She just needs to stop. Period. It's not that freaking hard, I don't care what people say.. I've done it! I know!
Smoked since I was 13/14, decided to (finally!) try for a baby when I was 35 at which time I was smoking at least a pack a day. Had a cigarette on a Sunday before I went to bed and on the Monday, that was it. I haven't smoked one since. I was expecting all kinds of trauma but it was all quite easy.
That was me. I know others who also had a very motivating reason to stop who found it extremely difficult but managed to stay off the ciggies but I also know others who also found it extremely difficult but started smoking again and needed a few 'stop/starts' before they finally quit.
So it's not because 'you' (and I!) have done it easily, everyone can.
Also, your example of the girl in high school is a very bad and extreme one and is not helpful. Neither is your 'off cuff' comment about punching this pregnant lady in the throat.
I agree with whoever suggested punching her in the throat. Not that I advocate violence towards women, by all means.
You’re a fucking douche bag. Not that I advocate calling people names by any means.
Wow dude. You seriously need to take a pill, or 5000. It was an off cuff remark in reference to one made at the beginning of the thread. But in all seriousness, I am a former smoker and I have a hard time sympathizing with people that continue to smoke knowing full well that their actions may have repercussions on their unborn baby. I personally know a girl who got preggers out of high school by mistake, and then tried to force a miscarriage by smoking and drinking. She didn't have a miscarriage, but her baby was born a premie and had multiple problems. I'm not saying the OP's girl is doing that on purpose, but still, how can you defend the undefensable? She just needs to stop. Period. It's not that freaking hard, I don't care what people say.. I've done it! I know!
I know you were making an off-the-cuff remark, but it wasn't witty the first time...I considered editing what I said, but whatever....I've put a bit of effort in this thread into trying to convince people not to judge so harshly, and to have some empathy...for you to come out with that comment seemed like a total provocation to me. It read like you were looking for a reaction so I gave you one.
I've been resisting the urge to post too much personal info in this thread, but in defense of my tantrum I'll mention that I have a personal experience similar to the OP's.... but with the added flavour of lung cancer in the family between smoking/quitting/relapsing pregnancies... Judgemental strangers, along with righteous family and friends made everythng so much worse. I agreed with all of them, but was acting on doctors advice by trying to support my grieving and pregnant wife thru a really fucked up time. try wrapping your head around the three year mind-fuck I/we endured and you'll start to understand why I got a little worked up last night (I wasn't really even worked up, but figured what the hell - you used a little disclaimer to excuse your ignorance, so I followed suit).
I agree with redrock on the rest of your post. your mentally ill HS friend has no bearing on this discussion, and addiction is different for everyone. I quit too. But I'll never become one of these hardcore weirdo born again non-smokers. Does it make you feel better about yourself to tell an addict that it's easy to stop what they're doing? How does that help? or.....are you just here to rub their noses in it?
I would like to give you all something else to think about......................
I met a lady today who is severely alergic to the hormones released when pregnant.
She said she always wanted a big family, but risked her life to have a second child, knowing she was risking death to her unborn and herself possibly leaving her first born without a mother and her Lover no loving.
I used to work with a woman who smoked 100's during her entire pregnancy.
Fucking scumbag whore IMO....
She was suprised when I confronted her about it.
Get em a Body Bag Yeeeeeaaaaa!
Sweep the Leg Johnny.
My girlfriend quit so we could have a baby but now smokes again since she is pregnant. Nothing I can say or do, she says she doesn't want to. I am so helpless and upset. Any thoughts on this?
:wtf:
She is being selfish and cruel to someone who has no defense or choice. She should be ashamed...cigarettes are never worth doing thisto yourself, and definitely not to your unborn child!!
WTF?!?!
Sorry dude, no disrespect...but your chick needs to pull her head out.
7/2/06 - Denver, CO
6/12/08 - Tampa, FL
8/23/09 - Chicago, IL
9/28/09 - Salt Lake City, UT (11 years too long!!!)
