hmm, this is a tough one Blockhead. I've been in that position before, with an ex. Ultimately, some people even if they are 100% faithful, can still give you that feeling I think, for a variety of reasons. But there are a few ways of approaching this, just my opinion...
1. you do nothing, and trust her 100%, and she goes on doing what she ordinarily would have done. it sounds slightly risky...we dont know the details, would she normally drive a car after having 1-2 drinks? some people think this is no big deal, or does she absolutely never drive after drinking? And you alluded to the idea of these other ladies cheating, so somewhere in your mind, you have thought of the possibility of your wife doing something similar.
2. you tell her that your concerned that her friends arent good decision makers and you hope she doesnt get in any trouble, and just leave it vague...just as if you're concerned. If she respects you and realizes that you are concerned for her safety and well being, she should acknowledge that, and if she is tempted with the "mob mentality" thing over this party, maybe your talk will help, but maybe not.
3. You tell her your concerns and she gets pissed that you dont trust her and she sends you some fun pics of her riding an Italian stallion.
By the way, I also think the mob mentality thing is a silly excuse. Not to try to start a debate, I'd like to see those scientific studies (i honestly dont know much about it, so i cold very well be wrong). In your defense, I think you're blowing this up in your mind, and using propaganda like mob mentality is just going to freak you out. As far as the studies go, what do they do? get a hold of a rioter and sit them down for an interview? I think most people that loot and riot/mob are young, immature, or just plain stupid, and I think its a bit of a stretch to make that analogy to a bachelorette party.
Interesting topic though, I hope everything turns out ok.
Dude, this is you wife you're talking about. You have kids, you share a life, if you can't trust your wife by now........I really don't know what to tell you.
Dude, this is you wife you're talking about. You have kids, you share a life, if you can't trust your wife by now........I really don't know what to tell you.
yeah i don't get how he keeps saying "people do things because....."
we're talking about 1 specific person ... not some kid throwing rocks at cops?
either she's trustworthy or she's not... either she can control herself drunk or she can't
her hanging around with loose chicks is not exactly a vote of confidence but typically groups are made up of all types so just because she's watching others take some filthy guy into the bathroom doesn't mean she'll be up next
and mob mentality goes out the window once it's just her and The Situation in the back of his rented Escalade
If she goes out, and she does cheat on you - Do you chalk it up to "mob mentality", excuse her for it, and move on with your lives? Or do you just stop trusting her?
Sounds like you are deficient in two areas: 1. Reading comprehension 2. Scientific studes on herd mentality.
Regarding #1. I never presented that as a excues for her behavior in any of my posts, I am explaining why this bachelorette party does not sit well with me. Because people do increadibly stupid things under the influence of alchol and following a group of people. As I pointed out, not many people will throw things at cops/ bust store windows, but as soon as their in a group of people in a common setting/enviornment people do those things our of character...
And just because someone is influenced by either is not an excuse... explination=/= excuse.
Example:
Alchol slows down your reaction time, especially dangerous while driving (hence why its illegal). If I wrecked my car while drunk, I am responsible because I made that decision to get drunk but the Alchol DID AFFECT my driving though right???
ha ha ha... nothing like a personal attack on someone making a comment you don't want to hear.
I think you need to back up a little bit and not ask for an intelligent debate on a topic you supposedly want advice on, when clearly you've already made up your mind about how you feel and are looking for people to justify your decision/point of view.
My reading comprehension skills are fine thanks.
Oh, and on the above question, yea the alcohol effected your ability to drive, but you still made the decision to operate the vehicle while drunk, so I don't really give a shit about what happens after you made the stupid decision, regardless of what the result/excuse is after you made it. No one put a fucking gun to your head and said "Get in the car and drive.", regardless of whether all your friends at the bar were driving home drunk too.
That's just my opinion, which you clearly aren't interested in, so I don't know why I've just wasted 5 minutes of my life giving it.... carry on.... :corn:
Houston, Texas... Believe it or not, there are 7 million people here... must be a couple of fans who'd love to see you play.
ok..we all have opinions i guess.but give a break to OP..
seems he try to figure out his thoughts and understand how he feels about it..
and he open up here..
isnt easy..seems easy cos we comment for someone elses situation..not ours..
so...even most of us agree that seems there are some trust issues,i suggest to say an opinion how to solve this than try to prove that he has trust issues..again,isnt easy if u feel this way..
