Youth sports

MayDay10 · February 2022

Our rec league experience thus far, is that it is pretty much a rotational/fun basis. Maybe if you are in a playoff game, the team may lean on their 'better' players a little more in some key positions and at the top of the batting order. You absolutely need a 1B who can catch or the game is pointless. When I was coaching, I would ask random kids where they wanted to play the most next inning. I encountered 1 coach who tried to work the system, loading his lineup, moving all his kids in out of position for weaker hitters. It was gross.

Hockey rec/house is the same thing. In a perfect world, each team has 2 lines, and the clock buzzes every 1:30 or 2:00 to change the lines. Most places don't even keep score. Its fine and a huge emphasis on instruction. USA Hockey does a great job vetting coaches.

It is when you get above that it gets sketchy. Baseball here, the season is very short. Kids will not improve with 12 low key games and a few practices that are mainly batting practice run by volunteer dads. The difference between kids who play travel and only house is plain as day as they get 100x as many reps, and even practice indoors before the season. The kids want to be there, and honestly, have more fun playing travel than the house league.

Hockey is kind of similar, but after the age of 8, everyone gets funneled into travel of some sort and they don't really have house leagues anymore per-se. Or at least they are rare. They have a MOHL which stands for "Multi-Organizational-House-League" which is meant for non-travel players to continue and have fun.

cblock4life · February 2022

All parks, ball fields, etc. should have signs “no parents allowed” instead of “no pets”

dankind · February 2022

Because of all the horror stories I've heard (and because I have some from my own childhood), I signed up to help coach my son's farm league team for the 2021 little league season, and I wound up coaching his summer tourney and fall ball teams as well.

I love it. And I haven't had any problems with awful coaches on our teams yet, though I've seen some on opposing teams. One funny complaint I heard from a parent who doesn't even have a kid in the program was that my son's farm team manager was horribly competitive. When I stated that simply wasn't true and that everyone got to play and our emphases were on fun, support, being a good teammate, etc., her comeback was, "Well, you won the championship, right?"

So winning is frowned upon, I guess. We're all dicks if we win.

Anyway, I replied that yes, the message for the entire season was that if we had fun, were supportive of teammates, and listened to our coaches, the W's would come. And they did.

MayDay10 · February 2022

My son's hockey team is pretty nuts. There are cliques of parents and I feel like we are in Oz sometimes as opposed to a youth hockey facility. My son is really good, we are leaving next year for one of the two top AAA programs, and it is quietly known I think... parents and coaches are actively trying to undermine him. Pretty sure team funds are missing too.

dankind · February 2022

Youth hockey is a shitshow. My daughter plays for two teams (town co-ed and regional elite club girls' team), and my son just plays for the town team.

The parents and coaches are, for the most part, deplorable pieces of shit, so much so that I often start cheering for the opponents.

I just watch the games from ice level so that I don't have to hear all of the terrible things these garbagepeople are saying to and about children that are just trying to have fun while learning to play a incredibly difficult game. And I notice that the parents are much more awful if there's an opposing player who is Black or Brown.

MayDay10 · February 2022

dankind said:

I just watch the games from ice level so that I don't have to hear all of the terrible things these garbage people are saying to and about children

lol, I do the same exact thing. I have a corner standing spot that I spend all my time in. A few parents have joined me.

MayDay10 · February 2022

I have had to politick pretty hard for my kid though. He came from a hidden gem of an instructional program. He outgrew it though, he would score like 20 goals in a game, was learning puck hog tendencies, and would accidentally hurt other kids with shots. He tried out for a regional elite team, there was one spot, they didn't know us (he actually did not have a good tryout tbh) and he got cut. He was crushed, was crying, and right there he vowed to make the team next time.

He tried out for/made more of a travel team at 8 for exposure and he was ready for it. He has begged me to take him to any clinic I can find. He loves practicing and working at it, and has come a long way, even though his coach tries to sit on him. I felt it necessary to do my part and do what I can to advocate for him, and I made some contacts and got him noticed. His league also tracks everything including stats/leaders which helps. My kid was/is 2nd in points and 1st in assists most of the season. One of the teams he wants to play for is practically begging for him to come play next year, and the other team (the one he really really wants to play for) said they are considering him and are watching some of his games. He also made a top Spring team that consists mostly of those players.

He is having a great time though, but he gets upset with things that happen on his current team. The parent cliques carry over to players. The coach's son is wild and uncontrolled. He gets benched for missing practice one time (for baseball) while another coach's kid who was at the same baseball practice started at center. He is always on the 2nd/3rd line. They have gone to the scorer during games and given his goals to someone else. Despite being their leading scorer, he is yet to receive a 'player of the game' puck from the coach after the game in front of the team, etc.... If there is a close game, he will get very little playing time in the 3rd period. I think there is some jealousy. Probably hard feelings because it was probably always clear that we would be moving on after this season. I don't know. I do feel like I have some sort of responsibility in all of it too.