9/03/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 1
9/04/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 2
I used to work with a woman who smoked 100's during her entire pregnancy.
Fucking scumbag whore IMO....
She was suprised when I confronted her about it.
I used to work with a woman who smoked 100's during her entire pregnancy.
Fucking scumbag whore IMO....
She was suprised when I confronted her about it.
How's the kid? I'm presuming fine since you never mentioned
The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
So we go to my parents for supper tonight which I was concerned about cause my parents know she is pregnant and my mom and sister smoke so I just fucking knew they'd still smoke around my girlfriend....so after supper I go downstairs with my dad to watch baseball and I go upstairs and yep all 3 are smoking......I have lost faith in humanity....thoughts on this anyone?
im messed
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The Juggler
Behind that bush over there. Posts: 47,315
All of the replies I've read seem to deal with whether a woman should smoke or not. If quitting is too overwhelming, how about convincing her to remove all other toxins the foetus might be exposed to? For example, not eating processed/genetically engineered food. Not taking alcohol and caffeine. Not consuming preservatives, artificial sweeteners, colourings, flavourings, etc. Limiting exposure to magnetic fields and electronics like computers, big screen TVs and mobile phones. Using a reverse-osmosis filter to remove chlorine and fluoride from the water.
I've heard that some cigarettes claim to be made only of tobacco. They do not contain additives like benzene, arsenic, and whatnot. That could be worth looking into. (When I enjoyed the hobby of smoking, I used a common brand-name. So I have no experience with any other cigarette.)
Oh, don't forget the great things a woman can add: Western populations are severely deficient in omega-3 fatty acids. Flax/linseed is the best mercury-free source of these. Natural sunlight is the best source of vitamin D, and walking outdoors in the fresh air is one of the safest aerobic exercises. All three (Omega-3s, sunlight, and walking) are often considered natural cures for depression.
If she is considering taking a flu shot, go to http://www.fda.gov and read the package inserts for the various vaccines offered this year. They are labelled as Pregnancy Category C! They have never been tested on pregnant women or unborn children or nursing mothers. Here are direct quotes from the insert for Sanofi Pasteur's Fluzone and its Influenza A H1N1 2009 monovalent: " have not been evaluated for carcinogenic or mutagenic potential, or for impairment of fertility."
"It is not known whether these vaccines can cause fetal harm when administered to a pregnant woman or can affect reproductive capacity."
Excellent post... I'm impressed
Ironically, if she knows how much it stresses the op (which she must do), that would put MORE pressure and stress on her to quit.. which would make it almost impossible.
OP if you smother her with kindness, I guarantee that will make her feel 10x more guilty than ANY lecture you could imagine. Smoking is generally a result of boredom/stress... take away these factors and it makes it much easier to give up.
She may well be thinking 'why should I make MY pregnancy easier on HIM?'. Are you being supportive or are you constantly nagging? Please consider this!
So we go to my parents for supper tonight which I was concerned about cause my parents know she is pregnant and my mom and sister smoke so I just fucking knew they'd still smoke around my girlfriend....so after supper I go downstairs with my dad to watch baseball and I go upstairs and yep all 3 are smoking......I have lost faith in humanity....thoughts on this anyone?
Yep.... should have spoken to your mother and sister and told them you would rather they not smoke around your pregnant girlfriend and maybe ask them to support your girlfriend in not smoking. So, if she's getting ready to light up, maybe saying something like 'Oh... we're not lighting up because we know it's not the best for you.. why don't you do the same.. just for tonight'. Maybe if you knew they were going to gand up and all smoke while you were downstairs watching TV, you could have stayed upstairs? Or, if you were THAT concerned, should have had dinner at home.
Again.. I see maybe a lack of communication and things revolving around you... (you lost your faith in humanity...).
