are really like brothers to me. I care about them the same as my own brothers. It's a shame some people can't see that. It's starts to become kinda uncomfortable. My one friend has to put me on speaker phone when we talk. I say the same things whether i'm on speaker phone or not but it just seems wierd.
Oh well maybe someday they will get it.

Whizbang

I've learned through the years that just like "romantic" relationships, our friendships go through phases. you may grow in a different direction than a friend and the friendship dies. Or you both go through shit you don't think the other will understand and the need for distance and perspective arises. I've been friends with my best friend since we were 12, been through some shit individually and with each other. If I was never able to tell her "hey, I'm pissed at you because you've dropped me like a bad habit for a guy", we wouldn't be friends today. We both did it to each other, we both had the sack to say something. Doesn't mean we just stopped dating the guys we were seeing, just that it made me realize I had left her behind just because I was seeing someone. He's long gone but she's still my friend.

Tell your friend you're happy for him that he's got a girl but don't be afraid to tell him he's pissed you off too. It doesn't have to be a fight....guys relate to each other different and sometimes the well placed/timed dig is enough communication. I don't recommend it in front of his girlfriend though.

SPEEDY MCCREADY

South of Seattle wrote:

Drop The Leash 10 wrote:

and then they get a girlfriend and you dont even fuckin exist.. fuck that.

Get used to it my friend.

Ya got that right.....

eMMI

yup, definitely have a friend like that. he's married so I needn't worry about girlfriends.

sucks your friend's acting like that though. I think Whizbang said it well:

Whizbang wrote:

I've learned through the years that just like "romantic" relationships, our friendships go through phases. you may grow in a different direction than a friend and the friendship dies. Or you both go through shit you don't think the other will understand and the need for distance and perspective arises. I've been friends with my best friend since we were 12, been through some shit individually and with each other. If I was never able to tell her "hey, I'm pissed at you because you've dropped me like a bad habit for a guy", we wouldn't be friends today. We both did it to each other, we both had the sack to say something. Doesn't mean we just stopped dating the guys we were seeing, just that it made me realize I had left her behind just because I was seeing someone. He's long gone but she's still my friend.

Tell your friend you're happy for him that he's got a girl but don't be afraid to tell him he's pissed you off too. It doesn't have to be a fight....guys relate to each other different and sometimes the well placed/timed dig is enough communication. I don't recommend it in front of his girlfriend though.

Lauri

Drop The Leash 10 wrote:

and then they get a girlfriend and you dont even fuckin exist.. fuck that.

this happens to everyone. Wait until your friends start getting married...

our culture is too focused on romantic partnership above all other relationships. there's this social psychologist that writes about these issues and she says that in the U.S. a romantic partner is a "sex and everything else partner," meaning that people basically put all their eggs in one basket. It's like the cheesy songs about someone being your "everything." Your friend will lose out in the end, just hope he figures that our sooner rather than later for his sake and your's.

and if he does call you to hang out sometime, blow him off and go do something on your own or with other friends. let him see how it feels.

Sian-of-the-dead

Yep.

Over the past couple of years I've had a couple of really close male friends who, when a new woman was on the scene, I was banned from seeing them and they disappeared into obscurity.

One has recently broken up with his girlfriend (that's how I found out about the ban) and i've seen him more in the last 2 months than I have in the last 2 years. It's great to have him back

Lauri

Sian-of-the-dead wrote:

Yep.

Over the past couple of years I've had a couple of really close male friends who, when a new woman was on the scene, I was banned from seeing them and they disappeared into obscurity.

One has recently broken up with his girlfriend (that's how I found out about the ban) and i've seen him more in the last 2 months than I have in the last 2 years. It's great to have him back

ugh, that's the worst when it's a jealous girlfriend to blame! I hate those girls. Seriously, if the guy wanted to date you, wouldn't he have done so already?

youngster

Yeah. It sucks. Had a friend who we used to do everything together. Then came the girl. I would call and see if he wanted to hang out. This is how it went:

Me: Hey, wanna hang out
Him: Uh, let me see what girlfriend is doing. (In the background I hear, "Hey, what are we doing later?" She says, "I don't know, maybe we could go to the mall or something.")
Him: I can't. I'm going to the mall with girlfriend.

We aren't friends anymore because he is a pussy-whipped little bitch who practically holds her purse when they go out. Pathetic.

supersonicyears

Lauri wrote:

Sian-of-the-dead wrote:

Yep.

Over the past couple of years I've had a couple of really close male friends who, when a new woman was on the scene, I was banned from seeing them and they disappeared into obscurity.

