When I was in the service years ago. I had been drinking like a savage while eating shitty for days. Needless to say my stomach was hurting. I was in a Target in the clothes section and all of a sudden, immense pressure on my balloon knot. So I let the hottest, hold your butt checks together so nothing else falls out in the process, epic fart. Just then I see people walking over to where I’m at. So I book it and hide behind a rack of clothes. All of a sudden this guy yells. “Holy shit! It fucking stinks here!” And this lady yells back, “ Oh my god, and it’s everywhere, I can’t get away from it!” Needless to say, I fell over laughing trying not to be seen or heard. But so proud and ashamed of myself at the same time. I smile big 20+ years later every time it crosses my mind. Booze and bad food= death farts.
Nice....I rarely fart in the office but I think I had a similar issue. Just one of those times I couldn't hold it in and I probably thought I could get away with it.
I just can't believe the people that fart at concerts or any event where people are seated close together. Of course I'm also always surprised at the number of people I notice taking shits at concerts or games, etc.
what's weird about shitting at a concert? if ya gotta go, ya gotta go.
It just doesn't seem like the proper place. My system is like clockwork though. I crap every morning when I get up so I don't ever have to put myself in a situation where I don't crap at home.
I could probably count the number of times I have crapped in a gas station on one hand.
So....how many times have you crapped on one hand in a gas station? and is it usually your own?
LOL
Remember the Thomas Nine !! (10/02/2018)
1998: Noblesville; 2003: Noblesville; 2009: EV Nashville, Chicago, Chicago 2010: St Louis, Columbus, Noblesville; 2011: EV Chicago, East Troy, East Troy 2013: London ON, Chicago; 2014: Cincy, St Louis, Moline (NO CODE) 2016: Lexington, Wrigley #1; 2018: Wrigley, Wrigley, Boston, Boston 2020: Oakland, Oakland:2021: EV Ohana, Ohana, Ohana, Ohana 2022: Oakland, Oakland, Nashville, Louisville; 2023: Chicago, Chicago, Noblesville
Stern said that he was really bummed out that Luke Perry wouldn't appear in Private Parts to recreate that scene....John Stamos took his place
Remember the Thomas Nine !! (10/02/2018)
1998: Noblesville; 2003: Noblesville; 2009: EV Nashville, Chicago, Chicago 2010: St Louis, Columbus, Noblesville; 2011: EV Chicago, East Troy, East Troy 2013: London ON, Chicago; 2014: Cincy, St Louis, Moline (NO CODE) 2016: Lexington, Wrigley #1; 2018: Wrigley, Wrigley, Boston, Boston 2020: Oakland, Oakland:2021: EV Ohana, Ohana, Ohana, Ohana 2022: Oakland, Oakland, Nashville, Louisville; 2023: Chicago, Chicago, Noblesville
The juvenile in me never left when it comes to farts and fart humor.
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brianlux
Moving through All Kinds of Terrain. Posts: 40,683
We used to have a yellow lab who, when she farted, would try to run away from her farts like they were something that was coming after her. Funny as all get out. Wish I had a video of that!
“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man [or woman] who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”
Variously credited to Mark Twain or Edward Abbey.
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mickeyrat
up my ass, like Chadwick was up his Posts: 35,691
Had a St Bernard as a kid.Heidi would fart in her sleep. Shit could strip paint. Really REALLY FOUL.
She would wake herself up when she smelled it then look around accusingly at whoever was in the room......
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
I am not sure if this was posted but there was a time when Leslie Neilsen went around during interviews, using a fart noise maker. I do remember Bill Bellamy of MTV being absolutely HYSTERICAL when he did this. There was a famous actress or model that thought it was so funny that she adopted the practice too.
Now this is a thread I can really get behind, lol! Thanks OP!
One time we sitting around smoking and toking and our Pitbull turned around and looked at us as his butthole irised open and closed. We soon found ourselves out on the back step, lol.
"The world is full of idiots and I am but one of them."
10-30-1991 Toronto, Toronto 1 & 2 2016, Toronto 2022
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hedonist
standing on the edge of forever Posts: 24,524
I have never heard a fart described so beautifully, Darth
I pretend I am a sumo wrestler. hunch down, lift my leg and grab it, set it down. Lift the other leg grab it and set it down. Then I hunch down in the ready position and with the set position and punch to the floor, I let er rip.