"...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
I think if you trust your wife, then there's nothing to worry about. I agree that mob mentality has a real effect on people - but those are the weak people who were already close to the edge. If your wife is close to cheating on you, if she just needs an excuse or a little peer pressure to do it, then you should be worried.
I think it's similar to alcohol, which you also mentioned. Yes, it can cause people to get out of hand and do things they might not normally do. (I have a lot of experience with this.) But they don't do things they didn't already have in them.
I think both of these variables can allow - not cause - things that were close to the surface to come out. But nothing will come out that's not already there trying. Alcohol and peer pressure may lower people's inhibitions, but they don't change people's characters. So, if you really trust that your wife doesn't have a predisposition to cheat on you, there's nothing to worry about.
(Of course, it's important that the two of you share the same definition of what's considered cheating or inappropriate behavior.)
Also, if you really are worried, what's going to happen if she does behave inappropriately? Are you going to end up just chalking it up to a special circumstance letting it go? If so, it'll save you some trouble if you just let it go before it even happens.
ha ha ha... nothing like a personal attack on someone making a comment you don't want to hear.
I think you need to back up a little bit and not ask for an intelligent debate on a topic you supposedly want advice on, when clearly you've already made up your mind about how you feel and are looking for people to justify your decision/point of view.
My reading comprehension skills are fine thanks.
Oh, and on the above question, yea the alcohol effected your ability to drive, but you still made the decision to operate the vehicle while drunk, so I don't really give a shit about what happens after you made the stupid decision, regardless of what the result/excuse is after you made it. No one put a fucking gun to your head and said "Get in the car and drive.", regardless of whether all your friends at the bar were driving home drunk too.
That's just my opinion, which you clearly aren't interested in, so I don't know why I've just wasted 5 minutes of my life giving it.... carry on.... :corn:
You asked a condisending question... I was replying with your same tone.
Again, your reading comprehension skills are not fine, You just proved my point that YES alcohol does have an effect on your ability to drive. Just like the social psych of herd mentality has an effect on peoples behavior. I still have yet to figure out where you think I proposed that as an excuse for behavior, I simply was pointing out how certin enviornments can change your actions of something your normally wouldn't do, all while being intoxicated. Would anything happen, I would still hold her accountable for her actions weather driven by alcohol or environment. Those choices are her responsibility...
I am asking for advice, not someone to dismiss a proven social psychology with sarcastic undertones...
Dude, this is you wife you're talking about. You have kids, you share a life, if you can't trust your wife by now........I really don't know what to tell you.
yeah i don't get how he keeps saying "people do things because....."
we're talking about 1 specific person ... not some kid throwing rocks at cops?
either she's trustworthy or she's not... either she can control herself drunk or she can't
her hanging around with loose chicks is not exactly a vote of confidence but typically groups are made up of all types so just because she's watching others take some filthy guy into the bathroom doesn't mean she'll be up next
and mob mentality goes out the window once it's just her and The Situation in the back of his rented Escalade
I though it was pretty evident in the first post when I said she does not make good decisions when she drinks.
None of her choices have been sexual related, but they have proved her to be a very, very sloppy drunk.
Maybe she'll be on her cycle and there will be nothing to worry about...
really though, you're married - have two kids. I'd bet everything will be fine. Show her a good time yourself before she leaves and tell her you love her
I've met Rob
DEGENERATE FUK
This place is dead
"THERE ARE NO CLIQUES, ONLY THOSE WHO DON'T JOIN THE FUN" - Empty circa 2015
'Bottle don't make you do a thing, it just lets you'.
So if your wife wouldn't cheat, then don't worry. If she would cheat if drunk and with her friends, then I think you need to ask yourself some serious questions about the relationship.
Believe me, when I was growin up, I thought the worst thing you could turn out to be was normal, So I say freaks in the most complementary way. Here's a song by a fellow freak - E.V
I though it was pretty evident in the first post when I said she does not make good decisions when she drinks.
None of her choices have been sexual related, but they have proved her to be a very, very sloppy drunk.
lets forget this weekend,and this party..
lets say nothing to worry about..
do u think is a good idea to talk about that drink issue..?cos seems u "afraid " only when she drinks..u ever mention that bother u or create problems?
