Father requests sheriff to supervise spanking of daughter-and he does

HughFreakingDillon · January 2015

rgambs wrote: »

Hypervigilance is great, and is the appropriate go to move at all times with children, but it isn't 100%. You aren't always around and you can't always be watching. Shouldn't we use all the tools in the box to keep our kids healthy and alive? Wouldn't everyone wish they had tried a swat on the bottom if they hadn't and their kid was involved in a tragedy?

again, I can't think of one time I would have stopped to think "my dad may hit me" if I do (insert risky behaviour here). our brains just don't work like that when deciding on risky behaviour. maybe we do if we decide to steal a cookie, but not when we have the adrenaline rush of playing human Frogger. the only thing that will work is repetitive teaching and making sure they understand what the possible consequences may be.

Thirty Bills Unpaid · January 2015

I don't think it's so much of a 'Gee, I better not because my father will hit me' as much as it is an accentuation of the significance of the undesirable behavior- 'This behavior is particularly poor' compared to other behaviors that simply warrant a timeout or a talk.

I can also remember vividly how often words were lost on me and never had any influence on curbing behaviors that needed to be addressed. I'd nod my head and say the right things, but it was business as usual until Dad threatened corporal punishment or exerted it- I'd respond then. So, Hugh, I guess what I'm trying to say is that while spanking never did anything positive for you... it does for some others.

As parents set about performing the most challenging thing they'll be faced with in their lifetime (raising children), for some situations, giving a kid a swat on the butt might be reasonable despite being undesirable or distasteful at the same time.

There is no 'one way' to raise a child.

HughFreakingDillon · January 2015

Thirty Bills Unpaid wrote: »

I don't think it's so much of a 'Gee, I better not because my father will hit me' as much as it is an accentuation of the significance of the undesirable behavior- 'This behavior is particularly poor' compared to other behaviors that simply warrant a timeout or a talk.

I can also remember vividly how often words were lost on me and never had any influence on curbing behaviors that needed to be addressed. I'd nod my head and say the right things, but it was business as usual until Dad threatened corporal punishment or exerted it- I'd respond then. So, Hugh, I guess what I'm trying to say is that while spanking never did anything positive for you... it does for some others.

As parents set about performing the most challenging thing they'll be faced with in their lifetime (raising children), for some situations, giving a kid a swat on the butt might be reasonable despite being undesirable or distasteful at the same time.

There is no 'one way' to raise a child.

Sure there is: no abuse. To me it is as black and white as that.

Thirty Bills Unpaid · January 2015

paulonious wrote: »

show previous quotes

Thirty Bills Unpaid wrote: »

I don't think it's so much of a 'Gee, I better not because my father will hit me' as much as it is an accentuation of the significance of the undesirable behavior- 'This behavior is particularly poor' compared to other behaviors that simply warrant a timeout or a talk.

I can also remember vividly how often words were lost on me and never had any influence on curbing behaviors that needed to be addressed. I'd nod my head and say the right things, but it was business as usual until Dad threatened corporal punishment or exerted it- I'd respond then. So, Hugh, I guess what I'm trying to say is that while spanking never did anything positive for you... it does for some others.

As parents set about performing the most challenging thing they'll be faced with in their lifetime (raising children), for some situations, giving a kid a swat on the butt might be reasonable despite being undesirable or distasteful at the same time.

There is no 'one way' to raise a child.

Sure there is: no abuse. To me it is as black and white as that.

Abuse most certainly doesn't fit within the perameters of appropriate child rearing practices. To this we can agree.

What we might not agree on is what constitutes abuse. I just don't see a swat on the butt ushering a kid to their room on a rare instance as abuse.

PJfanwillneverleave1 · January 2015

[/quote]

Abuse most certainly doesn't fit within the perameters of appropriate child rearing practices. To this we can agree.

What we might not agree on is what constitutes abuse. I just don't see a swat on the butt ushering a kid to their room on a rare instance as abuse.[/quote]

fuck yea thirty bills, no abuse for us ever!
?m=02&d=20150103&t=2&i=1011484200&w=976&fh=&fw=&ll=&pl=&r=2015-01-03T060509Z_1_GM1EA8R02E801_RTRMADP_0_MIDEAST-GAZA

?m=02&d=20150103&t=2&i=1011484200&w=976&fh=&fw=&ll=&pl=&r=2015-01-03T060509Z_1_GM1EA8R02E801_RTRMADP_0_MIDEAST-GAZA

hedonist · January 2015

Thirty Bills Unpaid wrote: »

show previous quotes

paulonious wrote: »

Thirty Bills Unpaid wrote: »

I don't think it's so much of a 'Gee, I better not because my father will hit me' as much as it is an accentuation of the significance of the undesirable behavior- 'This behavior is particularly poor' compared to other behaviors that simply warrant a timeout or a talk.