Gern Blansten · February 2022

MayDay10 said:

I have had to politick pretty hard for my kid though. He came from a hidden gem of an instructional program. He outgrew it though, he would score like 20 goals in a game, was learning puck hog tendencies, and would accidentally hurt other kids with shots. He tried out for a regional elite team, there was one spot, they didn't know us (he actually did not have a good tryout tbh) and he got cut. He was crushed, was crying, and right there he vowed to make the team next time.

He tried out for/made more of a travel team at 8 for exposure and he was ready for it. He has begged me to take him to any clinic I can find. He loves practicing and working at it, and has come a long way, even though his coach tries to sit on him. I felt it necessary to do my part and do what I can to advocate for him, and I made some contacts and got him noticed. His league also tracks everything including stats/leaders which helps. My kid was/is 2nd in points and 1st in assists most of the season. One of the teams he wants to play for is practically begging for him to come play next year, and the other team (the one he really really wants to play for) said they are considering him and are watching some of his games. He also made a top Spring team that consists mostly of those players.

He is having a great time though, but he gets upset with things that happen on his current team. The parent cliques carry over to players. The coach's son is wild and uncontrolled. He gets benched for missing practice one time (for baseball) while another coach's kid who was at the same baseball practice started at center. He is always on the 2nd/3rd line. They have gone to the scorer during games and given his goals to someone else. Despite being their leading scorer, he is yet to receive a 'player of the game' puck from the coach after the game in front of the team, etc.... If there is a close game, he will get very little playing time in the 3rd period. I think there is some jealousy. Probably hard feelings because it was probably always clear that we would be moving on after this season. I don't know. I do feel like I have some sort of responsibility in all of it too.

My son played hockey for 6 years. Those were some of the best times that we spent together. Great youth sport.

But yes...what you are describing sounds familiar. We tried out for the travel team but didn't make it. He did make the rec all start team for the last 3-4 years that he played. Lots of dad coaches and lots of BS with playing time, power play or penalty kill roster which always included the coaches kid, etc. Overtime shoot outs that included coaches kid when he wasn't even in the top 10 scorers. Lots of frustration.

My son played soccer and hockey and had to give up hockey once he hit high school.

JeBurkhardt · February 2022

I coached T-ball, minor league (step up from T-ball) and Little League baseball, girl's softball and swore I would never do it again after dealing with parents, other coaches and league presidents. Unbelievable politics, petty jealousy and overall stupidity. A few years later my friend was coaching coed soccer, but didn't know anything about soccer, and talked me into helping him. I lasted 2 years before I had to step away again. My kids are all grown and out of the house now, so in a few years I can go to the games as grandfather/cheerleader and enjoy the games without getting stuck in the drama.

Gern Blansten · February 2022

My son's first experience with club soccer was interesting. I think someone described a similar situation above where one of the rec coaches stacked his team and they just dominated everyone mostly through aggressive play and dirty play.

One of the issues related to two twins that insisted on playing on the same team. I get that I guess but that was part of the problem as they were both aggressive players for that age.

We're talking 8 year old boys that would slide tackle from behind, push, etc., which was clearly coached behavior.

At one of our games our team was actually tied with them. We had a breakaway and the coaches kid took our shooter down from behind with a slide tackle. The kid went flying. His dad flipped out and wanted to fight the coach....he said something to the effect of "my fists are like 357 magnums" and that got the cops called. He was then banned from the fields and I believe he pulled his kid from our team

It sucked because he was one of our best players

Six years later those twins left our high school because they made the freshman team for soccer rather than JV. Their parents just couldn't take that so they took them to a local private Catholic school.

MayDay10 · February 2022

^^^ lol, thats incredible.

Yet to see an actual fight. We almost had one in the lobby at hockey. We have a ton of tension/cliques on our team. We had a chinese auction table set up and someone's daughter was working it and waving around money. Another mom is a teacher and used to speaking sternly to kids told her abruptly to put the money down/away. The parents of the girl came at the mom really hard and everyone was yelling at each other in this lobby with all the other parents and people from the other team. I hid in a dark corner.

dankind · February 2022

I have not yet got into a fight at a rink, but I fully expect to at nearly every game.

I mentioned that I moved to ice level so that I don't have to deal with the other parents, but when I do hear them yell something deplorable at a child on the ice, I cannot let that slide.

Pretty sure someone will sucker punch me in a parking lot someday.

ed243421 · February 2022

Gern Blansten · February 2022

dankind said:

I have not yet got into a fight at a rink, but I fully expect to at nearly every game.

I mentioned that I moved to ice level so that I don't have to deal with the other parents, but when I do hear them yell something deplorable at a child on the ice, I cannot let that slide.

Pretty sure someone will sucker punch me in a parking lot someday.

I remember being at a hockey game once and playing a tough team. My son was probably 13-14 at the time.

I tended to hang out at the top of the bleachers to watch and stay away from the other parents.

After one of the periods the teams were leaving the ice and walking behind the bleachers to the locker rooms. One of the moms on our team ran up the bleachers right next to me and starting yelling at the opposing team....I mean screaming....about "learn to play fair" and other shit. I was embarrassed as hell because anyone looking probably thought she was with me. THe kids were all yelling back at her...quite a scene.

dankind · February 2022

Gern Blansten said:

dankind said:

I have not yet got into a fight at a rink, but I fully expect to at nearly every game.

