Well, we decided to ween me off of everything now so my hubby and I can start trying to have a baby....So in the next couple weeks, I'll be med free....it should be interesting, I hope I can handle it ok...
Music is my Religion and Pearl Jam, my Savior! Tattooed Dissident!
best wishes to you pjsiren i hope everything turns out ok have you done research in what to take naturally like good supplements or something so the baby doesnt inherit bipolar..
I haven't done any research yet on supplements, I'm going to because there are a couple I am thinking about taking for my migraines....so I will be checking into them....and will of course get prenatal vitamins....
Music is my Religion and Pearl Jam, my Savior! Tattooed Dissident!
Well, we decided to ween me off of everything now so my hubby and I can start trying to have a baby....So in the next couple weeks, I'll be med free....it should be interesting, I hope I can handle it ok...
I think you should be fine for the short term. Fingers f Crossed and prayers said for you!!
Well, we decided to ween me off of everything now so my hubby and I can start trying to have a baby....So in the next couple weeks, I'll be med free....it should be interesting, I hope I can handle it ok...
PJSiren, I wish you the best in your quest for a baby. I hope all goes well for you.
PJSiren - wishing you the absolute best of luck with this.
Make sure you run any supplements by your doctor - no matter what anybody says, "natural" is not equivalent to "harmless", particularly when dealing with a pregnancy. (And unfortunately, there is nothing you can take to change your genetics, so nothing will alter the odds of inheritance of any particular genes).
my small self... like a book amongst the many on a shelf
So I started my lower doses of meds yesterday, that's the beginning of the weening process...it should only take 2-3 weeks to ween off of all of them completely....
Music is my Religion and Pearl Jam, my Savior! Tattooed Dissident!
So I started my lower doses of meds yesterday, that's the beginning of the weening process...it should only take 2-3 weeks to ween off of all of them completely....
Bump for this thread for any new members we may have. Bipolar II here.
Here's a question for you guys. I've been struggling with this in my mind the last six months or so.
Where is the line between symptoms of the disease end and making excuses for poor behavior begin? I made some poor choices in my marriage that lead to my divorce. Backstory, I was diagnosed bipolar years before my marriage but it scared me and I didn't seek the proper help. So now, looking back, I look at the poor choices I made and know that without mania or hyper sexuality, those mistakes would not have been made. I can look back on a time period, remember what I was feeling and think, "wow that's a slam dunk mania cycle" or "that's depression". When I do that though, I fear that I'm making excuses. It's a very tricky thought to have. Where does an illness end and making excuses begin?
hedonist
standing on the edge of forever Posts: 24,524
ledvedd, that's a valid and quite insightful question which may, in itself, offer insight for you? I'm in no way qualified to offer anything other than good thoughts you find your way through, and if you've been working with someone along your road, you seek them out again, if just to release and maybe get objective feedback.
I'm so not one to talk, but then again? Know that forgiving yourself (and learning from what you even need to forgive yourself for) brings some relief. Comes a time where beating yourself up is fruitless.
Thanks. I really appreciate it. Forgiving myself is, 6+ years later, still a hard thing to do. My therapist has said many times that she has never seen someone still feel so bad so long over what happened. I deal with crazy guilt. I think I'll ask her my question though like you suggested. Thanks
Bump for this thread for any new members we may have. Bipolar II here.
Here's a question for you guys. I've been struggling with this in my mind the last six months or so.
Where is the line between symptoms of the disease end and making excuses for poor behavior begin? I made some poor choices in my marriage that lead to my divorce. Backstory, I was diagnosed bipolar years before my marriage but it scared me and I didn't seek the proper help. So now, looking back, I look at the poor choices I made and know that without mania or hyper sexuality, those mistakes would not have been made. I can look back on a time period, remember what I was feeling and think, "wow that's a slam dunk mania cycle" or "that's depression". When I do that though, I fear that I'm making excuses. It's a very tricky thought to have. Where does an illness end and making excuses begin?