I can also remember vividly how often words were lost on me and never had any influence on curbing behaviors that needed to be addressed. I'd nod my head and say the right things, but it was business as usual until Dad threatened corporal punishment or exerted it- I'd respond then. So, Hugh, I guess what I'm trying to say is that while spanking never did anything positive for you... it does for some others.

As parents set about performing the most challenging thing they'll be faced with in their lifetime (raising children), for some situations, giving a kid a swat on the butt might be reasonable despite being undesirable or distasteful at the same time.

There is no 'one way' to raise a child.

Sure there is: no abuse. To me it is as black and white as that.

Abuse most certainly doesn't fit within the perameters of appropriate child rearing practices. To this we can agree.

What we might not agree on is what constitutes abuse. I just don't see a swat on the butt ushering a kid to their room on a rare instance as abuse.

This makes sense to me - the (personal?) definitions of abuse.

Not so sure it's black and white, Hugh...at least from here.

Also noting the need to let anger subside beforehand, as gambs mentioned.

(for some reason, I find it difficult to properly articulate my thoughts on this subject)

Thirty Bills Unpaid · January 2015

PJfanwillneverleave1 wrote: »

Abuse most certainly doesn't fit within the perameters of appropriate child rearing practices. To this we can agree.

What we might not agree on is what constitutes abuse. I just don't see a swat on the butt ushering a kid to their room on a rare instance as abuse.[/quote]

fuck yea thirty bills, no abuse for us ever!
?m=02&d=20150103&t=2&i=1011484200&w=976&fh=&fw=&ll=&pl=&r=2015-01-03T060509Z_1_GM1EA8R02E801_RTRMADP_0_MIDEAST-GAZA

[/quote]

Hahaha!

This picture has worked twice now!

PJfanwillneverleave1 · January 2015

hedonist wrote: »

show previous quotes

Thirty Bills Unpaid wrote: »

paulonious wrote: »

Thirty Bills Unpaid wrote: »

I don't think it's so much of a 'Gee, I better not because my father will hit me' as much as it is an accentuation of the significance of the undesirable behavior- 'This behavior is particularly poor' compared to other behaviors that simply warrant a timeout or a talk.

I can also remember vividly how often words were lost on me and never had any influence on curbing behaviors that needed to be addressed. I'd nod my head and say the right things, but it was business as usual until Dad threatened corporal punishment or exerted it- I'd respond then. So, Hugh, I guess what I'm trying to say is that while spanking never did anything positive for you... it does for some others.

As parents set about performing the most challenging thing they'll be faced with in their lifetime (raising children), for some situations, giving a kid a swat on the butt might be reasonable despite being undesirable or distasteful at the same time.

There is no 'one way' to raise a child.

Sure there is: no abuse. To me it is as black and white as that.

Abuse most certainly doesn't fit within the perameters of appropriate child rearing practices. To this we can agree.

What we might not agree on is what constitutes abuse. I just don't see a swat on the butt ushering a kid to their room on a rare instance as abuse.

This makes sense to me - the (personal?) definitions of abuse.

Not so sure it's black and white, Hugh...at least from here.

Also noting the need to let anger subside beforehand, as gambs mentioned.

(for some reason, I find it difficult to properly articulate my thoughts on this subject)

Sometimes posting in AMT and listening to AMT responses look like this

Thirty Bills Unpaid · January 2015

hedonist wrote: »

show previous quotes

Thirty Bills Unpaid wrote: »

paulonious wrote: »

Thirty Bills Unpaid wrote: »

I don't think it's so much of a 'Gee, I better not because my father will hit me' as much as it is an accentuation of the significance of the undesirable behavior- 'This behavior is particularly poor' compared to other behaviors that simply warrant a timeout or a talk.

I can also remember vividly how often words were lost on me and never had any influence on curbing behaviors that needed to be addressed. I'd nod my head and say the right things, but it was business as usual until Dad threatened corporal punishment or exerted it- I'd respond then. So, Hugh, I guess what I'm trying to say is that while spanking never did anything positive for you... it does for some others.