"...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
I though it was pretty evident in the first post when I said she does not make good decisions when she drinks.
None of her choices have been sexual related, but they have proved her to be a very, very sloppy drunk.
lets forget this weekend,and this party..
lets say nothing to worry about..
do u think is a good idea to talk about that drink issue..?cos seems u "afraid " only when she drinks..u ever mention that bother u or create problems?
Yes, any communication is good in a relationship. This is something I do plan on talking to her about. telling her how is feel is not a bad thing.
Yes, any communication is good in a relationship. This is something I do plan on talking to her about. telling her how is feel is not a bad thing.
i think the primary thing a lot of us want to get across is the trust issue ... if you don't recognize it as a trust issue - it may backfire on you ... definitely communication is usually good ... but if you come across as not trusting her - be prepared for the blowback ...
I think if you trust your wife, then there's nothing to worry about. I agree that mob mentality has a real effect on people - but those are the weak people who were already close to the edge. If your wife is close to cheating on you, if she just needs an excuse or a little peer pressure to do it, then you should be worried.
I think it's similar to alcohol, which you also mentioned. Yes, it can cause people to get out of hand and do things they might not normally do. (I have a lot of experience with this.) But they don't do things they didn't already have in them.
I think both of these variables can allow - not cause - things that were close to the surface to come out. But nothing will come out that's not already there trying. Alcohol and peer pressure may lower people's inhibitions, but they don't change people's characters. So, if you really trust that your wife doesn't have a predisposition to cheat on you, there's nothing to worry about.
(Of course, it's important that the two of you share the same definition of what's considered cheating or inappropriate behavior.)
Also, if you really are worried, what's going to happen if she does behave inappropriately? Are you going to end up just chalking it up to a special circumstance letting it go? If so, it'll save you some trouble if you just let it go before it even happens.
I don't know if its that I am worried, or more that I think these Bachelorette parties are fucking stupid, and for this group of girls seems like a final night out as a single lady taken to far...
Blockhead, don't be a blockhead.
This your wife and mother of your children.
TRUST her as she trusts YOU when you go out with the fellas.
Sometimes the wife/moms of the world need to blow off steam also. So what a few gals go out get wasted and let strange dudes suck candy off of them? Sounds fun! She is coming home to you and your kids man.
Now, if you have goofed up in a similar scenario and worried about the the same happening to you, that's on YOU.
Encourage her to have a good time...
Make it painfully clear the kids are in terrific care...
Let her have some fun, let her be the gal you married before finances and children...
You'll be surprised how great she'll feel and you'll feel when she comes home.
Enjoy your kids and have trust and faith in the beautiful bond you and her have spent so much time and energy building. No 110 proof alcohol can ever break that my friend.
Relax. Go with the flow. Have fun w/ your kiddies and let the Mrs party like a rock star!
It's all good my man!
Don't be a blockhead.
Losely cup your hand and fill your palm with water...some pools up and sits in there, right?
Now squeeze your fist tight = no water, right?
That's love, trust and relationships all in one dude.
"Everything is gonna be alright now, everything is gonna be alright...no woman no cry"
Yes, any communication is good in a relationship. This is something I do plan on talking to her about. telling her how is feel is not a bad thing.
i think the primary thing a lot of us want to get across is the trust issue ... if you don't recognize it as a trust issue - it may backfire on you ... definitely communication is usually good ... but if you come across as not trusting her - be prepared for the blowback ...
I agree with Polaris here...This is what I was trying to say too...it all depends on how you approach her and what you say.
And Pjfam13 summed it up...oh and "_" said it nicely too..
I think if you trust your wife, then there's nothing to worry about. I agree that mob mentality has a real effect on people - but those are the weak people who were already close to the edge. If your wife is close to cheating on you, if she just needs an excuse or a little peer pressure to do it, then you should be worried.
I think it's similar to alcohol, which you also mentioned. Yes, it can cause people to get out of hand and do things they might not normally do. (I have a lot of experience with this.) But they don't do things they didn't already have in them.