You're not making excuses. You now have a conscience about what you did while you were ill. That should tell you that you would not have behaved the same had you been treated at the time.
Forgive yourself. A patient treated for brain cancer doesn't blame himself for all his past headaches or his not remembering things or his needing to sleep the day away. It was the cancer. You did not have the impulse control of a mentally well person. Unfortunately for people like us, a symptom of our disease involves risky, pleasure seeking behavior with no regards to the people we hurt in the moment. As you continue treatment, you will grow more confident that that person is not who you really are -- because you won't behave that way anymore. That's how you will know you're not making excuses.
I'm not sure how far along you are in your treatment. I wish you much success. Stay on the meds, especially when you don't feel like you need them anymore. I have also found that living a pretty structured life with a regular sleep routine makes all the difference. I start to get off balance whenever there's a disruption in my sleep pattern. It makes for a somewhat boring life, but after years and years of ups and downs, I have learned to love boring.
Wow. Thanks for that. That was really well put. A great way of looking at it. I'm about 6 1/2 years into treatment. Been on too many medication combinations to count. I see a therapist weekly and a psychiatrist monthly. I've been in the hospital a couple of times and am on my third go around of disability from my job. I'm honestly at the point where I think my brain is slipping on account of all the meds over the years. Driving is impossible, my memory is foggy at best, I have paranoia at night of the craziest things...it is quite scary.
I take Depakote, and have had great success with it. I was fortunate in that my very first psychiatrist was also an excellent MD who understands pharmacology. I remember her first words about medication: "I don't believe in cocktails." Lamictal was another one she recommended, but the potentially deadly rash side effect steered me away from that one. In my first six months of treatment, she required that I keep a mood journal every day to track every feeling I had. It helped me identify patterns that I could then change, like the sleep thing I mentioned. Also, I had to pretty much quit drinking alcohol. I tried to deny that was an issue, but it quickly became clear that it was a mood destabilizer. I'll have some wine or beer now and then, but for the most part I don't drink the way I did. Pot makes me depressed, too, if I use it chronically (which I can do ), so I don't keep it in the house anymore either.
Have you ever tried yoga and meditation to supplement your therapy? I've especially increased my mindfulness practice lately, and in just two months, I'm noticing huge differences in the way I react to people and situations.
Bump for this thread for any new members we may have. Bipolar II here.
Here's a question for you guys. I've been struggling with this in my mind the last six months or so.
Where is the line between symptoms of the disease end and making excuses for poor behavior begin? I made some poor choices in my marriage that lead to my divorce. Backstory, I was diagnosed bipolar years before my marriage but it scared me and I didn't seek the proper help. So now, looking back, I look at the poor choices I made and know that without mania or hyper sexuality, those mistakes would not have been made. I can look back on a time period, remember what I was feeling and think, "wow that's a slam dunk mania cycle" or "that's depression". When I do that though, I fear that I'm making excuses. It's a very tricky thought to have. Where does an illness end and making excuses begin?
You're not making excuses. You now have a conscience about what you did while you were ill. That should tell you that you would not have behaved the same had you been treated at the time.
Forgive yourself. A patient treated for brain cancer doesn't blame himself for all his past headaches or his not remembering things or his needing to sleep the day away. It was the cancer. You did not have the impulse control of a mentally well person. Unfortunately for people like us, a symptom of our disease involves risky, pleasure seeking behavior with no regards to the people we hurt in the moment. As you continue treatment, you will grow more confident that that person is not who you really are -- because you won't behave that way anymore. That's how you will know you're not making excuses.
I'm not sure how far along you are in your treatment. I wish you much success. Stay on the meds, especially when you don't feel like you need them anymore. I have also found that living a pretty structured life with a regular sleep routine makes all the difference. I start to get off balance whenever there's a disruption in my sleep pattern. It makes for a somewhat boring life, but after years and years of ups and downs, I have learned to love boring.
