Submit your favorite Chuck Norris facts

gabers
gabers Posts: 2,787
edited October 2008 in All Encompassing Trip
Great Chuck Norris facts follow...

Chuck Norris visited the Virgin Islands. Now they’re just the Islands.

When the Boogeyman goes to bed, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris likes to dress up in a “Barney” suit and visit the local
kintergardens. When the happy little children ask Chuck to sing a song he roundhouse kicks the shit out of them, removes his mask, and says, “I’m not a jukebox, you little fuckers.”

Chuck Norris does not dance. He roundhouse kicks to the beat.

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments

  • in_hiding79
    in_hiding79 Posts: 4,315
    hehehehehe

    this is funny...:)
    And so the lion fell in love with the lamb...,"
    "What a stupid lamb."
    "What a sick, masochistic lion."
  • Lizard
    Lizard So Cal Posts: 12,091
    When Chuck Norris jumps into a lake he doesn't get wet. The lake gets Chuck Norris.



    I read where someone asked him about that website and he just "didn't get it". No sense of humour i guess!!
    So I'll just lie down and wait for the dream
    Where I'm not ugly and you're lookin' at me
  • dunkman
    dunkman Posts: 19,646
    If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

    There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

    Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

    Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

    Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
    oh scary... 40000 morbidly obese christians wearing fanny packs invading europe is probably the least scariest thing since I watched an edited version of The Care Bears movie in an extremely brightly lit cinema.
  • Cree Nations
    Cree Nations Posts: 2,247
    My favourite Chucky fact has to do with him losing to Bruce Lee and never being able to beat him
    >>>>
    >
    ...a lover and a fighter.
    "I'm at least half a bum" Rocky Balboa

    http://www.videosift.com/video/Obamas-Message-To-American-Indians

    Edmonton, AB. September 5th, 2005
    Vancouver, BC. April 3rd, 2008
    Calgary,AB. August 8th, 2009
  • gabers
    gabers Posts: 2,787
    dunkman wrote:
    If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

    There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

    Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

    Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

    Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

    brilliant

    these really never get old...
  • dunkman
    dunkman Posts: 19,646
    When Chuck Norris wants popcorn, he breathes on Nebraska.

    Chuck Norris has a vacation home on the sun.

    Chuck Norris uses redhot lava to moisturize his skin.

    Chuck Norris invented the apple.

    Chuck Norris Buillt Mount Everest with a bucket and spade.
    oh scary... 40000 morbidly obese christians wearing fanny packs invading europe is probably the least scariest thing since I watched an edited version of The Care Bears movie in an extremely brightly lit cinema.
  • dunkman
    dunkman Posts: 19,646
    If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.



    you guys know our very own Stone Gossard has such a thread devoted to him???

    http://forums.pearljam.com/showthread.php?t=247087
    oh scary... 40000 morbidly obese christians wearing fanny packs invading europe is probably the least scariest thing since I watched an edited version of The Care Bears movie in an extremely brightly lit cinema.
  • lalalalaaaaaaaa
    lalalalaaaaaaaa Posts: 2,445
    The Virgin Mary had sex with Chuck Norris, but God let it slide.
  • Lizard
    Lizard So Cal Posts: 12,091
    dunkman wrote:


    you guys know our very own Stone Gossard has such a thread devoted to him??? well he does.. i'll link it in a mo.

    who dat???
    So I'll just lie down and wait for the dream
    Where I'm not ugly and you're lookin' at me
  • sennin
    sennin Posts: 2,146
    Chuck Norris sanded Noah's Arc with his beard.
  • dunkman
    dunkman Posts: 19,646
    Lizard wrote:
    who dat???

    i said give me a mo!!! :D

    i linked it :cool:

    http://forums.pearljam.com/showthread.php?t=247087
    oh scary... 40000 morbidly obese christians wearing fanny packs invading europe is probably the least scariest thing since I watched an edited version of The Care Bears movie in an extremely brightly lit cinema.
  • Lizard
    Lizard So Cal Posts: 12,091
    - There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.

    - Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.

    - The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.


    and dunk..i was "trying" to be funny. flopped
    So I'll just lie down and wait for the dream
    Where I'm not ugly and you're lookin' at me
  • booomm11
    booomm11 Posts: 865
    At all times Chuck Norris knows where Carmen Sandiego is.
    being so KiND.. tO LEt me RiDe!!!
  • lalalalaaaaaaaa
    lalalalaaaaaaaa Posts: 2,445
    When Freddy Kruger falls asleep, Chuck Norris kills him in his dreams.
  • Bwalker545
    Bwalker545 Posts: 162
    There is no such thing as evolution, just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
    "Almost unconsciously he traced with his finger in the dust on the table: 2+2=5" 1984
  • Strangest Tribe
    Strangest Tribe Posts: 2,502
    When Chuck Norris was a kid at Halloween he dressed up as Chuck Norris, even though everyone knew he was little Chuck Norris everyone was still afraid.

    The words "Chuck Norris" are the only two words that translate into all universal languages. Bushmen still don't recognize Coca-Cola.

    I will delete this post soon... out of fear.... that Chuck Norris will find it.
    the Minions
  • Ott
    Ott Posts: 403
    Chuck Norris doesn't teabag people, he potato sacks them.

    As a kid, we all had a pair of Superman underoos. Superman had a pair of Chuck Norris underoos.
    'Give me some music; music, moody food/ of us that trade in love'
    -Shakespeare
  • Flannel Shirt
    Flannel Shirt Posts: 1,021
    chuck norris got in a knife fight and the knife lost.
    All that's sacred, comes from youth....dedications, naive and true.
  • Anon
    Anon Posts: 11,175
    When Chuck Norris goes swimming, Chuck Norris does not get wet - the water gets Chuck Norris

    :D
  • aspoonfulweighsaton
    aspoonfulweighsaton Posts: 2,067
    When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he's not pushing himself up - he's pushing the earth down

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