another student shot in school

gimmesometruth27 wrote:

found it, buddah bless the search user posts feature...it was posted in the "suicide"thread in march 2008 and its more about suicide than guns, but it explains how i feel about guns and how one simple act can affect many lives for many years to come...


by gimmesometruth27 » 29 Feb 2008 20:13

i am so sorry to read the stories posted in this thread. i will share my story of suicide because i think i need to get it off my chest.

one of my very good friends committed suicide when i was 12. his name was Matt and he was 14 at the time. he was a year ahead of me in school and he was really outgoing, the life of the party, and a really popular kid. he was a skater and wore a really cool mohawk, which you did not see too often in middle school. he got into his fair share of trouble at school, mainly for acting out but nothing too serious. mainly just the smartass kid who would get on the teacher's nerves.

we used to ride the bus together and after school in the spring we would all meet up at the neighborhood catholic church after school and play football, baseball, or roller hockey depending on the weather. fall it was baseball or football, rain it was football for sure, winter it was always roller hockey. the church always had the best fields for sports and parking lots for hockey so we always went there. his mom was devoutly catholic and was at the church every night for various reasons, she was involved with the youth group, was a reader, was one of those people that either sang and led the chorus at mass or helped administer communion. she was a really good woman. his father was kind of a jerk. he was really hard on Matt. anything he did was never good enough to meet, let alone exceed his father's standards. he never talked to any of us kids and i don't remember ever seeing him at the church. we heard rumors that his dad used to beat him, but we never noticed any outward signs of abuse. Matt always denied everything and since he was older, his word meant alot to me. besides, all of our group had gotten spanked by our parents before so we thought it was normal. we were so young.

one day Matt organized everyone to go up to the church and play football after school. the last thing he ever said to me was "bring your ball and i'll see ya at the field" as he was getting off the bus. it was a Wednesday and it was a really nice day, one of the first warm days in march. i remember it like it was yesterday. only Matt never showed up. it was weird because he was always the first one there and the last one to leave and we never knew why. now that i am older i realize that he never wanted to be at home. so around 5:00 or so we saw Matt's mom's car leave the parking lot and we never thought much of it. we had heard some sirens and emergency vehicles go by a little before that, but that happend all the time on the busy street the church was on. it got dark so we went home for the night. i went to the ice rink for hockey practice an hour or so later and i got home about 9:00. i remember i set my bag down and the phone rang. my dad answered and it was my friend Tina who lived down the street from Matt. She told him to tell me that something had happened to Matt, he had shot himself and he was dead.

my dad hung up the phone and i will never forget the look on his face. it was like one of those "How the fuck am I supposed to explain this to my son??" kind of looks. he told me to sit down and he sat down next to me and told me "son," which i thought was funny because he never ever once called me "son" before that or since then......"son, i don't know how to tell you this, so i am just going to say it. Tina just called and wanted me to tell you that Bruno's dead. He shot himself this afternoon....I am so sorry...." years later my dad said that moment was the most difficult moment of his life as a father.

i didn't know what to do or what to think. i was only 12, i had no idea how to fathom what had happened. he was the first one of my friends that died. i had been to funerals for old people before that time, but nothing like this. our school was devestated. we had grief counselors there for several days i remember. the day after Matt's death many kids did not go to school. there were fears of copy-cat suicides and my parents made me go to school because they did not want me staying at home alone in my very depressed state. the thing that still messes with me to this day was we heard and saw the ambulance and police cars go by and we saw his mom drive off to his house once someone called the church to tell her what had happened. weeks later we found out that a kid on our bus who was 11 gave him the gun. Matt had asked to borrow it a few days before so he could go in the woods behind his house and hunt squirrels.

school was never the same after that. it took me a long time to be able to walk past his house after that. i remember crying for months when i would see his house or hear a song by The Cure, which was his favorite band. we never played football after school again, and if we did try to play baseball or hockey it was never the same. i should have seen it coming because he tried to give me his skateboard a few weeks before saying he was getting a new one and that he didn't need it. i didn't take it because i was not much of a skater. i found out he tried to give another friend his prized remote controlled car because he was "getting a new one".

looking back, i see that the warning signs were there and i have lived with the guilt for all of these years. none of us knew how bad it was at home for Matt because he never talked about it. none of us were ever invited over there when his dad was home. some time later the parents divorced. i guess they were too devestated to go on together. i remember seeing the mom at church and she was like a different person. she seemed to age 20 years seemingly overnight. she was just totally heartbroken for years.

i sometimes think of all of the things Matt never got to do that all of us have managed to experience. he never got to go to high school, never got to go to college, never got to go to a concert, never got to have sex, never got to get drunk or high, never got to drive a car, never bought a house or did anything that adults do in their daily life. and he never got old.

i do know that our collective childhoods were forever changed after that. our innocence was lost in that one day. we were naieve to think "people our age don't kill themselves, they die in accidents or due to illness". but we realized that suicide was for real, and it happens more often than we ever dared to imagine.

jesus, i just realized it will be 20 years next month. i am sorry to ramble in this post but i have never written about Matt. i just started to write a little blurb about him and it just kept pouring out of me. we still talk about him at times but its always with a sad tone. i really miss him, especially right now. every time i hear The Cure, or the song "there is a light that never goes out" by Morrissey i think of him.

my deepest sympathies go out to everyone else who has experienced the loss of a loved one to suicide.

gimmesometruth27 wrote:

mb262200 wrote:

gimmesometruth27 wrote:

found it, buddah bless the search user posts feature...it was posted in the "suicide"thread in march 2008 and its more about suicide than guns, but it explains how i feel about guns and how one simple act can affect many lives for many years to come...