My daughter will burst into the room doing cheerleader kicks and rip one during a high kick....always funny
Remember the Thomas Nine !! (10/02/2018)
1998: Noblesville; 2003: Noblesville; 2009: EV Nashville, Chicago, Chicago 2010: St Louis, Columbus, Noblesville; 2011: EV Chicago, East Troy, East Troy 2013: London ON, Chicago; 2014: Cincy, St Louis, Moline (NO CODE) 2016: Lexington, Wrigley #1; 2018: Wrigley, Wrigley, Boston, Boston 2020: Oakland, Oakland:2021: EV Ohana, Ohana, Ohana, Ohana 2022: Oakland, Oakland, Nashville, Louisville; 2023: Chicago, Chicago, Noblesville
Always funny. That reminds me of the morning 20 years ago when my buddies and I have been drinking hard all night, the night before. And the next morning 2 of us were sitting on each side of the couch all hung over. All of a sudden another dude runs into the room, does a little headstand between us on the couch and just rips a monster. Loud and crisp. Feet fall back to the floor, stands up and runs back out of the room. Goes back to sleep. Never said a word. Twenty years later and I still laugh every time I think about it.
Pine Knob Music Theatre - Jul 31, 1992 Crisler Arena - Mar 20, 1994
Summerfest - Jul 09, 1995*Savage Hall - Sep 22, 1996The Palace of Auburn Hills-Aug 23, 1998 Breslin Center- Aug 18, 1998,The Palace of Auburn Hills-Oct 07, 2000 DTE Energy Theatre-Jun5,2003,DTE Energy Music Theatre - Jun 26, 2003Sports Arena - Oct 02, 2004 Van Andel Arena - May 19, 2006Palace of Auburn Hills-May 22, 2006 Quicken Loans Arena-May 09, 2010
10-16-2014 Detroit
years ago, the way our cubicles at work were arranged, 6 people, two rows, the person behind you faced your back. I needed to rip one. Knew it would be silent. Just lifted my left and let it go. Turned around and my female colleague was standing at the time, looking directly at me. Never let one go in my cube again.
years ago, the way our cubicles at work were arranged, 6 people, two rows, the person behind you faced your back. I needed to rip one. Knew it would be silent. Just lifted my left and let it go. Turned around and my female colleague was standing at the time, looking directly at me. Never let one go in my cube again.
lol...similar story.
In my office there was a large cabinet where all the office supplies were stored. I'm at my desk one day and rip a silent nuclear death fart. One of the staffers came in a minute later to grab some supplies. I was horrified that she smelled that satanic shit cloud.
Later I heard laughing coming out of another office and was sure that she was talking about my nasty fart but I'm sure she wasn't because there was no way she would laugh about it. Vomit maybe.
Remember the Thomas Nine !! (10/02/2018)
1998: Noblesville; 2003: Noblesville; 2009: EV Nashville, Chicago, Chicago 2010: St Louis, Columbus, Noblesville; 2011: EV Chicago, East Troy, East Troy 2013: London ON, Chicago; 2014: Cincy, St Louis, Moline (NO CODE) 2016: Lexington, Wrigley #1; 2018: Wrigley, Wrigley, Boston, Boston 2020: Oakland, Oakland:2021: EV Ohana, Ohana, Ohana, Ohana 2022: Oakland, Oakland, Nashville, Louisville; 2023: Chicago, Chicago, Noblesville
Comments
1998: Noblesville; 2003: Noblesville; 2009: EV Nashville, Chicago, Chicago
2010: St Louis, Columbus, Noblesville; 2011: EV Chicago, East Troy, East Troy
2013: London ON, Chicago; 2014: Cincy, St Louis, Moline (NO CODE)
2016: Lexington, Wrigley #1; 2018: Wrigley, Wrigley, Boston, Boston
2020: Oakland, Oakland: 2021: EV Ohana, Ohana, Ohana, Ohana
2022: Oakland, Oakland, Nashville, Louisville; 2023: Chicago, Chicago, Noblesville
8/28/98- Camden, NJ
10/31/09- Philly
5/21/10- NYC
9/2/12- Philly, PA
7/19/13- Wrigley
10/19/13- Brooklyn, NY
10/21/13- Philly, PA
10/22/13- Philly, PA
10/27/13- Baltimore, MD
Tres Mts.- 3/23/11- Philly
Eddie Vedder- 6/25/11- Philly
1998: Noblesville; 2003: Noblesville; 2009: EV Nashville, Chicago, Chicago
2010: St Louis, Columbus, Noblesville; 2011: EV Chicago, East Troy, East Troy
2013: London ON, Chicago; 2014: Cincy, St Louis, Moline (NO CODE)
2016: Lexington, Wrigley #1; 2018: Wrigley, Wrigley, Boston, Boston
2020: Oakland, Oakland: 2021: EV Ohana, Ohana, Ohana, Ohana
2022: Oakland, Oakland, Nashville, Louisville; 2023: Chicago, Chicago, Noblesville
https://pittsburgh.cbslocal.com/2019/09/17/pittsburgh-doctor-claims-antonio-brown-repeatedly-farted-in-his-face-owes-him-11500/
8/28/98- Camden, NJ
10/31/09- Philly
5/21/10- NYC
9/2/12- Philly, PA
7/19/13- Wrigley
10/19/13- Brooklyn, NY
10/21/13- Philly, PA
10/22/13- Philly, PA
10/27/13- Baltimore, MD
Tres Mts.- 3/23/11- Philly
Eddie Vedder- 6/25/11- Philly
8/28/98- Camden, NJ
10/31/09- Philly
5/21/10- NYC
9/2/12- Philly, PA
7/19/13- Wrigley
10/19/13- Brooklyn, NY
10/21/13- Philly, PA
10/22/13- Philly, PA
10/27/13- Baltimore, MD
Tres Mts.- 3/23/11- Philly
Eddie Vedder- 6/25/11- Philly
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
Here is one when he was on the Morning show
https://entertainment.ie/cinema/movie-news/leslie-nielsen-fart-machine-416590/
One time we sitting around smoking and toking and our Pitbull turned around and looked at us as his butthole irised open and closed. We soon found ourselves out on the back step, lol.
