Dude, this is you wife you're talking about. You have kids, you share a life, if you can't trust your wife by now........I really don't know what to tell you.
yeah i don't get how he keeps saying "people do things because....."
we're talking about 1 specific person ... not some kid throwing rocks at cops?
either she's trustworthy or she's not... either she can control herself drunk or she can't
her hanging around with loose chicks is not exactly a vote of confidence but typically groups are made up of all types so just because she's watching others take some filthy guy into the bathroom doesn't mean she'll be up next
and mob mentality goes out the window once it's just her and The Situation in the back of his rented Escalade
I though it was pretty evident in the first post when I said she does not make good decisions when she drinks.
None of her choices have been sexual related, but they have proved her to be a very, very sloppy drunk.
guess my reading comprehension sucks
but you've been around her all the other times during these sloppy decisions?
really though, you're married - have two kids. I'd bet everything will be fine. Show her a good time yourself before she leaves and tell her you love her
i don't think the married w 2 kids can be relied upon ... if anything that screams to me that someone is just waiting for an opportunity for some strange ... especially when cruising indy with a bunch of drunken chicks swinging the cat around
Again, just because I don't like the situation doest not make it a trust issue. This is also a 2 way street here. Not that I need to be asked for approval or set any boundries for her, but in my view this is a thing of mutual respect. If your partner willingly puts his or herself in a situation involving partying/drugs/alcohol/people of the opposite sex, while being in a relationship, it speaks volumes to what they really think of their partner. When I go out, which is rare,its usually camping/sports bar/activity. Before I do something I put my self in my wifes shoes and look at things from her perspective. Is this behavior something would disrespect her or our relationship.
You asked a condisending question... I was replying with your same tone.
Again, your reading comprehension skills are not fine, You just proved my point that YES alcohol does have an effect on your ability to drive. Just like the social psych of herd mentality has an effect on peoples behavior. I still have yet to figure out where you think I proposed that as an excuse for behavior, I simply was pointing out how certin enviornments can change your actions of something your normally wouldn't do, all while being intoxicated. Would anything happen, I would still hold her accountable for her actions weather driven by alcohol or environment. Those choices are her responsibility...
I am asking for advice, not someone to dismiss a proven social psychology with sarcastic undertones...
oh.... lol...
Obviously you're reading comprehension skills are just as inept as mine, because my question was not meant to be condescending at all.
In your original post, you are already defending whatever action your wife may or may not take on her night out. To me, basically, the post says, "my wife is a good wholesome person who would never normally cheat on me, but she's going out Saturday night and it may happen because of herd mentality".
You're giving an excuse for her potential actions before anything has actually been done. Which several people in this thread, including myself, have indicated seems indicative of trust issues. Either this has happened to you, or someone else before, or you've seen one too many movies (please don't take that as condescending, just trying to lighten the mood).
So my question was meant to make think about what you would do if the supposed event did happen and she used the excuse you've already constructed in your mind. It wasn't meant to be condescending, i legitimately want to know what you would do out of curosity. I have a girlfriend who regularly gets too far ahead of herself and comes up with completely absurd, illogical results to ordinary every day situations, and when I get her mind thinking about how crazy this stuff seems sometimes, she relaxes and continues on with normal life... and I am thinking that you might be headed down the same course... maybe that's foolish of me, but anyway...
I guess I just don't understand your situation. If i was in a predicament like what you described in the original post, I would be out the door, because I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone I don't completely trust. That's all.
Several people have pointed out that you appear to have trust issues... now i'm not a psychologist, but you seem to be unwilling to listen to this point, so it's obvious to me that you came into the discussion with a pre-disposed opinion of how you should act and what all of us are saying isn't making any difference anyway... so again I question why I typed all this out....
Losely cup your hand and fill your palm with water...some pools up and sits in there, right?
Now squeeze your fist tight = no water, right?
That's love, trust and relationships all in one dude.
"Everything is gonna be alright now, everything is gonna be alright...no woman no cry"
Trust is built over time, love ebb and flows, partners have weak times
and trust is tested by conduct and faith.
Looking back over lifetime love, putting oneself in positions
of great temptation is really not a very smart move, most especially when alcohol
lowers inhibitions, but it happens for both husband and wife.
Now a lifetime later, taking ahold of loves hand...
free from betrayal, it feels like lucky stars surround.
So carry the big picture of life in your love, never let it down, work
to make it last and most of all believe.
Keep the faith Blockhead and let your lovely wife know you believe in her....
people often do what is expected of them.
Trust is built over time, love ebb and flows, partners have weak times
and trust is tested by conduct and faith.