Look up statistics and photos of babies that are born to parents that smoke. Secondhand smoke is VERY harmful to adults, let alone what it does to a child. that baby is smoking right along with her. As the babies father, you need to INSIST that she stop smoking. If she doesn't have any concern about the baby's life even before it's born, what's going to change once the baby comes along. It's your baby too and she is doing a lot of harm to it. Would you just sit back and let her physically abuse your baby while you watched? that is what you are doing now... Sorry for being so harsh, but this subject strikes a nerve with me as a mom.
Good luck. Do what you think is right. remember, as I said, it's your baby too.
"I knew all the rules, but the rules did not know me. Guaranteed."
So we go to my parents for supper tonight which I was concerned about cause my parents know she is pregnant and my mom and sister smoke so I just fucking knew they'd still smoke around my girlfriend....so after supper I go downstairs with my dad to watch baseball and I go upstairs and yep all 3 are smoking......I have lost faith in humanity....thoughts on this anyone?
Give them an ultimatum. What they are doing is playing Russian roulette with your child. If she/they are not willing to even try to get better, at this crucial point, aren't willing to go to counseling, and are basically laughing in your face over it - I would give them one last chance and then leave. It is disrespectful and torturous to you, it is dangerous and irresponsible to you child. You need to make it clear exactly how bad this is, how it makes you feel and how URGENT this situation is. I would leave this woman and hope your child comes out without any problems. It's tough having a baby, you don't want to really 'leave' them, but I would break off your romantic ties with her, since she seems to have no regard for you or your baby in the most crucial of times.
24 years old, mid-life crisis
nowadays hits you when you're young
..I've put a bit of effort in this thread into trying to convince people not to judge so harshly, and to have some empathy...
No offense, but someone who does this does NOT deserve ANY kind of sympathy, whatsoever. :evil:
none taken. I don't agree with it either, but there is a difference between empathy and sympathy.
I have empathy and sympathy for the OP, but none whatsoever for the woman.
I have smoked before for extended periods of time and I have had my addictions. I've been able to stop on my own, for my own sake. When you have to stop for someone else and they are so helpless and innocent and so completely dependent on you, and yet still refuse to change, you get 0 sympathy OR empathy. It's not like she's a strung out heroin addict and if she was, she should do ANYTHING she can to get off it, like checking yourself into rehab and getting strapped down. Smoking, while difficult, can easily be stopped with enough help and will power. Forget how hard it is to do, the fact she is not even trying is what makes this whole situation abhorrent.
24 years old, mid-life crisis
nowadays hits you when you're young
Look up statistics and photos of babies that are born to parents that smoke. Secondhand smoke is VERY harmful to adults, let alone what it does to a child. that baby is smoking right along with her. As the babies father, you need to INSIST that she stop smoking. If she doesn't have any concern about the baby's life even before it's born, what's going to change once the baby comes along. It's your baby too and she is doing a lot of harm to it. Would you just sit back and let her physically abuse your baby while you watched? that is what you are doing now... Sorry for being so harsh, but this subject strikes a nerve with me as a mom.
Good luck. Do what you think is right. remember, as I said, it's your baby too.
what do you suggest? That he beat her into submission? I understand you mean well but this is a very delicate road to go down... whilst she's pregnant, nobody can force her to do anything and, while I empathise with the OP, that's the way it SHOULD be... otherwise we're in very dangerous territory.
The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
Smoking, while difficult, can easily be stopped with enough help and will power. Forget how hard it is to do, the fact she is not even trying is what makes this whole situation abhorrent.
it's difficult, yet easy? :? I'm just imagining what a stressful time this is for her, not even trying to put yourself in her shoes won't help you understand what she's going through.
The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
i am gonna guess that if she does end up quitting smoking - it will be for the unborn child in her belly ... so, maybe go pick up something for the kid and show her ... this would kinda show her how important the kid is to you and hopefully remind her why she's going thru what she's probably going thru ...
