Smoking during pregnancy

the wolf

LikeAnOcean wrote:

wolfbear wrote:

All of our mothers smoked while pregnant and we're all fine. Is it ideal? No! But it's not the end of the earth either. I'm sure the kids will be fine.

My mom didn't. :P

Chances are the kid will be fine.. but are the chances worth a gross habit???

no, the chances are not worth it at all.

and all the people saying that "my mom did it" or other shit like that needs to wake up.

my mom smoked and drank while prego. with me. i've never smoked a day in my life and have some breathing issues. nothing serious but they are there. and i have issues with drinking.

this is a big deal, at least to the OP. the amount of, "it sucks but i turned out fine" shit actually makes me sick to my stomach.

josevolution

That is pretty sad that she won't give it up for this cause i would venture to say she probably will never quit ...

Sian-of-the-dead

It's not something I would do, as I would be very aware that i'm carrying a new life inside me. Everything I do would effect my child so I just couldn't.

However, I am not a smoker and nor have I ever been. I have absolutely no idea how hard it is to quit but I have witnessed others and it seems like hell. Give her a break. Maybe Redrock's right and she's ashamed of what she's doing as she knows it's not ideal. TALK to her about it, let her know how worried you are about her and your baby. Make sure she knows you're willing to help her cut down at least, if not quit completely. Doctors nowadays can do wonders for smokers and aiding them to quit, suggest this to her.

You say she was livid because you asked her about it? Maybe she just doesn't like to feel like your judging her and telling her she's wrong. She'll be feeling fragile enough without the added stress of being told that some of her actions are wrong. If you talk to her on a level and let her know that your actions are out of love and concern, she might not be so hostile and secretive. She might even attend another seminar if you remind her of how proud you were the last time she quit.

Remember, smokers who are quitting need encouragement, not judgement.

Good luck... oh and congratulations!

smithnic

wolfbear wrote:

All of our mothers smoked while pregnant and we're all fine. Is it ideal? No! But it's not the end of the earth either. I'm sure the kids will be fine.

Yeah because of you're medical degree, right? Oh...

Cinnamon Girl

redrock wrote:

Cinnamon Girl wrote:

If she's going to do it behind your back there's nothing you can do really. that's pretty disrespectful. How do you know she's smoking?

Maybe not disrespectful. Maybe she does understand that it's not the right thing to do but is not very proud of it. To quit smoking is very difficult. The physical withdrawals don't last that long but the psychological 'attachments' do. How many people have 'tried quitting' numerous times?

She does need help with this. She does have a pretty good reason so hopefully she would be motivated. Do you guys have 'quit smoking' clinics where you are? Could her doctor help her?

It's a tough thing to do!

I think it's completely disrespectful to carry someones child and lie to them about smoking while pregnant. I'm sure it's really difficult to quit, but to hide it and be dishonest is definitely disrespectful.

Jo

:oops: I smoked ciggs and weed, and drank through all my babies. I am not proud of it, and hid it.
These crutches are there for reasons, that even being pregnant doesn't stop you. :oops:
I didn't do a pack a day or drink myself into a coma, but I still did it.
:oops: and not proud.
My Excellent Doctor knew about my addictions.
My kids were all born healthy, thank God, and still are.
I still smoke and drink but still, not to excess.
( although those that read my posts may beg to differ )
and now, this is the bigger issue. I will throttle my kids if I catch them smoking, or anyone elses for that matter.
Smoking is an addiction as well as alcohol.
Lucky are those that don't have addictive genes.

I see babies being born to " Perfect " parents, that are condemed to stuggle.
and again I think " Thank God mine are healthy".

urbanhippie

Quitting smoking is hard. I say this during my 4th attempt to quit in the 2 years since I re-started. If it was just a case of deciding to quit, then not many people would smoke at all. You need support, not judgement.