Excellent advice. Also there is a huge difference between what I had said about cheaters in another thread, and what you went through. So, I apologize if that came out wrong to you when I said that. Here is the difference. ( and I know this because I have had BPII since I was 4, only back then they called it Manic Depression). When one executes bad behavior it is a conscious choice. When we make a bad choice in a manic state, we are operating on the chemical level of a bomb blasted meth head. A So it is not a choice we can hold against ourselves. What Dreams is correct, you have to forgive yourself, or you won't be able to move on. Wishing you the best man!
0
hedonist
standing on the edge of forever Posts: 24,524
Tree and Ms. Dreams, you kick some kind of awesome ass.
PJS, you've been in my thoughts. The warmest of wishes and energy to you.
Bump for this thread for any new members we may have. Bipolar II here.
Here's a question for you guys. I've been struggling with this in my mind the last six months or so.
Where is the line between symptoms of the disease end and making excuses for poor behavior begin? I made some poor choices in my marriage that lead to my divorce. Backstory, I was diagnosed bipolar years before my marriage but it scared me and I didn't seek the proper help. So now, looking back, I look at the poor choices I made and know that without mania or hyper sexuality, those mistakes would not have been made. I can look back on a time period, remember what I was feeling and think, "wow that's a slam dunk mania cycle" or "that's depression". When I do that though, I fear that I'm making excuses. It's a very tricky thought to have. Where does an illness end and making excuses begin?
You're not making excuses. You now have a conscience about what you did while you were ill. That should tell you that you would not have behaved the same had you been treated at the time.
Forgive yourself. A patient treated for brain cancer doesn't blame himself for all his past headaches or his not remembering things or his needing to sleep the day away. It was the cancer. You did not have the impulse control of a mentally well person. Unfortunately for people like us, a symptom of our disease involves risky, pleasure seeking behavior with no regards to the people we hurt in the moment. As you continue treatment, you will grow more confident that that person is not who you really are -- because you won't behave that way anymore. That's how you will know you're not making excuses.
I'm not sure how far along you are in your treatment. I wish you much success. Stay on the meds, especially when you don't feel like you need them anymore. I have also found that living a pretty structured life with a regular sleep routine makes all the difference. I start to get off balance whenever there's a disruption in my sleep pattern. It makes for a somewhat boring life, but after years and years of ups and downs, I have learned to love boring.
Excellent advice. Also there is a huge difference between what I had said about cheaters in another thread, and what you went through. So, I apologize if that came out wrong to you when I said that. Here is the difference. ( and I know this because I have had BPII since I was 4, only back then they called it Manic Depression). When one executes bad behavior it is a conscious choice. When we make a bad choice in a manic state, we are operating on the chemical level of a bomb blasted meth head. A So it is not a choice we can hold against ourselves. What Dreams is correct, you have to forgive yourself, or you won't be able to move on. Wishing you the best man!
Absolutely no reason to apologize, my friend. I knew what you were getting at.
Anyone ever dealt with seeing and hearing things that aren't there and paranoia over what you think is there?Like at my house at night, all of a sudden I am paranoid over thoughts that there's a ghost or something paranormal just waiting for me as soon as I turn around or look up. I don't believe my house is haunted or anything. I'm also waiting for a big explosion and the house to blow up at any moment. So last night I decided to stay at my parent's house and I still have that fear of anywhere I look that something will be looking back at me. Last night I heard what sounded like radio interference but no radio or tv was on in the house. Then I heard what sounded like screaming. It's a very, very bizarre situation.
