Wife going out of town for Bachelorette Party

24567

Comments

  • Houston Posts: 5,902
    polaris_x wrote:
    show previous quotes

    soo ... you don't trust her when she is part of a mob or in this case her girlfriends ... it's fairly simple and this really isn't about making you admit something ... it's simply to show you what the issue really is ... we are not saying the mob mentality is false or even that you shouldn't worry ... it's very reasonable for you to have those concerns ... but at the end of the day - it is a trust issue and when it comes to that - there really isn't a whole lot you can do about it ...

    you can ask her to be safe but beyond that - you will have to trust that she is going to not do something stupid ...

    Gotta say, I tend to agree with Polaris on this point. Either you trust her, or you don't. My girlfriend hangs out with a bunch of girls that are cheaters (I know this for a fact, as I'm friends with the guys they've cheated on).... do I get bent out of shape every time she goes out with them on a girl's night? No, because I trust her. that simple...


    And for the record, "mob mentality" is a fucking excuse, and nothing else. People need to own up for their actions and decisions in this world. We give people too many excuses to justify just flat out stupid actions. Own up to your decisions.
    Houston, Texas... Believe it or not, there are 7 million people here... must be a couple of fans who'd love to see you play.
  • Chicago Posts: 14,926
    shep wrote:
    And for the record, "mob mentality" is a fucking excuse, and nothing else. People need to own up for their actions and decisions in this world. We give people too many excuses to justify just flat out stupid actions. Own up to your decisions.


    I couldn't agree more. No one takes accountability for their actions these days. Always some bullshit excuse.
  • Posts: 139,726
    just tell your wife what you think and feel about the whole
    "...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
    "..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
    “..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
  • Houston Posts: 5,902
    Follow up question:

    If she goes out, and she does cheat on you - Do you chalk it up to "mob mentality", excuse her for it, and move on with your lives? Or do you just stop trusting her?
    Houston, Texas... Believe it or not, there are 7 million people here... must be a couple of fans who'd love to see you play.
  • Posts: 904
    What happens in Indy stays in Indy.
  • Posts: 139,726
    Indifference71 wrote:
    show previous quotes


    I couldn't agree more. No one takes accountability for their actions these days. Always some bullshit excuse.
    yeah..i think we all agree with that..

    btw,this is very intresting topic for a thread,even someone need to open personal to talk about it..thanks the OP
    for sharing...
    "...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
    "..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
    “..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
  • Posts: 1,538
    shep wrote:
    Gotta say, I tend to agree with Polaris on this point. Either you trust her, or you don't. My girlfriend hangs out with a bunch of girls that are cheaters (I know this for a fact, as I'm friends with the guys they've cheated on).... do I get bent out of shape every time she goes out with them on a girl's night? No, because I trust her. that simple...


    And for the record, "mob mentality" is a fucking excuse, and nothing else. People need to own up for their actions and decisions in this world. We give people too many excuses to justify just flat out stupid actions. Own up to your decisions.
    Thats a pretty ignorant statement/knowledge about mob/heard mentality,

    There are some fairly solid and repeatable studies that have been done that have shown how little it takes to get a person to go along with a group/and or react with a group.
    And I am also not taking it as an excuse for bad behavior, I would still hold the person accountable for their actions.
    I was just pointing it out as to why people do stupid things like rape in war zones, rioting, beatings, and looting, that may seem otherwise out of character and add alcohol in the mix and it's a potential recipe for disaster
  • Posts: 139,726
    true..alot of people do crazy stuff while drinking
    "...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
    "..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
    “..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
  • Posts: 1,538
    shep wrote:
    Follow up question:

    If she goes out, and she does cheat on you - Do you chalk it up to "mob mentality", excuse her for it, and move on with your lives? Or do you just stop trusting her?
    Sounds like you are deficient in two areas: 1. Reading comprehension 2. Scientific studes on herd mentality.
    Regarding #1. I never presented that as a excues for her behavior in any of my posts, I am explaining why this bachelorette party does not sit well with me. Because people do increadibly stupid things under the influence of alchol and following a group of people. As I pointed out, not many people will throw things at cops/ bust store windows, but as soon as their in a group of people in a common setting/enviornment people do those things our of character...
    And just because someone is influenced by either is not an excuse... explination=/= excuse.
    Example:
    Alchol slows down your reaction time, especially dangerous while driving (hence why its illegal). If I wrecked my car while drunk, I am responsible because I made that decision to get drunk but the Alchol DID AFFECT my driving though right???
  • Posts: 21,855
    Blockhead wrote:
    show previous quotes
    My pre-school and 1st grade daughters don't like to drink...
    She won't cheat, know this, have faith and love her up big time before she goes.
    Your daughters are learning from both your examples. Fidelity, loyalty, these
    are traits both you and your wife want those little treasures to learn and live.

    Plan something fun for the girls, let Mama know whats going on in her absence ...
    she will be thinking of you guys and missing you much...
    love is grand not a one night stand :D
  • Posts: 4,877
    i agree with those who say you don't trust her


    you need to deal with and figure out YOUR issues


    when she comes back are you going to act all suspicious and ask all kinds of questions? will she expect this?
  • Florida Posts: 10,219
    hmm, this is a tough one Blockhead. I've been in that position before, with an ex. Ultimately, some people even if they are 100% faithful, can still give you that feeling I think, for a variety of reasons. But there are a few ways of approaching this, just my opinion...

    1. you do nothing, and trust her 100%, and she goes on doing what she ordinarily would have done. it sounds slightly risky...we dont know the details, would she normally drive a car after having 1-2 drinks? some people think this is no big deal, or does she absolutely never drive after drinking? And you alluded to the idea of these other ladies cheating, so somewhere in your mind, you have thought of the possibility of your wife doing something similar.

    2. you tell her that your concerned that her friends arent good decision makers and you hope she doesnt get in any trouble, and just leave it vague...just as if you're concerned. If she respects you and realizes that you are concerned for her safety and well being, she should acknowledge that, and if she is tempted with the "mob mentality" thing over this party, maybe your talk will help, but maybe not.

    3. You tell her your concerns and she gets pissed that you dont trust her and she sends you some fun pics of her riding an Italian stallion.

    By the way, I also think the mob mentality thing is a silly excuse. Not to try to start a debate, I'd like to see those scientific studies (i honestly dont know much about it, so i cold very well be wrong). In your defense, I think you're blowing this up in your mind, and using propaganda like mob mentality is just going to freak you out. As far as the studies go, what do they do? get a hold of a rioter and sit them down for an interview? I think most people that loot and riot/mob are young, immature, or just plain stupid, and I think its a bit of a stretch to make that analogy to a bachelorette party.

    Interesting topic though, I hope everything turns out ok.
    Pick up my debut novel here on amazon: Jonny Bails Floatin (in paperback) (also available on Kindle for $2.99)
  • Posts: 19,420
    Hire this guy to keep tabs. He's Maude approved.

    Da+Fino+01+58+Topps.jpg
    Be Excellent To Each Other
    Party On, Dudes!
  • Posts: 2,240
    She's going to go out with her friends to have a good time, get tipsy and then she will come home and have a really good time with you ;)

    In the morning, takes the kids out for pancakes, let her sleep in and be prepared to hear about a night of drama.