As parents set about performing the most challenging thing they'll be faced with in their lifetime (raising children), for some situations, giving a kid a swat on the butt might be reasonable despite being undesirable or distasteful at the same time.

There is no 'one way' to raise a child.

Sure there is: no abuse. To me it is as black and white as that.

Abuse most certainly doesn't fit within the perameters of appropriate child rearing practices. To this we can agree.

What we might not agree on is what constitutes abuse. I just don't see a swat on the butt ushering a kid to their room on a rare instance as abuse.

This makes sense to me - the (personal?) definitions of abuse.

Not so sure it's black and white, Hugh...at least from here.

Also noting the need to let anger subside beforehand, as gambs mentioned.

(for some reason, I find it difficult to properly articulate my thoughts on this subject)

I think what most needs to be measured is the love one is offering a child. To my way of thinking, this is the critical piece.

We can debate forever what is appropriate and what isn't, but I think we should save judgments in this department (the discipline one that is).

I bite my tongue when I watch my really young nephew disrespect his parents. I see multiple efforts try to dissuade this cool young guy's bad behavior... and all seem weak. Given the behavior hasn't as of yet changed and the child almost immediately resumes his poor disposition after a 'timeout' or 'chat'... it might be fair to say my brother and sister in law need a firmer hand. However, I'm not the parent and given the love I see, it's simply not my place to cast judgement or to try and tell them how to deal with it.

I can accept a softer approach just as much as I can accept a firmer hand when love is evident.

oftenreading · January 2015

Thirty Bills Unpaid wrote: »

show previous quotes

hedonist wrote: »

Thirty Bills Unpaid wrote: »

paulonious wrote: »

Thirty Bills Unpaid wrote: »

I don't think it's so much of a 'Gee, I better not because my father will hit me' as much as it is an accentuation of the significance of the undesirable behavior- 'This behavior is particularly poor' compared to other behaviors that simply warrant a timeout or a talk.

I can also remember vividly how often words were lost on me and never had any influence on curbing behaviors that needed to be addressed. I'd nod my head and say the right things, but it was business as usual until Dad threatened corporal punishment or exerted it- I'd respond then. So, Hugh, I guess what I'm trying to say is that while spanking never did anything positive for you... it does for some others.

As parents set about performing the most challenging thing they'll be faced with in their lifetime (raising children), for some situations, giving a kid a swat on the butt might be reasonable despite being undesirable or distasteful at the same time.

There is no 'one way' to raise a child.

Sure there is: no abuse. To me it is as black and white as that.

Abuse most certainly doesn't fit within the perameters of appropriate child rearing practices. To this we can agree.

What we might not agree on is what constitutes abuse. I just don't see a swat on the butt ushering a kid to their room on a rare instance as abuse.

This makes sense to me - the (personal?) definitions of abuse.

Not so sure it's black and white, Hugh...at least from here.

Also noting the need to let anger subside beforehand, as gambs mentioned.

(for some reason, I find it difficult to properly articulate my thoughts on this subject)

I think what most needs to be measured is the love one is offering a child. To my way of thinking, this is the critical piece.

We can debate forever what is appropriate and what isn't, but I think we should save judgments in this department (the discipline one that is).

I bite my tongue when I watch my really young nephew disrespect his parents. I see multiple efforts try to dissuade this cool young guy's bad behavior... and all seem weak. Given the behavior hasn't as of yet changed and the child almost immediately resumes his poor disposition after a 'timeout' or 'chat'... it might be fair to say my brother and sister in law need a firmer hand. However, I'm not the parent and given the love I see, it's simply not my place to cast judgement or to try and tell them how to deal with it.

I can accept a softer approach just as much as I can accept a firmer hand when love is evident.

I couldn't agree with you more that the basis of parenting is a strong loving relationship with your child. Setting aside many of the issues already raised here, and not making any comment on your brother and sister-in-law's parenting, can we agree that it is possible to be absolutely firm in terms of what one will and will not accept from a child (particularly a young one who doesn't have the independent capacity to walk out the door), and the fortitude to follow through with limit setting if appropriate behaviour isn't present, without it having to involve violence? I have personally found it to be so, but you need to be able to be the one who doesn't blink, metaphorically speaking.