I mentioned that I moved to ice level so that I don't have to deal with the other parents, but when I do hear them yell something deplorable at a child on the ice, I cannot let that slide.

Pretty sure someone will sucker punch me in a parking lot someday.

I remember being at a hockey game once and playing a tough team. My son was probably 13-14 at the time.

I tended to hang out at the top of the bleachers to watch and stay away from the other parents.

After one of the periods the teams were leaving the ice and walking behind the bleachers to the locker rooms. One of the moms on our team ran up the bleachers right next to me and starting yelling at the opposing team....I mean screaming....about "learn to play fair" and other shit. I was embarrassed as hell because anyone looking probably thought she was with me. THe kids were all yelling back at her...quite a scene.

Yeah, when our team's group of deplorable parents start insulting the opposing team's players (read: children!), that's when I start rooting LOUDLY for the opposing team and particularly the players that our team's group of deplorable parents are insulting.

MayDay10 · February 2022

My son's coach cancelled a tournament (either they lost our money or missed a deadline) this weekend and also their practices. This was a huge weekend for hockey locally, there were multiple tournaments. We had nothing for 5 days which is unheard of for the first weekend of February.

I found out coach secretly entered a team in an outdoor event yesterday with his favorite players.

Gern Blansten · February 2022

MayDay10 said:

My son's coach cancelled a tournament (either they lost our money or missed a deadline) this weekend and also their practices. This was a huge weekend for hockey locally, there were multiple tournaments. We had nothing for 5 days which is unheard of for the first weekend of February.

I found out coach secretly entered a team in an outdoor event yesterday with his favorite players.

wow....crazy shit

Soccer story: I had mentioned before the team that my son played that was stacked where the "my fists are like 357 magnums" comment was made. Two of the players on that aggressive team were twins. Those twins were on our travel team a few years later. This was probably U11 or U12. My wife was the manager of the team and we had a tournament coming up. The twins were also involved in basketball and their Dad (we had become friends with their Mom and Dad through this team...hanging out together during travel weekends, drinking beers, etc.) had told my wife and the coach that the twins would not be able to make the soccer tournament because they had a basketball commitment. The coach asked my wife to seek out a few players from the B team to join us that weekend. There were a few kids on the B team that were better than more than a few of our players and definitely better than the twins. The twins were good aggressive players but they were small for their age.

About a week before the soccer tourney the twins' Dad said that they WOULD be able to come. So...come tourney time their playing time suffered because the coach was clearly irritated that they said they wouldn't be there and gave a back seat to soccer over basketball. Plus...when you ask other kids to join you have to give them playing time otherwise it's a wasted trip for them.

THe parents were furious and never talked to us again. It was like we had never met before. Really fucking weird and no fault of my wife or me.

MayDay10 · February 2022

That's strange. We have a really dysfunctional parent dynamic on my kid's current team. It definitely has some sort of high school element to it.

From the get-go, the coach and the manager had their kids set up as a 1st line, (even had the practice jerseys handed out before the 1st practice color-coordinated by lines), and maybe expected to fill in the rest under them with a good team. My kid was probably better to start and far exceeded them and it has created a real air of jealousy and hard feelings. Especially since its clear we are going to a different program. Some parents Im cool with and we have kind of a group, some of us drink beers at the games. Others, it is just plain icy and I get dirty looks and they wont say a word to me.

MayDay10 · July 2022

So my kid's baseball team... ugh.

I have noticed a little dissention between a few of the moms and one of the (6) coaches. I stay far away from it. They are a good team, probably 2nd or 3rd best 9u team in the area.

I got a call Friday from one of the coaches that the team is disbanding.

So I start talking to a few parents I am really friendly with.

It turns out there was a tryout last week for another team. 11 or the 12 kids were there (my son being the 1). Sounds like it was kind of like a domino-effect and FOMO on everyone's part. Some of the (6!) coaches werent getting along. 7 Of our kids made that team including 5 of the coaches' kids. The 'dissenting' parents' kids made the team too and they are all stuck together. WTF!?

We still have playoffs and 2 tournaments remaining as well. Also now we are cast into trying to find a new team. We are going to be away for vacation during the bulk of the tryouts.

Awful. Youth baseball is a snake pit around here.

dankind · July 2022

Yeah. My son wants to try out for an elite team, but I kind of dig our town's laidback little league. I think him being on a few our town's summer tourney travel teams that get creamed all the time has him searching for better coaching, not just parent coaches, of which I am one.

I try to tell him that it's just because all the other teams actually practice for these summer tourneys whereas we just show up to the games. I mean, it's summer. A lot of kids go on vacation with their families. And even if they don't, we're a seaside town where it's winter nine months of the year; we're not going to waste a nice summer day not at the beach if we're here. Everybody is better with practice during the regular season and travel fall ball, when we're all willing to practice again.

Youth sports

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