One has recently broken up with his girlfriend (that's how I found out about the ban) and i've seen him more in the last 2 months than I have in the last 2 years. It's great to have him back

ugh, that's the worst when it's a jealous girlfriend to blame! I hate those girls. Seriously, if the guy wanted to date you, wouldn't he have done so already?

Ain't that the truth!

Indian Summer

it's called growing up.

arq

I'm was like that my friends, we're the bestest friends ever but they know that they're invisible when i'm with a girl friend, now I'm married and things are different now my wife doesn't exist when I'm with my friends

Lauri

Indian Summer wrote:

it's called growing up.

It shouldn't be though. Life-long friendships deserve so much more respect than they get. I think the person who respects his friends regardless of his romantic status is the mature one.

Fifthelement

Whizbang wrote:

I've learned through the years that just like "romantic" relationships, our friendships go through phases. you may grow in a different direction than a friend and the friendship dies. Or you both go through shit you don't think the other will understand and the need for distance and perspective arises.

. . .

Tell your friend you're happy for him that he's got a girl but don't be afraid to tell him he's pissed you off too. It doesn't have to be a fight....guys relate to each other different and sometimes the well placed/timed dig is enough communication. I don't recommend it in front of his girlfriend though.

Lady, speaks the truth. I wish more people would recognise that friendships change. It can be a hard and painful lesson to learn. :(

decides2dream

Fifthelement wrote:

Whizbang wrote:

I've learned through the years that just like "romantic" relationships, our friendships go through phases. you may grow in a different direction than a friend and the friendship dies. Or you both go through shit you don't think the other will understand and the need for distance and perspective arises.

. . .

Tell your friend you're happy for him that he's got a girl but don't be afraid to tell him he's pissed you off too. It doesn't have to be a fight....guys relate to each other different and sometimes the well placed/timed dig is enough communication. I don't recommend it in front of his girlfriend though.

Lady, speaks the truth. I wish more people would recognise that friendships change. It can be a hard and painful lesson to learn. :(

exactly.
and it shouldn't 'have' to be painful, either.
almost all relationships change the longer they last...why not friendships?
ALL of my long-term friendships have changed over the years, it's bound to happen. doesn't mean we all love each other less, just that...more than likely...we have a LOT more going on in our lives - careers, familes, etc, etc. having a friendship that lasts through all of that....is a fantastic friendship to have.

soulsinging

Lauri wrote:

Sian-of-the-dead wrote:

Yep.

Over the past couple of years I've had a couple of really close male friends who, when a new woman was on the scene, I was banned from seeing them and they disappeared into obscurity.

One has recently broken up with his girlfriend (that's how I found out about the ban) and i've seen him more in the last 2 months than I have in the last 2 years. It's great to have him back

ugh, that's the worst when it's a jealous girlfriend to blame! I hate those girls. Seriously, if the guy wanted to date you, wouldn't he have done so already?

who said she's worried about the two of you dating? maybe she's just paranoid about a friends with benefits situation

soulsinging

cropduster82 wrote:

Yeah. It sucks. Had a friend who we used to do everything together. Then came the girl. I would call and see if he wanted to hang out. This is how it went:

Me: Hey, wanna hang out
Him: Uh, let me see what girlfriend is doing. (In the background I hear, "Hey, what are we doing later?" She says, "I don't know, maybe we could go to the mall or something.")
Him: I can't. I'm going to the mall with girlfriend.

We aren't friends anymore because he is a pussy-whipped little bitch who practically holds her purse when they go out. Pathetic.

i find the dude getting really pissed off at this 1) isn't getting laid, 2) does the same thing when he is getting laid, and 3) is still right about the friend being a pussy whipped bitch... but we all know us guys will put up with a LOT for some sex. let's face it man, you're a good friend, but you're not getting his rocks off and he's entitled to make this his priority don't hold it against him!

decides2dream

soulsinging wrote:

Lauri wrote:

Sian-of-the-dead wrote:

Yep.

Over the past couple of years I've had a couple of really close male friends who, when a new woman was on the scene, I was banned from seeing them and they disappeared into obscurity.