HughFreakingDillon · January 2015

Thirty Bills Unpaid wrote: »

show previous quotes

paulonious wrote: »

Thirty Bills Unpaid wrote: »

I don't think it's so much of a 'Gee, I better not because my father will hit me' as much as it is an accentuation of the significance of the undesirable behavior- 'This behavior is particularly poor' compared to other behaviors that simply warrant a timeout or a talk.

I can also remember vividly how often words were lost on me and never had any influence on curbing behaviors that needed to be addressed. I'd nod my head and say the right things, but it was business as usual until Dad threatened corporal punishment or exerted it- I'd respond then. So, Hugh, I guess what I'm trying to say is that while spanking never did anything positive for you... it does for some others.

As parents set about performing the most challenging thing they'll be faced with in their lifetime (raising children), for some situations, giving a kid a swat on the butt might be reasonable despite being undesirable or distasteful at the same time.

There is no 'one way' to raise a child.

Sure there is: no abuse. To me it is as black and white as that.

Abuse most certainly doesn't fit within the perameters of appropriate child rearing practices. To this we can agree.

What we might not agree on is what constitutes abuse. I just don't see a swat on the butt ushering a kid to their room on a rare instance as abuse.

Your definition of physical punishment has softened with each explanation. We go from an occasional spanking to something of a rare love tap while encouraging them to their room.

We were talking about spanking. Not what you described above. That being said, I still dont do either. I think its important for kids to learn from a very young age what type of physical contact is acceptable for them to give and recieve to/from others. If you would be upset at your kid doing it to someone else, or some kid doing it to your kid, or a teacher or other person of authority, then you shouldn't.

Thirty Bills Unpaid · January 2015

oftenreading wrote: »

show previous quotes

Thirty Bills Unpaid wrote: »

hedonist wrote: »

Thirty Bills Unpaid wrote: »

paulonious wrote: »

Thirty Bills Unpaid wrote: »

I don't think it's so much of a 'Gee, I better not because my father will hit me' as much as it is an accentuation of the significance of the undesirable behavior- 'This behavior is particularly poor' compared to other behaviors that simply warrant a timeout or a talk.

I can also remember vividly how often words were lost on me and never had any influence on curbing behaviors that needed to be addressed. I'd nod my head and say the right things, but it was business as usual until Dad threatened corporal punishment or exerted it- I'd respond then. So, Hugh, I guess what I'm trying to say is that while spanking never did anything positive for you... it does for some others.

As parents set about performing the most challenging thing they'll be faced with in their lifetime (raising children), for some situations, giving a kid a swat on the butt might be reasonable despite being undesirable or distasteful at the same time.

There is no 'one way' to raise a child.

Sure there is: no abuse. To me it is as black and white as that.

Abuse most certainly doesn't fit within the perameters of appropriate child rearing practices. To this we can agree.

What we might not agree on is what constitutes abuse. I just don't see a swat on the butt ushering a kid to their room on a rare instance as abuse.

This makes sense to me - the (personal?) definitions of abuse.

Not so sure it's black and white, Hugh...at least from here.

Also noting the need to let anger subside beforehand, as gambs mentioned.

(for some reason, I find it difficult to properly articulate my thoughts on this subject)

I think what most needs to be measured is the love one is offering a child. To my way of thinking, this is the critical piece.

We can debate forever what is appropriate and what isn't, but I think we should save judgments in this department (the discipline one that is).

I bite my tongue when I watch my really young nephew disrespect his parents. I see multiple efforts try to dissuade this cool young guy's bad behavior... and all seem weak. Given the behavior hasn't as of yet changed and the child almost immediately resumes his poor disposition after a 'timeout' or 'chat'... it might be fair to say my brother and sister in law need a firmer hand. However, I'm not the parent and given the love I see, it's simply not my place to cast judgement or to try and tell them how to deal with it.

I can accept a softer approach just as much as I can accept a firmer hand when love is evident.

I couldn't agree with you more that the basis of parenting is a strong loving relationship with your child. Setting aside many of the issues already raised here, and not making any comment on your brother and sister-in-law's parenting, can we agree that it is possible to be absolutely firm in terms of what one will and will not accept from a child (particularly a young one who doesn't have the independent capacity to walk out the door), and the fortitude to follow through with limit setting if appropriate behaviour isn't present, without it having to involve violence? I have personally found it to be so, but you need to be able to be the one who doesn't blink, metaphorically speaking.

To some degree, yes. But here's the thing... not all people have the capacity to skillfully navigate a course of discipline without having the firm hand in their back pocket.

