Babies out of wedlock

milarso

I already talked about this a little in another thread so I'll give the Readers Digest version here for the first part.
Long story short, my old girlfriend, with whom I hooked up with recently, found out she's pregnant. I'm acting under the assumption that it's mine, and we've decided to keep it. We decided to give our relationship another shot, but have made no plans to get married. I'm not saying it isn't going to happen, but it's not going to happen anytime soon. We are trying to do this for the right reasons.

Anyway- I told some of my friends at work that I was going to be a dad, and everyone was really congratulatory and supportive. The news got around the office pretty quickly. As I was leaving yesterday, a lady who works in the advertising department (I work at a newspaper), who I don't really know pulled me aside and started asking me some really personal questions about how I wasn't wearing a wedding ring and if me and my old girlfriend were going to get married.
I just smiled and tried to be polite. Then she told me that if we weren't married when the baby was born, our baby would be (I swear these are her exact words), "An abomination in the eyes of God."
I had to try really hard not to explode and tell her off in the parking lot, but I just kind of laughed it off and told her it was something my girl and I were going to decide on our own.

But seriously? How in the world could any baby be an abomination? Wtf.

norm

i would have told her to mind her own fucking business

Latin Square

Some people let their own views cloud their better judgment. I wouldn't worry about her b/c her skewed view on her own religion is incorrect.

Ms. Haiku

That woman is a narrow minded person. What an awful thing to say about a baby. What a mean spirited good-for-nothing brainless twit. Her god must look like Charlton Heston, you think?

Indifference71

I hate when people stick their nose where it doesnt belong. Props to you for keeping your cool and not exploding on this lady...

DeLukin

Yea, I think organized religion is a little backwards in that respect - if God creates life, and God doesn't make mistakes, how can any baby be bad? I think it makes some people feel good to judge others. And especially when they can wrap it in the cloak of piousness. And it's usually those types of people that have the most to hide.

Quick story: My brother and sister in law got pregnant as seniors in a Christian school and you would not believe the huge deal the school made about it - they wanted both of them to get up in front of the church and APOLOGIZE for what they had done. Thankfully that never happened, but they did end up expelling my brother-in-law from school. A few years later, the church found out the Pastor was embezzeling money and he was run out of town in shame. Karma's a bitch. They got married before the baby was born, but my BIL's father didn't even go to the wedding. Funny thing is, now 12 years later that's one of my BIL's father's biggest regrets. Again with the Karma. You reap what you sow...

milarso

Ms. Haiku wrote:

That woman is a narrow minded person. What an awful thing to say about a baby. What a mean spirited good-for-nothing brainless twit. Her god must look like Charlton Heston, you think?

It was very odd. I almost feel sorry for her. It wasn't like she was saying it to be a bitch. She was saying it because she honestly believed it. I just don't understand that way of thinking.

polaris_x

you do not have to be in a romantic relationship in order to be the father of a child ... don't put unnecessary constraints or conditions on your life ... don't force a relationship that the two of you already decided wasn't going to work because of a child ... you can be a loving and supportive father without having to be in a relationship with your "ex" ...

having said that - if you guys want to give it a go ... go for it - my only point is don't let some preconceived notion of what a family unit should look like make you do something you don't want to ... you'll be worse off for it ...

KB262864

The problem is, you are too nice to that person. I am in a similar situation. My girlfriend and I are expecting a child in February. In our case, we have been together for 14 years, but we simply do not believe in marriage. I am 100% committed to this child, and I certainly do not need the government (marriage license) or a church to legitimize that commitment.

You do not mention your religious views. I am an atheist, and this one of the reasons I cannot stand Christians. They try to tell everyone else how they should live their own lives, and more often than not, they are hypocrites in their own lives.

For example: my uncle tried to pull the same line with me. You need to get married, you need to get married. Mind you, this is a person who has been married himself four times and was a fairly absentee father when his own daughter was growing up. I finally turned to him and said, "If you have been married four times, that means three times you stood up in a church and said 'this is forever' and it wasn't. That makes you a liar. You lied to your God, your pastor, and everyone else who was there that day."