I gave up smoking quite easily when I discovered I was pregnant for the first time. I never struggled at all, and I'd been smoking for 5 years at that point. I never really bothered with smoking again. Not for nearly 15 years. On the afternoon my divorce petition came through I bought myself a bottle of red and a pack of 20 and over 18 months later I'm still smoking. I am finding it really difficult to give up this time and I don't have the added strain and pressure of a pregnancy to cope with. I would imagine that she feels shitty enough about it herself, hence the denial and deception about it. Maybe she'd be more honest if she thought she'd not get called out and ground down for screwing up. There's nothing like throwing peoples mistakes back at them to make a situation worse.

To the OP: I understand completely why you are worried. It's your baby's long term future you are worried about. I suggest you look for some support for yourself and maybe you'll be able to help your partner to break her addiction.

dimitrispearljam

tell her to quit smoking cigarettes and start weed is more healthy,,
just kidding..
i think u have to explain nicely that is better not too..but u can force anyone to quit..maybe go to a doctor to explain the dangerous,but i dont think is a big issue,,most of the cases the babys are just fine..

blackredyellow

ya... that sucks... My sister-in-law smoked while she was pregnant, and it drove me nuts...

Get_Right

wolfbear wrote:

All of our mothers smoked while pregnant and we're all fine. Is it ideal? No! But it's not the end of the earth either. I'm sure the kids will be fine.

this is very true

but
do whatever you can to get her to stop-as it is definitely better all the way around
and tell her doctor-perhaps the doctor can scare her by explaining the dangers
she is probably smoking way more than she is telling you
offer a cash incentive something to get her to stop

and its not good for her to smoke when you have a newborn in the house either-nip it in the bud

JonnyPistachio

in this day and age of 2009 it makes me sick to my stomach that people could do something so utterly stupid and fucking idiotic. Fuck man, lets just start our kids off on a bad note, no big deal. If you're not responsible enought to quit smoking or drinking during pregnancy, then you're not ready to have kids in my opinion. Its disgusting and pathetic.

peacegirl

JonnyPistachio wrote:

in this day and age of 2009 it makes me sick to my stomach that people could do something so utterly stupid and fucking idiotic. Fuck man, lets just start our kids off on a bad note, no big deal. If you're not responsible enought to quit smoking or drinking during pregnancy, then you're not ready to have kids in my opinion. Its disgusting and pathetic.

agreed
one of my co-workers is having her baby next week and has been smoking the entire time...it is hard to understand especially considering its 2009 and we now know the dangers

blackredyellow

wolfbear wrote:

All of our mothers smoked while pregnant and we're all fine. Is it ideal? No! But it's not the end of the earth either. I'm sure the kids will be fine.

We also grew up without car seats too and in houses with lead-based paint... I'm sure if we went back to that our kids will be fine...

Sian-of-the-dead

peacegirl wrote:

JonnyPistachio wrote:

in this day and age of 2009 it makes me sick to my stomach that people could do something so utterly stupid and fucking idiotic. Fuck man, lets just start our kids off on a bad note, no big deal. If you're not responsible enought to quit smoking or drinking during pregnancy, then you're not ready to have kids in my opinion. Its disgusting and pathetic.

agreed
one of my co-workers is having her baby next week and has been smoking the entire time...it is hard to understand especially considering its 2009 and we now know the dangers

I personally would not do it as I find smoking disgusting and inconsiderate... however, smoking is an addiction. It really bloody hard to kick addictions like that. Now, if she's still on 40 a day by the time birth comes round and she hasn't even tried then fine, damn her all you like, but remember that it takes time and a lot of will power.