It's idealistic, but if we are honest with ourselves... unrealistic.

So do the skilled parents (such as yourself) who have managed to be able to spend much more time with their children and have the skill set to nurture in the most gentle fashion sneer at those that offer the same amount of love, yet parent differently than them and to the best of their abilities?

HughFreakingDillon · January 2015

Thirty Bills Unpaid wrote: »

show previous quotes

hedonist wrote: »

Thirty Bills Unpaid wrote: »

paulonious wrote: »

Thirty Bills Unpaid wrote: »

I don't think it's so much of a 'Gee, I better not because my father will hit me' as much as it is an accentuation of the significance of the undesirable behavior- 'This behavior is particularly poor' compared to other behaviors that simply warrant a timeout or a talk.

I can also remember vividly how often words were lost on me and never had any influence on curbing behaviors that needed to be addressed. I'd nod my head and say the right things, but it was business as usual until Dad threatened corporal punishment or exerted it- I'd respond then. So, Hugh, I guess what I'm trying to say is that while spanking never did anything positive for you... it does for some others.

As parents set about performing the most challenging thing they'll be faced with in their lifetime (raising children), for some situations, giving a kid a swat on the butt might be reasonable despite being undesirable or distasteful at the same time.

There is no 'one way' to raise a child.

Sure there is: no abuse. To me it is as black and white as that.

Abuse most certainly doesn't fit within the perameters of appropriate child rearing practices. To this we can agree.

What we might not agree on is what constitutes abuse. I just don't see a swat on the butt ushering a kid to their room on a rare instance as abuse.

This makes sense to me - the (personal?) definitions of abuse.

Not so sure it's black and white, Hugh...at least from here.

Also noting the need to let anger subside beforehand, as gambs mentioned.

(for some reason, I find it difficult to properly articulate my thoughts on this subject)

I think what most needs to be measured is the love one is offering a child. To my way of thinking, this is the critical piece.

We can debate forever what is appropriate and what isn't, but I think we should save judgments in this department (the discipline one that is).

I bite my tongue when I watch my really young nephew disrespect his parents. I see multiple efforts try to dissuade this cool young guy's bad behavior... and all seem weak. Given the behavior hasn't as of yet changed and the child almost immediately resumes his poor disposition after a 'timeout' or 'chat'... it might be fair to say my brother and sister in law need a firmer hand. However, I'm not the parent and given the love I see, it's simply not my place to cast judgement or to try and tell them how to deal with it.

I can accept a softer approach just as much as I can accept a firmer hand when love is evident.

Seriously, that last statement could easily be a battered wfie in denial talking. And that is not being overdramatic; that is exactly the shit they say to themselves to justify getting hit. "He loves me, so it must have been my fault". the last thing i want to teach my daughters is that being hit is ok as long as i still show them affection. What kind of message does that send?

Thirty Bills Unpaid · January 2015

paulonious wrote: »

show previous quotes

Thirty Bills Unpaid wrote: »

paulonious wrote: »

Thirty Bills Unpaid wrote: »

I don't think it's so much of a 'Gee, I better not because my father will hit me' as much as it is an accentuation of the significance of the undesirable behavior- 'This behavior is particularly poor' compared to other behaviors that simply warrant a timeout or a talk.

I can also remember vividly how often words were lost on me and never had any influence on curbing behaviors that needed to be addressed. I'd nod my head and say the right things, but it was business as usual until Dad threatened corporal punishment or exerted it- I'd respond then. So, Hugh, I guess what I'm trying to say is that while spanking never did anything positive for you... it does for some others.

As parents set about performing the most challenging thing they'll be faced with in their lifetime (raising children), for some situations, giving a kid a swat on the butt might be reasonable despite being undesirable or distasteful at the same time.

There is no 'one way' to raise a child.

Sure there is: no abuse. To me it is as black and white as that.

Abuse most certainly doesn't fit within the perameters of appropriate child rearing practices. To this we can agree.

What we might not agree on is what constitutes abuse. I just don't see a swat on the butt ushering a kid to their room on a rare instance as abuse.

Your definition of physical punishment has softened with each explanation. We go from an occasional spanking to something of a rare love tap while encouraging them to their room.

We were talking about spanking. Not what you described above. That being said, I still dont do either. I think its important for kids to learn from a very young age what type of physical contact is acceptable for them to give and recieve to/from others. If you would be upset at your kid doing it to someone else, or some kid doing it to your kid, or a teacher or other person of authority, then you shouldn't.