I know that may seem harsh to some people, but quite frankly I am tired of being the bigger person. If you are going to criticize my lifestyle choices, you better makes sure your own house is in order.

milarso

KB262864 wrote:

I know that may seem harsh to some people, but quite frankly I am tired of being the bigger person. If you are going to criticize my lifestyle choices, you better makes sure your own house is in order.

Yeah- I definitely understand your reaction, and perhaps you're right.
It's just been my experience that hostility is rarely a helps convert ignorance. I try to handle most confrontations with logic, but I've found that logic doesn't normally work with the outwardly religious...
When put on the spot, it just seemed like a good idea to remove myself from the situation and go home and have a beer

Ms. Haiku

milarso wrote:

Ms. Haiku wrote:

That woman is a narrow minded person. What an awful thing to say about a baby. What a mean spirited good-for-nothing brainless twit. Her god must look like Charlton Heston, you think?

It was very odd. I almost feel sorry for her. It wasn't like she was saying it to be a bitch. She was saying it because she honestly believed it. I just don't understand that way of thinking.

She damns a baby in a time when we must recognize the joy in any way we can get it. In a time when people are struggling to get by day to day, and some people watch their family members leave for war. This is not a time to portion out joy. She wouldn't know joy if it dressed up like Liberace and danced the disco duck with her. I mean, babies ooze joy!

Ms. Haiku

milarso wrote:

KB262864 wrote:

I know that may seem harsh to some people, but quite frankly I am tired of being the bigger person. If you are going to criticize my lifestyle choices, you better makes sure your own house is in order.

Yeah- I definitely understand your reaction, and perhaps you're right.
It's just been my experience that hostility is rarely a helps convert ignorance. I try to handle most confrontations with logic, but I've found that logic doesn't normally work with the outwardly religious...
When put on the spot, it just seemed like a good idea to remove myself from the situation and go home and have a beer

If I was in a similar siutation, it would have caught me off guard, and then I would have been fuming for days. Oi! Time for me to read more books on zen living.

jimed14

Report her to Human Resources.

I wouldn't have been able to keep it shut, she would have got such an earful ... I know it wouldn't have changed her, but, at least I'd get my peace.

Anyway, congrats ... don't forget your paternity leave!

pearljgirl2010

milarso wrote:

I just smiled and tried to be polite. Then she told me that if we weren't married when the baby was born, our baby would be (I swear these are her exact words), "An abomination in the eyes of God."
I had to try really hard not to explode and tell her off in the parking lot, but I just kind of laughed it off and told her it was something my girl and I were going to decide on our own.

that is an awful thing to say, and I'm sorry she said that to you. I don't think that getting married is for everyone, and you are certainly able to make your own choices....and i think it's great that you're giving your relationship a shot. if it works, that's awesome...if it doesn't, at least you tried and you'll still going to be a good father--isn't that what's important?

decides2dream

norm wrote:

i would have told her to mind her own fucking business

i would just smile politely and move on...
some people are just worth the effort, ya know? she's entitled to her beliefs, and so am i. hahaha.
also, some people are simply fucktards. so it goes...



good luck to you, your girl and your future child!
:thumbup:

pandora

She comes from a different time- I know this hurt and prejudice- the word " illegitimate" from the past.
The world has left this thinking behind- all the positive outpouring and support for you and your baby here is proof of that.
Thank goodness we understand the innocent now. And that love is all that baby needs.

norm

decides2dream wrote:

norm wrote:

i would have told her to mind her own fucking business

i would just smile politely and move on...

can't i do both? :P

decides2dream wrote:

some people are just worth the effort, ya know? she's entitled to her beliefs, and so am i. hahaha.

if she put forth the effort to tell me an invisible man in the sky is upset that i'm having a child without being married, i should put forth some effort to tell her she's a small mined busybody who needs to get a fucking life


but that's just me :wave:

decides2dream

norm wrote:

decides2dream wrote:

norm wrote:

i would have told her to mind her own fucking business

i would just smile politely and move on...