    Next week, your turn. :D

    She's not going to risk her family or her self respect.
  • Posts: 4,553
    Dude, this is you wife you're talking about. You have kids, you share a life, if you can't trust your wife by now........I really don't know what to tell you.
  • Posts: 4,877
    ofthegirl99 wrote:
    Dude, this is you wife you're talking about. You have kids, you share a life, if you can't trust your wife by now........I really don't know what to tell you.


    yeah i don't get how he keeps saying "people do things because....."

    we're talking about 1 specific person ... not some kid throwing rocks at cops?


    either she's trustworthy or she's not... either she can control herself drunk or she can't

    her hanging around with loose chicks is not exactly a vote of confidence but typically groups are made up of all types so just because she's watching others take some filthy guy into the bathroom doesn't mean she'll be up next

    and mob mentality goes out the window once it's just her and The Situation in the back of his rented Escalade ;)
  • Houston Posts: 5,902
    Blockhead wrote:
    show previous quotes
    Sounds like you are deficient in two areas: 1. Reading comprehension 2. Scientific studes on herd mentality.
    Regarding #1. I never presented that as a excues for her behavior in any of my posts, I am explaining why this bachelorette party does not sit well with me. Because people do increadibly stupid things under the influence of alchol and following a group of people. As I pointed out, not many people will throw things at cops/ bust store windows, but as soon as their in a group of people in a common setting/enviornment people do those things our of character...
    And just because someone is influenced by either is not an excuse... explination=/= excuse.
    Example:
    Alchol slows down your reaction time, especially dangerous while driving (hence why its illegal). If I wrecked my car while drunk, I am responsible because I made that decision to get drunk but the Alchol DID AFFECT my driving though right???


    ha ha ha... nothing like a personal attack on someone making a comment you don't want to hear.

    I think you need to back up a little bit and not ask for an intelligent debate on a topic you supposedly want advice on, when clearly you've already made up your mind about how you feel and are looking for people to justify your decision/point of view.

    My reading comprehension skills are fine thanks.

    Oh, and on the above question, yea the alcohol effected your ability to drive, but you still made the decision to operate the vehicle while drunk, so I don't really give a shit about what happens after you made the stupid decision, regardless of what the result/excuse is after you made it. No one put a fucking gun to your head and said "Get in the car and drive.", regardless of whether all your friends at the bar were driving home drunk too.

    That's just my opinion, which you clearly aren't interested in, so I don't know why I've just wasted 5 minutes of my life giving it.... carry on.... :corn:
    Houston, Texas... Believe it or not, there are 7 million people here... must be a couple of fans who'd love to see you play.
  • Posts: 139,726
    ok..we all have opinions i guess.but give a break to OP..
    seems he try to figure out his thoughts and understand how he feels about it..
    and he open up here..
    isnt easy..seems easy cos we comment for someone elses situation..not ours..
    so...even most of us agree that seems there are some trust issues,i suggest to say an opinion how to solve this than try to prove that he has trust issues..again,isnt easy if u feel this way..
    "...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
    "..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
    “..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
  • Posts: 32,211
    edited October 2012
    And don't show her this thread ok :lol:

    [Inappropriate link for all ages forum removed by Admin]

    You have nothing to worry about if this is the only thing she might do ;)
    Post edited by josevolution on
    jesus greets me looks just like me ....
  • Posts: 6,657
    I think if you trust your wife, then there's nothing to worry about. I agree that mob mentality has a real effect on people - but those are the weak people who were already close to the edge. If your wife is close to cheating on you, if she just needs an excuse or a little peer pressure to do it, then you should be worried.

    I think it's similar to alcohol, which you also mentioned. Yes, it can cause people to get out of hand and do things they might not normally do. (I have a lot of experience with this.) But they don't do things they didn't already have in them.

    I think both of these variables can allow - not cause - things that were close to the surface to come out. But nothing will come out that's not already there trying. Alcohol and peer pressure may lower people's inhibitions, but they don't change people's characters. So, if you really trust that your wife doesn't have a predisposition to cheat on you, there's nothing to worry about.

    (Of course, it's important that the two of you share the same definition of what's considered cheating or inappropriate behavior.)

    Also, if you really are worried, what's going to happen if she does behave inappropriately? Are you going to end up just chalking it up to a special circumstance letting it go? If so, it'll save you some trouble if you just let it go before it even happens.

Welcome!

It looks like you're new here. Sign in or register to get started.
Sign In
Register

Quick Links

Categories