I hope we are not going to do this again.

I have said my parents used to spank me a lot. I have consistently said I'm not an advocate, but I understand it.

Thirty Bills Unpaid · January 2015

paulonious wrote: »

show previous quotes

Thirty Bills Unpaid wrote: »

hedonist wrote: »

Thirty Bills Unpaid wrote: »

paulonious wrote: »

Thirty Bills Unpaid wrote: »

I don't think it's so much of a 'Gee, I better not because my father will hit me' as much as it is an accentuation of the significance of the undesirable behavior- 'This behavior is particularly poor' compared to other behaviors that simply warrant a timeout or a talk.

I can also remember vividly how often words were lost on me and never had any influence on curbing behaviors that needed to be addressed. I'd nod my head and say the right things, but it was business as usual until Dad threatened corporal punishment or exerted it- I'd respond then. So, Hugh, I guess what I'm trying to say is that while spanking never did anything positive for you... it does for some others.

As parents set about performing the most challenging thing they'll be faced with in their lifetime (raising children), for some situations, giving a kid a swat on the butt might be reasonable despite being undesirable or distasteful at the same time.

There is no 'one way' to raise a child.

Sure there is: no abuse. To me it is as black and white as that.

Abuse most certainly doesn't fit within the perameters of appropriate child rearing practices. To this we can agree.

What we might not agree on is what constitutes abuse. I just don't see a swat on the butt ushering a kid to their room on a rare instance as abuse.

This makes sense to me - the (personal?) definitions of abuse.

Not so sure it's black and white, Hugh...at least from here.

Also noting the need to let anger subside beforehand, as gambs mentioned.

(for some reason, I find it difficult to properly articulate my thoughts on this subject)

I think what most needs to be measured is the love one is offering a child. To my way of thinking, this is the critical piece.

We can debate forever what is appropriate and what isn't, but I think we should save judgments in this department (the discipline one that is).

I bite my tongue when I watch my really young nephew disrespect his parents. I see multiple efforts try to dissuade this cool young guy's bad behavior... and all seem weak. Given the behavior hasn't as of yet changed and the child almost immediately resumes his poor disposition after a 'timeout' or 'chat'... it might be fair to say my brother and sister in law need a firmer hand. However, I'm not the parent and given the love I see, it's simply not my place to cast judgement or to try and tell them how to deal with it.

I can accept a softer approach just as much as I can accept a firmer hand when love is evident.

Seriously, that last statement could easily be a battered wfie in denial talking. And that is not being overdramatic; that is exactly the shit they say to themselves to justify getting hit. "He loves me, so it must have been my fault". the last thing i want to teach my daughters is that being hit is ok as long as i still show them affection. What kind of message does that send?

Hardly.

One is an adult striking another adult. The other is an adult correcting a child.

You know... you really need to consider your approach on this forum. In our previous little spat... you sneered at my comment where I alluded to the authoritative approach you flaunted based on your life experiences. In this thread that you created... As soon as someone offered a different perpsective than yours... You say, "as a 40 year old father, I'm pretty sure I'm a little more qualified knowing what lessons I learned than someone on the internet. But thanks."

You flaunted your opinion based on your personal beliefs and experiences... again.

Maybe you do have things figured out in such a way that you can speak so incredulously towards others. If so, please excuse my simple way.

HughFreakingDillon · January 2015

Thirty Bills Unpaid wrote: »

show previous quotes

paulonious wrote: »

Thirty Bills Unpaid wrote: »

Sometimes we tend to think of ourselves as heightened aliens- the type that have heads twice the size of our bodies and speak in digital tones.

As complex as human beings are, we are also very simple- especially as kids. If a kid associates playing on the highway with a swat on the ass... and they no longer play on the highway... good job parent! It's unrealistic to think 'every' child has the capacity to understand things they need to understand for their safety and the safety of others around them after a sit down discussion.

First attempts at curbing behavior should obviously be words, but in the event words fail... one may have to employ other methods.

let's say little seven bills unpaid gets a swat on the ass, and then you see him running in traffic again. what next?

The swat on the ass isn't the go-to move here. Remember, I'm not for 'spanking'. I'm only making the case for a swat on the ass given the appropriate set of circumstances. It's only a 'tool' that parents might use at critical moments failing everything else.