can't i do both? :P

decides2dream wrote:

some people are just worth the effort, ya know? she's entitled to her beliefs, and so am i. hahaha.

if she put forth the effort to tell me an invisible man in the sky is upset that i'm having a child without being married, i should put forth some effort to tell her she's a small mined busybody who needs to get a fucking life


but that's just me :wave:

norm, of course you can!
i was merely speaking from my on pov of what i would do...especially in a work situation. i've seen too much shit go down in an office environment that imo anyway, i realize...it's just not worth it. but you bet, that's me. you go ahead and tell her!

pjsteelerfan

Good luck to you and your new baby. I have family and friends that all have children out of wedlock and thay are all doing well.
-
as for the lady that said that, you should really think about repoting that to your HR or supervisor, that is uncalled for and you should make sure to put a stop to it now.

soulsinging

norm wrote:

i would have told her to mind her own fucking business

as would i. i'd have laid into her like nobody's business. then filed an internal complaint for religious harassment in the hopes she'd get canned.

the only part of the story that concerns me is the getting back together. people usually break up for a reason and somebody getting knocked up isn't a really good reason to get back together.

soulsinging

DeLukin wrote:

Quick story: My brother and sister in law got pregnant as seniors in a Christian school and you would not believe the huge deal the school made about it

i can't blame them, i think it IS a pretty big deal that your brother in law got pregnant! it's a medical marvel!

soulsinging

KB262864 wrote:

For example: my uncle tried to pull the same line with me. You need to get married, you need to get married. Mind you, this is a person who has been married himself four times and was a fairly absentee father when his own daughter was growing up. I finally turned to him and said, "If you have been married four times, that means three times you stood up in a church and said 'this is forever' and it wasn't. That makes you a liar. You lied to your God, your pastor, and everyone else who was there that day."

that's awesome

Ms. Haiku

soulsinging wrote:

DeLukin wrote:

Quick story: My brother and sister in law got pregnant as seniors in a Christian school and you would not believe the huge deal the school made about it

i can't blame them, i think it IS a pretty big deal that your brother in law got pregnant! it's a medical marvel!

This has been the only laugh in a shitty day. hahahahahahahahaha

soulsinging

milarso wrote:

KB262864 wrote:

I know that may seem harsh to some people, but quite frankly I am tired of being the bigger person. If you are going to criticize my lifestyle choices, you better makes sure your own house is in order.

Yeah- I definitely understand your reaction, and perhaps you're right.
It's just been my experience that hostility is rarely a helps convert ignorance. I try to handle most confrontations with logic, but I've found that logic doesn't normally work with the outwardly religious...
When put on the spot, it just seemed like a good idea to remove myself from the situation and go home and have a beer

thus why you go the hostile route, you scare or shame them enough and they might leave you alone. you try to use reason and logic... well, they hold those beliefs for a reason... namely, too stupid to think it through. there's no convincing morons like that what douches they are. your only positive outcome is to make sure she knows to leave you alone.

milarso

soulsinging wrote:

the only part of the story that concerns me is the getting back together. people usually break up for a reason and somebody getting knocked up isn't a really good reason to get back together.

Yeah- there was a reason we broke up, but it wasn't because we weren't compatible- thus the recent hookup. We broke up because we were living like 100 miles apart. But due to some job/housing changes over the last few months, we are now living int he same city. We were actually kind of hanging out again before the baby news.

soulsinging

milarso wrote:

soulsinging wrote:

the only part of the story that concerns me is the getting back together. people usually break up for a reason and somebody getting knocked up isn't a really good reason to get back together.

Yeah- there was a reason we broke up, but it wasn't because we weren't compatible- thus the recent hookup. We broke up because we were living like 100 miles apart. But due to some job/housing changes over the last few months, we are now living int he same city. We were actually kind of hanging out again before the baby news.

well then, forget i ever said it good luck to you both!

and i still think you should fuck with the coworker. no way would i let that slide. but then, i get my jollies fucking with religious people. except jews. for some reason all the jews i meet seem as indifferent to "religion" as i am?

milarso

soulsinging wrote:

well then, forget i ever said it good luck to you both!

and i still think you should fuck with the coworker. no way would i let that slide. but then, i get my jollies fucking with religious people. except jews. for some reason all the jews i meet seem as indifferent to "religion" as i am?