Actually LVM, that is extremely normal for us. I also fight that. But I also have faith in God, so I pray those thoughts away. However, I can hear everything out of nothing too, which is irritating and often embarrassing. ( heightened senses is a major factor in the mania stages. And us being the BPII, we spend most our time in mania). Here is a tip my psych gave me a few years back that I absolutely LOVE because it works! When you get those feelings, and edge turns to fear, sing! Pick a song that you Know all the words to, ( at the time I picked Present Tense, because it was my favorite PJ song. Now I sing Jesus Loves Me.. ) while you are singing, continue doing whatever it is you were doing when the feeling overtook you. ( brushing your teeth is a hard one! When I lived alone, I was terrified to look in mirrors in those moments, for fear of what I'd see behind me!) concentrate on nailing the lyrics, and melody, as well as the task at hand. If you are lying still, or in bed when this occurs, get up, get a drink, go to the bathroom, but don't stay in bed! ( this causes you to associate sleeping to night terrors, and anxiety. Your bed should be a haven for sleep). Also, he told me when I begin to hear things that are not there, turn on a radio or TV. That way I give my brain something to actually focus on. If you are not at home, or where you can turn on a radio, count things. Don't laugh! It works! Your brain can only FOCUS on one sense at a time.. So distract the sense of hearing, by refocusing to the sense of sight. When you see things that aren't there, close your eyes for 10 secs, and inter fold your hands. Squeeze your fingers for every second you count. Open your eyes, and while watching your hands, stretch your fingers for the next ten second count. Try to focus only on your fingers when you have your eyes open.
I know some of this sounds odd, but mental redirection really does work! Hope some of this helps some, it helped me.
I just started Lamictal for my moods...so far I seems to really be working, like I feel it already, I've been in good spirits but not like when I'm in a mania and I am sleeping a bit better. But am having a hard time waking in the morning, but by the time I get to work I'm alright.
I hear what you are saying about the disease and excuses, I agree with what someone else said about the fact that acknowledging it now that you are being treated and seeing that it was a symptom of being ill and being able to move on and grow from that and work on it is true. I had spending issues and had quite a few partners back in the day. But I am recovered now with being on meds and I do much better financially and am faithful....But when untreated it can all be hard. I also agree to forgive yourself. *hugs*
Music is my Religion and Pearl Jam, my Savior! Tattooed Dissident!
Comments
Tattooed Dissident!
have you done research in what to take naturally like good supplements
or something so the baby doesnt inherit bipolar..
Tattooed Dissident!
best wishes to you..
Crossed and prayers said for you!!
Tattooed Dissident!
Make sure you run any supplements by your doctor - no matter what anybody says, "natural" is not equivalent to "harmless", particularly when dealing with a pregnancy. (And unfortunately, there is nothing you can take to change your genetics, so nothing will alter the odds of inheritance of any particular genes).
Thanks!
Tattooed Dissident!
Tattooed Dissident!
http://www.bing.com/videos/watch/video/lorne-and-tom-in-a-tub-rubber-duck/17wzdgi9d
I'm the little duck
Here's a question for you guys. I've been struggling with this in my mind the last six months or so.
Where is the line between symptoms of the disease end and making excuses for poor behavior begin? I made some poor choices in my marriage that lead to my divorce. Backstory, I was diagnosed bipolar years before my marriage but it scared me and I didn't seek the proper help. So now, looking back, I look at the poor choices I made and know that without mania or hyper sexuality, those mistakes would not have been made. I can look back on a time period, remember what I was feeling and think, "wow that's a slam dunk mania cycle" or "that's depression". When I do that though, I fear that I'm making excuses. It's a very tricky thought to have.
Where does an illness end and making excuses begin?
http://www.reverbnation.com/brianzilm
I'm so not one to talk, but then again? Know that forgiving yourself (and learning from what you even need to forgive yourself for) brings some relief. Comes a time where beating yourself up is fruitless.
Again, best wishes to you.
I think I'll ask her my question though like you suggested. Thanks
http://www.reverbnation.com/brianzilm
Forgive yourself. A patient treated for brain cancer doesn't blame himself for all his past headaches or his not remembering things or his needing to sleep the day away. It was the cancer. You did not have the impulse control of a mentally well person. Unfortunately for people like us, a symptom of our disease involves risky, pleasure seeking behavior with no regards to the people we hurt in the moment. As you continue treatment, you will grow more confident that that person is not who you really are -- because you won't behave that way anymore. That's how you will know you're not making excuses.