One has recently broken up with his girlfriend (that's how I found out about the ban) and i've seen him more in the last 2 months than I have in the last 2 years. It's great to have him back

ugh, that's the worst when it's a jealous girlfriend to blame! I hate those girls. Seriously, if the guy wanted to date you, wouldn't he have done so already?

who said she's worried about the two of you dating? maybe she's just paranoid about a friends with benefits situation

hahahahahaha....too true!

soulsinging wrote:

i find the dude getting really pissed off at this 1) isn't getting laid, 2) does the same thing when he is getting laid, and 3) is still right about the friend being a pussy whipped bitch... but we all know us guys will put up with a LOT for some sex. let's face it man, you're a good friend, but you're not getting his rocks off and he's entitled to make this his priority don't hold it against him!

someone's on a roll today....;)
(and yes, i agree)

pjhawks

"People Change as Does Everything" to quote Ed. A good friend roles with the changes in their friendship relationship. Yes it kind of sucks that a friend latches on to a new partner and that becomes their focus - but instead of acting selfishly understand that it's not anything personally against you, it's just your friends focus has changed with it. learn to deal with it. you will not do the same things with friends at 42 that you do at 12, 22 or 32. A truly great friend will find happiness for their friends when good things happen to them, even as it changes your relationship. Embrace their happiness and learn to co-exist within that bubble. If that means you only hang out once or twice a year so be it - cherish those times. Stay within distance so when that friend truly is in need of a great friend they know you are still available to them. and they will need a friend at some point, everyone does. ask yourself if you'd rather be a friend to that person 4 or 5 times a year instead of never. trust me as you get older you will cherish even those 4 or 5 times a year as much, if not more, than the times when you were younger and see these friends on a daily basis or so.

soulsinging

decides2dream wrote:

soulsinging wrote:

who said she's worried about the two of you dating? maybe she's just paranoid about a friends with benefits situation

hahahahahaha....too true!

soulsinging wrote:

i find the dude getting really pissed off at this 1) isn't getting laid, 2) does the same thing when he is getting laid, and 3) is still right about the friend being a pussy whipped bitch... but we all know us guys will put up with a LOT for some sex. let's face it man, you're a good friend, but you're not getting his rocks off and he's entitled to make this his priority don't hold it against him!

someone's on a roll today....;)
(and yes, i agree)

only today?

decides2dream

pjhawks wrote:

"People Change as Does Everything" to quote Ed. A good friend roles with the changes in their friendship relationship. Yes it kind of sucks that a friend latches on to a new partner and that becomes their focus - but instead of acting selfishly understand that it's not anything personally against you, it's just your friends focus has changed with it. learn to deal with it. you will not do the same things with friends at 42 that you do at 12, 22 or 32. A truly great friend will find happiness for their friends when good things happen to them, even as it changes your relationship. Embrace their happiness and learn to co-exist within that bubble. If that means you only hang out once or twice a year so be it - cherish those times. Stay within distance so when that friend truly is in need of a great friend they know you are still available to them. and they will need a friend at some point, everyone does. ask yourself if you'd rather be a friend to that person 4 or 5 times a year instead of never. trust me as you get older you will cherish even those 4 or 5 times a year as much, if not more, than the times when you were younger and see these friends on a daily basis or so.

awesome post.:)


seriously.
as someone who just recently got together with a friend i've not seen in 6 years!
i know this feeling well. (for the record, we live in different countries, thus the big time lapse) none the less.....i've known her over 20 years now. we used to write each other letters monthly. now, if either of us manage a letter in a year, we're doin' good. christmas cards do manage to happen, and now the occasional email. however, we spent some formative time together - college in london! - she was my maid of honor when i married...and tho our lives are in different countries.....and so different, period......we BOTH know, no matter what....we are here for each other when needed, or sure...just for some great laughs when we can manage it. it is GREAT to hold onto those precious few friends like that. my childhood firend i see at most, 2-3 times a year....but that bond will always BE. it's a beautiful thing.

soulsinging wrote:

only today?

yes.
today.

youngster

soulsinging wrote:

cropduster82 wrote:

Yeah. It sucks. Had a friend who we used to do everything together. Then came the girl. I would call and see if he wanted to hang out. This is how it went:

Me: Hey, wanna hang out
Him: Uh, let me see what girlfriend is doing. (In the background I hear, "Hey, what are we doing later?" She says, "I don't know, maybe we could go to the mall or something.")
Him: I can't. I'm going to the mall with girlfriend.

We aren't friends anymore because he is a pussy-whipped little bitch who practically holds her purse when they go out. Pathetic.

i find the dude getting really pissed off at this 1) isn't getting laid, 2) does the same thing when he is getting laid, and 3) is still right about the friend being a pussy whipped bitch... but we all know us guys will put up with a LOT for some sex. let's face it man, you're a good friend, but you're not getting his rocks off and he's entitled to make this his priority don't hold it against him!

