Dying alone

HughFreakingDillon · February 2018

unless you are dying slowly in a hospital or palliative care, we almost always die alone, don't we? if we weren't alone, we are often saved, and if we can't be saved, it's often incredibly quick. I don't think it's very common for people to be aware for too long, if any time at all, that they are dying, and they spend a terrifying minute on the floor gasping for air. that's movie shit. most, if not all, of the people I've known in the last few years who have died had no idea it was happening. shit just went black. my buddy's mom, as the doctor put it, was dead before she hit the floor. which is an odd way to put it to a grieving son, but comforting nonetheless. his best friend the same thing. my father in law's best friend, again, same thing.

hedonist · February 2018

gimme, I am so sorry - for you and the rest of his family. That is too damned young.

I think there are many who go through a long, agonizing (for them and loved ones) process of dying. ALS, terminal cancer, and on.

Man, I need to get a will and "instructions" in order.

Thirty Bills Unpaid · February 2018

I was thinking about this topic a bit. Let's say my wife and I grow old together. One of us is dying alone. It's just a fact of life. We are all in this together: we will all experience that moment when we pass- whether consciously or not. Don't fear it- just accept it and enjoy the moments before it.

Get all the enjoyment you can from this planet while you are able to. And when you pass... let people speak well of you for all the good things you have done and all the enjoyment you brought people.

brianlux · February 2018

gimmesometruth27 said:

i'm 42 and single. i typically have long relationships and go long periods free and single. i have never thought about dying alone. i always assumed i would go after i have settled down with a wife and kids at some point in my 80s. never really gave it much thought.

until last night.

i got a call from my mom at about 10:30 pm. she said that my uncle John was found dead in his bed yesterday evening. he was 58. he was married and had 5 kids, 4 of which were on their own out of state. my youngest cousin is in high school and still lives at home.

since he was only 15 years older than me he was more like a big brother. i was close to him when i was growing up. he had more of an influence on my life than my own father. you don't really think about how people impact you until it is too late and you are forced to do a retrospective. then it hits you. he is the one that got me in to hockey at age 4. he got me in to rock n roll a little later. he is the reason i played hockey for all those years through college and grad school. he is the family member responsible for me picking up a guitar. without him and his influence i don't know who I would be today.

i last saw him christmas eve, and last talked to him on the phone about something I don't even recall in mid january.

his wife and daughter were out of town in florida for a school function over this past weekend. they got suspicious when he did not answer his phone sunday night or all day monday. they left voicemails and then his mailbox was full and he did not return any calls. his wife got a call that he did not go to work monday or tuesday and work could not reach him, she called the police and asked them to do a welfare check and they found him alone in his bed last night.

i'm still numb. he was very gregarious and was the life of the party and was the one uncle that kind of kept the family together after my grandmother died. he passed away alone. he deserved better than that, but nobody knew he was going to die.

i don't want to die alone.

I'm very sorry to hear about your loss, gimme. It's so hard to loss someone close like that. Good thoughts and best wishes for you, buddy.

PJ_Soul · February 2018

I'm really really sorry to read about you and your family's loss Gimme.

It must be so much tougher when the person is that young and it's so unexpected. I hope you're doing okay.

Your story definitely confirms that no matter what choices we make or don't make, there is no way to make sure you don't die alone. It is probably good to come to terms with that - I don't think I find it terribly healthy to be basing major life decisions on this fear. One should have many reasons to get married, have kids, co-habitate, etc, but none of those reasons should be that you don't want to die alone.

lastexitlondon · February 2018

I've been thinking about this. I might find it easier to die alone as its the people in my life that make it hard to die. If you get what i mean?

HughFreakingDillon · February 2018

lastexitlondon said:

I've been thinking about this. I might find it easier to die alone as its the people in my life that make it hard to die. If you get what i mean?

yep. I can't tell you the many nights I lay awake wishing that there was some way to erase my existence from the minds of those that care. Because without that......I could go.

Miss.Snowdrop · February 2018

HughFreakingDillon said:

lastexitlondon said:

I've been thinking about this. I might find it easier to die alone as its the people in my life that make it hard to die. If you get what i mean?

yep. I can't tell you the many nights I lay awake wishing that there was some way to erase my existence from the minds of those that care. Because without that......I could go.

As someone who almost did not make it into the world in the first place... I am bloody thankful I got/get to live and be a part of it now! It makes me appreciate my existence more. Once I understood that there was a chance of a world without me in it, the idea of wanting to leave it early became a lot less appealing...

lastexitlondon · February 2018

Easy come . Easy go. Easy left me a long time ago.

brianlux · February 2018

lastexitlondon said:

Easy come . Easy go. Easy left me a long time ago.