I have no advice other than be supportive and also consider what many people have said about a baby being born healthily after someone smoked during pregnancy. My mom did (they knew no better then) and I grew up tall and big with no health problems whatsoever.
Supportive is the key I think.
Key Arena - Nov 05 2000, General Motors Place - May 30 2003, General Motors Place - Sep 02 2005, Canada Olympic Park - Aug 08 2009,Key Arena - Sep 22 2009, GM Place - Sep 25 2009, The O2 - Jun 22 2010, Odyssey Arena - Jun 23 2010, Hyde Park - Jun 25 2010, Alpine Valley Music Theatre - Sep 03, 2011, Alpine Valley Music Theatre - Sep 04, 2011, Scotiabank Saddledome - Sep 21, 2011, Rexall Place - Sep 23, 2011, Pacific Coliseum - Sep 25, 2011, Portland OR 11-29-2013, Spokane WA 11-30-2013, Vancouver BC 12-04-2013, Seattle WA 12-06-2013, Toronto ON 05-10-2016, Toronto ON 05-12-2016, Seattle WA 08-08-2018, Seattle 08-10-2018
EV Arlene Schnitzer Hall - July 14 2011, EV Benaroya Hall - July 16 2011
just a quick update....I said she quit for a few days, well thats all that really lasted. She has continued to smoke past week 18 so fuck her I hate her now, fuck me, and fuck my life. Anyone who thinks smoking during pregnancy is ok can fuck off.
just a quick update....I said she quit for a few days, well thats all that really lasted. She has continued to smoke past week 18 so fuck her I hate her now, fuck me, and fuck my life. Anyone who thinks smoking during pregnancy is ok can fuck off.
:roll:
Well, since I spent a lot of time in this thread not defending her actions, but trying to gain some empathy for her, and to make you feel less stressed about the situation, I'll assume I'm one of the people you're directing your comments at...
Since it's christmas eve and I still, for some reason, have a shred of empathy for YOU, I'll bit my tongue on all the shit I really want to say and leave it at this: You have issues man. Get help.
Comments
Smoked since I was 13/14, decided to (finally!) try for a baby when I was 35 at which time I was smoking at least a pack a day. Had a cigarette on a Sunday before I went to bed and on the Monday, that was it. I haven't smoked one since. I was expecting all kinds of trauma but it was all quite easy.
That was me. I know others who also had a very motivating reason to stop who found it extremely difficult but managed to stay off the ciggies but I also know others who also found it extremely difficult but started smoking again and needed a few 'stop/starts' before they finally quit.
So it's not because 'you' (and I!) have done it easily, everyone can.
Also, your example of the girl in high school is a very bad and extreme one and is not helpful. Neither is your 'off cuff' comment about punching this pregnant lady in the throat.
I've been resisting the urge to post too much personal info in this thread, but in defense of my tantrum I'll mention that I have a personal experience similar to the OP's.... but with the added flavour of lung cancer in the family between smoking/quitting/relapsing pregnancies... Judgemental strangers, along with righteous family and friends made everythng so much worse. I agreed with all of them, but was acting on doctors advice by trying to support my grieving and pregnant wife thru a really fucked up time. try wrapping your head around the three year mind-fuck I/we endured and you'll start to understand why I got a little worked up last night (I wasn't really even worked up, but figured what the hell - you used a little disclaimer to excuse your ignorance, so I followed suit).
I agree with redrock on the rest of your post. your mentally ill HS friend has no bearing on this discussion, and addiction is different for everyone. I quit too. But I'll never become one of these hardcore weirdo born again non-smokers. Does it make you feel better about yourself to tell an addict that it's easy to stop what they're doing? How does that help? or.....are you just here to rub their noses in it?
I met a lady today who is severely alergic to the hormones released when pregnant.
She said she always wanted a big family, but risked her life to have a second child, knowing she was risking death to her unborn and herself possibly leaving her first born without a mother and her Lover no loving.
