Bipolar PJ fans???

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  • hedonist
    hedonist Posts: 24,524
    Tree and Ms. Dreams, you kick some kind of awesome ass.

    PJS, you've been in my thoughts. The warmest of wishes and energy to you.
  • whispering hands
    whispering hands Under your skin Posts: 13,527
    hedonist said:

    Tree and Ms. Dreams, you kick some kind of awesome ass.

    PJS, you've been in my thoughts. The warmest of wishes and energy to you.

    :hug:
  • ledvedderman
    ledvedderman Posts: 7,762
    whispering hands said:

    what dreams said:

    ledvedderman said:

    Bump for this thread for any new members we may have. Bipolar II here.

    Here's a question for you guys. I've been struggling with this in my mind the last six months or so.

    Where is the line between symptoms of the disease end and making excuses for poor behavior begin? I made some poor choices in my marriage that lead to my divorce. Backstory, I was diagnosed bipolar years before my marriage but it scared me and I didn't seek the proper help. So now, looking back, I look at the poor choices I made and know that without mania or hyper sexuality, those mistakes would not have been made. I can look back on a time period, remember what I was feeling and think, "wow that's a slam dunk mania cycle" or "that's depression". When I do that though, I fear that I'm making excuses. It's a very tricky thought to have.
    Where does an illness end and making excuses begin?

    You're not making excuses. You now have a conscience about what you did while you were ill. That should tell you that you would not have behaved the same had you been treated at the time.

    Forgive yourself. A patient treated for brain cancer doesn't blame himself for all his past headaches or his not remembering things or his needing to sleep the day away. It was the cancer. You did not have the impulse control of a mentally well person. Unfortunately for people like us, a symptom of our disease involves risky, pleasure seeking behavior with no regards to the people we hurt in the moment. As you continue treatment, you will grow more confident that that person is not who you really are -- because you won't behave that way anymore. That's how you will know you're not making excuses.

    I'm not sure how far along you are in your treatment. I wish you much success. Stay on the meds, especially when you don't feel like you need them anymore. I have also found that living a pretty structured life with a regular sleep routine makes all the difference. I start to get off balance whenever there's a disruption in my sleep pattern. It makes for a somewhat boring life, but after years and years of ups and downs, I have learned to love boring.
    Excellent advice. Also there is a huge difference between what I had said about cheaters in another thread, and what you went through. So, I apologize if that came out wrong to you when I said that. Here is the difference. ( and I know this because I have had BPII since I was 4, only back then they called it Manic Depression). When one executes bad behavior it is a conscious choice. When we make a bad choice in a manic state, we are operating on the chemical level of a bomb blasted meth head. A
    So it is not a choice we can hold against ourselves. What Dreams is correct, you have to forgive yourself, or you won't be able to move on. Wishing you the best man!
    Absolutely no reason to apologize, my friend. I knew what you were getting at.
    E8toX.gif

    http://www.reverbnation.com/brianzilm
  • whispering hands
    whispering hands Under your skin Posts: 13,527
    Big hugs to you!
  • ledvedderman
    ledvedderman Posts: 7,762
    Anyone ever dealt with seeing and hearing things that aren't there and paranoia over what you think is there?Like at my house at night, all of a sudden I am paranoid over thoughts that there's a ghost or something paranormal just waiting for me as soon as I turn around or look up. I don't believe my house is haunted or anything. I'm also waiting for a big explosion and the house to blow up at any moment.
    So last night I decided to stay at my parent's house and I still have that fear of anywhere I look that something will be looking back at me. Last night I heard what sounded like radio interference but no radio or tv was on in the house. Then I heard what sounded like screaming.
    It's a very, very bizarre situation.
    E8toX.gif