I think both of these variables can allow - not cause - things that were close to the surface to come out. But nothing will come out that's not already there trying. Alcohol and peer pressure may lower people's inhibitions, but they don't change people's characters. So, if you really trust that your wife doesn't have a predisposition to cheat on you, there's nothing to worry about.
(Of course, it's important that the two of you share the same definition of what's considered cheating or inappropriate behavior.)
Also, if you really are worried, what's going to happen if she does behave inappropriately? Are you going to end up just chalking it up to a special circumstance letting it go? If so, it'll save you some trouble if you just let it go before it even happens.
I don't know if its that I am worried, or more that I think these Bachelorette parties are fucking stupid, and for this group of girls seems like a final night out as a single lady taken to far...
I agree with that - with regard to bachelor parties too. (There's even more room for misconduct there, since it's not too difficult to find a girl to take things one step further at a strip club.) That's why I said it's important to have an understanding about what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior. If you both agree about what's unacceptable - and I mean if she also finds it unacceptable, not just if she agrees that you find it unacceptable - then she, for herself, won't want to do any of the things that you disapprove of.
Yes, any communication is good in a relationship. This is something I do plan on talking to her about. telling her how is feel is not a bad thing.
i think the primary thing a lot of us want to get across is the trust issue ... if you don't recognize it as a trust issue - it may backfire on you ... definitely communication is usually good ... but if you come across as not trusting her - be prepared for the blowback ...
I agree with this. The concern isn't whether we feel like you don't trust her; the concern is whether she will feel like you don't trust her. And that would definitely be a problem.
Yes, any communication is good in a relationship. This is something I do plan on talking to her about. telling her how is feel is not a bad thing.
i think the primary thing a lot of us want to get across is the trust issue ... if you don't recognize it as a trust issue - it may backfire on you ... definitely communication is usually good ... but if you come across as not trusting her - be prepared for the blowback ...
Again, just because I don't like the situation doest not make it a trust issue. This is also a 2 way street here. Not that I need to be asked for approval or set any boundries for her, but in my view this is a thing of mutual respect. If your partner willingly puts his or herself in a situation involving partying/drugs/alcohol/people of the opposite sex, while being in a relationship, it speaks volumes to what they really think of their partner.
When I go out, which is rare, its usually camping/sports bar/activity. Before I do something I put my self in my wifes shoes and look at things from her perspective. Is this behavior something would disrespect her or our relationship.
Yes, any communication is good in a relationship. This is something I do plan on talking to her about. telling her how is feel is not a bad thing.
i think the primary thing a lot of us want to get across is the trust issue ... if you don't recognize it as a trust issue - it may backfire on you ... definitely communication is usually good ... but if you come across as not trusting her - be prepared for the blowback ...
Again, just because I don't like the situation doest not make it a trust issue. This is also a 2 way street here. Not that I need to be asked for approval or set any boundries for her, but in my view this is a thing of mutual respect. If your partner willingly puts his or herself in a situation involving partying/drugs/alcohol/people of the opposite sex, while being in a relationship, it speaks volumes to what they really think of their partner.
When I go out, which is rare, its usually camping/sports bar/activity. Before I do something I put my self in my wifes shoes and look at things from her perspective. Is this behavior something would disrespect her or our relationship.
its good you are thinking of it from many different perspectives. But, its sounding like you think she should have declined the invitation.The only difficult thing here is sometimes friends dont think they can say "no" to an invitation to this type of thing. I dont think it speaks volumes of what she thinks of you if she accepts the invitation to this thing.
Again, just because I don't like the situation doest not make it a trust issue. This is also a 2 way street here. Not that I need to be asked for approval or set any boundries for her, but in my view this is a thing of mutual respect. If your partner willingly puts his or herself in a situation involving partying/drugs/alcohol/people of the opposite sex, while being in a relationship, it speaks volumes to what they really think of their partner.
When I go out, which is rare, its usually camping/sports bar/activity. Before I do something I put my self in my wifes shoes and look at things from her perspective. Is this behavior something would disrespect her or our relationship.
So then are you saying your concern is really about what her behavior says about what she thinks of you/your relationship?
(I disagree, by the way, that partying with the opposite sex is necessarily disrespectful to your partner. I think it all depends on how you handle it, what vibe you give off. I've had boyfriends who drank and partied with women - groupies, even - and some were still really respectful of our relationship and one wasn't. It depended on whether the girls walked away with the message that my boyfriend was available or unavailable.)