I'm not sure how far along you are in your treatment. I wish you much success. Stay on the meds, especially when you don't feel like you need them anymore. I have also found that living a pretty structured life with a regular sleep routine makes all the difference. I start to get off balance whenever there's a disruption in my sleep pattern. It makes for a somewhat boring life, but after years and years of ups and downs, I have learned to love boring.
I'm about 6 1/2 years into treatment. Been on too many medication combinations to count. I see a therapist weekly and a psychiatrist monthly. I've been in the hospital a couple of times and am on my third go around of disability from my job.
I'm honestly at the point where I think my brain is slipping on account of all the meds over the years. Driving is impossible, my memory is foggy at best, I have paranoia at night of the craziest things...it is quite scary.
http://www.reverbnation.com/brianzilm
I take Depakote, and have had great success with it. I was fortunate in that my very first psychiatrist was also an excellent MD who understands pharmacology. I remember her first words about medication: "I don't believe in cocktails." Lamictal was another one she recommended, but the potentially deadly rash side effect steered me away from that one. In my first six months of treatment, she required that I keep a mood journal every day to track every feeling I had. It helped me identify patterns that I could then change, like the sleep thing I mentioned. Also, I had to pretty much quit drinking alcohol. I tried to deny that was an issue, but it quickly became clear that it was a mood destabilizer. I'll have some wine or beer now and then, but for the most part I don't drink the way I did. Pot makes me depressed, too, if I use it chronically (which I can do
Have you ever tried yoga and meditation to supplement your therapy? I've especially increased my mindfulness practice lately, and in just two months, I'm noticing huge differences in the way I react to people and situations.
I guess my point is -- Don't give up. Ever.
So it is not a choice we can hold against ourselves. What Dreams is correct, you have to forgive yourself, or you won't be able to move on. Wishing you the best man!
PJS, you've been in my thoughts. The warmest of wishes and energy to you.
http://www.reverbnation.com/brianzilm
So last night I decided to stay at my parent's house and I still have that fear of anywhere I look that something will be looking back at me. Last night I heard what sounded like radio interference but no radio or tv was on in the house. Then I heard what sounded like screaming.
It's a very, very bizarre situation.
http://www.reverbnation.com/brianzilm
When you get those feelings, and edge turns to fear, sing! Pick a song that you
Know all the words to, ( at the time I picked Present Tense, because it was my favorite PJ song. Now I sing Jesus Loves Me.. ) while you are singing, continue doing whatever it is you were doing when the feeling overtook you. ( brushing your teeth is a hard one! When I lived alone, I was terrified to look in mirrors in those moments, for fear of what I'd see behind me!) concentrate on nailing the lyrics, and melody, as well as the task at hand. If you are lying still, or in bed when this occurs, get up, get a drink, go to the bathroom, but don't stay in bed! ( this causes you to associate sleeping to night terrors, and anxiety. Your bed should be a haven for sleep).
Also, he told me when I begin to hear things that are not there, turn on a radio or TV. That way I give my brain something to actually focus on. If you are not at home, or where you can turn on a radio, count things. Don't laugh! It works! Your brain can only FOCUS on one sense at a time.. So distract the sense of hearing, by refocusing to the sense of sight. When you see things that aren't there, close your eyes for 10 secs, and inter fold your hands. Squeeze your fingers for every second you count. Open your eyes, and while watching your hands, stretch your fingers for the next ten second count. Try to focus only on your fingers when you have your eyes open.
I know some of this sounds odd, but mental redirection really does work! Hope some of this helps some, it helped me.
http://www.reverbnation.com/brianzilm
I hear what you are saying about the disease and excuses, I agree with what someone else said about the fact that acknowledging it now that you are being treated and seeing that it was a symptom of being ill and being able to move on and grow from that and work on it is true. I had spending issues and had quite a few partners back in the day. But I am recovered now with being on meds and I do much better financially and am faithful....But when untreated it can all be hard. I also agree to forgive yourself. *hugs*
Tattooed Dissident!