It was a serious wrestling match to keep my daughter from running off sidewalks into bust traffic. We had numerous chats with her and my wife and we consistently reminded each other to be ultra-watchful. So, I practised 'heightened supervision' until she recognized the inherent danger of playing in the street.

I guess my experience speaks to 'no spanking'; however, parenting is a really tough thing to do and my personal experience may not necessarily work for every situation. It's simply not my place to tell another parent how to raise their child when serious abuse is not the issue.

With that said, I feel the odd swat on the ass is not necessarily going to damage a kid. If the tactic results in the correct behaviour after numerous other tactics have failed... then fair enough. It's really individual and case specific. There are a number of items that are far more damaging to a young child than a swat on the butt, yet seem to be accepted more readily without as much scorn: parents constantly arguing with each other or parents in a messy divorce have a far more profound effect on a developing child than a swat served to remind them that what they are doing cannot be tolerated.

Thirty Bills Unpaid wrote: »

show previous quotes

paulonious wrote: »

Thirty Bills Unpaid wrote: »

paulonious wrote: »

Thirty Bills Unpaid wrote: »

I don't think it's so much of a 'Gee, I better not because my father will hit me' as much as it is an accentuation of the significance of the undesirable behavior- 'This behavior is particularly poor' compared to other behaviors that simply warrant a timeout or a talk.

I can also remember vividly how often words were lost on me and never had any influence on curbing behaviors that needed to be addressed. I'd nod my head and say the right things, but it was business as usual until Dad threatened corporal punishment or exerted it- I'd respond then. So, Hugh, I guess what I'm trying to say is that while spanking never did anything positive for you... it does for some others.

As parents set about performing the most challenging thing they'll be faced with in their lifetime (raising children), for some situations, giving a kid a swat on the butt might be reasonable despite being undesirable or distasteful at the same time.

There is no 'one way' to raise a child.

Sure there is: no abuse. To me it is as black and white as that.

Abuse most certainly doesn't fit within the perameters of appropriate child rearing practices. To this we can agree.

What we might not agree on is what constitutes abuse. I just don't see a swat on the butt ushering a kid to their room on a rare instance as abuse.

Your definition of physical punishment has softened with each explanation. We go from an occasional spanking to something of a rare love tap while encouraging them to their room.

We were talking about spanking. Not what you described above. That being said, I still dont do either. I think its important for kids to learn from a very young age what type of physical contact is acceptable for them to give and recieve to/from others. If you would be upset at your kid doing it to someone else, or some kid doing it to your kid, or a teacher or other person of authority, then you shouldn't.

I hope we are not going to do this again.

I have said my parents used to spank me a lot. I have consistently said I'm not an advocate, but I understand it.

Not sure what you are getting at here....I know your position. thats not the point I was making.

You never answered my question from a while back; you deflected it based on a technicality. I shall ask again without specifics: if the spanking/swatting fails to correct the undesired behaviour, what is next?

ldent42 · January 2015

There's a huge different between a single slap and a beating with a wooden paddle in front of a grown man who is most likely a stranger.
That's not just physical abuse, it's psychological.
Further, if I'm understanding this correctly, he called the sheriff to "supervise" because the girl told him it's illegal for parents to spank their kids. What's he's unintentionally teaching her is that the laws she thinks are in place to protect her are in fact a weapon to be used against her. God help that girl if she ever gets assaulted (and don't jump down my throat about that statement - statistically she's got a 1 in 4 chance of being sexually assaulted in her lifetime.)

It's so sad. Can you imagine being that child having to sit and wait for this guy to show up so her dad can paddle her in front of him? I mean what the hell

Thirty Bills Unpaid · January 2015

paulonious wrote: »

show previous quotes

Thirty Bills Unpaid wrote: »

paulonious wrote: »

Thirty Bills Unpaid wrote: »

Sometimes we tend to think of ourselves as heightened aliens- the type that have heads twice the size of our bodies and speak in digital tones.

As complex as human beings are, we are also very simple- especially as kids. If a kid associates playing on the highway with a swat on the ass... and they no longer play on the highway... good job parent! It's unrealistic to think 'every' child has the capacity to understand things they need to understand for their safety and the safety of others around them after a sit down discussion.

First attempts at curbing behavior should obviously be words, but in the event words fail... one may have to employ other methods.

let's say little seven bills unpaid gets a swat on the ass, and then you see him running in traffic again. what next?