Of course, my opinion on this point doesn't really matter though; what matters is whether you and your wife share the same perspective on this. Sounds like maybe you don't?
its good you are thinking of it from many different perspectives. But, its sounding like you think she should have declined the invitation.The only difficult thing here is sometimes friends dont think they can say "no" to an invitation to this type of thing. I dont think it speaks volumes of what she thinks of you if she accepts the invitation to this thing.
But if she knows the dissrespect to me and our relationship is there and continues this can't say "no" position because it my college roommate line of thinking, what makes you think that line of thinking won't be present at the batchlorette party compound that by being completly wasted? If you can acknowlegde disrespect at one level why is it so hard to preceived at another level?
If you can't say no to an "invitation" that you know disrespects your relationship, why do you assume you can say no in an environment of drinking/guys sucking candy off you/maybe strippers/girls egging you on?
Wow....just.....wow. Seriously Blockhead, you need to sit your wife down and show her this thread. You obviously have some issues that need to be worked out with the mother of your children......pronto.
its good you are thinking of it from many different perspectives. But, its sounding like you think she should have declined the invitation.The only difficult thing here is sometimes friends dont think they can say "no" to an invitation to this type of thing. I dont think it speaks volumes of what she thinks of you if she accepts the invitation to this thing.
But if she knows the dissrespect to me and our relationship is there and continues this can't say "no" position because it my college roommate line of thinking, what makes you think that line of thinking won't be present at the batchlorette party compound that by being completly wasted? If you can acknowlegde disrespect at one level why is it so hard to preceived at another level?
If you can't say no to an "invitation" that you know disrespects your relationship, why do you assume you can say no in an environment of drinking/guys sucking candy off you/maybe strippers/girls egging you on?
Maybe she doesn't "know" that accepting the invitation disrespects your relationship. Maybe she doesn't even agree that it does.
its good you are thinking of it from many different perspectives. But, its sounding like you think she should have declined the invitation.The only difficult thing here is sometimes friends dont think they can say "no" to an invitation to this type of thing. I dont think it speaks volumes of what she thinks of you if she accepts the invitation to this thing.
But if she knows the dissrespect to me and our relationship is there and continues this can't say "no" position because it my college roommate line of thinking, what makes you think that line of thinking won't be present at the batchlorette party compound that by being completly wasted? If you can acknowlegde disrespect at one level why is it so hard to preceived at another level?
If you can't say no to an "invitation" that you know disrespects your relationship, why do you assume you can say no in an environment of drinking/guys sucking candy off you/maybe strippers/girls egging you on?
They're simply two totally different things. Sometimes people feel obligated to do events (events and behavior are two different things here). Im one of these people (seriously, trust me), I have friends constantly asking me to do things with them (happy hour, surfing, hanging out) and I just live by that "yes man" mentality, but it never carries over into something that is inappropriate behavior, but sometimes it does annoy my wife that I sometimes cant say no to these invitations...but that doesnt EVER reflect on my behavior.
Comments
you need to deal with and figure out YOUR issues
when she comes back are you going to act all suspicious and ask all kinds of questions? will she expect this?
1. you do nothing, and trust her 100%, and she goes on doing what she ordinarily would have done. it sounds slightly risky...we dont know the details, would she normally drive a car after having 1-2 drinks? some people think this is no big deal, or does she absolutely never drive after drinking? And you alluded to the idea of these other ladies cheating, so somewhere in your mind, you have thought of the possibility of your wife doing something similar.
2. you tell her that your concerned that her friends arent good decision makers and you hope she doesnt get in any trouble, and just leave it vague...just as if you're concerned. If she respects you and realizes that you are concerned for her safety and well being, she should acknowledge that, and if she is tempted with the "mob mentality" thing over this party, maybe your talk will help, but maybe not.
3. You tell her your concerns and she gets pissed that you dont trust her and she sends you some fun pics of her riding an Italian stallion.