Looking back over lifetime love, putting oneself in positions
of great temptation is really not a very smart move, most especially when alcohol
lowers inhibitions, but it happens for both husband and wife.
Now a lifetime later, taking ahold of loves hand...
free from betrayal, it feels like lucky stars surround.
So carry the big picture of life in your love, never let it down, work
to make it last and most of all believe.
Keep the faith Blockhead and let your lovely wife know you believe in her....
people often do what is expected of them.
It is very naive to think that even the strongest of us cannot be seduced when we are vulnerable. It usually takes a fall to realize that.
Trust is built over time, love ebb and flows, partners have weak times
and trust is tested by conduct and faith.
Looking back over lifetime love, putting oneself in positions
of great temptation is really not a very smart move, most especially when alcohol
lowers inhibitions, but it happens for both husband and wife.
Now a lifetime later, taking ahold of loves hand...
free from betrayal, it feels like lucky stars surround.
So carry the big picture of life in your love, never let it down, work
to make it last and most of all believe.
Keep the faith Blockhead and let your lovely wife know you believe in her....
people often do what is expected of them.
It is very naive to think that even the strongest of us cannot be seduced when we are vulnerable. It usually takes a fall to realize that.
"Keep the faith Blockhead and let your lovely wife know you believe in her....
people often do what is expected of them.
This is true. What you believe will happen usually does. Think positive and positive will come to you. All the worrying and questioning will only bring negativity. Let it go.
"...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
Trust is built over time, love ebb and flows, partners have weak times
and trust is tested by conduct and faith.
Looking back over lifetime love, putting oneself in positions
of great temptation is really not a very smart move, most especially when alcohol
lowers inhibitions, but it happens for both husband and wife.
Now a lifetime later, taking ahold of loves hand...
free from betrayal, it feels like lucky stars surround.
So carry the big picture of life in your love, never let it down, work
to make it last and most of all believe.
Keep the faith Blockhead and let your lovely wife know you believe in her....
people often do what is expected of them.
It is very naive to think that even the strongest of us cannot be seduced when we are vulnerable. It usually takes a fall to realize that.
Ah yes seduction ... I speak of temptation ...
that's almost a blame game yes?
'I was tempted ... you seduced me'
one takes responsibility, one makes an excuse.
Who is more vulnerable right now, you or your wife?
Perhaps your wife is not,
but perhaps her choices are making you feel vulnerable,
your bond vulnerable.
Are you being seduced by jealousy?
this the most counterproductive emotion to trust and faith.
Lifetime love is continually tested,
this a good thing because this is how it grows stronger.
Realize your part in this, your expectations are almost accusations,
believe in your wife's love for you and your children.
If you don't why should she not misbehave?
Have you already made her guilty?
I haven't read all the responses here, but I can tell you from my past experiences that if you worry about her cheating or rag on her about spending a weekend with her friends she's probably not going to like it very much. No one likes to feel like they're not trusted or like they've been chained up. I get what you're saying about 'herd mentality' and maybe she'll go a little crazy with the girls...but if what your main concern is is her cheating...I don't understand how that's herd mentality. Unless she plans on cheating on you in a room with 5 of her friends there too...does that make sense? Either way, you either trust her or you don't.
Have you ever spent a weekend with the guys?
WI '98, WI '99 (EV), WI '00, Chgo '00, MO '00, Champaign '03, Chgo '03, WI '03, IN '03, MI '04, Chgo '06:N1 & 2, WI '06, Chgo '07, Chgo '08 (EV:N1), Chgo '09:N1 & 2, Chgo '11 (EV:N1), WI '11:N1 & 2, Philly '12, Wrigley '13, Pitt '13, Buff '13, Detroit '14, MKE '14, Wrigley '16: N1 & N2, Seattle '18 N2, Wrigley '18: N1 & N2, Fenway '18 N1, STL '22, St Paul '23 N2, Chgo '23: N1 & N2
In terms of having a talk with her before she leaves, as difficult as it may be, I'd keep my mouth shut. There is always the chance she could blow up at you, and decide not to go away with the girls. What then? You'd tell her to go enjoy herself, and when she got back home, she'd complain that she had a lousy time because she felt guilty about going.
Same goes for putting her on the spot afterwards.....no good could really come of it.
Seriously? You are freaking out about a Bachelorette Party?
I'd say you better keep this to yourself and figure out how to get past it. Being a controlling, non-trusting person is not very attractive.
Mariage is about love and respect. Trust is a by product. Blind trust is naive, lazy and often ambivalent.