I know what you're saying. But I always made time for my friends when I had a girlfriend. True, and this goes for me too, we will go out of our way to get laid. But to let a girl decide you're day for you is pathetic. To have to ask you're GIRLFRIEND of all people if you can hang out with you're friends is lame. The funny thing is he wouldn't ask his mother if he could go places when he was a teenager, but when he was with his girl he would ask first. He stopped returning my calls which is why we're not friends anymore. I don't chase people. I do hope he's happy though.

soulsinging

cropduster82 wrote:

soulsinging wrote:

cropduster82 wrote:

Yeah. It sucks. Had a friend who we used to do everything together. Then came the girl. I would call and see if he wanted to hang out. This is how it went:

Me: Hey, wanna hang out
Him: Uh, let me see what girlfriend is doing. (In the background I hear, "Hey, what are we doing later?" She says, "I don't know, maybe we could go to the mall or something.")
Him: I can't. I'm going to the mall with girlfriend.

We aren't friends anymore because he is a pussy-whipped little bitch who practically holds her purse when they go out. Pathetic.

i find the dude getting really pissed off at this 1) isn't getting laid, 2) does the same thing when he is getting laid, and 3) is still right about the friend being a pussy whipped bitch... but we all know us guys will put up with a LOT for some sex. let's face it man, you're a good friend, but you're not getting his rocks off and he's entitled to make this his priority don't hold it against him!

I know what you're saying. But I always made time for my friends when I had a girlfriend. True, and this goes for me too, we will go out of our way to get laid. But to let a girl decide you're day for you is pathetic. To have to ask you're GIRLFRIEND of all people if you can hang out with you're friends is lame. The funny thing is he wouldn't ask his mother if he could go places when he was a teenager, but when he was with his girl he would ask first. He stopped returning my calls which is why we're not friends anymore. I don't chase people. I do hope he's happy though.

his mother (hopefully) wasn't getting his rocks off either. i suspect it's less about getting permission and more about making sure there are no opportunities to get laid before making other plans. have you ever had a serious gf? i dare you to go out and get drunk with your guy friends and not tell her. you don't get laid for weeks and you have to jump through all sorts of hoops to make it up. it's not worth the trouble.

pjhawks

cropduster82 wrote:

soulsinging wrote:

cropduster82 wrote:

Yeah. It sucks. Had a friend who we used to do everything together. Then came the girl. I would call and see if he wanted to hang out. This is how it went:

Me: Hey, wanna hang out
Him: Uh, let me see what girlfriend is doing. (In the background I hear, "Hey, what are we doing later?" She says, "I don't know, maybe we could go to the mall or something.")
Him: I can't. I'm going to the mall with girlfriend.

We aren't friends anymore because he is a pussy-whipped little bitch who practically holds her purse when they go out. Pathetic.

i find the dude getting really pissed off at this 1) isn't getting laid, 2) does the same thing when he is getting laid, and 3) is still right about the friend being a pussy whipped bitch... but we all know us guys will put up with a LOT for some sex. let's face it man, you're a good friend, but you're not getting his rocks off and he's entitled to make this his priority don't hold it against him!

I know what you're saying. But I always made time for my friends when I had a girlfriend. True, and this goes for me too, we will go out of our way to get laid. But to let a girl decide you're day for you is pathetic. To have to ask you're GIRLFRIEND of all people if you can hang out with you're friends is lame. The funny thing is he wouldn't ask his mother if he could go places when he was a teenager, but when he was with his girl he would ask first. He stopped returning my calls which is why we're not friends anymore. I don't chase people. I do hope he's happy though.

I think you are taking your friends behavior too personally. Have you ever fallen in love? When it happens you want to spend every waking moment with that person - it's not a reflection or a put down of your friendship, its just a feeling that they want to be next to their love every moment at the beginning. My advice is to stay with it, eventually the feeling of wanting to spend every waking moment with their love will subside to a normal level and your friend will be available to you more again. As you get older it will never be what it was when you were younger, you won't see friends on a daily or weekly basis - but that is what happens as you get older. on another note have you offered to do things with your friend and his girlfriend together - as simple as saying lets meet for a drink, doesn't have to be an all night bender with them either - just spend 5 or 10 minutes. or if he is staying home with her ask if you can stop over for a beer. if you truly cherish his friendship you will adapt to his changes and understand he is not personally trying to harm you.

youngster

soulsinging wrote:

his mother (hopefully) wasn't getting his rocks off either. i suspect it's less about getting permission and more about making sure there are no opportunities to get laid before making other plans. have you ever had a serious gf? i dare you to go out and get drunk with your guy friends and not tell her. you don't get laid for weeks and you have to jump through all sorts of hoops to make it up. it's not worth the trouble.