By the way, I also think the mob mentality thing is a silly excuse. Not to try to start a debate, I'd like to see those scientific studies (i honestly dont know much about it, so i cold very well be wrong). In your defense, I think you're blowing this up in your mind, and using propaganda like mob mentality is just going to freak you out. As far as the studies go, what do they do? get a hold of a rioter and sit them down for an interview? I think most people that loot and riot/mob are young, immature, or just plain stupid, and I think its a bit of a stretch to make that analogy to a bachelorette party.
Interesting topic though, I hope everything turns out ok.
In the morning, takes the kids out for pancakes, let her sleep in and be prepared to hear about a night of drama.
Next week, your turn.
She's not going to risk her family or her self respect.
yeah i don't get how he keeps saying "people do things because....."
we're talking about 1 specific person ... not some kid throwing rocks at cops?
either she's trustworthy or she's not... either she can control herself drunk or she can't
her hanging around with loose chicks is not exactly a vote of confidence but typically groups are made up of all types so just because she's watching others take some filthy guy into the bathroom doesn't mean she'll be up next
and mob mentality goes out the window once it's just her and The Situation in the back of his rented Escalade
ha ha ha... nothing like a personal attack on someone making a comment you don't want to hear.
I think you need to back up a little bit and not ask for an intelligent debate on a topic you supposedly want advice on, when clearly you've already made up your mind about how you feel and are looking for people to justify your decision/point of view.
My reading comprehension skills are fine thanks.
Oh, and on the above question, yea the alcohol effected your ability to drive, but you still made the decision to operate the vehicle while drunk, so I don't really give a shit about what happens after you made the stupid decision, regardless of what the result/excuse is after you made it. No one put a fucking gun to your head and said "Get in the car and drive.", regardless of whether all your friends at the bar were driving home drunk too.
That's just my opinion, which you clearly aren't interested in, so I don't know why I've just wasted 5 minutes of my life giving it.... carry on.... :corn:
seems he try to figure out his thoughts and understand how he feels about it..
and he open up here..
isnt easy..seems easy cos we comment for someone elses situation..not ours..
so...even most of us agree that seems there are some trust issues,i suggest to say an opinion how to solve this than try to prove that he has trust issues..again,isnt easy if u feel this way..
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
[Inappropriate link for all ages forum removed by Admin]
You have nothing to worry about if this is the only thing she might do
I think it's similar to alcohol, which you also mentioned. Yes, it can cause people to get out of hand and do things they might not normally do. (I have a lot of experience with this.) But they don't do things they didn't already have in them.
I think both of these variables can allow - not cause - things that were close to the surface to come out. But nothing will come out that's not already there trying. Alcohol and peer pressure may lower people's inhibitions, but they don't change people's characters. So, if you really trust that your wife doesn't have a predisposition to cheat on you, there's nothing to worry about.
(Of course, it's important that the two of you share the same definition of what's considered cheating or inappropriate behavior.)
Also, if you really are worried, what's going to happen if she does behave inappropriately? Are you going to end up just chalking it up to a special circumstance letting it go? If so, it'll save you some trouble if you just let it go before it even happens.
Again, your reading comprehension skills are not fine, You just proved my point that YES alcohol does have an effect on your ability to drive. Just like the social psych of herd mentality has an effect on peoples behavior. I still have yet to figure out where you think I proposed that as an excuse for behavior, I simply was pointing out how certin enviornments can change your actions of something your normally wouldn't do, all while being intoxicated. Would anything happen, I would still hold her accountable for her actions weather driven by alcohol or environment. Those choices are her responsibility...
I am asking for advice, not someone to dismiss a proven social psychology with sarcastic undertones...
None of her choices have been sexual related, but they have proved her to be a very, very sloppy drunk.
really though, you're married - have two kids. I'd bet everything will be fine. Show her a good time yourself before she leaves and tell her you love her
DEGENERATE FUK
This place is dead
"THERE ARE NO CLIQUES, ONLY THOSE WHO DON'T JOIN THE FUN" - Empty circa 2015
"Kfsbho&$thncds" - F Me In the Brain - circa 2015
'Bottle don't make you do a thing, it just lets you'.
So if your wife wouldn't cheat, then don't worry. If she would cheat if drunk and with her friends, then I think you need to ask yourself some serious questions about the relationship.
lets say nothing to worry about..
do u think is a good idea to talk about that drink issue..?cos seems u "afraid " only when she drinks..u ever mention that bother u or create problems?