There is nothing wrong with me expressing that I am not comfortable with something. That dosen't make me controlling.
I've read most of this thread and I don't understand - people have responed to you, tried to help, give you some advice, and all I see is you bashing the responses. what exactly were you looking for when you made this thread?
I've read most of this thread and I don't understand - people have responed to you, tried to help, give you some advice, and all I see is you bashing the responses. what exactly were you looking for when you made this thread?
I've read most of this thread and I don't understand - people have responed to you, tried to help, give you some advice, and all I see is you bashing the responses. what exactly were you looking for when you made this thread?
Maybe this, that she's guilty of disrespect and she shouldnt be going to this party with the untrustworthy friends who might persuade her to do terrible things with the "herd mentality":
I've read most of this thread and I don't understand - people have responed to you, tried to help, give you some advice, and all I see is you bashing the responses. what exactly were you looking for when you made this thread?
Maybe this, that she's guilty of disrespect and she shouldnt be going to this party with the untrustworthy friends who might persuade her to do terrible things with the "herd mentality":
This can be common in relationships, it stems from jealousy and fear, which most everyone
has moments of. We all fear losing someone we love right? scary stuff.
But we also don't want to push that someone away either
by them interpreting we think them untrustworthy.
That's horrible for mate to feel that in love, that their partner can't trust them.
Flipside, like I mentioned it's not too smart to put oneself in situations of temptation
or that can be perceived as temptation to one's mate. Trouble with a capital T.
Me personally will be glad when this party is over and all is well and the happy
family realizes how lovely love is! They are the lucky ones!
Then get ready for the next test, on and on...
before one knows it the big picture is here and gone
and life is two UP chairs with the warmth of a loving hand,
this is living!
I've read most of this thread and I don't understand - people have responed to you, tried to help, give you some advice, and all I see is you bashing the responses. what exactly were you looking for when you made this thread?
As I supposed at the beginning... he has a decision/position already formed in his head, and he came here for someone to agree with him and firm up his choice.
Unfortunately we haven't been doing that for him... in fact (just guessing here), I'd say most of us have been taking the opposite stance... which has resulted in him bashing most of our advice and questioning my reading comprehension...
:corn:
Houston, Texas... Believe it or not, there are 7 million people here... must be a couple of fans who'd love to see you play.
Where I agree with the OP is his feelings to some degree...
his right to worry.
If his wife drinks her share with no one around to watch out for her
he has a right to worry about her safety.
I have won many a lampshade award in my life and JB has mostly been there to
watch over me and my foolishness.
Early on going out with the girls I put myself in dangerous situations
all in the name of crazy ass fun.
Thank goodness I was safe and never sorry.
If this is a rare occasion, a special occasion as it sounds,
then I'm sure everything will be ok.
If she is going out often and it's girls gone wild
I can see how that would be disrespectful and worrisome for her hubby
and daughters.... which seems not to be the case.
I think this one time will pass and their relationship will grow stronger
and hopefully the girls will go to dinner and a movie more often then places
that spell trouble for married people without their spousal units
I've read most of this thread and I don't understand - people have responed to you, tried to help, give you some advice, and all I see is you bashing the responses. what exactly were you looking for when you made this thread?
As I supposed at the beginning... he has a decision/position already formed in his head, and he came here for someone to agree with him and firm up his choice.
Unfortunately we haven't been doing that for him... in fact (just guessing here), I'd say most of us have been taking the opposite stance... which has resulted in him bashing most of our advice and questioning my reading comprehension...
Comments
guess my reading comprehension sucks
but you've been around her all the other times during these sloppy decisions?
jhc it's not... i think it's also got a virus... easy there jose!! yikes
i don't think the married w 2 kids can be relied upon ... if anything that screams to me that someone is just waiting for an opportunity for some strange ... especially when cruising indy with a bunch of drunken chicks swinging the cat around
you're assuming what her behavior will be
going out is not disrespectful
oh.... lol...
Obviously you're reading comprehension skills are just as inept as mine, because my question was not meant to be condescending at all.
In your original post, you are already defending whatever action your wife may or may not take on her night out. To me, basically, the post says, "my wife is a good wholesome person who would never normally cheat on me, but she's going out Saturday night and it may happen because of herd mentality".
You're giving an excuse for her potential actions before anything has actually been done. Which several people in this thread, including myself, have indicated seems indicative of trust issues. Either this has happened to you, or someone else before, or you've seen one too many movies (please don't take that as condescending, just trying to lighten the mood).