I wonder if she smoked. I should have asked.
Fucking scumbag whore IMO....
She was suprised when I confronted her about it.
Sweep the Leg Johnny.
She is being selfish and cruel to someone who has no defense or choice. She should be ashamed...cigarettes are never worth doing thisto yourself, and definitely not to your unborn child!!
WTF?!?!
Sorry dude, no disrespect...but your chick needs to pull her head out.
6/12/08 - Tampa, FL
8/23/09 - Chicago, IL
9/28/09 - Salt Lake City, UT (11 years too long!!!)
9/03/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 1
9/04/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 2
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
Yep.... should have spoken to your mother and sister and told them you would rather they not smoke around your pregnant girlfriend and maybe ask them to support your girlfriend in not smoking. So, if she's getting ready to light up, maybe saying something like 'Oh... we're not lighting up because we know it's not the best for you.. why don't you do the same.. just for tonight'. Maybe if you knew they were going to gand up and all smoke while you were downstairs watching TV, you could have stayed upstairs? Or, if you were THAT concerned, should have had dinner at home.
Again.. I see maybe a lack of communication and things revolving around you... (you lost your faith in humanity...).
Good luck. Do what you think is right. remember, as I said, it's your baby too.
1996 Merriweather, MD; 1998 Camden, NJ; 2000 Camden, NJ; 2003 Camden, NJ; 2005 Philly, PA; 2006 Camden, NJ(nights 1 & 2); 2006 Arnhem, NED; 2008 Camden, NJ(nights 1 & 2), Washington DC, MSG(night 2) 2009 Philly Spectrum Shows(nights 1,2,3,4) 2010 Hartford,CT and MSG(night 2)
ED Solo - 2008 Washington DC, 2009 Philly, PA(nights 1&2)*Met Eddie
No offense, but someone who does this does NOT deserve ANY kind of sympathy, whatsoever. :evil:
nowadays hits you when you're young
Give them an ultimatum. What they are doing is playing Russian roulette with your child. If she/they are not willing to even try to get better, at this crucial point, aren't willing to go to counseling, and are basically laughing in your face over it - I would give them one last chance and then leave. It is disrespectful and torturous to you, it is dangerous and irresponsible to you child. You need to make it clear exactly how bad this is, how it makes you feel and how URGENT this situation is. I would leave this woman and hope your child comes out without any problems. It's tough having a baby, you don't want to really 'leave' them, but I would break off your romantic ties with her, since she seems to have no regard for you or your baby in the most crucial of times.
nowadays hits you when you're young
I have empathy and sympathy for the OP, but none whatsoever for the woman.
I have smoked before for extended periods of time and I have had my addictions. I've been able to stop on my own, for my own sake. When you have to stop for someone else and they are so helpless and innocent and so completely dependent on you, and yet still refuse to change, you get 0 sympathy OR empathy. It's not like she's a strung out heroin addict and if she was, she should do ANYTHING she can to get off it, like checking yourself into rehab and getting strapped down. Smoking, while difficult, can easily be stopped with enough help and will power. Forget how hard it is to do, the fact she is not even trying is what makes this whole situation abhorrent.
nowadays hits you when you're young
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
i am gonna guess that if she does end up quitting smoking - it will be for the unborn child in her belly ... so, maybe go pick up something for the kid and show her ... this would kinda show her how important the kid is to you and hopefully remind her why she's going thru what she's probably going thru ...
Supportive is the key I think.
EV Arlene Schnitzer Hall - July 14 2011, EV Benaroya Hall - July 16 2011
Well, since I spent a lot of time in this thread not defending her actions, but trying to gain some empathy for her, and to make you feel less stressed about the situation, I'll assume I'm one of the people you're directing your comments at...
Since it's christmas eve and I still, for some reason, have a shred of empathy for YOU, I'll bit my tongue on all the shit I really want to say and leave it at this: You have issues man. Get help.