Isn't that the truth! I find it so as well. Yet as much as I often wish for more easy, I also find I learn and grow more from hard than I do from easy.

lastexitlondon · February 2018

Im getting tired so tired. I don't wish to be melodramatic.

lastexitlondon · February 2018

HughFreakingDillon said:

lastexitlondon said:

I've been thinking about this. I might find it easier to die alone as its the people in my life that make it hard to die. If you get what i mean?

yep. I can't tell you the many nights I lay awake wishing that there was some way to erase my existence from the minds of those that care. Because without that......I could go.

This is me right now

brianlux · February 2018

lastexitlondon said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

lastexitlondon said:

I've been thinking about this. I might find it easier to die alone as its the people in my life that make it hard to die. If you get what i mean?

yep. I can't tell you the many nights I lay awake wishing that there was some way to erase my existence from the minds of those that care. Because without that......I could go.

This is me right now

I took the O.D. plunge, once on purpose, once sort by accident. It really seemed like there was no choice, no way out. I was done.

But by sheer, dumb, unearned, possibly undeserved luck, I lived. I saw the pain of my near suicide in the eyes of people close to me and I felt like I was given to a lifetime sentence of having to stay alive because I couldn't do that to them again. So then it became just being alive. Then it became wanting to live. Then it became living. Now I often think about how every day for me is like winning the lottery, even the bad days, even the worst days (and some of my days are brutal and hard) but on the fair days, life is good. On the good days, life is great.

I don't know what pain you guys have- no one else can feel it- but I hope you'll at least consider that dying might not really be such a good choice after all.

Annafalk · February 2018

lastexitlondon said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

lastexitlondon said:

I've been thinking about this. I might find it easier to die alone as its the people in my life that make it hard to die. If you get what i mean?

yep. I can't tell you the many nights I lay awake wishing that there was some way to erase my existence from the minds of those that care. Because without that......I could go.

This is me right now

There must be some way for you to find happiness in life again.

lastexitlondon · February 2018

Annafalk said:

lastexitlondon said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

lastexitlondon said:

I've been thinking about this. I might find it easier to die alone as its the people in my life that make it hard to die. If you get what i mean?

yep. I can't tell you the many nights I lay awake wishing that there was some way to erase my existence from the minds of those that care. Because without that......I could go.

This is me right now

There must be some way for you to find happiness in life again.

Im searching. I have symptoms that i can't cope with thats the sticking point. Im not living. Barely existing im sorry to be so negative the whole time i realise this and its not nice for everyone . You very kind anna

Thoughts_Arrive · April 2018

I read an article in the newspaper about some dating expert and she said that if a guy hasn't had a girlfriend by close to my age then it's a big red flag and she would avoid them. Makes me sad.

"Of course, not having committed before 40 or even 50 doesn't mean a man will never commit. But if he has never had a serious relationship by that age, alarm bells should be ringing."

https://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life-and-relationships/the-red-flags-of-dating-20180329-p4z6u9.html

hedonist · April 2018

Most articles of that type are bullshit.

*in my opinion, lest I come across as a "bully" - last time I include that disclaimer!

My dad married late and I became his daughter when he was 43. Most of the solid men in my life have been those who let life happen, numbers and timelines and stats be damned.

And really, why focus on death? Takes away from the life right in front of you.

brianlux · April 2018

I wonder if mountaineers Scott Fischer and Rob Hall minded dying alone? I'm a bit haunted and obsessed with their stories lately. I wonder how I would have felt in such a situation? I don't know.

HughFreakingDillon · April 2018

Thoughts_Arrive said:

I read an article in the newspaper about some dating expert and she said that if a guy hasn't had a girlfriend by close to my age then it's a big red flag and she would avoid them. Makes me sad.

"Of course, not having committed before 40 or even 50 doesn't mean a man will never commit. But if he has never had a serious relationship by that age, alarm bells should be ringing."

https://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life-and-relationships/the-red-flags-of-dating-20180329-p4z6u9.html

it's only a red flag, possibly, if the guy is a player, which is what this is referring to.

hedonist · April 2018

brianlux said:

I wonder if mountaineers Scott Fischer and Rob Hall minded dying alone? I'm a bit haunted and obsessed with their stories lately. I wonder how I would have felt in such a situation? I don't know.

I think you have to have that mindset to take on Everest or any comparable trek. Both the act itself, coupled with the knowledge you'll likely die trying? Damn.

There's no way my pansy-ass could take that on.

Dying alone

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