by gimmesometruth27 » 29 Feb 2008 20:13

i am so sorry to read the stories posted in this thread. i will share my story of suicide because i think i need to get it off my chest.

one of my very good friends committed suicide when i was 12. his name was Matt and he was 14 at the time. he was a year ahead of me in school and he was really outgoing, the life of the party, and a really popular kid. he was a skater and wore a really cool mohawk, which you did not see too often in middle school. he got into his fair share of trouble at school, mainly for acting out but nothing too serious. mainly just the smartass kid who would get on the teacher's nerves.

we used to ride the bus together and after school in the spring we would all meet up at the neighborhood catholic church after school and play football, baseball, or roller hockey depending on the weather. fall it was baseball or football, rain it was football for sure, winter it was always roller hockey. the church always had the best fields for sports and parking lots for hockey so we always went there. his mom was devoutly catholic and was at the church every night for various reasons, she was involved with the youth group, was a reader, was one of those people that either sang and led the chorus at mass or helped administer communion. she was a really good woman. his father was kind of a jerk. he was really hard on Matt. anything he did was never good enough to meet, let alone exceed his father's standards. he never talked to any of us kids and i don't remember ever seeing him at the church. we heard rumors that his dad used to beat him, but we never noticed any outward signs of abuse. Matt always denied everything and since he was older, his word meant alot to me. besides, all of our group had gotten spanked by our parents before so we thought it was normal. we were so young.

one day Matt organized everyone to go up to the church and play football after school. the last thing he ever said to me was "bring your ball and i'll see ya at the field" as he was getting off the bus. it was a Wednesday and it was a really nice day, one of the first warm days in march. i remember it like it was yesterday. only Matt never showed up. it was weird because he was always the first one there and the last one to leave and we never knew why. now that i am older i realize that he never wanted to be at home. so around 5:00 or so we saw Matt's mom's car leave the parking lot and we never thought much of it. we had heard some sirens and emergency vehicles go by a little before that, but that happend all the time on the busy street the church was on. it got dark so we went home for the night. i went to the ice rink for hockey practice an hour or so later and i got home about 9:00. i remember i set my bag down and the phone rang. my dad answered and it was my friend Tina who lived down the street from Matt. She told him to tell me that something had happened to Matt, he had shot himself and he was dead.

my dad hung up the phone and i will never forget the look on his face. it was like one of those "How the fuck am I supposed to explain this to my son??" kind of looks. he told me to sit down and he sat down next to me and told me "son," which i thought was funny because he never ever once called me "son" before that or since then......"son, i don't know how to tell you this, so i am just going to say it. Tina just called and wanted me to tell you that Bruno's dead. He shot himself this afternoon....I am so sorry...." years later my dad said that moment was the most difficult moment of his life as a father.

i didn't know what to do or what to think. i was only 12, i had no idea how to fathom what had happened. he was the first one of my friends that died. i had been to funerals for old people before that time, but nothing like this. our school was devestated. we had grief counselors there for several days i remember. the day after Matt's death many kids did not go to school. there were fears of copy-cat suicides and my parents made me go to school because they did not want me staying at home alone in my very depressed state. the thing that still messes with me to this day was we heard and saw the ambulance and police cars go by and we saw his mom drive off to his house once someone called the church to tell her what had happened. weeks later we found out that a kid on our bus who was 11 gave him the gun. Matt had asked to borrow it a few days before so he could go in the woods behind his house and hunt squirrels.

school was never the same after that. it took me a long time to be able to walk past his house after that. i remember crying for months when i would see his house or hear a song by The Cure, which was his favorite band. we never played football after school again, and if we did try to play baseball or hockey it was never the same. i should have seen it coming because he tried to give me his skateboard a few weeks before saying he was getting a new one and that he didn't need it. i didn't take it because i was not much of a skater. i found out he tried to give another friend his prized remote controlled car because he was "getting a new one".

looking back, i see that the warning signs were there and i have lived with the guilt for all of these years. none of us knew how bad it was at home for Matt because he never talked about it. none of us were ever invited over there when his dad was home. some time later the parents divorced. i guess they were too devestated to go on together. i remember seeing the mom at church and she was like a different person. she seemed to age 20 years seemingly overnight. she was just totally heartbroken for years.

i sometimes think of all of the things Matt never got to do that all of us have managed to experience. he never got to go to high school, never got to go to college, never got to go to a concert, never got to have sex, never got to get drunk or high, never got to drive a car, never bought a house or did anything that adults do in their daily life. and he never got old.

i do know that our collective childhoods were forever changed after that. our innocence was lost in that one day. we were naieve to think "people our age don't kill themselves, they die in accidents or due to illness". but we realized that suicide was for real, and it happens more often than we ever dared to imagine.

jesus, i just realized it will be 20 years next month. i am sorry to ramble in this post but i have never written about Matt. i just started to write a little blurb about him and it just kept pouring out of me. we still talk about him at times but its always with a sad tone. i really miss him, especially right now. every time i hear The Cure, or the song "there is a light that never goes out" by Morrissey i think of him.

my deepest sympathies go out to everyone else who has experienced the loss of a loved one to suicide.

That's deep. Good story. I can understand pshycologicaly why you wouldn't like guns. Rest in Peace to your friend Matt.

yeah its pretty heavy, and has been hard to live with knowing an 11 year old gave him the gun. thats pretty much what galvanized my position at such a young age.. thanks for understanding my point of view and for your well wishes.