I had never even thought about talking to HR, but now I think I'm going to. I just talked with my supervisor about it, and she said that it was completely inappropriate and that I should take further action.

decides2dream

milarso wrote:

soulsinging wrote:

well then, forget i ever said it good luck to you both!

and i still think you should fuck with the coworker. no way would i let that slide. but then, i get my jollies fucking with religious people. except jews. for some reason all the jews i meet seem as indifferent to "religion" as i am?

I had never even thought about talking to HR, but now I think I'm going to. I just talked with my supervisor about it, and she said that it was completely inappropriate and that I should take further action.

i think THIS is the most appropriate course of action in an office environment.
no one wants be cavalier about their careers, especially in this economic climate. so it makes sense to handle it in a professional manner if you want to address it.

good luck with everything!

catefrances

milarso wrote:

I already talked about this a little in another thread so I'll give the Readers Digest version here for the first part.
Long story short, my old girlfriend, with whom I hooked up with recently, found out she's pregnant. I'm acting under the assumption that it's mine, and we've decided to keep it. We decided to give our relationship another shot, but have made no plans to get married. I'm not saying it isn't going to happen, but it's not going to happen anytime soon. We are trying to do this for the right reasons.

Anyway- I told some of my friends at work that I was going to be a dad, and everyone was really congratulatory and supportive. The news got around the office pretty quickly. As I was leaving yesterday, a lady who works in the advertising department (I work at a newspaper), who I don't really know pulled me aside and started asking me some really personal questions about how I wasn't wearing a wedding ring and if me and my old girlfriend were going to get married.
I just smiled and tried to be polite. Then she told me that if we weren't married when the baby was born, our baby would be (I swear these are her exact words), "An abomination in the eyes of God."
I had to try really hard not to explode and tell her off in the parking lot, but I just kind of laughed it off and told her it was something my girl and I were going to decide on our own.

But seriously? How in the world could any baby be an abomination? Wtf.

i have 4 children and i have never ever been married. i dont have a problem with it and nor do they.
one day recently zoe aged 10 came home and told me one of her little school friends said that i cant be her mother cause im not married. i asked her what she thought about that and she said it sounded silly. damn straight it did!!!

Stone Is God

My son was born out of wedlock and his mother and I are no longer together. As long as you love and support your child everything else doesn't matter.

Tell that bible thumping bitch from your office to shut her fucking yapper. I have nothing against relgion but when someone throws something like what she said in your face........man I would have been pissed.

supersonicyears

milarso wrote:

I already talked about this a little in another thread so I'll give the Readers Digest version here for the first part.
Long story short, my old girlfriend, with whom I hooked up with recently, found out she's pregnant. I'm acting under the assumption that it's mine, and we've decided to keep it. We decided to give our relationship another shot, but have made no plans to get married. I'm not saying it isn't going to happen, but it's not going to happen anytime soon. We are trying to do this for the right reasons.

Anyway- I told some of my friends at work that I was going to be a dad, and everyone was really congratulatory and supportive. The news got around the office pretty quickly. As I was leaving yesterday, a lady who works in the advertising department (I work at a newspaper), who I don't really know pulled me aside and started asking me some really personal questions about how I wasn't wearing a wedding ring and if me and my old girlfriend were going to get married.
I just smiled and tried to be polite. Then she told me that if we weren't married when the baby was born, our baby would be (I swear these are her exact words), "An abomination in the eyes of God."
I had to try really hard not to explode and tell her off in the parking lot, but I just kind of laughed it off and told her it was something my girl and I were going to decide on our own.

But seriously? How in the world could any baby be an abomination? Wtf.

Tell her it's an abomination to judge other people.