    http://www.reverbnation.com/brianzilm
  • whispering hands
    whispering hands Under your skin Posts: 13,527
    Actually LVM, that is extremely normal for us. I also fight that. But I also have faith in God, so I pray those thoughts away. However, I can hear everything out of nothing too, which is irritating and often embarrassing. ( heightened senses is a major factor in the mania stages. And us being the BPII, we spend most our time in mania). Here is a tip my psych gave me a few years back that I absolutely LOVE because it works!
    When you get those feelings, and edge turns to fear, sing! Pick a song that you
    Know all the words to, ( at the time I picked Present Tense, because it was my favorite PJ song. Now I sing Jesus Loves Me.. ) while you are singing, continue doing whatever it is you were doing when the feeling overtook you. ( brushing your teeth is a hard one! When I lived alone, I was terrified to look in mirrors in those moments, for fear of what I'd see behind me!) concentrate on nailing the lyrics, and melody, as well as the task at hand. If you are lying still, or in bed when this occurs, get up, get a drink, go to the bathroom, but don't stay in bed! ( this causes you to associate sleeping to night terrors, and anxiety. Your bed should be a haven for sleep).
    Also, he told me when I begin to hear things that are not there, turn on a radio or TV. That way I give my brain something to actually focus on. If you are not at home, or where you can turn on a radio, count things. Don't laugh! It works! Your brain can only FOCUS on one sense at a time.. So distract the sense of hearing, by refocusing to the sense of sight. When you see things that aren't there, close your eyes for 10 secs, and inter fold your hands. Squeeze your fingers for every second you count. Open your eyes, and while watching your hands, stretch your fingers for the next ten second count. Try to focus only on your fingers when you have your eyes open.

    I know some of this sounds odd, but mental redirection really does work! Hope some of this helps some, it helped me.
  • whispering hands
    whispering hands Under your skin Posts: 13,527
    Just checking in on you LVM.. how are you doing?
  • ledvedderman
    ledvedderman Posts: 7,762
    I'm doing okay. Tons of cognitive issues that I'm getting checked out next month. Hopefully there's some sort of answer there. Thanks for checking in!
    E8toX.gif

    http://www.reverbnation.com/brianzilm
  • whispering hands
    whispering hands Under your skin Posts: 13,527
    ledvedderman said:

    I'm doing okay. Tons of cognitive issues that I'm getting checked out next month. Hopefully there's some sort of answer there. Thanks for checking in!

    Good to hear you are well.
  • PJSiren
    PJSiren Salem, OR Posts: 5,863
    I just started Lamictal for my moods...so far I seems to really be working, like I feel it already, I've been in good spirits but not like when I'm in a mania and I am sleeping a bit better. But am having a hard time waking in the morning, but by the time I get to work I'm alright.

    I hear what you are saying about the disease and excuses, I agree with what someone else said about the fact that acknowledging it now that you are being treated and seeing that it was a symptom of being ill and being able to move on and grow from that and work on it is true. I had spending issues and had quite a few partners back in the day. But I am recovered now with being on meds and I do much better financially and am faithful....But when untreated it can all be hard. I also agree to forgive yourself. *hugs*
    Music is my Religion and Pearl Jam, my Savior!
    Tattooed Dissident!
  • ledvedderman
    ledvedderman Posts: 7,762
    So if someone is on medical leave/disability from their job, can they essentially be let go by that employer because the return to work status is "unknown"?
    Asking for a friend...who is me.
    E8toX.gif

    http://www.reverbnation.com/brianzilm
  • whispering hands
    whispering hands Under your skin Posts: 13,527
    ledvedderman said:

    So if someone is on medical leave/disability from their job, can they essentially be let go by that employer because the return to work status is "unknown"?
    Asking for a friend...who is me.

    Depends on where you live. In California, they could'nt. But here in Colorado, they can.
  • hedonist
    hedonist Posts: 24,524
    whispering hands said:

    ledvedderman said:

    So if someone is on medical leave/disability from their job, can they essentially be let go by that employer because the return to work status is "unknown"?
    Asking for a friend...who is me.

    Depends on where you live. In California, they could'nt. But here in Colorado, they can.
    I thought the same about in my state of Californication.

    And, FMLA is federal, no?

    ledvedd, I really hope you don't get fucked by something outside of your control. If so, you have avenues to rectify. Either way, hang strong.
  • whispering hands
    whispering hands Under your skin Posts: 13,527
    hedonist said:

    whispering hands said:

    ledvedderman said:

    So if someone is on medical leave/disability from their job, can they essentially be let go by that employer because the return to work status is "unknown"?
    Asking for a friend...who is me.

    Depends on where you live. In California, they could'nt. But here in Colorado, they can.
    I thought the same about in my state of Californication.

    And, FMLA is federal, no?

    ledvedd, I really hope you don't get fucked by something outside of your control. If so, you have avenues to rectify. Either way, hang strong.
    Yes, FMLA is Federal. But in a right to work state, if at the end of the FMLA's pre-stated time, the company determines that it is better to keep the person that has fulfilled your position, than you, they can do that. And they don't even have to give you a reason.
  • PJSiren
    PJSiren Salem, OR Posts: 5,863
    In Oregon they only have to hold your position for 6 months...I went through this.
    Music is my Religion and Pearl Jam, my Savior!
    Tattooed Dissident!

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