The swat on the ass isn't the go-to move here. Remember, I'm not for 'spanking'. I'm only making the case for a swat on the ass given the appropriate set of circumstances. It's only a 'tool' that parents might use at critical moments failing everything else.

It was a serious wrestling match to keep my daughter from running off sidewalks into bust traffic. We had numerous chats with her and my wife and we consistently reminded each other to be ultra-watchful. So, I practised 'heightened supervision' until she recognized the inherent danger of playing in the street.

I guess my experience speaks to 'no spanking'; however, parenting is a really tough thing to do and my personal experience may not necessarily work for every situation. It's simply not my place to tell another parent how to raise their child when serious abuse is not the issue.

With that said, I feel the odd swat on the ass is not necessarily going to damage a kid. If the tactic results in the correct behaviour after numerous other tactics have failed... then fair enough. It's really individual and case specific. There are a number of items that are far more damaging to a young child than a swat on the butt, yet seem to be accepted more readily without as much scorn: parents constantly arguing with each other or parents in a messy divorce have a far more profound effect on a developing child than a swat served to remind them that what they are doing cannot be tolerated.

show previous quotes

Thirty Bills Unpaid wrote: »

paulonious wrote: »

Thirty Bills Unpaid wrote: »

paulonious wrote: »

Thirty Bills Unpaid wrote: »

I don't think it's so much of a 'Gee, I better not because my father will hit me' as much as it is an accentuation of the significance of the undesirable behavior- 'This behavior is particularly poor' compared to other behaviors that simply warrant a timeout or a talk.

I can also remember vividly how often words were lost on me and never had any influence on curbing behaviors that needed to be addressed. I'd nod my head and say the right things, but it was business as usual until Dad threatened corporal punishment or exerted it- I'd respond then. So, Hugh, I guess what I'm trying to say is that while spanking never did anything positive for you... it does for some others.

As parents set about performing the most challenging thing they'll be faced with in their lifetime (raising children), for some situations, giving a kid a swat on the butt might be reasonable despite being undesirable or distasteful at the same time.

There is no 'one way' to raise a child.

Sure there is: no abuse. To me it is as black and white as that.

Abuse most certainly doesn't fit within the perameters of appropriate child rearing practices. To this we can agree.

What we might not agree on is what constitutes abuse. I just don't see a swat on the butt ushering a kid to their room on a rare instance as abuse.

Your definition of physical punishment has softened with each explanation. We go from an occasional spanking to something of a rare love tap while encouraging them to their room.

We were talking about spanking. Not what you described above. That being said, I still dont do either. I think its important for kids to learn from a very young age what type of physical contact is acceptable for them to give and recieve to/from others. If you would be upset at your kid doing it to someone else, or some kid doing it to your kid, or a teacher or other person of authority, then you shouldn't.

I hope we are not going to do this again.

I have said my parents used to spank me a lot. I have consistently said I'm not an advocate, but I understand it.

Not sure what you are getting at here....I know your position. thats not the point I was making.

You never answered my question from a while back; you deflected it based on a technicality. I shall ask again without specifics: if the spanking/swatting fails to correct the undesired behaviour, what is next?

You got me. Seclusion? I don't know. This is the whole premise from which I speak from- there is no manual or blue print that is perfect. Every situation is unique to its own. The answers are hard to find sometimes and the challenges can be great.

The technicality you speak of was me clarifying that physical contact was the last effort made by the parent (it should never be the first recourse). In other words, all other interventions had been employed and a parent had nothing else at their disposal. Hence, the sincere 'I don't know'.

Hugh, I feel as if I did or said something to turn you against me. I know we are opposing each other on various items lately, but please remember that it is only your viewpoint I am opposed to and not you. And even when I am opposed to your viewpoint, I still respect it even though it might not seem like it.

Geez, I even contested your (tongue in cheek) Courtney Love suggestion in the best female performer thread. If you ever have seen her Jeremy cover... you'd understand why.

dimitrispearljam · January 2015

let me check the calendar..hey,.,.its ok.spanking is allowed its 8th january 1952!!!

rgambs · January 2015

I agree thirtybills, the tone from some in here is incredibly judgemental. There are clearly some perfect parents here who have it all figured out and distilled into a simple black and white scenario.
Hugh, your repeated allusions to battered women IS being overdramatic, and using a false equivalency to prop your drama up.

Father requests sheriff to supervise spanking of daughter-and he does

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