10-30-1991 Toronto, Toronto 1 & 2 2016, Toronto 2022
I pretend I am a sumo wrestler. hunch down, lift my leg and grab it, set it down. Lift the other leg grab it and set it down. Then I hunch down in the ready position and with the set position and punch to the floor, I let er rip.
1998: Noblesville; 2003: Noblesville; 2009: EV Nashville, Chicago, Chicago
2010: St Louis, Columbus, Noblesville; 2011: EV Chicago, East Troy, East Troy
2013: London ON, Chicago; 2014: Cincy, St Louis, Moline (NO CODE)
2016: Lexington, Wrigley #1; 2018: Wrigley, Wrigley, Boston, Boston
2020: Oakland, Oakland: 2021: EV Ohana, Ohana, Ohana, Ohana
2022: Oakland, Oakland, Nashville, Louisville; 2023: Chicago, Chicago, Noblesville
8/28/98- Camden, NJ
10/31/09- Philly
5/21/10- NYC
9/2/12- Philly, PA
7/19/13- Wrigley
10/19/13- Brooklyn, NY
10/21/13- Philly, PA
10/22/13- Philly, PA
10/27/13- Baltimore, MD
Tres Mts.- 3/23/11- Philly
Eddie Vedder- 6/25/11- Philly
Summerfest - Jul 09, 1995*Savage Hall - Sep 22, 1996The Palace of Auburn Hills-Aug 23, 1998 Breslin Center- Aug 18, 1998,The Palace of Auburn Hills-Oct 07, 2000 DTE Energy Theatre-Jun5,2003,DTE Energy Music Theatre - Jun 26, 2003Sports Arena - Oct 02, 2004 Van Andel Arena - May 19, 2006Palace of Auburn Hills-May 22, 2006 Quicken Loans Arena-May 09, 2010
10-16-2014 Detroit
8/28/98- Camden, NJ
10/31/09- Philly
5/21/10- NYC
9/2/12- Philly, PA
7/19/13- Wrigley
10/19/13- Brooklyn, NY
10/21/13- Philly, PA
10/22/13- Philly, PA
10/27/13- Baltimore, MD
Tres Mts.- 3/23/11- Philly
Eddie Vedder- 6/25/11- Philly
8/28/98- Camden, NJ
10/31/09- Philly
5/21/10- NYC
9/2/12- Philly, PA
7/19/13- Wrigley
10/19/13- Brooklyn, NY
10/21/13- Philly, PA
10/22/13- Philly, PA
10/27/13- Baltimore, MD
Tres Mts.- 3/23/11- Philly
Eddie Vedder- 6/25/11- Philly
www.headstonesband.com
In my office there was a large cabinet where all the office supplies were stored. I'm at my desk one day and rip a silent nuclear death fart. One of the staffers came in a minute later to grab some supplies. I was horrified that she smelled that satanic shit cloud.
Later I heard laughing coming out of another office and was sure that she was talking about my nasty fart but I'm sure she wasn't because there was no way she would laugh about it. Vomit maybe.
1998: Noblesville; 2003: Noblesville; 2009: EV Nashville, Chicago, Chicago
2010: St Louis, Columbus, Noblesville; 2011: EV Chicago, East Troy, East Troy
2013: London ON, Chicago; 2014: Cincy, St Louis, Moline (NO CODE)
2016: Lexington, Wrigley #1; 2018: Wrigley, Wrigley, Boston, Boston
2020: Oakland, Oakland: 2021: EV Ohana, Ohana, Ohana, Ohana
2022: Oakland, Oakland, Nashville, Louisville; 2023: Chicago, Chicago, Noblesville
8/28/98- Camden, NJ
10/31/09- Philly
5/21/10- NYC
9/2/12- Philly, PA
7/19/13- Wrigley
10/19/13- Brooklyn, NY
10/21/13- Philly, PA
10/22/13- Philly, PA
10/27/13- Baltimore, MD
Tres Mts.- 3/23/11- Philly
Eddie Vedder- 6/25/11- Philly