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
i think the primary thing a lot of us want to get across is the trust issue ... if you don't recognize it as a trust issue - it may backfire on you ... definitely communication is usually good ... but if you come across as not trusting her - be prepared for the blowback ...
This your wife and mother of your children.
TRUST her as she trusts YOU when you go out with the fellas.
Sometimes the wife/moms of the world need to blow off steam also. So what a few gals go out get wasted and let strange dudes suck candy off of them? Sounds fun! She is coming home to you and your kids man.
Now, if you have goofed up in a similar scenario and worried about the the same happening to you, that's on YOU.
Encourage her to have a good time...
Make it painfully clear the kids are in terrific care...
Let her have some fun, let her be the gal you married before finances and children...
You'll be surprised how great she'll feel and you'll feel when she comes home.
Enjoy your kids and have trust and faith in the beautiful bond you and her have spent so much time and energy building. No 110 proof alcohol can ever break that my friend.
Relax. Go with the flow. Have fun w/ your kiddies and let the Mrs party like a rock star!
It's all good my man!
Don't be a blockhead.
Losely cup your hand and fill your palm with water...some pools up and sits in there, right?
Now squeeze your fist tight = no water, right?
That's love, trust and relationships all in one dude.
"Everything is gonna be alright now, everything is gonna be alright...no woman no cry"
7.9.03~9.28.04~10.1.05~5.12.06~5.13.06~5.27.06~5.28.06
8.5.08(EV)~10.9.09~5.21.10~6.20.11(EV)~7.5.11(EV)~7.9.11(EV)
11.21.13~8.27.16(EV)~11.14.16(TOTD)~4.13.20~9.27.20~9.26.21~10.2.21
2.15.22 (EV)~2.25.22 (EV)~2.27.22 (EV)~5.3.22~5.7.22~9.17.24~9.29.24
I agree with Polaris here...This is what I was trying to say too...it all depends on how you approach her and what you say.
And Pjfam13 summed it up...oh and "_" said it nicely too..
I agree with that - with regard to bachelor parties too. (There's even more room for misconduct there, since it's not too difficult to find a girl to take things one step further at a strip club.) That's why I said it's important to have an understanding about what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior. If you both agree about what's unacceptable - and I mean if she also finds it unacceptable, not just if she agrees that you find it unacceptable - then she, for herself, won't want to do any of the things that you disapprove of.
I agree with this. The concern isn't whether we feel like you don't trust her; the concern is whether she will feel like you don't trust her. And that would definitely be a problem.
When I go out, which is rare, its usually camping/sports bar/activity. Before I do something I put my self in my wifes shoes and look at things from her perspective. Is this behavior something would disrespect her or our relationship.
its good you are thinking of it from many different perspectives. But, its sounding like you think she should have declined the invitation.The only difficult thing here is sometimes friends dont think they can say "no" to an invitation to this type of thing. I dont think it speaks volumes of what she thinks of you if she accepts the invitation to this thing.
So then are you saying your concern is really about what her behavior says about what she thinks of you/your relationship?
(I disagree, by the way, that partying with the opposite sex is necessarily disrespectful to your partner. I think it all depends on how you handle it, what vibe you give off. I've had boyfriends who drank and partied with women - groupies, even - and some were still really respectful of our relationship and one wasn't. It depended on whether the girls walked away with the message that my boyfriend was available or unavailable.)
Of course, my opinion on this point doesn't really matter though; what matters is whether you and your wife share the same perspective on this. Sounds like maybe you don't?
If you can't say no to an "invitation" that you know disrespects your relationship, why do you assume you can say no in an environment of drinking/guys sucking candy off you/maybe strippers/girls egging you on?
Maybe she doesn't "know" that accepting the invitation disrespects your relationship. Maybe she doesn't even agree that it does.
They're simply two totally different things. Sometimes people feel obligated to do events (events and behavior are two different things here). Im one of these people (seriously, trust me), I have friends constantly asking me to do things with them (happy hour, surfing, hanging out) and I just live by that "yes man" mentality, but it never carries over into something that is inappropriate behavior, but sometimes it does annoy my wife that I sometimes cant say no to these invitations...but that doesnt EVER reflect on my behavior.