So my question was meant to make think about what you would do if the supposed event did happen and she used the excuse you've already constructed in your mind. It wasn't meant to be condescending, i legitimately want to know what you would do out of curosity. I have a girlfriend who regularly gets too far ahead of herself and comes up with completely absurd, illogical results to ordinary every day situations, and when I get her mind thinking about how crazy this stuff seems sometimes, she relaxes and continues on with normal life... and I am thinking that you might be headed down the same course... maybe that's foolish of me, but anyway...
I guess I just don't understand your situation. If i was in a predicament like what you described in the original post, I would be out the door, because I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone I don't completely trust. That's all.
Several people have pointed out that you appear to have trust issues... now i'm not a psychologist, but you seem to be unwilling to listen to this point, so it's obvious to me that you came into the discussion with a pre-disposed opinion of how you should act and what all of us are saying isn't making any difference anyway... so again I question why I typed all this out....
I like that a lot.
and trust is tested by conduct and faith.
Looking back over lifetime love, putting oneself in positions
of great temptation is really not a very smart move, most especially when alcohol
lowers inhibitions, but it happens for both husband and wife.
Now a lifetime later, taking ahold of loves hand...
free from betrayal, it feels like lucky stars surround.
So carry the big picture of life in your love, never let it down, work
to make it last and most of all believe.
Keep the faith Blockhead and let your lovely wife know you believe in her....
people often do what is expected of them.
want to be enlightened"
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
Ah yes seduction ... I speak of temptation ...
that's almost a blame game yes?
'I was tempted ... you seduced me'
one takes responsibility, one makes an excuse.
Who is more vulnerable right now, you or your wife?
Perhaps your wife is not,
but perhaps her choices are making you feel vulnerable,
your bond vulnerable.
Are you being seduced by jealousy?
this the most counterproductive emotion to trust and faith.
Lifetime love is continually tested,
this a good thing because this is how it grows stronger.
Realize your part in this, your expectations are almost accusations,
believe in your wife's love for you and your children.
If you don't why should she not misbehave?
Have you already made her guilty?
Have you ever spent a weekend with the guys?
I'd say you better keep this to yourself and figure out how to get past it. Being a controlling, non-trusting person is not very attractive.
Same goes for putting her on the spot afterwards.....no good could really come of it.
All of this is obviously just my opinion.
There is nothing wrong with me expressing that I am not comfortable with something. That dosen't make me controlling.
a hug?
Tom O.
"I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?"
-The Writer
Reassurance that he isn't being crazy.
Maybe this, that she's guilty of disrespect and she shouldnt be going to this party with the untrustworthy friends who might persuade her to do terrible things with the "herd mentality":
This is exactly what i've been sensing all along.
has moments of. We all fear losing someone we love right? scary stuff.
But we also don't want to push that someone away either
by them interpreting we think them untrustworthy.
That's horrible for mate to feel that in love, that their partner can't trust them.
Flipside, like I mentioned it's not too smart to put oneself in situations of temptation
or that can be perceived as temptation to one's mate. Trouble with a capital T.
Me personally will be glad when this party is over and all is well and the happy
family realizes how lovely love is! They are the lucky ones!
Then get ready for the next test, on and on...
before one knows it the big picture is here and gone
and life is two UP chairs with the warmth of a loving hand,
this is living!
send me a pic, let me know where they are staying and i will tail them for 300 plus expenses
pm if you are interested
As I supposed at the beginning... he has a decision/position already formed in his head, and he came here for someone to agree with him and firm up his choice.
Unfortunately we haven't been doing that for him... in fact (just guessing here), I'd say most of us have been taking the opposite stance... which has resulted in him bashing most of our advice and questioning my reading comprehension...
:corn:
his right to worry.
If his wife drinks her share with no one around to watch out for her
he has a right to worry about her safety.
I have won many a lampshade award in my life and JB has mostly been there to
watch over me and my foolishness.
Early on going out with the girls I put myself in dangerous situations
all in the name of crazy ass fun.
Thank goodness I was safe and never sorry.
If this is a rare occasion, a special occasion as it sounds,
then I'm sure everything will be ok.
If she is going out often and it's girls gone wild
I can see how that would be disrespectful and worrisome for her hubby
and daughters.... which seems not to be the case.
I think this one time will pass and their relationship will grow stronger
and hopefully the girls will go to dinner and a movie more often then places
that spell trouble for married people without their spousal units
This.
You can trust a person 100% but that trust usually doesn't include 15 Woo-Woo shots and a few martinis
i think the wife started the thread just to get some super hot pearl jam guys to go to the party
see you all at the Slippery Noodle Inn!!!