Yes. I had a serious GF for 5 years before marrying her. We have been together for 9 years total. There were many opportunities when she was working and friends called up to go drinking or something and I would just go. I'm a big boy. I don't need permission to go out. Of course I would tell her I was out when she did call wondering where I was. No big deal. I didn't miss out on sex because of it. She doesn't freak out when I am with friends and vice versa. I wouldn't call her and ask, "Honey, is it OK if I go out with friends, please?'' When you do that once, she has you by the balls forever. She's cool which is why I married her.

decides2dream

cropduster82 wrote:

soulsinging wrote:

his mother (hopefully) wasn't getting his rocks off either. i suspect it's less about getting permission and more about making sure there are no opportunities to get laid before making other plans. have you ever had a serious gf? i dare you to go out and get drunk with your guy friends and not tell her. you don't get laid for weeks and you have to jump through all sorts of hoops to make it up. it's not worth the trouble.

Yes. I had a serious GF for 5 years before marrying her. We have been together for 9 years total. There were many opportunities when she was working and friends called up to go drinking or something and I would just go. I'm a big boy. I don't need permission to go out. Of course I would tell her I was out when she did call wondering where I was. No big deal. I didn't miss out on sex because of it. She doesn't freak out when I am with friends and vice versa. I wouldn't call her and ask, "Honey, is it OK if I go out with friends, please?'' When you do that once, she has you by the balls forever. She's cool which is why I married her.

righto.
isn't that usually what goes on. make plans when the other is busy. sure, there are times when you just make plans with friends b/c nothing else is really going on, but let's be real - when you are in a serious/commited relationship...it's not 'asking permission'...it's simply courtesy, and yes...the fact that early on, you usually DO want to be with that person as much as possible. post right above tells it pretty clearly. i don't ask for permission, nor does my husband....but we have an unspoken, saturdays are OURS.....and we just check in with each other to see if plans are set, etc, before we go off with friends, or hell, even family. it's all how you see it.

youngster

decides2dream wrote:

cropduster82 wrote:

soulsinging wrote:

his mother (hopefully) wasn't getting his rocks off either. i suspect it's less about getting permission and more about making sure there are no opportunities to get laid before making other plans. have you ever had a serious gf? i dare you to go out and get drunk with your guy friends and not tell her. you don't get laid for weeks and you have to jump through all sorts of hoops to make it up. it's not worth the trouble.

Yes. I had a serious GF for 5 years before marrying her. We have been together for 9 years total. There were many opportunities when she was working and friends called up to go drinking or something and I would just go. I'm a big boy. I don't need permission to go out. Of course I would tell her I was out when she did call wondering where I was. No big deal. I didn't miss out on sex because of it. She doesn't freak out when I am with friends and vice versa. I wouldn't call her and ask, "Honey, is it OK if I go out with friends, please?'' When you do that once, she has you by the balls forever. She's cool which is why I married her.

righto.
isn't that usually what goes on. make plans when the other is busy. sure, there are times when you just make plans with friends b/c nothing else is really going on, but let's be real - when you are in a serious/commited relationship...it's not 'asking permission'...it's simply courtesy, and yes...the fact that early on, you usually DO want to be with that person as much as possible. post right above tells it pretty clearly. i don't ask for permission, nor does my husband....but we have an unspoken, saturdays are OURS.....and we just check in with each other to see if plans are set, etc, before we go off with friends, or hell, even family. it's all how you see it.

I agree with you. My original point was that my old friend would ask to see if him and his girl were doing anything and she took it as let's make plans. He would go along with everything she said instead of letting her know what he wanted to do. It got to the point where he just stared blocking people out and had tunnel vision for her. I get wanting to spend most of you're time with the person you love. I do that now. But honestly, it's a little unhealthy to be with someone 24/7 and shut everyone else out.

decides2dream

cropduster82 wrote:

I agree with you. My original point was that my old friend would ask to see if him and his girl were doing anything and she took it as let's make plans. He would go along with everything she said instead of letting her know what he wanted to do. It got to the point where he just stared blocking people out and had tunnel vision for her. I get wanting to spend most of you're time with the person you love. I do that now. But honestly, it's a little unhealthy to be with someone 24/7 and shut everyone else out.

sure, agree...your particular friend is/was a pussy i guess. :P
but for most people, that's not really the case, they are just going thru the usual points of a relationship. that's all. i think for the average person, you just realize....the older you get, the less time you have for your friends, in general. sure, you have to make time, and you should want to as well. but i think most of us, especially when the bulk are involved, we all realize, it's almost 'just how it goes'...always joked whenever my sister broke up with a BF just how much more 'around' she was. my bro-in-law and his long-time GF split a year or two ago....seen him more now then in years. and hell, friends when their kids are young? yea. it's tough. as the kids age, it gets easier. i think for most of us, we realize the life phases....and just roll with it. that's what real friends should do. that's all.