PearlOfAGirl

That makes me so sick seeing women who do that... :evil: that's just lovely, putting poisons into a helpless baby!! :evil:

peacegirl

Sian-of-the-dead wrote:

peacegirl wrote:

JonnyPistachio wrote:

in this day and age of 2009 it makes me sick to my stomach that people could do something so utterly stupid and fucking idiotic. Fuck man, lets just start our kids off on a bad note, no big deal. If you're not responsible enought to quit smoking or drinking during pregnancy, then you're not ready to have kids in my opinion. Its disgusting and pathetic.

agreed
one of my co-workers is having her baby next week and has been smoking the entire time...it is hard to understand especially considering its 2009 and we now know the dangers

I personally would not do it as I find smoking disgusting and inconsiderate... however, smoking is an addiction. It really bloody hard to kick addictions like that. Now, if she's still on 40 a day by the time birth comes round and she hasn't even tried then fine, damn her all you like, but remember that it takes time and a lot of will power.

I used to be a smoker...smoked for 10 years so I know it's tough to quit

Sian-of-the-dead

peacegirl wrote:

Sian-of-the-dead wrote:

peacegirl wrote:

agreed
one of my co-workers is having her baby next week and has been smoking the entire time...it is hard to understand especially considering its 2009 and we now know the dangers

I personally would not do it as I find smoking disgusting and inconsiderate... however, smoking is an addiction. It really bloody hard to kick addictions like that. Now, if she's still on 40 a day by the time birth comes round and she hasn't even tried then fine, damn her all you like, but remember that it takes time and a lot of will power.

I used to be a smoker...smoked for 10 years so I know it's tough to quit

Well as I said earlier, I'm not and having never quit I can only assume how hard it is. I'm just trying to put myself in the shoes of others. Personally I don't actually understand how anyone can't quit as soon as they find out they're carrying a baby but they don't. I think they at least need the offer of support before being told they're wrong and disgusting.

But that's just me, I've never smoked so I can only assume.

pandora

smoking is bad for everyone but stress is also passed on to your baby. Having to sneak means she's already feeling the dreaded quilt of motherhood (absolutely everything is Moms fault!)
if she can't quit cause its just too stressful hopefully she is cutting way back and her people will support her efforts.
Its a process learned to put others before your own needs thats parenthood.

Claireack

I am a long term smoker, and yes I work in healthcare and I know all about the risks relating to smoking.

It's not good for you, good for your unborn child, or for those around you.

But I am a little surprised at how little understanding & compassion some of you seem to have. Smoking is an addiction, it's really not easy to give up, I have given up three times and every time when things get tough I went back to my old habit. I gave up when I was pregnant and completely fell to pieces, there were circumstances surrounding my pregnancy that made it a very difficult time for me. In the end I started again, I spoke to my midwife and she encouraged me to smoke as little as I could etc so I ended up on say 5 a day for my pregnancy. If it was my partner I would talk to her, find out what's going on with her, how is she coping with the pregnancy? Is she stressed/afraid/worried? Everytime I've quit I've gone back to it for emotional reasons, the physical cravings pass in about three or so days, it's the psycological stuff that's the hard stuff to get away from.

Yes in an ideal world I wouldn't smoke, but i do smoke, so I try to be considerate whilst doing it. At home I go outside and sit in the yard. I would never dream of insisting that I smoke in a non-smokers house. I know it's a bad habit but I try not to subject anyone else to it passively.

Talk to her, with love, not with condemnation.

P.s. My 12 year old son is a big healthy lad, taller than me and determined not to smoke.

stargirl69

the wolf wrote:

uhhhh. i hate to see this. i wish there was something i could say to help.

but all i can think of is, to punch her in the throat.

know that's not what you want to hear. and it's not the "right" thing to say, but it makes me really fucking angry.

i feel for ya. :(

good luck.

Yep thats what I'd want to do ... it pisses me off when I see such disregard for the unborn baby.What chance is there that she will stop smoking after the baby is born? If she wasn't able to consider it in utero.An addiction can be stopped when it comes down to being responsible for another humans health.
I have worked with kids all my adult life and there is something really sad when a kid stinks of smoke,it get everywhere,in their toys,clothes,nappies,everywhere.